Heaven and Hell, but the Observer is only real if Free

The source of all types of sorrow is ignorance (ajnana). The source of ignorance is identification with the body - the delusion that you are the body. This can be removed only by the acquisition of right knowledge.

To remove darkness, light is needed; darkness cannot be frightened away, nor can you make it yield by prayer or petition or protest. It will not disappear unless light comes in. When ignorance goes, grief too vanishes. That is why, in the Geeta, Lord Krishna tells Arjuna, “Attach yourself to Me and earn the light of True Knowledge and tread the path of ‘No grief’.

Baba (thought for the day)

The observer is in control. If we watch the interaction between the observer and the inner child, we are automatically in control. But it is not only watching but understanding it. If there is a trance which came out of fear, we have to find the source of it to wake up the observer to make it go away.

TM called them governors and ministers etc.
Transcending means going beyond trance, that is the observer and therefore, controls the environment, but with TM it is only the TM environment.

During Baba’s Darshan in the beginning I was surprised to see that he changed inside constantly. He was one with the people, but at the same time beyond it. It felt like lots of shades passing by in his face and he was always behind, that is what I saw in the first Darshans.

TM technique cleaned mind, it means no trance, therefore, everything is seen as stress, no trance can form.

But they are not aware of it and to get hold of trance, we have to realize what it is. And by that they recreate a new trance, the movement trance, not allowed to go to another master, not allowed this and that.

Fear of being Killed and the Observer

“By changing a very common misconception—the idea that your problems are to be found in the outer situations of life—you can remove your problems once and for all. Understand that the difficulties are to be found within your own mind. Once you become aware of this, you can begin the process of removing your inner weakness.”
Amma

The most important thing in the observer is to create the inner child by willpower. Being focused on the observer for such a long time, I forgot to create it myself.
We have to recognize that the observer is part of the subjective experience. The first question was therefore, what happened in the past what the inner child cannot accept.
Looking back at all those experiences, some I didn’t integrate.
It was not part of TM to observe, but I was in the observer and therefore, I couldn’t integrate the experience, there was no feedback on TM level.
And the second question is, if there was something that created unrealistic ideas about the future?
And that was definitely there, it was that dream when I went with Baba down the escalator and he transformed himself into a prince I married and we reached the bottom and there was a check with lots of money. That dream made me go on even if the present had become that unpleasant I didn’t know how to survive in the present.
That was definitely a trance created by that dream.
Because it was Sai Baba in the dream, I went for that trance to find out a way with the child to get away from it. I had to go back in my country. I was in India, she was too small, married with an American and my parents lived in Spain. I could not just go back and begin new, she was too small.

Amma, the Inner Child and Freedom

“To remember God, you have to forget. To be really focused on God is to be fully and absolutely in the present moment, forgetting the past and the future. That alone is real prayer.”
Amma

Amma was in the midst of people and I think she carried a birthday cake and afterwards she was lying at my side and it was about the inner child.

I talked to her and she felt like a friend I had in childhood.
I was kind of surprised to find Amma at my side after I woke up but it felt also good, but with a spiritual master involved there is always a deeper meaning, wake up.
I got always dreams of her.
I am sure it has to do with the inner child. Looking into that inner child work, I had paused for a while, it is a mirror, a mirror we can work with.
The observer is not only the observer, but also the observed and therefore, he is the observation.
And the prayer above is my way to pray and to meditate.
It is the same with the inner child work, if we invent an inner parent talking to the child there are two identifications, the inner child and the parents and to be able to keep up a relationship between them we have to hold on to both.
But if we get aware of the observer creating the inner child, the observer gets lost in the identity, Wolinsky ‘The dark side of the inner Child’ talks about the observer going asleep.
We have to wake up the observer.
However, there is a relationship between the observer, the observed and observing and it is all the same, it is both.
And the question is the inner child.
I remember that Amma said in a speech that she is the inner child.
And do you know what felt good when waking up, I felt free.

Direction into the Light and Character

The very first thing you must do, to impress upon your mind the reality, is to recite the Name of God and dwell on His Glory in the mind.
This will ensure the tongue will not stray into lesser topics and the mind will not drag you into inferior matters. Remember, the journey of everyone is towards the cemetery. Every day brings you nearer to your final moment.

