Engaged in Contemplation of the Lord

Aspirants are engaged in contemplation of the Lord (Sarveswara-chinthana) as ceaselessly as the waves of the sea; they accumulate the wealth of equality and equal love to all, and are content in the thought that all is the Lord’s and nothing is theirs. Unlike the regular person, the spiritual seeker won’t easily bend before grief or loss, anger or hatred or selfishness, hunger, thirst or fickleness. One should master all the above good things as much as possible and journey through life in fortitude, courage, joy, peace, charity, and humility. Realising that tending the body is not all-important, one has to bear even hunger and thirst patiently and be engaged uninterruptedly in contemplation of the Lord. Quarreling at every tiny little thing, losing one’s temper, becoming sad at the slightest provocation, getting angry at the smallest insult, worried at thirst, hunger, and loss of sleep — these can never be the characteristics of an aspirant.

Baba (thought for the day)

Work, worship, wisdom, the three w’s. The body level is work, it is writing, that is also work on body level and worship is the mind and if we listen, think over Baba’s words and absorb, it turns into worship and the result is wisdom.

The wisdom is in his words, by thinking it over and by worshipping, we get aware of the depth and the power in his words that transforms into wisdom.

Aspirants are engaged in contemplation of the Lord (Sarveswara-chinthana) as ceaselessly as the waves of the sea; they accumulate the wealth of equality and equal love to all, and are content in the thought that all is the Lord’s and nothing is theirs.

Meditation is beyond the mind, it is the merging and in silence.
Concentration is in the mind as we focus on a mantra or divinity and contemplation is the borderline between them.
A spiritual aspirant is engaged in contemplation of the Lord.

The insight in the dream as he is the man who is in our dream to awake us, was first about being ready, he said be read at 3 PM and a certain date.

Without enthusiasm, courage, devotion, energy, readiness and sincerity nothing can be achieved. (Baba)

At that Friday at 3 PM I sat down and began to meditate being ready and it was in the meditation or during meditation and not on the dream when he said ‘engaged’.
Meditation is a state of inner silence and our attention is awake and therefore, it is possible to be ‘ready’ in meditating. It was the state of being ready, to take whatever would come, the mind calmed down, the attention focused on the mantra, just watching and being ready.

Meditation is during a certain time and we don’t expect anything, so I just sat and meditated and was ready and there was that thought ‘engaged’.

I didn’t get into conclusion; it was just the result of being ready that he said in my meditation ‘engaged’. It mattered because it happened during meditation, that was being ready, for me it was not an insight, it was natural, I am that used to meditate. 

In meditation we usually don’t contemplate, as we did it we just meditated, the attention on the mantra. But the next insight was on Sunday morning and that was in the dream, there just that insight of being the same 'I am that'.

Aspirants are engaged in contemplation of the Lord (Sarveswara-chinthana) as ceaselessly as the waves of the sea; they accumulate the wealth of equality and equal love to all, and are content in the thought that all is the Lord’s and nothing is theirs.

What are the waves of the sea is our limited life and the sea is unlimited, the infinite wisdom of the divine.
What aspirants do is being engaged in contemplation.
The meditation experience was there, the being ready was there and it engaged us as spiritual aspirants in contemplation about the same ‘I am that’, that is he, that is the Lord.

What we accumulate in thinking over Baba’s words is the wealth of equality and equal love to all and we are content in the thought that all is the Lords and nothing is ours.

The work is on the concentration level, the worship is on the contemplation and the wisdom is the thought that all is the Lord’s and nothing is ours.

Unlike the regular person, the spiritual seeker won’t easily bend before grief or loss, anger or hatred or selfishness, hunger, thirst or fickleness. One should master all the above good things as much as possible and journey through life in fortitude, courage, joy, peace, charity, and humility. Realising that tending the body is not all-important, one has to bear even hunger and thirst patiently and be engaged uninterruptedly in contemplation of the Lord. Quarreling at every tiny little thing, losing one’s temper, becoming sad at the slightest provocation, getting angry at the smallest insult, worried at thirst, hunger, and loss of sleep — these can never be the characteristics of an aspirant.

We journey through life, it is not just a thought today and now, it is a journey engaged in contemplation in the ‘I am that’ what is the same and we know if two or three are in his name together, he is in the midst of us. As in the Bible is said and as John Bradshaw translated it, ‘I am the – I am that’.

It means we are uninterruptedly contemplating the Lord. The Lord is in his name, he is the mantra Soham and Soham is the ‘I am that’ and as he said to us in the interview room, ‘I am God’, I am Shiva’.

In that thought for the day he is telling us what we are doing in the uninterrupted contemplation of the Lord, in our case the same ‘I am that’, that is the Lord, because we are two.

‘You and I are we’ first and ‘we and he is I’ second. On the body level the I is identified with the body, ‘you and I are we’ is the transcendental state of consciousness, we and he and our uninterrupted contemplation of the Lord keeps us patiently engaged and we realize that the body is not all-important and we have to bear even hunger and thirst and keep going on patiently uninterrupted in contemplation of the Lord.

That are his words and that is our contemplation.

