I know how systematic you all are in eating and drinking. You take pretty good care of the body. I do not condemn it; I only want that you should take equally good care of the needs of the spirit also. Take a dose of Dhyanam (meditation) and Japam (repetition of holy Names) as the morning breakfast; Puja and Archana (prayer and worship) as lunch at noon; some Sathsang (holy company) or Sathchinthana (holy thoughts) or reading of holy books or Nama likhitha (writing of holy Names) as afternoon tea and snacks; an hour of bhajan as dinner; and a small ten-minute manana (reflection) as the cup of milk before going to bed. This diet is enough to keep your inner being happy and healthy. That is My advice to you today.
Baba (thought for the day)
At Baba's 61th birthday at night, I was meditating because it was his birthday and in that meditation he came and it was an inside interview. He opened the door to the interview room and there was a beautiful golden light. That is the kind of spiritual food for the soul we like.
And he asked, why I was so old and not married. And I didn't know, but he said I should not worry, he would take care of it.
I thought it was about marriage and not about getting aware why I was not married. I was not aware of what was missing or wrong. I meditated with TM, we just meditated and were not used to ask questions. Just meditate and all problems solved. And I believed in it as all others did. It was like taking only good food and everything will be good.
Felt a bit too naive to believe in it, but it was justified with 'going inside', all other who didn't go inside they didn't know how, only go inside, that was the principle.
We meditated, moreover, I was in a relationship with the leader. He had been in a relationship and she went on course and he told her he would not wait. I just came back from Paris and was not in a relationship. That was easy.
But she came back. It made me remember the stories in our neighborhood. I thought it could be Karma. The neighbor had married, didn't move, but came closer and I was constantly aware of it. It was not only strange, there had been a kind of promise between us and I had forgotten it or it was because I didn't understand it.
Therefore, I went on course too. I tried to find the hidden reason, what seemed better to get aware of patterns but a spiritual background?
Ready to go through hell. That course lasted nine months, a long time and after the course we had problems and the mother's issues were forgotten, because it was much worse, because it could not be understood, the source was lost and if we don't know the source, we cannot understand it. By the way, that was also true for the neighbor, he was at the source of the problems, but we didn't know, because of manipulation.
We just meditated and no problems anymore, but there were lots of problems.
I asked questions about patterns and parents and past, and why nothing made sense anymore.
I needed a new visa and went to Singapore, on the way the neighbor was in my dream and said, he would come back and marry me. I was just surprised and not aware that there was the reason, the reason for not being married and the reason why Baba had asked that question.
But he was married, it was for sure not possible, it had to be something else. I was kind of certain that Baba was behind the dream, because I didn't think that this guy would be able to come in my dream. Manipulation we don't see, it is hidden.
And the inner voice said that he had learnt it in my parent's house. That was even more bizarre. My father had a liaison with an apprentice and also with a neighbor's daughter and she was too young. My mother didn't leave him, but after he came back from the time it cost him in prison to do such things which were not okay and considered criminal, she went into work with all elan and a double vigor and dedication. It was like, do something wrong and your wife will help you.
If it worked with my father, why should it not work for the neighbor too?
My mother refused to see it, even though it was obvious and kind of normal, it was a mirror, she didn't want to see it and began to tell me I should not. And the whole family doesn't want to see it, the pattern of mothers ways is too strong.
That was the point where it didn't make sense anymore.
For me it felt like, what is she talking about and what is he doing? No answers, only questions. He went on with manipulation and that got worse and she went on ignoring it and she got worse too, we were in between.
She was holding on to an apparent harmony thinking she could rescue things, whatever, it was co-dependence, but that we didn't know yet at that time.
He had planned it, an affair, he married a school teacher, I just wonder what was that tempting to do that, what was his motivation? I don't know.
He seemed to want a wife dedicated like ... I don't know how his mother war and it was clear that it was not a normal, but an abnormal situation.
My mother and co-dependence, she had build a new sense of life on the weakness of the father, wanted to redeem him. She worked hard and was constantly running around, no problem, no question, she had made out of his problem a message for herself. And after he died she said to me, 'it is done'.
The neighbor's attitude was an insult to her, she couldn't take that, she had to ignore it therefore, it was my problem and with that they let me down.
She was laughing about it and made fun of it, it felt awful.
Whatever that idea of school teacher, it was nearby and all at the same street and my parent's business as well, that could not move away.
