Five Minutes of Anger can Damage five Generations of Relationship

Set right your habits, purify your conduct and cleanse your behavior. Even one bad habit can destroy all health, happiness, charm and joy. Control yourself and do not yield to the temptations of friends or social conventions and become prey to bad habits. The body is the temple of the Lord. Keep it in good and strong condition.

Also be aware that it can be damaged from qualities such as anger, hatred and greed, or from sloth, sleep and inactivity. When you get angry and/or violent with anyone, quietly repeat the Name of the Lord to save you from your anger. Drink a glass of cold water, or lie down in a bed until the fit of fury passes through. When you are angry, you abuse another and the other person does the same, so tempers rise and heat is generated which causes lasting injury. Five minutes of anger can damage five generations of relationship, so be careful.

Baba (thought for the day)

 

In a study circle we take a spiritual theme, like in this thought for the day, it is about the influence of bad habits and we express what comes to our mind in respect to that issue and seen in our own experience.
On the path to self-realization we follow the inner master, the lessons are in our family, in our life and in our past. It is the same principle, first we just watch, but that is inertia and dull, it is Tamas, we have to think it over and put it into practice to be able to go beyond passion and Rajas to reach finally the level of Sathva. It needs action to become insight and to be understood on that higher level. 
Therefore, I recall the all that what comes up with the word 'anger' and we will see if we get in the end to the right conclusion?
To get to the right insight means not that it is bad, it is just as it is, a mirror and an effort to get the lesson. If five minutes of anger can damage five generations of relationship and we know that there had been anger, we should be careful. There is no other means, but our own experience and our own life to prove how it was in our situation and how many relationship were damaged by five minutes of anger ...     
 

With spiritual practice or meditation we set good habits. It felt very good to meditate regularly and I liked the change in my life, not only on the friend level, what was not real, but on the good habit level. 
What disturbed in my family that were often kind of 'feelings present' and it was not possible to find the reason for it.

We could not talk and if we tried we were cut short or something of that kind.

The adults were held up high and the children were not taken serious and as soon as we began to become adults it got more and more difficult. I  just would have liked to know why and with following the inner master, it is coming up in the inner view, but getting aware of it we can only by thinking it over again. 

We had a business and it was not possible to just move away and change the village if something bad happened. 

My parents had their problems and we had to get along with it and somehow my father had an angry nature and got in clinch with the neighborhood, but not only with anger, but he was really stupid and not aware of the danger to have an affair with a young girl in the neighborhood. She helped mother in the house and mother was stupid and naive enough to go with us for a holiday and she left him alone with that overweight and not very pretty and curious neighbor girl, who she thought was probably for her no match and no question. But when it is about sex, it is not only a question of beauty, as we all know, but much more about power. That girl who got no attention from boys in her age or at school, because she was really not good looking or attractive, talked about it in school.  

That is how it got in the open.
My mother was challenged as his wife to divorce, give up the business, him and the family or to go on and we saw her as hero, because she went on, even though, he had to go to prison for some time.

We never spoke with that family again, before we had spent time in their home and when my sister was born, it was a home birth, we went to their house and had lunch with them and we were waiting in their house to go home later on.

She has never been a pretty, also not later on and my father had to pay her schools etc. 
I always wondered about my father, it was like, 'what were you thinking...?' We were too young and I was the oldest, therefore, they didn't tell us why he had to go away, as it was called. But our school mates told us in not a very nice way anyhow, because they knew much more than we did and that was kind of traumatising, because it created only shame and I guess also not the best way my mother handled it, she should have told us being aware that we will get told by others and not in such a nice manner.

A few years later, nobody spoke about it anymore, only my mother behind his back, she spoke about it all the time, she got always to the conclusion that she had to redeem him and of she went into the Business, hard working and running around all her life and watching him close.

We had friends, neighbors, who went in and out our house, like all kids have and we nearly would have forgotten it, if not one would have turned into the opposite.

He had been my boyfriend, kind of, we went for walks and I had idealized it, because he felt like friend until he got married with a school teacher, he wanted to marry a school teacher and when he met her, he put it into practice and things went upside down, he was too much in the head.

