Possession of the Object

Everyone has inside them a whole set of animals. You must suppress the tendencies of these animals and encourage the human qualities of love and friendship to shine forth. 

Begin the cultivation of virtues even when young, it is very important and more beneficial than book-learning. 

Treat everyone as your own people and even if you cannot do them any good, desist from causing any injury. 

Burn the lamp of love in the niche of your heart and the nocturnal birds of greed and envy will fly away, unable to bear the light. Love makes you humble, it makes you bend and bow when you see greatness and glory.

Baba (thought for the day)

If we would treat everyone like our own people, it would be like a family and in a family we all have our duty and what the Bhagavadgita tells us is that we have a duty in respect to that family, but we should not expect a result in return, but that family has somehow to take care of us, otherwise, it doesn't work.

That is what my ex did, even if he claimed to be a Baba devotee, he was thinking only about himself and how he could enjoy us and take advantage of it, but he didn't see his duty.

He was only taking advantage of it. In the reflection looking back of it I can see it, before, I didn't. It was for me impossible to believe that he could be that stupid to go to a Baba, who is the destroyer of the ego and to think only about himself. I had to take care of the child and that she didn't notice and suffer, that means I knew what I had to do. And I trusted in Baba that he would take care of it, but afterwards, when it was about divorce and all that bullshit he wrote and not one time asking how we were doing..., this was really lowest level. 

I began to get that upset, but that was after we split up, we just didn't go back. We were in India in the ashram with Baba, because I had to go and make peace with him and as I didn't know how it would work out, I had bought a ticket back to the parents in Spain, because I was at midnight with the child in London and she was only six years old. I had to take care that she was okay, no matter what. 

After she got sick and we wanted to fly back from Prasanthi and needed cash and it was not possible to get cash because he had cancelled our credit card. That was the kind of peace what expected us getting back.
There was no peace, he thought that my family should take care of him, and he didn't agree that this was not possible and that they would not do it, therefore, he cancelled the credit card, it was a matter of arguing before we even left the ashram. Anyhow afterwards we had left and we began again here, but it began to load. With time it seemed to only get more heavy and loading. 

For me that was a spiritual path and we cannot just go out of it. That means I couldn't just be in another relationship with a guy I met and therefore, it began to load, there was just that duty to the daughter and no way out and he gave a shit how we felt. I became real heavy to live with that attitude of mind. 

For me this is still a spiritual path and it is about duty and understanding it on that impersonal and universal level.   

There is anxiety before, and anxiety during the so-called possession of the object, and we need not mention our condition after we are dispossessed of the object; we are in hell. 

"Oh, there is bereavement, there is loss and there is destruction. I am done for!" So, we were not happy earlier, we are not happy in the middle, and we are not happy afterwards. So in past, in present and future, desire keeps us in tender-hooks, though there is no joy in this world.

Bhagavadgita

The saying goes, 'Never bite the hand that feeds you'. 

What he tells in the Bhagavadgita till now is that we have no right to go for the result, but we have to do our duty.

When Baba said inside, 'engaged', I saw it as duty, whatever reason and whatever would be it. If you don't trust and think that is mind only, it will be something else, it will be mind only. If it is mind, we will get aware of it. 

Who thinks that we are that eager to get a duty, because that is binding? 

We cannot just get out of it and move to something else or someone else if we don't like it.
And I don't know you at all. 

Since I write about it I am always worried that I am not able to do it or to do it right, but I guess I worry for nothing, because you think that is mind only. 

That means I don't have to worry, no duty.
But it makes me feel better and hopeful and good, because things can change. That was not possible with my ex, because he is negative.
There can be only insights if it is positive, that is the basis and the basic principle of yoga, truth, it is positive only, it is good only, not changing and for sure not bad. It is necessary to get insights, it is a sathvic level needed for that.

My ex with his ill-intended logic and bad taste made that impossible.

It tells me that I have to inquire to get aware of Baba's Lila and that it is not answered just like that and that people do not enough effort to understand him right. It means it has turned into self-inquiry and it is good to get those insights and to look at the scriptures trying to understand it.

Before we left it was about family and very difficult in that situation to know what was right and what not and that is why there was a nervous breakdown, afterwards Baba took care of it. 

