We arrived in Prasanthi Nilayam

The flight was okay. I was surprised by Bangalore airport and the highway. I reached here  4 AM, we couldn't pass at the Sai hospital, out of saftey reasons, so we had to drive through the back country side.

All over police, felt like something must be wrong. The ashram gates closed, I checked into a hotel in front of the gate. I am glad because it has AC rooms, and yesterday, I finally was that tired, I slept more or less all day. Only in the evening I went in the ahsram, main door for gents only. Actually, from my room I have a nice view to the darshan place, can hear people singing.
But I feel anyhow more safe to be in AC room. 
I met a very old friend of mine, and that was really good because about everything else has changed and Baba not present, it felt like an unknown place to me. I went to check in and found out only few last years were in the computer, it means we don't exist. I got a room with eight ladies, a bed he said, I showed him that we were donors, his name, I changed my name.
I and my daughter have to prove our existance.
So I have to go and talk to another person about it, showing that we know Baba for many years.
I went back into my room, better than being in that heat with seven other women. And what I don't like is that it feels like beginning all over again, like we never would have existed, not the time of birth of the daugther, not the years being with him.
Less present outside, more he is there on the inside, I remember the beautiful darshans and that he asked me, who I was.
Who am I. To whom do I belong?
What is painful is the reality that this guy who didn't care about the daughter, who always could go every year to Baba, he is in the computer and we, who couldn't go and had to take care, we are not. We don't exist.
More over, it is painfull to know Baba is in the hospital. 
My long year old devotee friend, who is here since many years, told me that it is worse then they tell.
It seems they brought him back, and only now is any hope that he will get over it at all. 
The village people walk morning and evening through the streets with lighted candles, sining Kirtans and Bhajans. It is very touching and sad. 
It needs that much strenght to just face the situation, I don't think I am able to be with so many women in a room, and anyhow I think AC room is much better.