What happened after that in our neighborhood was in my family not seen as a reaction of what had happened before with the father, but it was just ignored and they said, you should not...
That is had to do with something else was in the air after I became a TM-teacher and I went Saturday shopping for mother and met the neighbor in that shop with his wife, they didn't even say hello, but I said hello and at night it was present that 'he had a village consciousness'.
How to understand that? What I didn't know and as it seems it is pride that had replaced in the parents common sense and shame, now they were proud of what they were able to do and had done. But we still felt the reality of the shame coming back on us and that had nothing to do with pride, but the parents reaction was, you should not, it felt like cold and heartless.
They were in now way able or ready to look at it as it had been, the reaction of what had happened earlier. That attitude of the neighbor turned out to be manipulation only, it disturbed always. 

While I felt offended and fooled, the family letting me down made it look like an emotional problem and made fun of my feelings and that I was still affected by it, that means it had turned into abuse. I just needed to tell that I didn't feel okay and they made fun of it.  

When in reality it was the father in the background and what he had done, what had created that village consciousness, but they put it aside with, 'you should not'.

They had no time and inclination to look at it and we were young, we had no problems. That was not what Baba was teaching who said, that what we do in our youth has an impact on our whole life. With that kind of attitude, putting everything constantly in question, it felt like being criticized and never okay and it resulted in a feeling, that we could not do anything, it was always criticized and and it felt chaotic and dangerous.

And if we said something, as usual mother avoided it, the most often used words were, 'you should not...' But it was not possible to know why, only it was no answer.

 

Anger came up one day with my father, when he said, 'that we got what we deserved' and the way he said it, I had never felt such an anger before.

But getting aware of it, I would have preferred to not feel it, we tried to ignore it. It was not possible to talk and they always shortcut every attempt to tell them how we really felt, and I was doing about everything to change it, resulted in the feeling that it was all in vain. 
After TM broke in pieces Osho was in my dream and said I should come to him, because he would give me power. But I didn't understand it at that time, but that is what we would have needed with my family and as I didn't know the problem we had, we didn't do it. I went to Baba.
And when I followed it later to know what I should have done, because I asked myself if I really had done everything as nothing had changed, it was present as, for your mother it is too late, she is too old.
That means I had missed the train.
I went to Baba and it took much too much time to even get aware of it, in fact, I am still working at it and in the mean time my parents are dead.  

It felt disturbed, even though they seemed to live a harmony we couldn't really share, for us it was not beautiful and great, but empty. And it felt dangerous and I didn't know why.

After I had been in the US coming back I didn't want to go back to my family, I was upset and I knew, I would not find the reason why.
The organization from their side was like zero or dangerous, not really taking care of anything or that we were okay, but putting us in impossible situations challenging that we had to learn something, when it felt rather that they should have needed to go through that lesson.
After a while I decided to do the same and to not consult them anymore about my life, but that means I was alone.

 

I went usually after six months in the ashram with Baba for a visit to the parents, because I tried to know what the problem was and they were my family. I tried to do the best, but it felt all in vain. I always thought I talked with my mother and couldn't talk with the father, but in reality, I didn't talk to both of them, because she avoided it and he had no notion of it.
They lived on an all different place and there was no way to get to them. 
 

My mother read once a Baba book she got from a neighbor in Spain. They had their own social conventions of dos and donts and lived by it, but my father, in Spain got into the habit of getting drunk. It was not really possible to take it with humor, even if I tried, it was too serious to be funny.

It felt like a kind of childish reaction, expressing that he was not okay, only it was not to be understood, it felt just like bad behaviour. He was the head of family and should have set an example and he didn't care about it, but he said such stuff like, we got everything we deserved. He was hard working and disciplined before, but after in Spain being retired and bored, he lost control. 

It was kind of difficult to feel sorry, because I didn't understand it and I was constantly scared of him. 

I didn't get it why he was like that, if he had all he wanted... what he tried to make us believe. Mother thought that she was able to take it, she made the best out of it. She kept him under control. But the rest of the family was kind of ashamed by his behaviour and not proud at all. He was usually sleeping in a corner when mother had invited some guests, it was just very bad behaviour and he refused to be there for her friends of guests. And once he said to me, that he does nothing and that he was only sleeping. He didn't see getting drunk as something he did, because he only slept afterwards.  

It was really kind of impossible to feel compassion, even though I tried, it just didn't work. 

When he got in a fit of anger, it was that sudden, we usually all had to feel it. It was not possible to talk, if we said something, we became the target of his anger and that was not nice. We were the target of his anger also without doing anything, just by being there, and we had to live with it.  

