The right Compass and the Track

The mariner uses his compass to guide him aright amidst the dark storm clouds and raging waves.

When a person is overwhelmed by the dark clouds of despair and the raging confusion of irrepressible desires, he too, has a compass which will point to him the direction he has to take.

That compass is a society that is dedicated to the propagation of spiritual discipline.

So long as man is attracted by outer nature, he cannot escape the blows of joy and grief, of profit and loss, of happiness and misery. But, if he is attracted by the Glory of God within him as well as within Nature, he can be above and beyond these dualities and in perfect peace.

Baba (thought for the day)
 

After an experience of self-realization during writing a diary it felt like it would be going always in that direction. That was the compass, but one day it was gone. No way it seemed to be possible to be recalled or remembered. 
It kind of resembled the dark clouds and raging waves, no answer and no indication where to go, just that compass, a feeling of self-realization, but the source of it unknown. When we began to look for it it felt like following a track. 

About everything we tried and with always the same response, 'not that'. It was kind of a selection, afterwards we knew, no use, it will not work. There was no use to search for it and I decided to wait and watch.

II would have liked to write, but was there to write about if we didn't know the source? 
I was looking for the source by reading and there was the Autobiography of a Yogi of Yogananda Paramahansa. 

Somehow it was clear that if we went on long enough without taking a decision, the higher self would be there to do it for me. No idea how long it would be to finally challenge the situation enough that it would be there? But it felt kind of logical. 

We watched, observed, whatever we can watch. It was uplifting, there was a goal, a purpose and that was the 'self'. By that alone it felt good and holy. It is the observer who observes. It felt beautiful and light and life felt better, there was more sense, without realizing why. That was the compass and it was like following a track. 
First it went uphill and on the top, there was love for a very special man, everything seemed to make sense and it had to go down again, and it went down by itself, but when I reached on the bottom I wondered how it happened. I like to compare it with the Zen ox, it is the ox which goes up the hill and down again. 
On the bottom was someone who committed suicide. No way it could go on like that, the compass went back and pointed again uphill, only it had been some time in between. It was real, he really went under the train and that was the moment I realized, it was not just a game or a dream, but it was a real that Lila. 
It was not just about an experience, it was about life.  

It had to change direction and pointed back to the beginning and the reason why I was where I was. There was a job opportunity in his field and that seemed to be the right direction and we waited again. It was the change of direction and not about job, only nobody knew that. 

Afterwards what I hoped for happened, the higher self reflected in the dream as white light, it was like remembering who I really was and that I should change direction. It was a very white, becautiful light and the body was dark and sleeping and the 'I' was in the body, it was also clear that it didn't belong there. The light came out if itself, what I didn't understand at all.  

Now there was a light and a compass. 

All began new, it was a new beginning and a new birth.
The work in the bank was boring. That light was beyond comprehension, it felt great. Seemed far away and near and we never heard of its existence. 

It didn't feel like the ealier experience of self-realization, the question was why? And it was again a track only it was about finding it again kind of like the zen ox. 

First the tail, it went uphill as far as it could and down again until it reached the far end and finally there it was, but it had to be tamed. It was seen a very short time passing by on the street in a couple that is where it was hiding. Afterwards the Hare Krishnas came and sold book and I bought the Bhagavad Gita and began to read it and more questions came up. There was a strong discipline, it felt somehow frustrating, because I couldn't find that light again and I hoped it would be there by going inside. 
To get inside I began with TM. There the self-reflecting experiences began. It seemed impossible to understand it. It went up and down again. I went up and down a few times. 
Baba said once up and down, up and down. But I didn't realize what he said. Up and down at work, after with the Hare Krishnas and after again with TM and finally with my ex. 

Baba was holding up a book inside and I began to write it and by that slowly it got into self-inquiry. 
It involves life and not just what we think is self. We have to see everything in the light of the self. 

I went on meditating, it calmed the mind down, but it was not the end of it and went on thinking 'not that and not that', that was also not the end of it.  

But with time it began to make sense, when Baba began to answer inside it began to make sense, when it turned into inner view it began to make sense. The thing about self-inquiry is, the answers are in the self.

My daughter was a challenge we had to do about everything to get along with it. She was born in Baba's presence and he was inside in the dream and said, the little Sai Baba and I knew that it was the right direction, even if I couldn't go and see him, the compass was set, I had to be daughter, probably because of the mother. I had problems with the mother.  

One day there was the insight related to the higher self. It was in an afternoon, a feeling I had with my mother remembering it.
We cannot separate it, it is ongoing, it came up just like that, the realization that it is the same. 
It was about the joy I felt when hearing the mother's voice during childhood, it changed later, got difficult and we couldn't find her anymore. There was a precipice in the air, an avalanche (attachment) and it covered everything.  

But it was still the same 'that', in our own self, the relationship daughter and the same self level. It is a principle.

It went beyond the body, reflected at night in the dream, it was just the higher self, the experience of it, the reality. 
It is light and transcendental and different from the body, not a level of understanding, but a level of experience and realization.

The 'same', and it was the level of no problems, because whatever had been there, it fell away. 

If is the same for all of us, we are not different from each other, there is no problem if we realize it. 

But it is realization, not just meditation or inquiry into 'neti, neti', not this and not that, it is no more up and down. 

Therefore, Baba is about self-realization. It is the same 'I am that' recognizing the same, no difference in that state. 

If it is in us, where was the mother? But it was only on that level, not on husband level.

It was a feeling that 'everything is okay', but in the background is the shadow and the mother's state of mind. It is the shadow.   

And the insight said, when a mother falls, the children fall with her. The self is that only existing reality.
It is about experience, it is essential.
It is not on the level of the intellect. We try to understand, but we have to realize that we are the same. That is Baba's presence, he is making aware of the omnipresence of the divine self.

It is our reality and the higher self and the experienced of 'I am that'.

When a person is overwhelmed by the dark clouds of despair and the raging confusion of irrepressible desires, he too, has a compass which will point to him the direction he has to take. That compass is a society that is dedicated to the propagation of spiritual discipline.

It is not about a believe system, it is about self-realization. It is not wish fulfilling thinking, it is about reality. 

We get the experience. It feels great because the higher self is beyond time and space. It cannot be burnt, it will never dissolve and it cannot be born and it will not die, it has no body, it is pure awareness. That is Baba's reality and the experience we realize with him, it is God realization.

As he often asked, where is your husband?

It was not on that husband level, it was mother level.  

Self-inquiry is not the practice of a mantra or 'neti, neti', it is everything, it is the compass and goes in direction of the higher self and observing and constant focus. If he tells us that he is the parents or the husband, in repetition of the mantra we for sure don't get to the insight that it is the same self and it doesn't mean it leads to self-realization, but on the level of life and relationships we can realize it.

Meditation might be relaxing for the mind and it helps to transcend and to sleep better, but to get to self-realization it that inner focus needed and an inner relationship. It is realization that we are the same 'I am that'.

It is realization of 'I am that' and by that insight we go beyond time and space, we transcend limitations and get into a realm of immortality and there is our real self at home.