How my Divine Life began ...

It is the Divine that inspires, activates, leads and fulfils the life of every being, however simple or complex it may be! From the atom to the Universe, every single being is flowing fast to merge in the sea of bliss.

Never forget that every one of you is Sath-Chith-Ananda Swarupa (Embodiments of Existence-Consciousness-Bliss) – only you are unaware of it and imagine yourself to be bound to this form and its limitations!

This is the myth that should be exploded, so that your Divine Life may begin. Leading a Divine Life consists of practising Truth, Love and Non-injury (Sathya, Prema and Ahimsa).

Since all are parts of the same Divine Self, all should be loved as oneself, without fear and falsehood. When all are one, why should we injure another one, who is part of the same Divine Being?

Baba (thought for the day)

 

I had been with TM. I came back from Paris and our national leader who was in the same age had lost his lady on a mother divine course. He was not really the type of man I liked, but after the teacher's training he was on the phone and said that the Maharishi asked me to look for a hotel for him.

I thought he wanted to keep me occupied, as I didn't know the background of his private life. I thought it was a good way to learn more about TM, to deepen the experience. As it seems that guy noticed I came from Paris, didn't know the movement. He was one of those rare persons who had a direct relationship with the Maharishi. In that sense it was attractive and interesting.
After a while he showed his real intentions, I felt even flattered by it, because behind I always saw the Maharishi.

What he didn't tell first is, that he told that TM-lady who went on course that he would not wait. But it still didn't come to my mind, we lived in a kind of TM-dream and perfect world of all problems solved in just meditating. 
That I could just serve to challenge her and make her come back, I didn't think of it, the hidden motivation was lost in my experience and therefore also not present in the others.  

I had no notion of the background of the TM-movement and I was a new TM-teacher, it needed some time to know the movement and in the beginning everything seemed only beautiful.

I didn't know the people, I was a new TM-teacher and wanted to work for the Maharishi, what was easier but to get in contact with me under the pretext that it was the Maharishi in person who wanted me to look for a hotel and he was the only one in touch with the Maharishi that made him important.
Thinking that it was a kind of seva I went ahead unaware of the real intentions of the national leader, as the motivation was not seen, the source was not there, we had no idea what was in his mind, it was not about enlightenment that is sure.

The relationship began after some months. I had no idea how the news spread that fast, but she came back soon afterwards and I was surprised, it was not finished and a big issue.

Like out of nothing they offered me a course, I could assist the teacher training course, it was the national office. On that course it got clear, it was all set up and not as I had thought it was, all was wrong, but all under the pretext that it was Maharishi.

The whole TM-thing broke in pieces, the air broke in pieces, and as I believed in it, it felt terrible. As I felt already before exposed to that NL leader and didn't know why, the source how it all had happened was lost, I hoped it would get clear later on.
I got in touch with him under the pretext of looking for a hotel for M. and it was forgotten, because M. was not present. He could tell anything, we didn't know if it was okay or not.

I did it for Maharishi and something else resulted from it. It came only up with Baba telling in the dream, 'I wanted a big house'.

During that time only the reflections was not okay.
People appeared as enemies, the negative reflection of being friends, yogis are our friends. Once they were present as puppets on a string, but the hand was not there, which should hold them, the master was not present.

After that course I went back to the center and thought it was all finished, but it was not.

There was a big black hole in meditation, kind of alarming, because there was that fatigue, the hole seemed that big, it felt like I was about to lose my mind or to die of tiredness. Now I know why, I had not idea what was ahead of me, but after 30 years I know why it felt like that.

I got a Baba book and in it was some Baba vibuthi and that was healing, taking that vibuthi there was a flow of love in direction of the heart and there was a small, dark blue divinity, that was great and it opened a new door, afterwards I went to Baba.

The nl was after course again in front of the door and I couldn't just leave because I was working for TM.

I waited for the right moment to go and we went for a visit with him to the Maharishi who was in Noida and hoped it would get better, but in his presence one day was criminal above in the air.

I left and went to Baba, coming back they said I could remain a TM-teacher and I should keep it for myself and to not mix it.
It became very complex.

It finally ended with me leaving. He wanted me to leave, because it put the mistake on me if I left and not him. He was that troublesome that I left finally.
In Baba's presence all that seemed far away and first I thought it was all clear, until I noticed nothing was understood. I hoped it was finished, but that was a dream, nothing was finished.  

My mind began to turn around trying to find the reason and it was not able to find it, but there was the inside information, 'cut off'. Looking back was only the feeling of 'friendship' and it didn't make sense. It was not possible to integrate the experiences. It felt like a bottomless pit.

