Contemplation of the Beauty of Nature

Spend your time in the contemplation of the beauties of Nature that are spread out before you in the earth and sky. Enjoy the green expanses of the crops, cool breezes that waft contentment and joy, the panorama of colored clouds, the music of the birds, etc.
Sing the glory of God as you walk in Nature, along the bunds of the fields and the banks of the canals.
Avoid polluting the air with vengeful boasts. Do not spend time in hateful talks when you see God has created such wonderful evidences of love! Living in these placid surroundings, you should not disturb the sky with your shouts and curses. Any seed needs water and manure to grow and yield a rich harvest.
So too, the tiny sapling of spiritual yearning for liberation from bondage also needs water and manure. Just a wise farmer will care for his crops dearly, you must take care of your habits to reap the harvest of liberation.
Baba

This thought for the day feels that close to my parent's, because he talks about nature. 

My mother was in constant contemplation of nature and it is like the sunny side of it and I got aware of it in writing a dairy and it felt like self-realization. But the other side, the shadow was also there.

By thinking it over, we get aware of it. 

Baba is inside the parents and by establishing that inside relations to our inner master, who is connected to our parents, the memories of the childhood in my parent's house are also present. 

It feels that close to the insight present during the time I had been still living in my parent's house. And that was the time when I got aware of the background self-realization, it was in the air. During writing my diary I got aware of the presence of that beauty in nature and also do to the discipline of my parents and I guess that resulted in the first feeling of self-realization. We have to see it as a gift of divinity to get that opportunity of self-realization. And whatever we do, we give some of it back to our divine parents.  

As my parents worked with nature, my mother was constantly contemplating about the beauty of nature and they liked to live on beautiful places as well, house and garden where their focus and hobby.
She said we should listen to the sound of the crops in the cool breeze, she liked the rustle of the wind and if there was a picked flower somewhere, she put it always in a small vase in the kitchen's window sill in reverence for nature. That beauty and love in nature was always present in her, she loved nature.
And when writing my diary that was in the air. It felt like the soul, the spirit and it was great and beautiful. 

But for me getting aware that it was about self-realization, it became a challenge of knowing the reality of it and knowing the right path how we get to self-realization. 

It was certainly present in that adoration of nature, even though it was 'indirect' present and somewhat hidden. It means I got aware of it in writing and that was inspiring. And I thought I would find it somehow afterwards, as it was present in the parent's house. And during that writing I knew I had to keep it on that level to get to that self-realization, only that was not possible. There were different reasons, the so called 'friend' I was in relationship with during that time, he turned into the opposite and in the end it was manipulation only and it even seems he learned it in our house. That is somehow still difficult to get.

Whatever, one day it was all gone, the beauty was not there anymore and whatever I did to find it again, it seemed all in vain. I tried about everything, but nothing helped. 

And whomever I talked about it, there were no answers. I began to search for it and must have felt to them like a rebel. My father called me once a communist, because in his mind all people who had strange ideas were on the left side and he was on the right side, but I didn't know what he was talking about. I didn't see the connection of his political way of seeing things when I was looking for self-realization. 

It was not easy. There were lots of misunderstandings and I thought I had lost it and that felt sad. It felt like I had lost the most precious thing in my life and that felt like my happiness and that was an awful feeling. 

So I went on searching for it, but realized somehow after some time, that I would find it in searching, but in acceptance as everything being God and that it was just the way it should be and we should be even able to be grateful about it. That is how I began to observe and wait that it was revealed to me whatever was hidden and got lost due to I don't know what reason in my parent's house. It had been there first, that was sure. 

It was like a prayer and the same we feel in Baba's words:

Avoid polluting the air with vengeful boasts. Do not spend time in hateful talks when you see God has created such wonderful evidences of love! Living in these placid surroundings, you should not disturb the sky with your shouts and curses.

My father had a master in horticulture and for me it was like with out heart, it was the same, we had to take care that the weed could not expand and grow, planting nice flowers as qualities in the heart.
In nature we can see the evidence of love and that was also present in the garden and the culture of looking after the garden. If the weed grows and we don't look after the garden, it will be soon a wilderness. 