As he only took advantage of it it was only about him and others taking care of him and he never cared of making us feel safe and okay, it was just about him, everything turned around him only. Whatever he had promised before we had met, it turned into the opposite, it was about him only. That he took advantage of it for himself to be okay, it turned everything around in his favor and my family should take care of him and us etc.
It never ended, it was no use that I told him that it would never work out, that my family didn't even answer, I guess the felt what he was into, I never got an answer, my mother said from the beginning that he was the type of guy I had to work for one day.
He never stopped harassing with stupid ideas.  

He wanted to enjoy the child, everything what happened was about him only. 

It was not about the family, just about his own enjoyment. 
He didn't do any sacrifice and he never asked how we were doing abroad. That means he didn't care.
If it mattered, it was because we divorced him..., it was again only about him. Since we left I have never missed that guy for a second, I was just glad to be gone and the air here felt like fresh air, I enjoyed because I was alone again.

Do you really think after such an experience I am crazy about duty? I had enough duty for the time being and I had enough with the child. I don't think it matters to me if it doesn't work out as you think. 

We should take care of duty and Baba got us out of that evil situation. 

If I would be alone, I don't think it would be the same. I wouldn't care about that duty at all. But as I had to take care of the child, I had no choice. But it was anyhow not good. 

Sathva is about balance and we look at whatever comes up and wonder about that balance?   

It got only clear after Baba said that he just took advantage of it, because for me it was always about duty for the family, I did not understand his way of thinking and reasoning, I just didn't understand it.  

How can we go to a Baba and think only about ego? 

And that is why it didn't work.
We do not bite the hand that feeds us, but he did, because he thought only about his own wants. 'Give, give, give, you lived a dream, that is your problem not mind. You need a psychic I will give' (his Baba dream).

I get the answers in dreams, that is me - the role of that psychic and not as his wife. 

It seems to me kind of nuts to got to Baba and to behave like that. 

Whatever, I don't want to think of him anymore. 

As he only thought of himself, when we left, after he had the Baba dream that I had to go to Baba and make peace with Baba and he was only fining fault with it, telling me, who could be that stupid and has to go and make peace with a Baba, I was just getting aware of that state of mind and I was shocked. I didn't see it as I do now, out of his standpoint, I just saw that I couldn't trust in it.

It was like, always more, never happy with what he got or what happened, it was never okay and he was in everything finding faults and it was no peace because of that reason. I didn't answer anymore, I couldn't trust therefore, I said nothing anymore. 

Relationship is about duty. We have a duty towards Baba and his work and that duty we have to realize what is meant by it, getting together the impersonal and our personal perception. 

If we don't know how to handle the object we are afraid of it.

What he tells us is that this is our battlefield and we have to fight that war anyhow.   

Fourthly, there is a philosophical or a metaphysical reason behind the impossibility to come in contact with real happiness in this world, that is, the perpetual rotation of the very constituents of prakriti: sattva, rajas, and tamas. 

What we call happiness is the preponderance of sattva, the equilibrating power of nature – which we rarely pass through in experience in life on account of our being mostly under the pressure of a desire which is unfulfilled, which is nothing but rajas acting, distracting our attention. There is a perpetual other-consciousness, an awareness that things are outside, which keeps us in a rajasic mode. Rajas is a condition of consciousness where it is forced to be aware of things other than its own self – duality-consciousness, separation-consciousness, object-consciousness – and all these things attending upon this consciousness come under the activity of rajas which separates, dissects, cuts off one thing from the other, especially the subject from the object.

Sathva is that which is balancing. If we see things outside it is only rajasic and being aware of things other than the self. It is separation-consciousness and object-consciousness.  

Baba didn't ask if I wanted it, he just gave it to me. I don't even know if I like it, I don't know if I want it and I don't know if I am able to handle it. I don't know what you need and what you don't need.

It felt like I should take care - that was the first understanding about duty, but maybe there is another one, one I don't know yet. But why should we bite the hand that feeds us? 

For me it is learning and getting aware of it, until I know how to understand it right. Maybe after all that duty is different than I think it is and just somehow on an impersonal level.