They claim to be invincible and that was the other side of it. Inside it said, if we don't know the source, we cannot understand it.

After Baba left the body, the day after he was in my dream and asked, how that TM story looked now.

It was kind of amazing, because it was after he left the body and he was still present. (It had to do with the presence of the master, I guess.) That TM story seemed a long time ago and therefore, I was surprised that it came up again.

And later in the dream he said that he wanted to fly and that he wanted a big house. It didn't make sense until about a month ago.

First it had to do with the Siddhi prep teacher, with him I decided to go for the siddhis and TM-flying program and afterwards, he felt like soulmate and now I noticed inside that it had to do with the spiritual role of husband. I got that upset, I couldn't take it and it came up as 'divorce', by the negative reflection I got aware of the value 'husband' and marriage.

I guess I divorced myself of that unknown, hidden, relationship, not even aware of it, that was the lost source and if we don't know it, we cannot understand it. It was only present after the teacher training as 'marriage', but the husband lost.

 

And there was that 'he wanted a big house' and that was the role of the Maharishi, he wanted a big house, also that got lost.

That means behind the feeling of 'friendship' in the TM-movement it was not visible that the NL used the Maharishi and the big house to get into a relationship. I felt afterwards exposed to him. We were really pushed around like puppets and we didn't notice it. He always talked about checking with the M. to make me feel safe, but he didn't, for whatever reason, until I went with him to Noida and in the M. presence it felt like Darshan, but it said 'criminal'.

I went to Baba, came back and was challenged by the NL until I left, he got engaged in only two months time to make sure I would not come back.
That means he had made sure I couldn't go back.

After coming back from Baba it was that upside down, I vomited once, I just had to run to the bathroom and throw up when remembering the TM story.

It seemed impossible to find out what really had happened, but with those dreams Baba brought it up. And now no more getting sick from it. Now I can face it without emotions coming up.

That means the lost source came up and by that the truth and the possibility to see it in the right light and to understand it.

I got upset realizing that with TM not only was the master not present, but also the source got lost and it was therefore, not possible to understand it and that it was the reason why I had felt exposed.

I didn't know where to look for the fault and finally I tried to make the Maharishi responsible, because as yogi he should know better, but maybe not.

He adapted TM to the West and it could very well be that it didn't work and it was not as good as he hoped it would be, because he adapted it too much to the Western way of thinking.

But the thing is, however complex it might have been, we have to be able to see positivity in it to be able to go ahead on the path of yoga and spirituality.

That is also what Baba said about mantras, because it is a relationship to our own self and even if the master is not okay, how ever complicated it may get, we have to hold on to the mantra.

Now in the mean time I have more mantras, not only the TM mantra and I take whatever comes, but I never tried to ignore the TM-mantra. After a meditation we had a Baba interview and in that meditation we meditated with Soham and he said in the interview that all mantras are okay, it meant for me also the TM-mantra was okay.

I didn't know why I felt exposed and it seems it had to do with him telling me the the M. wanted me to look for a hotel. He used the M. to get in a relationship. We were pushed around and in the end he wanted me to go, because it arranged him.
I had nothing to do with yoga anymore, not with Sathva, not with truth, it was that ugly that it made me throw up just thinking about it. It was all about his role and keeping the appearance that the others were thinking that I had left and he was innocent. It was only about him and the role of the NL.

He had pushed it that far that it felt like a joke that it was about enlightenment or truth or whatever, it was that ugly, upside down and crooked, it was not possible to go back afterwards, that was a fact, but I didn't realize why and therefore, I got sick to just think of it. Now it is okay, because now we see it as it really was. 

 

As I was with Baba I didn't want to go back, but it was kind of strange, that I got sick just thinking of it. I had dreams of the devil and such stuff, it got absurd and complex beyond measures and there seemed to be no hint why we couldn't get aware of it.

And in the first Baba interview, when he asked me what I wanted, I told him that I was with him and my 'friend' was with Maharishi in Noida. I just tried to do my best. I was able and called that guy my friend at that time still.

That is when Baba asked, who is your friend, is the Maharishi your friend or is your friend with the Maharishi and I didn't know the answer. And Baba said, that is very difficult to understand, just think about God. TM is not the right path.
Now I know the right answer. It is the feeling of friendship behind because the Maharishi is a yogi, what makes them appear as friends, even if they are not. 
That is how my divine life began.

 

Since all are parts of the same Divine Self, all should be loved as oneself, without fear and falsehood. When all are one, why should we injure another one, who is part of the same Divine Being?