I had to not mix in their affairs, felt troubled because they were not okay and projected it on us, but my mother tried to make our stay in Spain nice and showed us around. With Baba's holy background we tried to do our best, only it was not enough.

 

It didn't change minds or social conventions, it was too established. I had an angry father, who said, that we got all what we deserved, what created in return anger in me and I didn't wanted that anger to be there.

When we got back from Portland we lived a few months with the parents and it was just a year before he died.

There were tensions in the air between the parents, it was difficult until impossible to stay out of their affairs and it was not funny, because if he got upset, he got mad at  anyone who was being near, so I always kept distance, anyhow mother took care that we kept distance.

Once there was someone of mother's family, he was a guest and we went out for lunch. The father taking some pills could hardly drink at all, he felt it on the spot and after lunch we went on the beach for a short walk and he got upset at our guest and was shouting at him. That was not nice, he put his anger on everybody coming too close to him. Our visitor told me some time later that he didn't go to see them anymore, what was kind of normal.

It felt just like bad behaviour or at least we felt like that.

As we had learnt with Baba that guests are God, it helped me to understand why my fathers behaviour felt not okay, but the background was not seen. Anger was a theme of my childhood, I grew up with it, even if my mother saved the situation.
It was present as fear, anger and danger. I didn't like to wake up in the midst of the night scared, because I felt that something was wrong, what was downplayed by mother. But what was mostly disturbing by it was that I didn't know what it was.

Once I felt offended, because my parents had always a dog and mother spoke to that dog like a replacement partner. 

It felt that disgusting to me that I noticed the feeling present that I could shoot that dog, but I didn't express it. I was just surprised by that kind of feeling present. I usually don't have such feelings. But the same happened some time later with the father. And I knew why, only he didn't say nothing like me, he said it, that he would like to shoot that dog and he called my sister and told her that he would like his own dog.
And mother took care that everybody knew. It felt like a kind of strange game in  mother bonding with the dog and making him feel bad. But what she made out of it was something else, she called everybody in the family and said that he wants to shoot the dog, making a big thing out of it, making him look like the bad guy, when I knew how it had been and that it was her who made him feel like that.

It seems that was kind of the beginning of it, he fell in a black hole and couldn't get out of it and that is how he finally died. He called again my sister telling her that it would last only three days more and he fell down on that third day from a palm tree he was cutting the fruits. He always was cutting trees.

And the inner master said later that my father should have had another wife.

I told my mother when she came back that she didn't really redeemed him and that something was wrong and by that I got in the same clinch. 
After his death he had been in my dream on a very dark place, the light far away like a small star and he couldn't get out of it, he showed me that in my dream.

I wrote her the dream, because she didn't answer as she never did..., when I mentioned it verbally. 

She did the same like with him, she told the whole family about my letter and the echo came back with the family, because I wrote her a dream. My mother was not able to just take the phone and call me and talk to me about the letter. It was inside in the dream later as mobbing ... and it felt real difficult to protect my daughter from it. And all that came up in the inner view in following the inner master. After mother's death there was an avalanche and it said that she was attached.  

 

Also be aware that it can be damaged from qualities such as anger, hatred and greed, or from sloth, sleep and inactivity. When you get angry and/or violent with anyone, quietly repeat the Name of the Lord to save you from your anger. Drink a glass of cold water, or lie down in a bed until the fit of fury passes through. When you are angry, you abuse another and the other person does the same, so tempers rise and heat is generated which causes lasting injury. Five minutes of anger can damage five generations of relationship, so be careful.

 

For me it felt like I could be in Baba's presence and travel around the world and I hardly ever felt fear, but in my parent's house the fear was present at night and it was in the relationship between the parents, it was hidden and in the air and I had not the feeling that I could understand it. On the phone of my mother were lots of numbers and she called always everybody, her family and spoke to them, but not to him and not to us. She was constantly making him look as the bad guy getting from the family the confirmation that she was okay and good and he not. And before she died, she organized in the dream a good by party and her family was present and she told me that I also was present, only I never had that contact to her family. I never felt part of it and was surprised that for her in the end I was also part of it. That were the people she really had lived with and not the father.

 

Anyhow, I tried to put into practice what Baba said, take care of the parents and respect them, only it was difficult and kind of impossible.

