The Devotee, the Formless Supreme and the Form

Explaining the characteristics of a devotee, Rama said to Narada, “Whoever with discrimination and renunciation (viveka and vairagya), and humility and wisdom (vinaya and vijnana) is aware of the knowledge of Reality, whoever is always immersed in the contemplation of My play (leela), whoever dwells on My name at all times and under all conditions, and whoever sheds tears of love whenever the Lord’s name is heard from any lip — these are My genuine devotees.” When the infant grows up into an adult, the mother won’t pay so much attention to its safety. The Lord doesn’t pay much attention to the wise one (jnani). For the jnani, their own strength is enough. Therefore, until one can rely on one’s own strength, one must be an infant in the Lord’s hands, as a devotee of the form, right? No one can become a devotee of the Formless Supreme (Nirguna bhaktha) without having been a devotee of the form (Saguna bhakta). 

Baba (thought for the day)

Baba is explaining the characteristics of a devotee and it is Rama who said it to Narada. We are in the time of Rama and Narada Muni was a wandering sage.

Explaining the characteristics of a devotee, Rama said to Narada, “Whoever with discrimination and renunciation (viveka and vairagya), and humility and wisdom (vinaya and vijnana) is aware of the knowledge of Reality, whoever is always immersed in the contemplation of My play (leela), whoever dwells on My name at all times and under all conditions, and whoever sheds tears of love whenever the Lord’s name is heard from any lip — these are My genuine devotees.”

It is a different time, the characteristics of a devotee has not changed, hasn’t it if we use those old stories as examples for our devotees in the present. Baba said, first discrimination, second seeing it in our own life, third going on no matter what obstacles are there, that is contemplation.

We have to be aware of the knowledge of reality with discrimination, renunciation (is going inside on the level of dream stage and not outside in the mind) humility and wisdom (no ego and using our intelligence) whoever is always immersed in the contemplation of My play (leela), listening to his words, seeing it in our life …

It is still about being aware of the knowledge of reality and where else can we find it than in his words?

Whoever dwells on His name at all times and under all conditions, thinking over his words, contemplating about it and whoever sheds tears of love whenever the Lord’s name is heard from any lip – these are my genuine devotees.

So yesterday we looked at it what is not a devotee and what is the absence of Baba’s teaching and his ideals. Today we look at it and what is a devotee.

When the infant grows up into an adult, the mother won’t pay so much attention to its safety. The Lord doesn’t pay much attention to the wise one (jnani). For the jnani, their own strength is enough. Therefore, until one can rely on one’s own strength, one must be an infant in the Lord’s hands, as a devotee of the form, right? No one can become a devotee of the Formless Supreme (Nirguna bhaktha) without having been a devotee of the form (Saguna bhakta). 

Did you feel like a wise one a jnani or rather like an infant in the Lord’s hand? 

As there was the strength of an elephant in the air and it said, you have the strength of an elephant, what I couldn’t enjoy actually in the ashram or Darshan, because Baba had said that it was very difficult to understand and instead of getting an answer, I got a question and I didn’t know how to understand it.
As there was that strength of an elephant in the air, I probably should have felt like a jnani, the strength of an elephant was sure enough, but instead it went downwards as it seems and quite fast, it was not a roller coaster in the insight, but it was an escalator and it went downwards and not upwards.

We cannot go up the step if we stop meditation and Sadhana and just sit and wait for miracles.

As he said, just think about God, what is not only repetition of the mantra, but also thinking over his words and being focused on his Leela is part of thinking about God. We cannot become a devotee of the Formless Supreme. There had been 'pure love' in the air with the Maharishi, and even if meditation was only a technique and we purified consciousness in participating in those big assemblies, the pure love in the air is explained by Baba only and not by the yogi. He explained the technique, but not ‘pure love’. 

To know that the experience of ‘pure love’ was there, because we had to accept truth, that is what we listened to in the tapes about scientific research, it was about truth and we had to accept right action, we had to meditate to purify the mind and consciousness and as we became TM-teachers, we had to initiate people to get more meditators that was all based on right action, on accepting truth that the mind is not ‘pure’ and that world peace depends on how many active meditators we have actually and that is why there was ‘pure love’.

That is exactly what is explained by Baba. 

With TM we didn’t search, and why we didn’t?
Everything was seen as stress and strain, we just meditated and all thoughts and emotions and feelings and insights, if there were any, were seen the same way, no problem, go on meditating, but there was no answer to the insights, there was a black hole instead, the master was not present.

As Baba said in the dream, he is the insight and he is the following step.
So he was also the insight that there was a black hole, Baba is truth and the insight, in that sense mirrored a black hole and fear came up on the mind level it was fear to lose the mind and on the body level the fear to die of tiredness, the fear was a sign of lost trust and the sign of the absence of the master, instead there was a black hole.

Baba said, why fear when I am here, (in the black hole he was not there and fear came up).