However, he got married with the school teacher, at the same time he came closer, it was always such that I could feel his presence, something was wrong, but I didn't know what it was. I could not sleep anymore, nightmares made clear, something was wrong and it was mostly my mother, it was impossible to talk to her.
She always said there is nothing, what do you have and my question was, if there is nothing, why I don't sleep, why I have nightmares. He promised to be friends, but it was all wrong, but I had to get aware of it and with my family ignoring it that was not possible.
Holding on to her harmony to keep up illusion, not aware that they let me down or not caring or it even served them, I didn't know, but it was upside down.
They all said it was my problem and there was nothing, but even that was a constant problem and not nothing and my mother became hostile because I put her indirectly in question, because he put her in question and again that was manipulation, he wanted to disturb and he did disturb, indeed.
In the ashram was in the air that he was responsible. Only in that moment I realized that it was all different and that the problem was somewhere else. The inner view said - all manipulation only. I noticed it, but to understand it that was another issue.
Baba asked a devotee to whom I belonged. I didn't know and I was not aware of it that this was not normal and that my family let me down.
I met a guy who said he knew and as I didn't know I was not able to tell him off and I thought he knew something and we went ahead. I hoped to get answers.
Later Baba said in the inner view that he took only advantage of it, that situation arranged him. Kind of strange that we attract exactly what corresponds to that problem.
The interview had nothing to do directly with me, only indirectly, because I translated, but I had not idea how to get answers, therefore, I went ahead with him, even if there were no answers.
I had no contact anymore with the neighbor, the family refused to look at it.
Once he was in my dream as a blind man with a stick in his hand, he didn't know where he was going, blind, he didn't know the path. It didn't make sense to me, why manipulation? But something was wrong, very wrong and constantly in the air, the family avoided to see it and I had the feeling to not know what was up and what down, it was about the worst state I ever experienced, I was looking for the reason all over, but couldn't find it.
I said nothing and my family said nothing, it went on, seemed they were too ashamed and not able to face it.
But coming back, Baba behind, I began to question it, and it switched around. Manipulation had to stay hidden to be manipulation.
Baba was bringing up truth. That marriage I didn't recognize as marriage, because he had put sex and marriage on an equal level. That was the manipulation, afterwards being married he said it was not right, the harassment was because he lived in front of our door, occupied our life space and had promised something different and he lived close by the school, there was always a reason to live in that neighborhood.
And once the inner master said, he had a village consciousness.
There was a marriage dream, what I didn't recognize as marriage, but only as sex and I wrote it to him. He was eager to know how his manipulation went on.
And in the ashram he was a scorpion and intended to hit my hand with his deathly sting, instead of holding my hand, what means marriage, but he missed it.
After I wrote him about the dream of that sex in the dream, what was marriage to him, upside down, he got the message and it was present as understood and responsible. Afterwards he died a few months later and the inner voice said, 'harm set, harm get'.
What did he live for?
I don't understand it. Maybe because I am a women, I get a notion of it by writing it down, but only a notion of that manipulation, I don't understand what he got out of it.
But in the dream when he and father were boys and playing over the grave and grass had grown above it, that was a sign that it had to do with father.
My mother was unable to take it, she lived for the rest of her life in denial. They got used to making fun of it, nothing made sense. Not allowed to talk about it, the whole situation had turned out bad, not good. It was dangerous, because everything was omitted. No talking about it living an illusion of harmony, awful, avoiding reality instead of looking at it.
She always said, what do you have, there is nothing?
When I visited the shop of my parents, they had sold it and retired in Spain, someone had told me to go and look at it because it was changed and even improved, and I knew I had to go there. After the visit coming out of the shop, his wife was standing in the street. I went in the car and drove away, why bother about strange people? As it seemed they had nothing to do but to harass and looking out of the window for someone visiting that long ago sold shop of my parents. At night it was in the air as - manipulation only.
I wrote him to stop it and that he was responsible. He didn't get it or he didn't want to get it it was like going on for too long and it never ended.
In the dream he said that he will come back and marry me.
I didn't understand it, no talk, pride in the air. How should I know what it was about?
It was sex and not marriage. I informed him about it and that is when he understood, but me not yet. It was too much between the whole family, mother, that village and my own feelings.
When mother talked about his sudden death, we were in a restaurant at my birthday. In the air was a precipice, came up with him, he was the problem and responsible.
Precipice has to do with pride.
That are all hints to see it as it really is. She even thought that he still mattered to me, and in reality I was relieved that this constant problem had an end.
I remembered the promise between us. It was about marriage, sex belonged to marriage, but he used it for manipulation and it went on for too long, it never ended, but when he died.
