Today I bought some new saris and thought, what's the matter, why old stories, just to be finished and done with it for good.
We know only afterwards, not during the experience.
The day after he was standing at the open door at the right and it was dark behind. And I dreamt of being in darshan, but he was not there.
So he had prepared me for it in my dream already before I left.
When I realized it, the pain was that big, it came from an unknown source deep down, it was the day before the birthday of my daughter, I was nearly crying all day, I couldn't stop that anguish was there.
I felt in the dream. I felt forlorn and helpless, inside always counting on his presence. I didn't know how much I counted on it, on him still being there not only as divine presence, but also in the body.
The way I looked I explaind to my daughter I was not ready to face that as I just had lost my mother, but that pain was that big, I had to look at it, I was not aware of how big it was.
I wanted to just be with him, and I got farer and farer away instead of getting closer and it was that difficult to get back only from the inside level follwing some colour which represented in the end him only.
Today it is cloudy and only about 36 C.
After Baba made in the dream steps in the heart, it feels like the pace maker he got, next day Baba was there and said, ABC, always be careful, or the steps he has made to get me ready and prepared for it?
How do we know? We know only afterwards, not during the experience.
The day after he was standing at the open door at the right and it was dark behind. And I dreamt of being in darshan, but he was not there.
So he had prepared me for it in my dream already before I left.
When I realized it, the pain was that big, it came from an unknown source deep down, it was the day before the birthday of my daughter, I was nearly crying all day, I couldn't stop that anguish was there.
I felt in the dream. I felt forlorn and helpless, inside always counting on his presence. I didn't know how much I counted on it, on him still being there not only as divine presence, but also in the body.
The way I looked I explaind to my daughter I was not ready to face that as I just had lost my mother, but that pain was that big, I had to look at it, I was not aware of how big it was.
I wanted to just be with him, and I got farer and farer away instead of getting closer and it was that difficult to get back only from the inside level follwing some colour which represented in the end him only.
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