With the black hole fear was created, the master was not there and the feeling of friendship which was there due to the master, yogis are our friends, was projected into the others and that is why Baba asked, who is your friend, is the friend with the Maharishi or is the friend the Maharishi?
And in that moment I didn’t know. 

I should not have asked, I just tried to do my best, but I knew already that he was not right, but I didn’t understand it and that is why I asked that question.

And Baba’s answer was, that is very difficult to understand just think about God. 

 But I didn’t feel it, I didn’t feel why he said – it is difficult to understand, it is because I didn’t understand it and it didn’t make sense to me and that is why I tried to do my best. I couldn’t feel it as I do now. The question was why I didn’t feel it, was it because of TM or was it because of something else? Why I didn’t feel it? 

And I had the feeling that I don’t understand anything anymore and tried to figure out why he said that it was not the right path. During writing my book I felt like in a jungle, it was not that great.

And then I went to get the visa to Singapore and had  that dream of a neighbor I had known long ago, he was my first love and he said he would come back and marry me, and I felt upset about it. I thought, you are married, why should you come back and marry and me and anyhow, do I want to marry you, you never asked? What makes you think that I would marry you? 

That were the kind of thoughts in my head and I wondered why he was there in my dream and said, ‘I will come back and marry you’. It felt kind of strange, but one thing was sure, there had to be a reason, in Baba's presence nothing happened without reason. 

And when I came back from getting that visa, we were in Prasanthi and we had interview and he asked those questions and I had to translate it and he asked, ‘who is that girl, to whom does she belong and what is your relationship?’ 

 And I translated it and I didn’t have any feeling about it and I wondered what I should actually feel about it. Afterwards we went to Kodai and on the way in Darshan when he went out of the car and stood at the side of the car, that image of an uprooted tree was in his hand and I wondered, why an uprooted tree? Does that have to do with me? Is not everything okay? 

I had no idea about it why uprooted. I didn’t know if it was good or if it was not good.

And I knew I had to get an answer and I began in Kodai in the house we lived to talk about that strange interview of Sai Baba and that I had no feeling about it. And in that house I met my ex and he said, ‘you belong to me’. 

It was like he didn’t notice that I talked about an interview, but he said he asked for a wife and he knew that I was the wife he had asked for. He seemed so sure and I didn’t know, I felt like uncertainty in person and it felt good to feel that someone felt different and I hoped that he would help me to get answers and that is why I went ahead. I had anyhow the feeling that I didn’t know anything anymore, I couldn’t compare TM and Baba, it was not possible in that moment and I didn’t know how and I didn’t know how to always think about God and I didn’t know why he asked those questions and why I had no feeling about it and I didn’t know why I should have a feeling about it.

When I came back here, everything was gone and I didn’t feel okay and I wondered why it felt like that, was it because of TM? But it didn’t feel good and so I went back to Baba as soon as possible again.

When my ex said that he could not have done that with an American, of course not, he could only do it because of Baba’s interview question, and he also could not have done that with any other nationality, because it was not about nationality. He could do it because everything he said was not true, it was all hidden behind Sai Baba and he took advantage of Baba, without Baba he could not have done it if it was Italien or American, it was Baba’s presence which made it possible. 

He said Baba gave him a wife and he knew, it was not about being American or something else and not the ohers are more stupid and easier to fool as women just because they are not American, he took advantage of Sai Baba’s presence to make it look like a Baba Lila, it was Baba’s presence that did it and not that he was American or not. 

Baba had asked me those questions, he could also have asked an American those questions and she could have asked the others if anyhow heard before of such interview questions? It had nothing to do with nationality, but it has all to do with Baba and his Lila and no feeling to whom I belonged and the question was why and I didn’t know if I had to look for the reason in my past with TM or in my parent’s house.

Baba gave the interview and had asked the questions and I didn’t know why and that is why I was talking about it and he took advantage of it, for sure he couldn’t do that with an American woman, because it was Baba who had done it. That is also why I believed it to be a Baba Lila.

If he thinks he could do it because it was not American, it was also a wrong conclusion and it was disrespectful, so why he said that he had asked Baba for a wife and that he knew I was the wife Baba gave him, it was not true, because if it would have been true, he would not have come to the conclusion that he could not have done that with an American woman. 

It was his doing and not Baba’s Lila. He fooled us into it, he took advantage of Baba’s presence because he wanted a wife. He was telling that he knew that I was the wife Baba gave to him and later he said, that he couldn’t have done that with an American woman.

He knew exactly that it was not Baba’s Lila, he took only advantage of it in telling that it was Baba he made it look different and he took only advantage of it that we believed in Sai Baba, to make sure that we went for it, and he has no scruples to use that what is holy to other for his own sake. In that sense he took advantage of Baba and it is also a kind of abuse.

He was difficult to take, he was insulting, abusive, argumentative, constantly finding faults and the result were lots of bad feelings, he was in no way the nice guy we had thought he was in the ashram.

