The Empty Western Shoe

‘Like two golden birds

Perched on the self-same tree

Intimate friends, the Ego and the Self

Dwell in the same body,

The former eats

The sweet and the sour fruits

Of the tree of life

While the latter looks on with detachment.’

Upanishads

In the observer we find the detached bird just watching, in the other one eating the fruits we find the ego and they are intimate friends as the Ego and the Self and they dwell in the same body.    

So one is acting and eating the fruits and the other is just watching. When it is about self-realization we have to get aware that actually the watcher is in charge and if we get aware that he is the doer, he also takes the Karma and if the Ego is the doer, he gets the Karma.

It is called ignorance if the Ego thinks he is the doer, because it is just body-consciousness and it has not much choice but going by the situation as it is, but it is the higher self that makes the decisions and transforms our life in love.

After going into watching to get closer to the self, because my family and being let down by them mead no sense to me, I went on watching, but the family didn’t change, it was still the same, it was not possible to talk and they were like that all life, but after watching finally the higher self was present as light in the ‘insight’, light, love and beauty, it looked like a light person, but without a manifested body. It felt like a total transcendental entity and at that time I didn’t know yet what Baba said later one also in the inner view, that he is the insight and the following step, therefore, that was the first insight and He, because he is transcendental, always beyond the body and that is Atman. As it is beyond the body and the mind, it is immortal, never changing, and the reflection of that focus on the watcher. If we watch long enough the watcher will reflect in our inner view. Every object has a reflection, but if we are aware of the reflection of the observer in time we will also get the reflection of the object.

As this level is unlimited and transcendental, there is no difference on that level and we all get one.  

So I got in touch with the observer, with ‘insight’ and I didn’t know that Baba was that ‘insight’ but as he is also the following step we went to him because he is the insight. In the beginning it felt very difficult to make sense with all those reflections, because I was not on the place to learn about reflection, TM is just a technique and something like reflection is not issue for them. If we have anyhow reflections we have to go somewhere else, what was totally normal to me, but again we got in troubles with the environment, because the national leader was just an actor and he had no idea about refection and it was kind of difficult to know what happened.

He went as fast as he could into a relationship with someone else, because he was afraid about his role, he was just an actor and it was all wrong to think that the leader would somehow know what he is doing or evolved in consciousness.

That all didn’t’ make sense, it was just awful and gave me the feeling I don’t understand anything anymore and that is how we had to go on hoping to understand it later on.

The same with my ex, as Baba said when he left the body, he only took advantage of it and he said, no more husband, nothing left but an empty Western shoe. In no one we really could find any spirituality. And it was somehow awful that we had as women not more power.  

We were pushed around by men and in the end I had enough and I lost trust in the men’s world. So when Baba said ‘engaged’ it felt good and it got me inside in touch with him, but the outside is all the same, we cannot trust anyone, so distance feels better.