Quarreling at every tiny little thing, losing one’s temper, becoming sad at the slightest provocation, getting angry at the smallest insult, worried at thirst, hunger, and loss of sleep — these can never be the characteristics of an aspirant.

If we are quarreling at every tiny little thing and losing our temper, if we get sad at the slightest provocation and we are getting angry at the smallest insult and if we worry about thirst, hunger and loss of sleep, we can never be an aspirant.

Spiritual aspirants are engaged in contemplation of the Lord and not quarreling and losing their temper.
That is how we get the right answer. If we listen to him we get the right answer and we need to listen to him in contemplation.

When I met my sister last time I was surprised how much she was like my mother. 

I guess I have changed, because we didn’t talk about spiritual stuff, but we talked about the parents, gardening and bonsais. 

The feeling that I had that something was wrong was based on the unpredictable family pattern and it didn’t make sense, the question was always, what doesn’t make sense and the insight said that the father should have had another wife, so it had to do a lot with her and not only with him.

I ways went to Spain with the idea that maybe something will get better.

John Bradshaw talks about incest on a soul level, what makes sense. 

It has not to be on a body level, but it has to do with family roles and not enough distance. 

It made come up family shame I guess and it was not that easy to face it.

But it seems somehow forgotten now. 

In fact I tried to never be impulsive again, as I had difficulties to take it, whatever that was; I tried to keep control and wrote letters to the master if there was tension in the air and most of time it didn’t make sense.

My sister can be as she is. As I don’t want to get into troubles and the solution was control and trying to find the wrong. 

But it looks now like it is ended actually. 

Aspirants are engaged in contemplation of the Lord (Sarveswara-chinthana) as ceaselessly as the waves of the sea; they accumulate the wealth of equality and equal love to all, and are content in the thought that all is the Lord’s and nothing is theirs. Unlike the regular person, the spiritual seeker won’t easily bend before grief or loss, anger or hatred or selfishness, hunger, thirst or fickleness. One should master all the above good things as much as possible and journey through life in fortitude, courage, joy, peace, charity, and humility.

We watch the waves of the sea. We contemplate and by that get aware of it and there are the insights and they help to see it in the right light.

Realising that tending the body is not all-important, one has to bear even hunger and thirst patiently and be engaged uninterruptedly in contemplation of the Lord. Quarreling at every tiny little thing, losing one’s temper, becoming sad at the slightest provocation, getting angry at the smallest insult, worried at thirst, hunger, and loss of sleep — these can never be the characteristics of an aspirant.

We are in contemplation of the Lord, he is everything and he is everywhere, but he is not manifested the same way with different people. ‘Love my uncertainty’ (Baba), but we also knew when we went there that we would get Darshan and that he would be present.

I went on with meditation and I had to take care of the child and I tried to keep the spiritual focus, I was following the inner master.

In this thought for the day he tells us that he ‘engaged’ us in constant and uninterrupted contemplation of the Lord. 

The waves of the sea is seeing it in our own life and remembering it makes me tired, now I am just tired.
That was present after I got aware of the black hole in meditation with TM, to see a black hole instead of the light we are looking for, it felt that difficult, the black hole was on the relationship level, also the fear was there to lose the mind or to die of tiredness. Atma level was the 'black hole', relationship, the mind was the fear to lose the mind and on the body level was the fear to die of tiredness. 

Yogis are our friends and it is all based on trust in such a relationship and when trust gets lost, what was lost with the 'black hole', there is no more trust.

And all that was related to the black hole and it is Osho who explained in one of his books, that TM-people get lost, they find a black hole, because the master is not at his place.
It is kind of difficult to know what began with TM and the black hole and trust lost and what is in the parents and he family back ground, that are different levels.

The relationship I had with the sister and the younger brother on a spiritual issue level was due to TM and that we were all into TM. It had also to do with the relationship with my ex, we all have been with TM and when Swami asked, 'what is your relationship?' 

That was on the Atma level, but to get a feeling for it is seeing it and when he asked, 'to whom does she belong?' it was on the mind level and when he asked three times, 'who is that girl?' it was on the body level.

My ex answered it and said, 'you belong to me' and it had nothing to do with him, but with TM I guess. The question, what is your relationship has to do with 'yogis being our friends' and 'to whom does she belong' had to do with the Maharishi or the national leader and there was instead a black hole, what means trust lost, the relationship was actually with the yogi but it was with the others and the yogi was not present, that was the black hole and I wasted my time because I couldn't check, what exposed me to the leader, I had to wait until it was done and as he was not present in Seelisberg anymore as he had been before, it was all different, but I guess the problem was when the other came back. I couldn't do it for him, it was part of the leader role. And when the other came back and said, 'it is already checked again'. What happened was awful, even if I went on course and i tried to do everything right, it was not okay and that was mostly present in the insights. 

I had no influence on it, but she said, 'it is already checked again', probably just her ego and as it had been done before, it was done again, what felt totally senseless, if it was once no it would not be different now and it didn't make sense.

The leader was not aware of it. 

It resulted in a black hole and all turned into enemies and that was a shock, no trust anymore, but first it was only present as insight and on the outside it went on as it had before. I had spent too much time for such a result getting aware of a black hole and that checking didn't make sense. It had lost value, it didn't work anymore. 

