This opportunity should not be missed, for that is the wisdom which will save you. For without Peace, life is a nightmare.
The present system of education aims at making you breadwinners and citizens, but it does not give you the secret of a happy life; namely discrimination between the unreal and the real, which is the genuine training you need.
The cultivation of viveka (discrimination) is the chief aim of education; the promotion of virtuous habits and the strengthening of Dharma (righteousness) - these are to be attended to; not the acquisition of polish or gentlemanliness, or collection of general information and the practice of common skills.
Baba (thought for the day)
Shanti (peace) in every day life seems to me like a dream. I tried to realize that dream when I met someone in the ashram and I thought he would have the same ideal. That seemed the opportunity we should not miss in being devotees, I thought, but I guess, it was wrong. It was not only not right, he took advantage of it.
He lived on a different level and that much different, I got aware of it only with Baba. The question is always again, why was it possible that it happened in Baba's presence that he took advantage of it, to show the negative influence of a not right path, when it is taking our power away or when we were exposed by it?
What is mirrored is the catastrophic reality of a not right path.
I couldn't get aware of it, only after Baba said inside that he just took advantage of it.
And when did that begin? The Story goes back to TM.
But it was not in my mind like that, I had lived in the ashram for months, it was all about ideals.
Finally I was in that strange situation and I said to myself that there must be a reason for it and tried to get that reason or hidden background that it happened like that, anyhow I had to wait that it changed.
It was after a Baba interview. Before I went to Singapore to get a new visa to be able again to stay six months in the ashram. I wanted to avoid my country, because it didn't feel good. Only the reason was not clear. During the time I went to Singapore some things came up which had to do with that reason.
As Baba said, life is the best teacher, and we went ahead thinking it will be fine.
I was a TM-teacher.
The experiences were not okay and there was no explanation for it. It took I don't know how many years. They were standing there like balloons in the air and no answers.
There seemed to be no way it could be understood. It was an awful situation, nobody knew. Or it was there as cut off, the bad result of technique, no divinity and no present master, we didn't know.
All meditation didn't help to make it clear, only following the inner master as it seemed.
There was a devotee and she lived more or less in the ashram. She had her own room and I spoke to her about yoga and meditation and, because I had been a TM-teacher, I mentioned as usual how important meditation was not being aware of the differences between TM-technique and usual meditation, not practiced as technique but as offering to divinity.
We were together in that interview and Baba asked me to translate for her and he asked her who I was. It was kind of strange to talk of myself. I thought that it could have to do with TM, as I had talked with her about meditation, but I was not sure, because I didn't see myself as TM-teacher anymore.
He asked three times who I was and she said my name, but it was not about that, but I also didn't know what it really was.
He asked to whom I belonged (probably TM at that level, because I talked with her about meditation), but I didn't know. I didn't think that I belonged to them, Baba was in the heart, there was no reason out of my sight why I should be still part of TM and I had not idea about being brainwashed.
I was with Baba and not with TM, therefore, why should I belong to TM? The last question he asked was, what is your relationship?
Afterwards we drove with Baba to the mountains, lived together in a house on the lake on the way he stopped the car and in getting out I saw that he had an uprooted tree in his hand. I guess that was me. I didn't like it or even less I understood it.
I spoke with others about that interview and it seemed that strange and only guy said, I belonged to him. He knew, he was sure about it, because he asked for a wife.
And I went into it thinking that he must know something. I went on meditating and one day we had a group meditation and we meditated with Soham, listened to the breath which became finer and afterwards we took the mantra, as we told people to think the mantra, easy and effortlessly.
Baba took the group in the interview room and said that all mantras are okay. But that was in such big laps of time in between, I can see only now a connection. The problem with TM was not the mantras, not the meditation, it was about technique, mechanical repetition and the absence of the master, that is how the relationship got lost.
The yogi said when one wanted to get married, that it didn't matter all the same. That was indication in that direction. It was on feeling and identification level and nobody was aware of it.
I had lived in Paris and began with TM, because I had to pass a difficult exam and therefore, I went to a TM siddhi prep course to get more energy.
That is when it happened. There was a beautiful melody coming out of the heart of all hearts. It was not seen as self-experience, it was projected into TM.
The brother had problems and with him I drove to the south of France to see that TM-teacher, hoping he would be able to help him. I had no notion of the hierarchical structure of TM and that it was all the same. All learnt by heart, no need to drive that far, even though it felt good to get the brother out of the parent's house for a while.
The TM-teacher felt like a soulmate afterwards, it was special. I went for the advanced program, the TM Siddhis and the TM-teacher training and it was a positive time, but I lost touch with that soulmate.
After the teacher's training, it was during nine months, it felt like 'marriage' (no husband) what somehow felt strange, but I didn't think there was something wrong.
There was no relationship between that soulmate who had inspired me to go for it and the result of the spiritual marriage.
That is how it got lost and the experiences afterwards didn't make sense anymore. It is in the light of the husband that we recognize our own self. It was about soulmate, not husband and that is how it got lost, because afterwards it was anyhow about a spiritual marriage and not with the soulmate, but the TM movement. That problem was not the mantra, but the lost relationship level and that was the reason Baba asked to whom I belonged.
