The shadow and the Sun

In the chapter on "the sun shines equally on all" Baba mentiones the shadow. He explains that also in a mud pot the sun shines the same.

But in the inner vision it was not a mud pot, much worse, it was a mud hole, without any windows, so no sun came in, and when I got aware of it that it was not safe, it was too late. He explains that the intellect is covered by a thick dark cloud of ajnana, ignorance.
How to reduce the shadow to a normal size, in the morning it is very long, when the sun rises it gets reduced. When it is above the head, it goes under the feet. As wisdom rises, ignorance comes down.
He explains that as one method. The other one is turn the face towards the sun, then the shadow goes behind.
But my problem was, I thought it was Baba, so I turned in that illusion the head away from the sun and in direction of the shadow, what a terrible mistake.
I thought it was done in the ashram, I thought he was a serious person, not just someone who had no idea what he was doing, I thought it was safe because of Baba's presence.
But when I noticed it was all wrong, I began to question everything, I began to process, to aks, to write, to provoke answers in just asking questions, and the answers came from within from him.
So it was the path from outside to inside, finding answers indirectly on the consciousness level, as I do know in writing it down.
I first had to get aware that it works, it is possible to just enquire and get the answer not on a direct, but indirect level.
That was at that time still blocked because I was still doing TM, constantly meditating with a technique, thinking it would solve all problems and give me the answers, and there was not one real answer, but only a black hole, it cut off the real answers.
TM doesn't solve any problems, it created all those problems going in the wrong direction, direction of delusion. It is an awful thing to wake up on a not right path. It is not done by getting aware of it, it has to be understood and that took time and effort. That led to that terrible mistake, because I was not aware of it, I did TM still thinking all problems would be solved, went blind in that relationship, based on TM, as he said he knew it too, what was not true, he never did it, I was still believing with TM problems would get solved, was not aware of any danger, naive thinking it had to turn out right, also believing it was Baba behind, when he had nothing to do with it, all deluded, not realizing the difference, still trapped in blind believe, brainwashed stupor, it opened the door to the enemy.
That terrible mistake happened due to TM.