Greatness and Glory

Everyone has inside them a whole set of animals. You must suppress the tendencies of these animals and encourage the human qualities of love and friendship to shine forth. Begin the cultivation of virtues even when young, it is very important and more beneficial than book-learning. 

Treat everyone as your own people and even if you cannot do them any good, desist from causing any injury. Burn the lamp of love in the niche of your heart and the nocturnal birds of greed and envy will fly away, unable to bear the light.
Love makes you humble, it makes you bend and bow when you see greatness and glory.

Baba (thought for the day) 

It is very a different experience getting aware of childhood experiences and understanding Baba's teaching in that light or just thinking of the meaning in it. That would probably just be the intellectual level.
If I recall a relationship with someone and that it was manipulation only and nobody of my family was aware of it and I only got aware of it through Baba, there is a different meaning in all that.
It becomes experience and when he tells us that we should suppress animal tendencies and encourage human qualities of love and friendship, it is because we have seen the disaster caused by those animal qualities, because we have been there. The manipulation I had experienced in my neighborhood was there result of animal qualities.

If we just listen to it we could think that we are better because we  had the chance to meet that inner divinity. But looking back at our lives what do we see, animal qualities. Even if it didn't make sense that the animal qualities were there, it was anyhow there and overshadowed my life. 

It began already with the father and went on and is still ongoing and present in the youngest brother. 

In reality there was no mother after I had been eighteen and what was the reason, the same. What happened to her that she was not present as mother, why that much pride and not enough awareness to know that it was not okay to do that? Why it was easier to her to blame than to be a mother and to love? 
Where did the human values go?

Why did she think that work and business were more important?

It never made sense to me what happened in the background of my family, but it happened anyhow. And I couldn't change it.

The animal tendencies were a living reality. 

I went in direction of self-realization and it felt like the neighbor was on the same level, I was blind, I just projected it there.
As I know now it was not only not self-realization for him, but it was manipulation only and in any way could that be different from animal qualities?
The question was, why I had the experience of self-realization? I was writing and waiting for him and I didn't challenge him with questions, because I was not sure how self-realization would be, therefore, I didn't talk about it. I waited for later when I would know more and would be able to tell, only that later never came. The relationship ended before I ever got the chance to tell him and afterwards it was too late.
Therefore, I never knew what was behind the feeling of self-realization and it never seemed to get clear. In the interview with Baba he asked why we were with him and nobody could really answer it right and therefore, he gave the answer. He said, 'self-realization'. 

That is how he made all of that background come up and why in the dream that guy said he would come back and marry me. It was a strange dream first, but later it made sense, because it brought up the manipulation level in the background.
What first felt disturbing was that I was not asked if I wanted to marry him, he just said he would come back and marry me. And my reaction was, how do you know that I will marry you?
That was the manipulation, the school teacher was not asked if she wanted to marry him, but she married him to own him, because I was there as neighbor and she knew that.   

And in the relationship with the TM leader the same seemed to happen again. My presence made the other come back and I had enough of it and thought, if it is based on manipulation, I know that already and that is something I don't want. She can have him, I don't go into that and I went on course and let her to him.
But it was much more difficult than I thought it would be. My attitude challenged the situation and even if he came back later, it had been such a hell that it was too dangerous to not play the game. I looked for a way out and was glad I got in touch with Baba inside, because it opened a new door and I was able leave him and TM behind.

But as soon as I had left, everything went upside down because above M. was 'criminal' in the air and it seemed not possible to get a right answer. It became incredible complicated on the level that yogis are our friends.

Before I went to Baba it was just about manipulation and I didn't agree to be manipulated in a relationship. 
She came back from the course, because there was someone else and that decided for her that he was the right one.
The manipulation was repeated I had already in front of my parent's house. And for me was clear, if ever he would come back, I would not do the same thing. I didn't want to be manipulated in a relationship, but it became hell and that was too dangerous, because of hell in the background. That is why I was looking for a way out and with Baba's divine presence a new door opened up.
But it became complicated because the master was not present, a huge problem was there, because the source got lost.

The manipulation issue comes up only now.
That means I had to realize what happened in front of my parent's house to be able to understand why I went on course during the relationship with the TM leader, because I didn't want to repeat the manipulation. 

But it takes incredible long time to get aware of it. It is that complicated! We need to connect our life and the past and patterns which are responsible for our life today with Baba's teaching to really understand it, otherwise, it is only on a theoretical level and not as he tells us, that life is the best teaching.  

 

Begin the cultivation of virtues even when young, it is very important and more beneficial than book-learning. 

 

I began young, I was about seventeen when I decided to go for self-realization and love and transformation of the mind. I thought that the neighbor was thinking the same and I was not aware of projection, therefore, I didn't question it.
I waited because I didn't know how to talk about it. It felt holy and I didn't want to destroy it. The ideal of self-realization is more important.

If it is not possible to even talk about it or mention it, today that would be a warning and making me aware of differences on mind and knowledge level and that the person is not on the right level and probably not what I project in him and of course, today it is about truth, that means I am doing the opposite, I do not say nothing, I question it to make truth come up. 

I thought there was a reason for love. For him it ended  in manipulation only and not self-realization and to realize that difference I had to question the dream, it made the manipulation still going on in the background of the neighbor's life come up and that way it was possible to realize the difference between us as well as things which happened in the TM movement.
It feels like a kind of same level of manipulation repeated and one thing was clear, I would not go into manipulation to be in a relationship. It felt too similar to what had happened during the time in the parent's house.

And after his death he was there with my father playing in the graveyard, they were boys again, running over the grave and grass had grown above it. But of course, I don't know how far that was in my father too, both running around on that same level, boys playing and there was that understanding between them, feels like manipulation of women being part of it.