After I came back from abroad it was like all gone, I didn't feel part of it anymore. My mother's answer was constantly 'you should not', probably she didn't see a problem and also that got lost, somehow. But it was just not present and inside was a feeling of emptiness left, that was certainly not the same as self-realization.

I didn't write my diary anymore, nothing to tell and if I tried, it felt like I was not even able to tell one sentence, but I didn't know what it was that disturbed and who was responsible. 

As it seems it was the neighborhood, that guy had turned into the opposite. It was manipulation and constantly felt, but my family ignored it and was also not interested to know why I felt like that, just making fun of it.

It was kind of awkward. 

  

Instead of beauty, emptiness and no idea what had happened and what I didn't realize was the the neighbor was responsible and that I was let down by the family. 

Whatever the reason, but they refused to get aware of it. It was probably easier to tell the daughter, you should not and make fun of it, than to face manipulation. As manipulation is hidden, it seemed even it arranged them, because they could ignore it and tell me I was stupid... , and after all I know by the inner view and dreams that it had to do with attachment and pride.

It felt awful, there were no answers, it didn't feel right and it was not possible to talk about it, if ever I just mentioned it, they began to make fun of it, while the neighbor expanded and began to take over my life space, he came constantly closer, didn't talk also, what also was manipulation, but lived finally opposite to our parent's house, ignoring me like I would not be existent. 

We had been in a relationship for about eighteen months and he left and married a school teacher, that was his aim and I let him go, thinking if it is serious, he will come back. He based marriage on sexuality.

We wanted to wait for it until we got married, that was still seen as ideal in that past time and I had idealized it, it was a kind of commitment. But he got married with that school teacher, because he had sex with her, looked like that in the inner view. 

Once I went to Singapore to get a new visa and on the way he was in my dream and said he would come back and marry me. I was taken aback, because I knew that was not possible, not after twenty or more years ignoring me, looking down from high up, giving me the feeling to be a child, not been taken serious. 

In the beginning, I tried to get it out of my life, I wrote him and never got an answer. It was all manipulation only. 

  

I had given up knowing there would not be any answer and no support on the side family. 

I got used to it and tried to accept it, but it didn't work. There was constant disturbance in the air and that guy came closer over the years, he didn't only stayed all life at the same place, he also ended up opposite to my parent's house. During my childhood there was only farm land and later it was sold and new houses were built and he got the one exactly opposite the street of my parent's business and shop, he couldn't possibly come closer.

In the inner view it said that his wife was living and standing on our parking lot with big sunglasses looking at the border they had crossed over. I would never in my life live opposite to an ex boyfriend, ignoring his existence, but living as close as I could to his place, to be a bother and disturbance all life to that person..., what was he thinking about? That question I asked him later by writing, when I noticed that something was wrong. He said it was nothing, but as psychological manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the perception or behavior of others  through underhanded, deceptive, or even abusive tactics, it was clear, it was not nothing. 

Not really his presence was the problem, but my family who was satirical and constantly using just to that to abuse and make fun of me, that was a huge problem and it couldn't be ignored from my side and nobody cared in my family. I think they were glad the had a scapegoat and took advantage of it. 

By advancing the interests of the manipulator, often at another's expense, such methods could be considered exploitative, abusive, devious and deceptive. But usually social influence is not necessarily negative.

When it was in the air in the inner master as 'that he has a village consciousness', I didn't understand what it means, because I didn't see it yet on the level of social influence. 

When I went into dynamic meditation I got beyond the social influence, when after dance we came back and felt like a six year old child, it felt great..., all just felt like gone what had bothered on the level of social influence.

Social influence is generally perceived to be harmless when it respects the right of the influenced to accept or reject and is not unduly coercive, but with the neighbor was no question about rights. That was expressed in his dream when he said, he would come back and marry me, he had no intention to ask for it, it was just related to those eighteen months we had known each other and we had no sex. 

