Desire for the Self is Freedom of Desires

The Upaniṣhad wants also to tell us what happens in the state of liberation, together with its explanation of the state of deep sleep, so that we are given two informations at the same time. In the state of liberation, all desires are fulfilled. You have no desires left afterwards because of the fact that there is only one desire there — the desire for the Self. It is actually not desire for the Self even, because there is no such thing as 'for' or 'of' there in the state of liberation, due to the universality of that experience.

It is A-kāmaṁ. It is not merely Ātmā-kāmaṁ, but actually Akāmaṁ. The desire for the Self is identical with absence of all desires. That Self which we are speaking of in the state of liberation is not an individual self, and so the desire we speak of is not desire of an individual self, but desire of the Universal Self. 'Desire' of the Universal Self is a selfcontradictory term. It cannot be there; therefore it is Akāmaṁ. It is freedom from all desires, and Śokāntaram — freedom from all sorrow.

 

: Upanishad - Swami Krishnananda

 

The higher self when reflected in the dream is very special. It feels like all we want, we ever could be able to want, therefore, it includes everything, but at that same time excluds everything.

 

The desire for the Self is identical with absence of all desires.

 

And why if there are no desires we get that troubled by other minds? Because it is part of our mind. Maybe it is because we have to work out the Karma in the background.

The relationship with my ex had to do with my father, probably he would have been like that if my mother would have left and it was also a reason why she didn't do it. 

There was a reason, why my mother wanted to save him, but she was attached also. 

When we didn't go back and went to Spain first and afterwards I got a job and began to work, the feeling of my mother in the air was dependence, she had difficulies to imagine that we could do that, just go away and leave. But I never had that type of feeling, I just followed Baba's direction and anyhow, I was not attached. If I would have been attached it would have been Oregon, I liked the country side and I liked the USA. 

If I would have been attached, it would have been to the American way, I liked the country.

But with my ex it didn't feel like that anymore and in the end, we left because we had to, there was no doubt about it, Baba had taken every possible doubt away and we went by his Lila, if we liked it or not.

 

But I think my mother had the feeling that if she would have left he would never have cared about us anymore, my youngest brother confirmed it somehow. If she would have left, the business would have been sold.

She was devoted to it. If it was not to him, it was to her idea of saving him or the business. It was attachement, whatever attachment, if it was him or everything, I don't know if she would have known, probably not.

But afterwards it had turned into pride, as she was convinced she had done something very special, what never made sense to me.
I tried all my life to understand it, but it was impossible, it just didn't make sense, we cannot be proud of being attached ...

I went to spiritual masters to get more knowledge about the reflection of the higher self and I met new issues on that reflection level which didn't make sense. The reality always reflected inside and it was different and not the same as it was outside.

The thing is, the self-knowledge grows in itself. That is why he directed into writing, because I had to think it over and absorb. That is how self-knowledge grows and we go on. A certain moment it gets clear, and we never know when, it is there when it is there.
As Baba made clear in the interview room, not I know, he knows, therefore, we go for it and - he knows, that means it is there when it is there and we know when we know, we don't know when it will be..., sometimes, anytime, whenever, we will see ...

it is all open and that is great. And Baba said, 'love my uncertainty ...', I guess, I do love it.