They had worked hard and lived their social conventions, proud of what they had done or the result of it.

But it was mother's attitude which was constantly talking ill about him and it felt empty to me, not a good feeling.
But what felt as teenager not right, I got used to later on. After he died, I was glad that this would stop, I just felt relieved that she stopped talking and complaining about him. She did that already when I was a child and I couldn't stop her and I was tired of listening to it. I had tried to make her aware of it. Once coming back from Baba I asked her, why she told me that and I told her that it didn't have anything to do with me.
But she didn't get it. During the time I did the inner child workshop and got aware of it, the inner master said, that it was too late for my mother, that she was too old.

Whatever, it was also beautiful to be in the warm sunshine in Spain hanging around the pool. My mother didn't liked swimming, she was cooking and taking care of the family in providing food and shelter.

Once it felt disturbed, because I walked into the door and said hello to her and saw the neighbor in her. I felt taken aback seeing him present in her, because it challenged the reality, that he was still there, hidden, whatever the reason. It was in my mother, that conflict which had been there all life and the manipulation, it disturbed the family, behind was the reality that the family had let me down. 
It was not possible to talk, if I asked, as usual I didn't get an answer, she rather talked afterwards with all others about it. I had the feeling that there was never a real answers, but just avoiding it and talking with others about it. If we asked, it was just about, what do you have and you should not and then she talked with others about it how right she was and how wrong we were. 
 

The father usually said something only if there was a problem and she gave him enough reason to feel not okay with us, if she did the same with him as she did with all others, no direct talk but talking in the back with others. 

It was not possible to change it to talk common sense to her, she went on no matter what. 
I had tried to make myself less available, hoping it would get clear sometimes. And I get the answers with Baba in the inner view only. It means it begins with an issue coming up and memory and the result of it is the insight in the light of the self. 
The inner master said that it was naive and dangerous.

The feelings are rooted in the hurt inner child which would like to be understood and taken care off by the loving parent. They had too many problems to be able to give that feeling of being okay to the inner child. By writing it down we get the attitude of the real self and not anymore the hurt child.

In the study circle of Baba if we go through it and get aware of the dreams we had as he is inside present to wake us, we also get aware of the adult self in us. The eternal, divine side of the higher self has never a problem with it, it is a level of no problems.
The parents are giving us the possibility for self-realization and it is on us to realize it, but it is not possible if we don't know the conditioning. It is by going through it that we reach finally the reality of the parents.
I guess it feels like kind of the same principle, if we just listen it is dull and Tamas, we have to put it into practice, we have to act and think it over that is the level of passion and Rajas, it is creating movement and in the end  only it will be Sathva, purity and light. It is a circle, we go from inertia to movement to inner silence and the reality of self-realization.
Life is the best teacher and if five minutes of anger can damage five generations of relationship, we should be able to see that in our own life to understand it right and what it does and why five generations of relationship...
It is not theoretical only and just knowledge, it has to be put into practice that we recognize the practical wisdom guided by the inner master.   
We do our best to not expand the damage caused by anger, but we see that it is present and I don't want to even think of it that the damage is still going on expanding, because it has not yet reached those five generations.
There is a pattern created by such damage and that pattern is going on, it is based on shame, (negative energy caused by anger) and it can go on in a family over generations... On the surface it seems like a very normal family, because all problems were made okay by my mother and the parents are still on that level of being God, even if it is not just harmonious.
We were with Baba and my ex expressed anger in cancelling our credit card, endangering the child. I had ignored it all around, because I knew that it was not okay and I always said that Baba will take care not getting into anger, when I felt abused by it and here we get the confirmation in that thought for the day and Baba tells us why it was abuse.
When it came up again later it felt always even worse and dangerous, because I ignored it to be able to live what I had learnt with Sai Baba.
But the inner master also said that I married the father and I got nearly a shock, because the father was the last person I wanted to get married to. It was not fair, because I wanted all my life just get away from it and what happened, I married it. A shaman said, if we don't understand it, we marry it and I didn't understand it and I guess the anger is the part which went on and went into the next relationship, that is how we have to understand the 'five generations', it is going on and on.   
Life is as it is and everything is part of the lesson, we have to learn. The question is if we learn it or if we don't learn it. If we don't put it into practice, we cannot possibly learn the lesson.
 

Five minutes of anger can damage five generations of relationship, so be careful.