The inner unity is all there is

Today was again a very good experience during Bhajan singing. It doesn't really matter if I am in or out of the ashram, it is as it is.

I was focussed on the point I experienced the unity I was telling you it was there at your birthday. You are a mirror, with you I get aware of it. 
And I didn't realize what I went into, but for that it was much better to have my own room.
In 96 when we were here, the lady next door and my daughters best friend were always naked in their room, she was a Sannyasin. I wondered very much, Osho takes everything of to get free from all conditioning.
But as Baba told me that freedom is only possible in a certain age, when older people need more safty. That is what I experienced in dancing, the couples were the problem, not the other. They were in a relationship and loved that freedom, as I was in that freedom there was a guy who I dreamt it was love at first sight, but he never even was free enough to talk to get aware off or make the experience, it was just an experience of pink and grey colour alternating, one week it was pink, love, next it was bordom, next pink again and it went on like that, never he got on another level, as he wanted to stay in a safe relationship.
With the guy who did inner child work it was the same. I was much closer to his age, about seven to nine years younger and his wife seemed like a child. He also was in love with freedom, but couldn't live it. He was teaching therapy work, not even open for new experiences and talk to him costed CHF 150 the hour.
After that, as it was the second experience, I began to dream that I missed the train, something was wrong, Osho's freedom was not there.
I was that frustrated I couldn't wake up anymore and I had to stop to dance.
It was not corresponding to Oshos teaching.  
What was for me awake, was for him dream, what was for him dream was for me awake.
Never I would do such an experience again.
Courses, I am so tired of people thinking they know and in reality living for wrong values. Those courses at work, it is a constant getting aware I don't fit in it, that is why I should not do courses anymore, but I had been forced to do it.
I dreamt I will lose the job, we will see, there is always a good side to it.
This afternoon I was listning to Bhajans, seeing Baba walking around and giving darshan in the inner view, he has no age inside, he is always young and so close, it makes feel free in the inner oneness, it is  amazing beautiful, and it feels like he is sharing his thoughts.
I don't think the darshans at the outer level could ever be like that. 
There is such a beauty in the air, that much love, fulfillment and inner freedom. It is like recognizing for the first time, who I am. I felt it, but getting conscious aware is another matter.