The End of Knowledge is Love

The end of wisdom is freedom; the end of culture is perfection;
the end of knowledge is love; the end of education is character.

Baba

How do we see it in our own life? That is not that easy to understand, because I write it down and I am not yet used to it. But in fact that marriage question makes come up everything happening around it.

When did it feel like marriage? When I became a TM-teacher it was in the air that it was about married, but I didn’t know where the husband was, I just forgot it and I didn’t think it was wrong, when I just forgot it. Only when it ended in a black hole, it was no more fun and it was too overwhelming, how did we get there, what is that black hole, it was huge and it seemed to swallow us, it was awful, it was scary, it was even worse, because there was the fear to lose the mind and the fear to die of tiredness, that was the result of TM.

What kind of marriage was that? I was a marriage I guess it was to the movement and not to a husband, but nobody was asked if he wanted that. So we had no idea that it would be like that. Usually when we get married we know that we marry and we know the person we marry, but here we became a TM-teacher and we didn’t know that it would feel like marriage, it means we never said yes to a marriage. And we didn’t think that it would become a problem. If TM was to solve all problems, who thought in getting married with a fake husband … there would be a problem?

But there was a problem and it was there when it ended with a black hole.

With Baba in the Darshan it was in the air as, 'I am that', and I was meditating. I still went on with the TM-technique and I opened the eyes and noticed that I was not able to think not even that it was Darshan; I got to a wrong conclusion that all were thinking the same thought, closed the eyes and went on meditating. There was something wrong about that. I was the highest insight, that much I had understood, but there was no way I could understand it and that is how I went on meditating.  

I hoped it would get clear later on, but we had that week three interviews and in one he looked in my eyes for a long time, until I wondered what he was looking for and after that he looked away and I wondered what he was searching.

And he also said that you and I are we and that we is he and somehow we have to understand it, it doesn’t feel like it is understood at all.