Freezing cold, empty Western shoe

Looking out there and seeing nobody, nobody to share, to touch, to hold and to reach, just emptiness.

You are there, and you have gone, but you have to be anyhow there, you are not the body, maybe not as husband, but as self.
Because the self cannot die.
When looking out there, I cannot believe that it is you. You look so cold, so unfriendly, so sad, so indifferent and far away. My empty Western shoe, what shall I do with that?
I have sacrifized the most beautiful relationship I could have had for an empty Western shoe, what a terrible mistake.
But maybe I got only aware of it due to writing.
This is not strange, because there is a relationship, he is real, he is more real than anyone else, but I cannot get to him directly, so in writing, I write you, but indirectly I write him too, and he is it who answered.
It is not strange, it is not funny, it is just because we cannot reach him on a direct level.