Before we went in direction of the inner trust which is build up by the yogi as yogis are our friends and that was gone.

There was no more path going into direction of the inner trust if we could check and recheck and all that happened in the presence of the national office and all others and the national leader and nobody noticed that something was wrong. 

It was scary to be in that situation and with meditation being exposed to the leader, it felt not only awkward it was the end of the relationship, it was no go on the relationship level, trust lost, there was no way that trust could be regained. And it was not exactly what I had in mind with meditation and where it should lead if we go for the higher self and the light.I guess Swami said that it was very difficult to understand because it was that scary and it felt awful, it was a terrible hell and I didn't know what to do with it. 

We met people who died of cancer afterwards searching inside for what got lost with TM and what gets lost is trust, because the master is not present and when the path gets lost because the inner motivation is lost, we realize there is nowhere to go, people seem caught up in the mind thinking that it has to work anyhow, convinced that it is right and it doesn't work, the motivation is not there anymore, so they are looking for what had motivated them before going in that direction.

It is not a great state of mind waking up like Suzan Segal did in her bestseller, 'Collision with the Infinite', seeing how her I got lost. I am sure there was someone writing it with her, because she didn't understand her insights and why her 'I got lost', it means she realized that she was lost and she had no idea why she got lost. If Swami is the an who is in our dream to awake us as insight and he is the following step, she should have gone to another master to get the following step realizing that he made her aware in the insight that she got lost.

She went into psychology and studies and she never read Osho and that he said, TM people get lost, and they will experience a black hole, because the master is not present.
And that was the misleading with TM, it was on the level of science and scientific research and that didn't work, because the inner motivation is 'yogis are our friends' and that is why we went for it and not because of science and with science we can never replace a yogi. 

The yogi is the friend because he is a realized being and that means no change, he will always be a friend, if he is present, but if he is not preset, on a certain point it is not true anymore and truth has to be there always.
The TM-teachers were all imitations of the Maharishi, he said he multiplied himself in the TM-teachers and that is why we had to learn everything by heart.

He asked those questions because of the confusion with TM as it seems now and as he said, it was very difficult to understand. He asked, 'who is that girl, to whom does she belong and what is your relationship?' 

And I wondered how to answer those questions and we get the answer in being engaged in the contemplation of the Lord. I wanted to know if anybody had already experienced that he asked such questions in the interview room as it was all seen as his Lila and there was no answer, nobody said yes, I know that and that person and he said this and that. Instead I met my ex and he said, 'you belong to me' and he began to develop the imaginative faculty of the mind telling me that he had asked Swami for it and that he knew that I was the right wife or the wife he sent to him etc.

I thought that it felt like the leader who had to check with the master and as that was not clear at all and it felt like it would never get clear, I went ahead hoping to get like that an answer, but the man in the dream who is there to wake us said already in his first dream after we met, 'I warn you in that room you will not get the right answer', I just didn't know how to handle that dream as it was his and not my dream. 

I thought he also had to get a right answer and that made him feel even closer when in reality he never cared about any answer at all and he ignored it when he said that we had to get a divorce and it was only done years later. 

With TM there was that feeling that it was not possible to think it to the end. That was the problem. It felt like trauma, every time when the memory was there again of the 'criminal' in the air, it felt like a shock and that enforced the pain, but it was not possible to think. And I guess something similar was in the book 'Collision with the Infinite'. Whenever she remembered that the 'I got lost' in the insight she got into shock and that is like a trauma, we cannot go over that shock and it enforces the negative level not the positive level of joy, but the negative level of shame and when we feel that shame and the shame is growing instead of the joy, the inner child avoids the pain and we begin to live in denial.

There are different ways of avoiding it. Denial is the thought, that it cannot be real. Repression means that never happened. Dissociation means I cannot remember that this happened. Projection is like that happens to you and not to me. Conversion means when I have the feeling that something like that is happening, I eat or have sex. Minimizing it means it happened, but it is nothing.

These are ways our I uses to avoid the pain described in the book 'Homecoming' of John Bradshaw.
And the pain to have lost the 'I' and not knowing what to do with the insight looking for it on the wrong level in science, not in the dream stage, but in the waking stage, that pain was constantly getting bigger and as it seems she couldn't live with it anymore finally and the pain turned into cancer and the same with the other I had met who died in a very short time on cancer, all together three people.
What is the rule? When there are two it is still a hazard, but when there are three it is a pattern?
The sutras were also projected into science and the modern religion in quantum physics and the insights as Swami is telling us is him and the following step is also him and we cannot get an answer on the wrong level, it has to be on the level where waking stage and dream stage meet, as he said, where world and heaven merge, we find omniscience and there we have to look for the answer if in the insight the I gets lost, it means the I is lost and it is lost because she didn't know where to look for the answer. If an insight is in the dream stage we also have to look for the answer with someone who is reflecting the dream stage and who has merged both levels and that is a spiritual master and not science.

That is how it ended the search and the answer is in the fact that we are engaged in the contemplation of the Lord.