Lost Taste, too Bitter to be Enjoyable

For you to relish the dish (pappu) it must have enough salt (uppu). But if you add a little extra, it spoils the dish. So too, life becomes very difficult to bear, if you have too much of desire. Limit your desires to your capacity and even among them, have only those that will grant you lasting joy. 

Do not run after fashion and public approval and strain your resources beyond repair. Also stick to your own code of conduct (Dharma) that regulates your life or the stage you have reached. Do not place your needs and joy first. Consider the joy of others as more important than your own. Respect elders and cultivate cordiality between brothers and sisters, teachers and students, employers and employees. Respect the culture of your land and bring honour to the land you were born in and live in. Nourish your parents, revere them. If you do so, the Lord of the Universe will guard you against harm.

SSB (thought for the day)

My ex eats nearly saltless, whatever reason. 

The time I knew him he liked the opposite, as spicy as possible. That is how it feels, life has lost its taste, too much waiting, too many obstacles and nobody cares.

When we didn't feel good in the past I went to Baba and felt better again. 

I never asked for material stuff like others did, because I had to get answers or I had to understand the conclusion of a time period. I was waiting and waiting and it went on waiting, that was the feeling of it and desires had anyhow no place, because I focused on the higher self. 

I knew it was possible to get the experience. Yogananda Paramahansa confirmed it in his book 'Autobiography of a Yogi' that it was possible and that was discrimination first, being certain that it is possible. That is discrimination, if we know that the higher self is there and, therefore, I went on waiting.

The only focus was to get that experience and it had to be experienced in my life, therefore, I kept the focus, but it felt very uncertain, I even stopped to read books, to watch TV, to be sure I would be focused only on 'that'. And third it means we have to go on no matter what obstacles are there.

I wrote it down in a letter, told her as nicely as possible that I would like an answer and that I didn't know if she was hearing it or not, that I had to know what it means and why he said that in my dream, somehow I had to get a feedback. But I didn't get an answer, the reaction came from the youngest brother, who has only problems. As he was always in treatment and even in hospital, he was really the last person she should have talked to, but she did it anyhow. And afterwards inside was the inner master and said, that my brother does the worst he can do. That was the result of it, that was the feedback, but we have to realize it.

The feedback was the result that mother talked to him about it instead of giving me an answer. What came back is a level of sarcasm, abuse, making fun of it, harassing and in the inner view it was present as 'incest', that was grotesque and it destroyed the family relationship. 

He went beyond limits, that abusive, not knowing what he said and did, in the inner view present as 'incest', the conclusion was, self-protection, distance, is not possible on that level to go on with relationships matters. To me it felt kind of like a replacement partner to the mother and an Oedipus complex. 

She avoided to discuss things in a direct manner and spoke with everybody, whoever that was on her phone list, but only not directly with people involved.

That was the result of it and the feedback and that tastes bitter.

Before she died she talked about a good-by party, told me I was there as well, it was the last thing she said, she died. That felt like the people in her life she belonged to and we were on the other side, either we belonged there or not and I belonged there also just before she left.  

In an interview with Baba the conflict was present as shadow, even if I had no idea about it. 

I had to translate for a sick person and she was schizophrenic, Baba had told her in her dream and above her I saw the shadow in the air.  

Whatever I had to tell her in that interview, in her dream he took it and put it in the fire, so her problem was solved, but mine just began, because I had to get aware of it. 

And in my inner view were mother and sister. At that time it was far away still, I had no idea about it. Our relationship was with the mother only, the father didn't say anything, if he didn't have to. If he opened his mouth, we wished he would not have done it. He only spoke when something was not okay and that usually didn't feel good. 

It was usually not a good situation. But she spoke with everybody, as it seems, and compensated, because he didn't talk, she got used to a nice face and her problems she solved with all others in the background. 

And that was the pattern. She didn't talk to me, but to everybody else and that was the reaction of the brother, he did the worst he can do, destroyed the relationship. 

The family is destroyed. Let down before, when the mother came back from Spain, after the father died, in no time we had only problems. 

We could to our best, it turned out bad, it felt not okay and never enough. That is how we get aware of that state of mind and behind was pride and attachment.

I look at the result and try to get the lesson, because as I grew up in that situation, there has to be a lesson.  

Do not run after fashion and public approval and strain your resources beyond repair. Also stick to your own code of conduct (Dharma) that regulates your life or the stage you have reached. Do not place your needs and joy first. Consider the joy of others as more important than your own.

If every devotee would do what he reminds us to do here, that the need and joy of others is first and we should not place our needs and joy first, we would have a different world. Looking at my ex who claims to be a devotee who thinks only of himself, who did everything to give us troubles, I wonder why some don't get it. I guess it is not understood or if it is, it results in passion, because people just don't know how to do it. They ask the others to do it first and to prove that we are good devotees. It is ridiculous how it is wrong understood and how it is practiced. Consider the joy of others as more important than you own, nice. 

Respect elders and cultivate cordiality between brothers and sisters, teachers and students, employers and employees. Respect the culture of your land and bring honour to the land you were born in and live in. Nourish your parents, revere them. If you do so, the Lord of the Universe will guard you against harm.

 

Respect the culture of your land and bring honour to the land you were born in and live in. Nourish your parents, revere them. If you do so, the Lord of the Universe will guard you against harm.

It is difficult for me to see the ideal and to not get upset, because in the end I was or are in the burnout. 

It was really not possible to nourish my parents and if we tried, following the inner master lead to nothing else but the realization that the family was a catastrophe. 

We cannot repair what has been done by the parents. 

The inner master said, if a mother falls, all children fall with her. That is the result and it is not possible to repair what they have done. It feels like some kind of Karma, like a hidden law, which makes it impossible that it can be changed. Not even the relationship between the family members we could influence, there is no family. 

If we do our best, it will turn into self-destruction and that is the end of it. We cannot sacrifice ourselves if we get destroyed by it. 

And you know why it doesn't work, it is the same process like listening to Baba here. 

Even if we listen carefully and don't go into passion, but keep calm and think it over and get the real meaning behind, it makes passion come up. If I tell my brothers and sister about it, what I did, it made passion come up and they don't want to hear it. They don't want to listen and to think it over... with TM we called that stress, purification...

They are not on the spiritual path and they don't want any good advice... therefore, it didn't work.

Oh yes, we can try to change it by good example, but what good example?