Who understands the Understanding?

There is no use understanding things," says the Kaushitaki Upanishad. "There is no use knowing what you are understanding. You must know the Understanding itself."

Understand the understander, which is more beneficial to you than to know what is being understood by the understanding as an external object.

Now I understand that there is a tree in front of me; I can see it. But, that is not enough for me; I must know how it is that the understanding is able to understand that there is a tree in front of me. Who understands the understanding?

 

: Upanishads

 

In my first Baba interview he said that is very difficult to understand, but I didn't think it would be that difficult. It is beyond imagination that difficult.  

I mentioned that my friend (boyfriend) was with Maharishi and I was with him (Baba) and as I still called him my friend, I hoped Baba would help me to see it right and not upside down and afterwards I wanted to go back to where I actually came from.
That so called friend of mine, whatever he did, but it ended in seeing the master as a criminal and I tried to do it right and better.

Today I know why I saw him still as friend. It had somethings to do with the fact that the master didn't make him aware that he was blind and therefore, he was not at his place as master. He let people draw their wrong conclusions and dreams.

It seemed not only upside down, it seemed impossible to be understood, it just didn't make sense.
A guru is no guru if he is not at his place and it was his duty. 
They learnt a meditation technique and because he was not there to make aware of the right conclusion behind, everything could be projected into that simple technique. It was possible to think that it solved all problems and that we would get enlightened and that it would fulfill desires, that was all possible because the master was not at his place.
And that is what the USA wanted, a technique to dream and realize the American dream.

The interview with Baba ended differently than expected, because he said that TM was not the right path and also he mentioned that it was very difficult to understand. And that is how it began. 

After that interview there was the feeling to not understand anything anymore and a lot of time during the past years it felt not better, but worse, because there was constantly that inner effort to understand what could not be understood. There was a time it felt like such a problem, it made me throw up.
But today it seems easy.

I knew the leader too well and therefore, he was blind and a Guru is taking care of it that we get to the right conclusion and not to wrong conclusion. As reality is topsy-turvy, we constantly get to the wrong conclusion.

After all it was not possible to go back, Baba said to just think about God. But I didn't know how. How to think always about God?

Anyhow, I couldn't go back, because I knew that the movement was behind the leader, that means he was blind - all were blind. And I didn't understand that too.

We need to understand it.  

The leader was blind and the Guru didn't do his job and made him aware of it, therefore, above his head was written 'ciminal', because he didn't do his Job and that is his duty as master.
And the leader did also not a good job, because the Guru was not there and as he was a blind leader, leading the other blinds, conclusion - they were all blind and it was not even a wrong conclusion. But it felt awful. 

All blind, how can we go back to that? Impossible.

But I didn't understand why I threw up anyhow, it made me feel that sick. 

Only during the time when Baba left the Body inside in the inner view I saw the 'I am that' expanded from one to all.
That must have been the same unity principle, it expanded from one to all. Who understands the understanding?

It is an inner seeing therefore, it is understood.

I guess what Baba did during the time he left the body from inside is making the understanding clear, not trying to understand it, but seeing it.
It is the result of seeing and inquiry and thinking it over and absorb it, the result seems to be understanding, but in reality it is seeing. 
It is inner seeing, it is inner experience and by that it feels like understanding, but it is seeing.

The seer and the seen are the same. It is seeing the seer and the seen, they melt into the same and that is understanding.