I met my ex who said that I belonged to him, I hoped it was true and that he would help me to get there.
Baba warned him in the dream, that he would not get the right answer on that level and even if I questioned it, it was in vain, it just didn't feel right.
That is how that Lila began and I still don't understand it. Baba took his letter and I thought it was okay to go on even if I couldn't say 'yes', I hoped that would come later on.
After a while, it didn't take long, he had given me the blame and responsibility for his whole life and I still wondered how that happened. What was going on in that head?
But soon I got more and more tired, my energy left.
It went on until Sai Baba was in my dream as vampire and he had a very long nose (felt like being fooled).
Afterwards Baba was in his dream and said that I had to go to him and make peace with him.
When Baba left the body he said that he took only advantage of it.
TM had exposed me to that guy, first to TM and afterwards to that, he took only advantage of it, it means he blamed me for everything, because it made him feel better.
Baba had asked that question in the interview room. He didn't know what he was doing, because it was Baba's question, but he saw only the conditioning not the question. In that situation we are an easy target as it seems.
It arranged him somehow. He always put it in question, in his mind with TM was everything fine, because it meant I was wrong. That never made sense to me, he wanted me to be wrong, because Sai Baba had asked the question. It was TM which was wrong and it was not my doing. It was the cut off relationship level that exposed us to such situations, it is more than awful, it is a catastrophe.
The answer I had for everything was, Baba did it, he will find a way.
It was the reason we were together, without Baba asking that question, he would not have had the opportunity to answer it and there would not have been a relationship.
When Baba left the body, he asked how it looked hat TM-story and I began to think it over again.
And by that it came up that it was not soulmate, but husband. Baba is husband and the hidden relationship came up, but it felt like a TM-divorce, getting rid of something I had no idea that it existed before.
It was kind of a shock and joyful as well.
And now the experiences which had been not clear for about thirty years began to make sense and it feels like a mental blackout, because only now the time before is present again, Paris and the parent's house.
The result of technique and the master not being there, the cut off relationship is seen again, we are conscious aware of it and that is how it makes sense again.
That relationship went on until Baba appeared as a vampire (taking energy, cold person) and with a long nose (fooling us) and he had a Baba dream and he said to him that I had to go to him and make peace with him. It was the result of the relationship with him that Baba appeared as vampire.
After he had one more dream and he said to me in that dream that he sent me back to my 'lovely husband'. It felt like a shock that he thought he was 'that' - 'lovely' or loving husband.
He was for sure not lovely if Baba appeared as a vampire. Before we left I also had a dream and there was only ice, nothing esle, that was the relationship level with that guy and he saw himself like a great and lovely husband ...
After all being alone felt like a paradise, I enjoyed every minute of it.
But Baba sent me back, but not to him, but to someone else.
He saw a fault in Baba's words and used that in a kind of strange and perverted manner taking advantage of it. For me it was kind of a shock that Baba didn't protect me, it didn't feel safe.
But what is really responsible behind?
It was done by TM, but he didn't want to see that. He even said that there was nothing wrong with TM, because otherwise he had to face that he took advantage of something, which was not as he thought it was.
There is a way to look at it. Sometimes I feel okay, but sometimes not.
Actually, the people who are with TM and don't get out of it, they are not aware of it.
It was not only my family and Karma, but also the lost relationship level with TM, taking power away, what exposed us to that.
Instead of trying to get the answer to the question Baba had asked, he took advantage of it.
In his mind it was a fault and it was the opposite, I am one of those who get out of TM and hardly anybody is able to do that. I am actually the opposite of what he thought it was.
And that was the last dream he had before we left.
He saw a light blue person and he said in that moment he knew it was I who had to go and see Baba and not the child, for me that felt like a compliment, only not out of his mouth, even that felt like blame.
It was anyhow never the child, maybe because I said that we should go before school begins. He knew from his dream that I had to go to Baba to make peace with him.
He said always with TM was nothing wrong to be able to blame and to abuse, it arranged him and he could argue and fight about it. It is nearly impossible to understand what happens in such a sick mind.
I thought that there must be a reason for it.
My father was no angel, but not like that. The real reason behind seems to be TM, it took power away and exposed us to that. It was a nightmare to be in such a relationship.
He went to the ashram and just before I told him that finally the relationship level which was lost with TM had come up and that it felt like a TM-divorce. Follow the master, face the devil, fight to the end and finish the game.
He left, no stupid comment, and we didn't hear anything anymore, not even his daughter got a postcard.
For without Peace, life is a nightmare. The present system of education aims at making you breadwinners and citizens, but it does not give you the secret of a happy life; namely discrimination between the unreal and the real, which is the genuine training you need.
Baba was in his dream after he appeared as vampire and with a long nose in my dream. That was the farest possible end and a nervous breakdown. It reflected the level of the relationship.
When Baba told me in his dream that I should go back to my loving husband, he thought it was him, but it was not him, he send me back to someone else.
It was also about peace, and discrimination is the main thing to find the secret of peace.
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