Nightmare

When calamity approaches, discrimination departs.

Baba

Yesterday was Akanda Bhajan, singing all day. There was a lady I know long time ago, unity was in the air. On the spot I felt totally home. 'I am that' was in the air above her and then it extended to all the singers in the hall. It felt like home and one on that 'I am that'- self level and he is that, he is the one who gives the knowledge and he is the one who takes the step afterwards, the step needed.

I had a terrifying dream, got scared to death yesterday.

We lived in an earth hole, thought it was safe and the rain came, the mud came in. The earth got heavy and liquide.
Let's get out, I screamed. But my child daughter was at the wall in the back and the mud was fast, build a wall of mud between her and me, could only see her strech her small hand out, couldn't reach her, and then Swami said. And what now?
I got that scared, it felt that awful, it was a Baba dream. It felt my life became meaningless, thoughts of suicide came up. 
I wrote her father a note that he runied our lives.
Last time she dreamt he would destroy her, if she would go back to him. No need to tell me the same, my life was anyhow destroyed if hers was. That felt like horror and as a Baba dream that real, I got very scared.
There are not words to describe how I feel about that guy, who got us into that situation.
The earth hole, dirt, mud, no peace, an attitude against everything Baba is for, just the opposite.
He made me aware of it, he gives the knowledge and he is the one who takes the step afterwards, he is the doer.
He had made my small daughter aware in her dream, that her father was stupid, not knowing what he was doing, destroying himself, and if she would go back to him, he would destroy her too. No mention we could have gone back afterwards. But in that dream he has destroyed her, and by it that showed that it destroyed me too, no mention about me, it was there anyhow and Baba saved us from that calamity. 
Even if I know it is him, it was that bad I called her up to know she was fine. I felt that bad, there are no words for it, because when he is in it that is real.  
The nightmare makes aware in what calamity we had been and it would always have been possible to go back, maybe even easier than to start new again in my country, the parents not there, the family let me down anyhow always. It shows calamity, the danger and and terrible situation.
Now she is grown up and she can take care of herself, she is not the small child anymore, she had been in the dream and I am glad about that, at least I hope so.