More than twenty years looking after his daughter, being deprived of the presence of Baba, I sit in front of the ashram, and Sai Baba, who has his whole life given darshan, is not here. I am exactly in the time here, it looks like I am going to just miss him.
Someone said that he is expected back in fourteen days, but that is when I have to fly back.
Being deprived of his presence, it hurts. And he makes me even aware that my family was not there too, either they were in Spain, and later we were even mobbed because we were different. So they also felt we didn't fit in.
But in summer we usually went to Spain to the grandparents, anyhow, as they were also alone.
And when she came back a few years ago, too old, it was not possible to go and see him again, only now as she is grown up, and now he is not there anymore. I don't want to believe it.
I am in front of the ashram, don’t get in, and Sai Baba who has always been giving darshan for so many years, is not here.
Future is unknown; who knows if I will see him again?
My daughter called tonight, I told her that Baba is exactly coming back, when I fly back, probably.
She also thought that was really awful. She was concerned about my feelings. Not too good. A kind of no-way-out turn, trying to make out of an impossible situation the best, thinking, it is what we need, what I have done for the last twenty years to make myself being able to wait. I have waited for the longest time ever, never will be able to see him again.
Another way looking at it is wondering why I had to go through those experiences?
I am in front of the ashram waiting and Baba is coming back just when I have to leave. It feels like screaming out loud.
So it came up at night, I have to present the bill, and that is what I did, to end it there. It is always presenting the bill when finishing the game.
I am in front of the ashram in a hotel, what I never did, when Baba is not here, haven’t seen him for how many years, but at least I am here.
I got here, eventhough, too late on the outside level, as it seems, but maybe not on the inside level.
Someone said that he is expected back in fourteen days, but that is when I have to fly back.
Being deprived of his presence, it hurts. And he makes me even aware that my family was not there too, either they were in Spain, and later we were even mobbed because we were different. So they also felt we didn't fit in.
But in summer we usually went to Spain to the grandparents, anyhow, as they were also alone.
And when she came back a few years ago, too old, it was not possible to go and see him again, only now as she is grown up, and now he is not there anymore. I don't want to believe it.
I am in front of the ashram, don’t get in, and Sai Baba who has always been giving darshan for so many years, is not here.
Future is unknown; who knows if I will see him again?
My daughter called tonight, I told her that Baba is exactly coming back, when I fly back, probably.
She also thought that was really awful. She was concerned about my feelings. Not too good. A kind of no-way-out turn, trying to make out of an impossible situation the best, thinking, it is what we need, what I have done for the last twenty years to make myself being able to wait. I have waited for the longest time ever, never will be able to see him again.
Another way looking at it is wondering why I had to go through those experiences?
I am in front of the ashram waiting and Baba is coming back just when I have to leave. It feels like screaming out loud.
So it came up at night, I have to present the bill, and that is what I did, to end it there. It is always presenting the bill when finishing the game.
I am in front of the ashram in a hotel, what I never did, when Baba is not here, haven’t seen him for how many years, but at least I am here.
I got here, eventhough, too late on the outside level, as it seems, but maybe not on the inside level.
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