Therefore, depending on the context and motivations, social influence may constitute underhanded manipulation and he had a very strange attitude out of my sight, I couldn't understand it. But I didn't get married with a profession and was living afterwards all my life in the same village and made a past time out of it to manipulate wife and ex girl friend taking slowly but surely over her life space. 

Denial is a sign of manipulation, he refused to admit that there was something wrong. 

But the same I also found in my father, who after all the troubles he had cause to the family in having a 'silly' affair with a little girl in the neighborhood, said that he did nothing, whatever that was, but it was for sure not nothing. But as it had consequences for him, he had to go in prison for some time, it was certainly not nothing, he knew he had made a mistake, but on the sexual level he called it nothing. 

The neighbor as actor was ignored by the family, whatever it was what was in the air for me felt as disturbance, they said there was nothing. 

Rationalization is also manipulation, it is an excuse for inappropriate behavior, that was my ex, who said, after he said all the lies he could, can you blame me? Or he used often minimization. This is a type of denial coupled with rationalization. The manipulator asserts that his is not as harmful or irresponsible as someone else was suggesting, for example saying that a taunt or insult was only a joke. It was offending, even harassment and they called it ... nothing or my ex called it a joke. And there was also selective inattention or selective attention. The manipulator refuses to pay attention to anything that may distract from his or her agenda, saying things like "I don't want to hear it", or as my ex said, 'I will go the path of least effort', that means paying no attention to whatever is coming from the other side, and for sure also to ignore every talk about divorce.

Or as he claimed to be a Sai Devotee, he also ignored whatever Baba said about love - caring- sharing. 

"Living is loving, loving is caring, caring is sharing, sharing is living and living is loving" (Baba)

Diversion is Manipulation and it is avoiding to give a straight answer to a straight question and instead being diversionary, steering the conversation onto another topic that part belonged even to my mother. 

With my father less, if we talked to him he gave usually a straight answer, even if we didn't like it. It was rather a question to be able to take that straightforwardness. 

Mother was using avoiding it and it felt like above in giving irrelevant and vague responses and used weasel words, confusing or unclear. Or idioms like, 'everything has one end, only a sausage has two' (German idiom).

Out of that situation there were problems with the parents. 

The father was not looking at it, the mother was avoiding it and the family making fun of it. I got to the conclusion that he did everything to go drive me away, what I also did. I left and wanted to never come back anymore, but nobody knew why.  

All that had to do with covert intimidation and that side of the manipulation was throwing the victim onto the defensive by using veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats.

That means constant troubles with the parents. It was that far away from what I had felt when writing my diary and the self-realization was in the air, it felt like some kind of different world. I couldn't understand anymore how I was able to feel that it had to do with self-realization and that reason seems to be because the family let me down. 

When Baba said, follow the master, fight to the end and finish the game and he said also in the interview, that we came to him because of self-realization, I noticed that I had been right and that something else was wrong and I began to fight that manipulation in the background. 

It lead into a direct crisis and the question was how I would get out of it, not knowing where to begin, as everything was omitted by the family.  

It was used as shame, they used sarcasm and put-downs to increase fear and self-doubt. 

Manipulators use this tactic to make others feel unworthy and therefore defer to them. Shaming tactics can be very subtle such as a fierce look or glance, unpleasant tone of voice, rhetorical comments, subtle sarcasm. It can make one feel ashamed for even daring to challenge them. 

It is an effective way to foster a sense of inadequacy in the victim. That was the real problem of my parent's house, whatever the reason, in the end we felt too ashamed to even daring to challenge them and behind was that strange parent's house and the fear of the parents, what had the roots in the problems of the father. 

The problem with my ex is also mentioned here, it was about projecting the blame (blaming others and the exact opposite of Baba's teaching, who reminds us to get aware of the log in our eyes first, before we search for the speck in the other eyes. 

Manipulation has often the aim to make scapegoats in often subtle, hard-to-detect ways. One way is to feign confusion: if the manipulator tries to play dumb by pretending that he does not know what the victim is talking about or is confused about an important issue brought to his attention, that is was used by my brother.

