With Peace, overcome Low Desires

Unfurl in your heart, the flag of infinite peace (Prashanthi). It should remind you to overcome the urge of low desires, anger and hate when your plans are thwarted; it must exhort you to expand your heart, to embrace all humanity and creation; let it direct you to quieten your impulses and calmly meditate on your own inner reality.

Gradually, the lotus of your heart will bloom, from its centre the flame of divine vision of infinite peace will arise. Practise the disciplines of silence, cleanliness and forbearance. In silence, you can hear the voice of God. Through cleanliness you earn purity. By forbearance, you cultivate love. Feel that each moment is a step towards Him. Do everything as dedicated to Him, directed by Him, as work for His adoration, for serving His children.

Baba (thought for the day)

 

If it looks terrible outside in the inner light, it is because there is no distraction, it is the focus which makes it that heavy.

If we feel there is no way out and we are kind of in a prison, even if it is only because of our spiritual sadhana or to get aware of something, it is probably not a real prison.

The last five years were also like prison, because I couldn't get out of that state of inner exhaustion, which came up with the inner child work and getting aware of the attitude of my mother, who lived a realtionship of co-dependence. 

How can we unfurl in our heart the flag of infinite peace? It was an ex-boyfriend, a neighbor who harassed my life space and the mother who was not able to see it and lived in denial.

I guess I have somehow married the same, because now, the result of it is, that he also is in that kind of strange satisfaction as I had seen it in the neighbor once when he passed by my car and he didn't see me. He had that expression in his face.

It is the satisfaction of causing harm not good, of hurting others and not of having been of help and that is in the father of my daughter. He is spiteful and that other guy was it too.

It had concequenses in my life, I got in a relationship with that guy because of my parents ignoring the neighbor's attitude. How often I heard from my ex the expression I will do it in spite of it.

I just didn't realize what it was and I was not aware in what troubles I got with him.

My mother was naive and avoided to see it and therefore, it had such an impact on my life and I tried always to get aware of it.
It was Villoldo who said, if we don't understand it, we marry it. That is what has happened. I was in that meeting and listend to it and somehow I knew it had happened to me and I felt not able to stand up and tell, yes it happened to me, look at me. 
That was still in the beginning of that time and I felt that tired, I fell asleep in the afternoon of that meeting like a very old person. I couldn't keep my eyes open.  

And I met that guy in the presence of Baba in Prasanthi and thought he was a devotee. He was all the opposite of what he tells here in that thought for the day and I couldn't get out of it.

Somehow, I realized in 07 that it had been in my mother that problem and that it expanded over my whole life. It was kind of a shock and that is after I realized it I couldn't wake up anymore, felt like burnout. That feels also like a prison which lasted five years.

Because it happened in Baba's presence makes it that heavy, it feels like no way out.

I trusted in him and met that guy in his presence, after he had asked me in the interview to whom I belonged. 

That is why it came up in the ashram that the neighbor was responsible, because it lead in that relationship, nothing was okay, but really nothing. And my family had avoided with all means to get aware of it. 
That neighbor could be of that much harm to the family, and it came up again in Baba's presence. Therefore, I was not surprised when the neighbor died shortly after he got aware of it, it was somehow too far gone. But to realize that this very thing lived in the mother and is still alive in a brother who does the worst he can do ..., that was just too much to take. I had since only difficulties to motivate myself to just be positive.

It is a pattern, because I didn't understand it, I married it. 

That feels nearly unbearable. It is not only the shame that we had to go through that in the past, but again in the present and it means whatever I did to understand it, it was in vain.

I had done nothing else but trying to understand it and it happened anyhow.

It is such a crushing reality I wanted to go away from, I wanted to never go back in that ashram. Everything feels too heavy and like I cannot get out of it.
That has been the reality of the last five years. But I also realized when I mentioned the dream that he took away most of the pain of that relationship with my ex. I have difficulties to accept that it happened, but I have not much feelings for him. 

Baba said to his daughter that her father was stupid and destroying himself, not knowing what he is doing and if she would go back to him he would destroy her too.
But it made our life miserable and poor and the opposite what I had worked for. What was the use of getting married like that with Baba, anybody else would have been probably better. But when we think that it would have happened anyhow, because of the pattern behind and it was ignored by the family and the family let me down, it makes more sense.

All the others talk about miracles and incredible things happening in their life and all what I have to tell is a story of shame.

 

Gradually, the lotus of your heart will bloom, from its centre the flame of divine vision of infinite peace will arise. Practise the disciplines of silence, cleanliness and forbearance. In silence, you can hear the voice of God.

 

The person I had met in his presence didn't live that. My ex was full of glee, he had that malicious joy in him, if we didn't feel good he was glad. That was the reason he went on harassing and arguing until he was full of spitefulness that he had reached that point again when we felt bad. That guy is the type of person I had met in Baba's presence and I had even married him.

Do you think I cared afterwards about devotees? No I didn't and there was a time I avoided all company of devotees, because they made me remember it and feel bad and in a retreat it was that bad once, I spent the night in insomnia and next day I left.

That has changed since Baba left the body and since he made that inside relationship.

It is establishing a positive relationship inside. 

 

Unfurl in your heart, the flag of infinite peace (Prashanthi). It should remind you to overcome the urge of low desires, anger and hate when your plans are thwarted; it must exhort you to expand your heart, to embrace all humanity and creation; let it direct you to quieten your impulses and calmly meditate on your own inner reality.

 

That is resulting out of it, because my plans were thwarted in any way possible. My trust was gone and I didn't know how to get it back and even less how to expand my heart. It was not even a question of anger and hate. I didn't hate that guy, it feels even too bad to hate him, I just have no feelings and my strength is gone. Before we left, Baba was present as vampire ... and he said I had a nervous breakdown. No, I certainly didn't expect that.  

But as I am meditating I focus on my inner reality, I just don't like to remember that past patterns, the shame behind and what it did to our life and that is just what is needed, to get aware of the pattern, as it seems to be able to get over it and to make peace with it.  
He had said in his dream, I had to go to Baba and make peace with him, that was the result of the relationship.
I am just fed up of remembering it.