He could be like day and night and when he went into abuse, he didn’t stop anymore.

He could do it only because it had been a Baba interview, it would not have been different with an American if she would have had an interview like that or maybe she would have noticed that it is all not true, because she would have been in the American group and she would have known the background better and in that sense it would have been possible to notice it as he took only advantage of it. 

He had another motivation going to Baba and we all thought that we are all with Baba because of divinity and love, without knowing that background, it was impossible to understand it and in that sense it was maybe even true, he could not have done that with an American woman, she would have had more chance to notice that it was all wrong and not true and that it was neither about TM or Baba, but only about taking advantage of it.

When the infant grows up into an adult, the mother won’t pay so much attention to its safety. The Lord doesn’t pay much attention to the wise one (jnani). For the jnani, their own strength is enough. Therefore, until one can rely on one’s own strength, one must be an infant in the Lord’s hands, as a devotee of the form, right? No one can become a devotee of the Formless Supreme (Nirguna bhaktha) without having been a devotee of the form (Saguna bhakta). 

If there was the strength of an elephant and the background TM what made us stronger, it was wrong, I felt totally like an infant and I had no idea how to get the answers.

I knew it should have been like a jnani as I had been already a meditation teacher and that was also gone, you know it was not possible anymore afterwards, we couldn’t practice it anymore and instead of good it was all bad. It was incredible the way I felt after Baba said that it was not the right path and who is the friend and I didn’t know the answer.

It was unbelievable what was going on in my mind during that time and that are years and how I had felt and I just went on and hoped I would get otherwise answers, and we just didn’t know how.

No matter what, we didn’t know how to listen to his words.

I was writing that book and then I went to the Osho disco and was dancing and listening to Osho tapes, he had been also in the dream and he said, 'come to me, I will give you more power and that is why I went, only it was years later, I first went to India to Baba and afterwards I read lots of Osho books. I liked the books and after some time it began to get repeated and I began to know it and it was not the same anymore and I got the answer that the Maharishi is not at his place and that TM people get lost, because there would be just a black hole, because the Maharishi not being at his place as master. That is what Osho said and it felt like my experience, but that TM-people get lost because of that reason, that I didn’t like at all. How much do TM-people get lost?

Do you have an experience of feeling lost.

The thing is if we feel lost, we don’t know actually why lost and we don’t know the reason, but we just cannot get any answers.

The book of Suzanne Segal, ‘Collision with the Infinite’ is the life story of a TM-girl and afterwards a TM-teacher, she did lots courses, and as it seems she got totally lost and was looking for the ‘I’, it got lost in the insight and she was looking for it on the wrong level all her life and she made even a PHD in psychology and she died finally very fast of cancer.
And I had met others who also were TM-teachers and they died very fast and also the same pattern and it seemed to be somehow the same symptoms. 

Osho was in the insight and he was present during dancing and he guided from the inside and once he said to do therapy work and that is when I went into the inner child workshop and there were more insights which didn’t make sense and no answers afterwards, and at the end I felt totally overloaded or burned-out.

And then Baba was in the insight again and said, that Osho’s path doesn’t work because older age needs more safety. But he also said that he understands that I went to Osho.

If we have insights and if the 'I' goes away or gets lost in the insight it is the level of inner view and the dream stage and we are looking for it on the outside, in the waking stage, we can go on forever looking for it. We have to find the answer in the inner view in the insight and not on the outside.

It was an insight she described, but all her life she was looking for the answer on the outside level and in science as the Maharishi did and if it is an insight, we have to find the answer in the insight and if we don’t get aware of the difference as it seems we didn’t with TM, we get lost, we can go on searching forever and we will never get the right answer and I guess that is the pattern I noticed with those TM-teachers, they were all looking for the answer on the wrong level and as it seems the body couldn’t take anymore the strain created by it and they died all very young of cancer.

There was also a scary experience and insight with Osho and the people I did the inner child work with. There was a therapist, with Osho they are not called teachers or leaders, like with TM, but therapists and I talked to her and felt totally strange after that talk. 

She said that she felt like chosen to do that work by that therapist and she broke both wrists, she had a bad fall during the time I did that workshop, it was four times a year over a whole year. She was absent for a while, she was just assisting the workshop with the inner child work.

And after I talked to her I had in the dream a vision and in her wrists were daggers and they pointed inside towards the inside, her own self or the heart. I got nearly in shock when I saw that and a year later we got an email that told us about her sudden death after a short heavy sickness and cancer.

She was younger than me and she also died such a strange death and very suddenly of cancer.

No one can become a devotee of the Formless Supreme (Nirguna bhaktha) without having been a devotee of the form (Saguna bhakta). 

TM is about the formless supreme and the pure love was present with the Yogi, but he was not present as master and all the TM-teacher at his place, that were in that sense only replacement ‘masters or partners’ and that ends in a black hole, the real partner is absent.

So Baba said in the insight – 'no replacement partner'. That helps getting aware of it, doesn’t it?