I had no influence on that manipulation, kind of weird to see your own family making you responsible for the manipulation of someone else, just because they cannot see the manipulation behind and that is the evil result of it. I just wonder how anyone can do something like that? Baba's presence cleared it up, we get to the right conclusion.
When I went for a visit of the shop by driving back he had past my car and there was a kind of strange satisfied look at his face, felt sick just getting aware of it and at the same his body seemed too big. All that I noticed in a second. He didn't see me, he was too occupied to feel satisfied. It was ridiculous.
After all what did he get? He was always on the same place, the same village, even the same street. It felt like someone who had spent too long time with the same idea. Even if he didn't look that old, he was it, the body had become too big. There was nothing but that in his life and probably work and a sick marriage. He died young and fast.
My mother was not able to see that it put her in question. She was dedicated to her idea of rescue and died with it. Bug but not even her closest family understood her dedication to an idea or illusion to rescue something and by that she was doing the opposite. But she was constantly working in that idea to get there. After he died she said, 'it is done'.
With her came the conditioning back. Once it was mobbing, she wanted to change something, we were not okay. Constantly in the air that not okay.
That began when I was eighteen, the neighbor responsible, but between it was the Karma that came back, my parents refused to see it, it was dangerous, we could do what we wanted, it felt wrong because it never fit in that picture.
My mother was working hard, she was constantly running around and wanted by that impress others. Work was virtue and she took it very serious thinking it all depended on her and she run around, like making sure all others believed that she would be able to control him and that he would be a good boy now.
She worked for a harmonious environment, only the echo coming back was not as she thought it should be. It was awful to watch that.
After the death of the neighbor it was confirmed by the inner master. At night his wife was standing in front of our new parent's house in Spain, she lived on the parking lot, wearing big, black glasses, she was blind and looked at our house and the border she had crossed over.
It is important to go for truth, it is scary that we are able to get motivated in such strange manners. That guy was not even living his own life, he was motivated by something he learnt in my parent's house, it was the answer on an awkward and strange situation, only from my mother's side it had nothing to do with manipulation, but with co-dependence.
He lived what he had learnt with my parents, the families had been too good friends, that was just like doomed, the dedication of my mother was not normal. He mirrored the village consciousness.
That is why we should hold on to truth, make sure it is right and in the sense of Dharma, such results we don't want. It is not only our Karma, it influences also others, not only our life. If we try to do the right thing and truth, we should get able to not harm, because harm set, harm get.
It felt scary how fast he died, the manipulation ended, but for me not, because I get it only slowly and in time, because I don't understand it.
The neighbor was in my dream with my father together, boys playing above the grave and the grass had grown. In that case we probably could think that we can be lucky to have death to be able to get a new beginning, some people go on forever in those stupid patterns not able to get out of it.
After the inner child workshop aware of co-dependence corresponding to my mother's attitude, it was heavy. All looking for the fault on a wrong place and she had become very demanding and convinced about it, kind of a shock to get aware of it.
After father's death he was in the dream and said, he had to tell me something. He was at a very dark place, the water came and he couldn't get out, there was a small star of light far away. That is how he died.
That was present after that inner child workshop, I couldn't stop morning after it crying like I little child heartbroken getting aware that all was upside down. I had discovered the father new, not in the light of a mother and how she had made him look.
How sorry and desolate and helpless if felt, no way to change it. It was taking all strength away, couldn't wake up anymore, felt like burnout, travelling was impossible, not able to think or to go to the airport, the energy gone.
And it felt similar to his state of mind when he died, and he also couldn't get out of it anymore. It has taken a long time for me to get better.
She said that they let him die in the hospital in Spain and the sister said that he asked them to let him die. It is awful to get aware of it. I also couldn't get out of it, and I tried everything, meditation, courses and singing, that was the best and finally writing.
It was the mother or the whole family situation, it was a blow. After she was back from Spain, we expected it to get better, it was the opposite, nothing changed, it didn't get better, it got worse, soon we had only problems and everybody was constant demanding and criticizing and finding faults and there was mobbing.
It was a burnout, same issue, felt like it would never get back to normal again.
The inner master said if it was light blue, it was okay to go on and that was the direction to take.
On the way to Baba, before he left the body, it was about job issues. The Bhagavadgita tells us that job issues have to do with battlefield, it is our personal battlefield.
Without that we do not ask the right questions and don't get aware of it. Two days ago the father was present in the air, it made all that come up.
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