So do not delay the duty that you must carry out for your own lasting good. Revere man; that is the first step towards reverence for God, for man is prathyaksha (perceptible) while God is paroksha (imperceptible). Endeavour to see the Lord that resides in the heart of every living being. This will certainly lead you to eternity and save you from births and deaths.

Baba (thought for the day)

 It was a great experience to realize him in the heart. He is very tiny and dark blue as indweller in the heart and in every heart, therefore, he is in the heart of all hearts and that is everywhere. He is smaller than the smallest and at the same time bigger than the biggest.

I was not happy about TM. It felt good in the beginning. I went on taking it as it comes. There had to be the awareness that TM is not that, because otherwise, I would not have been looking for it anymore and would be still there.

I wanted to be in the present, there was TM meditation, big courses and I was even living in the TM-center and everything seemed TM.

Happiness, Obstacles and Delusion

Everybody aspires for happiness. Where is happiness? Without working hard, you cannot get happiness. During ancient times, people would offer their salutations to action (karma) before undertaking it; they chanted thasmai namah karmane (salutations to action). In India, some people follow this sacred tradition even today. A dancer salutes the anklets before tying them to the feet. Even an uneducated driver offers his obeisance to the steering wheel before driving the vehicle and some cricketers too, pay their respects to the ball before starting to bowl. First and foremost, offer respects and express gratitude to karma before undertaking it. Make it a practice every day. It will then give good results. Understand your duty and perform it to the best of your abilities. Then, you will earn the deservedness to experience happiness.

Baba (thought for the day)

It could be a good thing to offer salutation to karma… It is like a morning prayer asking for blessings for the day. In the TM puja we used to tell, thasmai shri guraveh namah, obedience to the guru.

I feel better doing it to Karma thasmai namah kamane. At least action is always present, it is something we do now and it is not about a guru which is not present like during TM and getting by that the impression he was there, and finding out he was not. It seems that was why the result was a black hole.

It is a strange matter with insights.

Borderliners exhibit identity disturbance and a markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. Because of the lack of a clear identity, borderliners often feel a black hole or void they constantly try to fill. Often they will resort to a negative identity rather than none at all.

They are basically confused and cannot order their inner chaotic experience, often they don’t do it in purpose but their attitude can exhaust the people around them. Some are physically abusive and destructive for the environment, but they function on a more primitive level. They build up defence mechanism such a delusions, distortions, splitting, magical thinking, omnipotent denial, projective identification. Many of these defences are inextricably linked to splitting and the epicentre creates confusion and chaos. In that sense TM creates a borderline disorder. If we are first related to a normal self, we begin to meditate and become a TM-teacher and with puja and initiating people we get referred to thasmai shri guraveh namah, obedience to the guru. But that guru is not there.

Foundation of a big Mansion

Develop that confidence on the Self. The Self is not visible even as the foundations of a big mansion are not visible. But without the foundation the edifice cannot stand. Likewise self-confidence is the base for self-satisfaction. The roof of Mansion is self-sacrifice. Then you have self-realization.
Baba

I was in an email conversation with my sister and we looked at old stuff and family background.
Developing the self is really basic, because it is for all of us the same self, even if we have different backgrounds and upbringing, professions and education. He doesn’t tell what kind of problems we will meet, he just tells self-confidence and following the inner master he leads somehow to the right background and to the right knowledge.
Today I am even able to see that I always was focused on the observer and that is why I began with TM to be more calm and able to see what happens inside in the mind, to be less under stress and able to face whatever will be coming. When I met the NL I came back from Paris and I thought he went into the light and as he had the power, he had to check it with the yogi. We all didn’t really know why he had to check it, but it seemed it had to do with safety first.

Self-confidence is the Path

"The first thing you have to do is to develop self-confidence. It is such people who have no confidence in their own self who begin to wander about and to waver, and take to various different paths. When you take your body to different places, and when you go about moving aimlessly, the mind also goes to different places."
Baba (thought for the day)

If the path is self-confidence it means to find the self and to have trust that the self will appear and it forces us to use discrimination in the self, because that self is permanent, a true value, non-changing and looking around tell me, what is not changing?