Or it is naivety - victim finds it too hard to accept the idea that some people are cunning, devious and ruthless or is "in denial", if he or she is being victimized, that was myself. I was that confused by the attitude of my family that I only got aware of it in the presence of Baba and afterwards I began to follow the inner master, fight to the end and finish the game. It resulted in low self-confidence and self-doubt, lacking in confidence and assertiveness, likely to go on the defensive too easily. As I noticed after a while, it went nowhere, I left and tried to not get back anymore. 

If guilt is used in manipulation it is a kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim that the other does not care enough, is too selfish or has it easy. This usually results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position. 

That is the way my daughter tries to defend herself in telling me that I don't care at all. 

As the inner master said that it was naive and dangerous, whatever..., in facing that word 'naivety', it can be that some don't want to believe that there are dishonest people in the world, taking for granted that if there were they would not be allowed to operate.

too impressionable or overly seduced by charmers. For example, they might vote for the seemingly charming politician who kisses babies or too lonely - lonely people may accept any offer of human contact. A psychopathic stranger may offer human companionship for a price and that is kind of what happened in the ashram, because when I went back in my country, there was nobody. 

The TM background dissolved into nothingness, the parents left to Spain and there were only empty houses left. 

But it was hidden behind a Baba Lila, because we had interview and he asked, to whom I belonged and there was one, who said I belonged to him and it looked all perfect, even thought it was not, because he was in the same environment and he claimed to be a devotee and to know etc. It was all manipulation. 

I thought it was a lesson. And if it was manipulation, it had the purpose to bring up the background of my family which was the same, but that didn't work that way, because we landed in a mud hole.
If it is too masochistic, it lacks of self-respect and so unconsciously let psychopaths take advantage of them, I really wondered if it was not that also. They think they deserve it out of a sense of guilt.
Motivation of manipulation seems to be the need to advance their own purposes and personal gain at virtually any cost to others, or a strong need to attain feelings of power and superiority in relationships with others
a want and need to feel in control (aka. control freak) and a desire to gain a feeling of power over others in order to raise their perception of self-esteem. 

That is what Baba said, he was just taking advantage of it. It was for sure the need to advance his own purposes and personal gain at virtually any cost to others and afterwards that feeling of power and superiority in the relationship resulted in constant harassment and I had to do everything for him and of course, the perception of self-esteem was also involved as Baba gave him a wife, that was dream, because he would have liked to have one, when in reality he was not able to and everything else was also present...

The second time we were the victim of a manipulator, but for me it meant, it was the result of the first manipulation in the parent's house and the result of TM, who is a kind of hidden manipulation into a technique and into TM without the open to get out of it, that is manipulation.  

Here comes up the question is how we get to identity. 

We can work through it, "a likely progression would be from diffusion through moratorium to identity achievement". The latter is thus the status of an individual who has experienced a crisis, undergone identity explorations and made commitments. 

(With TM we had to sign at a public notary office, whatever that was, what was signed, to keep the teaching 'pure', in reality it aimed at a psychological commitment in the purpose to create identity rooted in TM-movement, it was a commitment and therefore, it is binding and difficult to get out of it, because with TM we don't have any divorce option, it is all hidden and therefore, indirect manipulation.)

We find some evidence to support a "theoretical description of having achieved an identity as having developed an internal, as opposed to external, locus of self-definition".

I went in search for the problem to find the reason and got in Baba's presence the answer that the neighbor was responsible, but why responsible, we have to see it in the right light. 

So too, the tiny sapling of spiritual yearning for liberation from bondage also needs water and manure. Just a wise farmer will care for his crops dearly, you must take care of your habits to reap the harvest of liberation.
We have to take care constantly, it is not done by watering the roots once, but we have to go on tending the garden of the heart taking care that the weeds cannot grow and overpower the flowers. If the weed grows to high it will take the rest of the plants all nourishment away and we will have a jungle.
This thought for the day matches the believe of my mother and the parent's house, it is the expression of the inner core of it, the beauty, but in the shadow of it came up all that issue about manipulation.