Everything we see with the eyes and the senses is changing, therefore, it is not the self. Who is the self?
Do you see anything around you not changing? Anything which will be always the same?
That is God, it is not changing and therefore, it is also as universal, exactly it is bigger than the biggest and smaller than the smallest, now do we have trust and self-confidence?

The ten Bulls; and it has four Legs

"In the temples of Eshwara (or Shiva), you find 'Nandi' (image of bull) in front of deity. What is the inner significance of this? The usual reply you get is that 'Nandi' is the 'Vahanam' (vehicle) of Eshwara, as if he could not afford to have a better vehicle than a bull.
This is a wrong idea. The truth is that just as 'Lingam' is the symbol of the Lord (Eshwara), 'Nandi' (bull) is the symbol for 'Jiva' (individual soul). Therefore, just like the Nandi, man should turn away from 'Prakriti' (the world) and direct all his attention towards Eshwara (God) only.
The bull on which Shiva is said to ride is not the animal by that name, but the symbol of Dharma (righteousness) which has four legs - Sathya (truth), Dharma (righteousness), Shanti (peace) and Prema (love)."
Baba

It seems not too easy for the West to understand that. If we believe in science only and not in a living God, only the bull seem to be real and the one who is riding it is not known. It is the world of Maya (illusion). There are no answers on that level and no positivity. It means life doesn’t make any sense and also not what we do in life.

The bull corresponds also to the four ‘F’.

Follow the master. Face the devil. Fight to the end. Finish the game. (Baba)

To understand oneness, unity, we have to get an experience of the sacred relationship between Lord Shiva and the bull.

I was sitting in a Baba Darshan and wondered very much because in the air was a tigress moving constantly back and forth like in a cage, as the animals do in the zoo.
I would have given anything to get out of it, but I got just aware of it.
It must be a different experience if it is a bull or a tiger. Since I came back here I was constantly working on getting more knowledge about it and get closer to understanding the co-dependence between the body and Atman to understand that Shiva and Shakti power.
It has to do with the feminine side in a man and the masculine side in a woman and living in harmony with it.
If I got a hint in the dream of the brother doing the worst he can do, it has to do with that too.
He doesn’t know that he is riding a bull and that he has four legs, ignoring it he lives a freedom when the bull is getting free and he cannot rid it. There is that old Zen story of the ‘ten bulls’, the ‘ten ox herding pictures’. It shows in ten pictures the search of the soul and the understanding of  Dharma to get to enlightenment. But even these pictures are difficult to understand if we have no notion of Dharma.

Shiva and Parvati, a sacred Relationship

"The body is Parvati (Shiva's consort) and the Atma (higher self) is God (Shiva, Eshwara).
There was a spiritual aspirant who used to repeat the Mantra Shivoham (I am Shiva) as commanded by his guru. One day someone asked him the meaning of the Mantra he was chanting. He said Shivoham meant, 'I am Shiva.'
But when questioned what is his relationship with Parvati (consort) he slapped his own cheeks and said with a tone of having committed a great sin, blasphemy (Aparadham!).
If he really had faith in the Mantra he was chanting, he would have surely said - 'Parvati (body) is a part of my own being.'
He could not say so as he was attached to his body. Attachment to the body leads to this dualities, because of which man is suffering. Eshwara (God, higher self) and Parvati (body) are present in every individual. The combination of these two aspects constitutes Manavatwam (mankind). Manava (mind) refers to human being. Ma means 'sec'. Nava means 'new'. So mankind is not new, it is ancient and eternal."
Baba. SS. 3/99, p. 72

It is common to see God on one side and man on the other and that is due to body attachment, it creates duality.

Shiva and Shakti are the oneness we try to understand, and Baba uses here the example of Shiva and his consort Parvati.
Parvati is Shiva’s Shakti and he very clearly explains above that it is the body, it is made out of nature (Prakriti).
But it is more than the difference between body and Atman, it is the relationship between Shiva and Parvati.
We all know that we have a body and what we don’t know enough is that we think we are the body, in reality there is the indweller of that body and that is unlimited being and consciousness, it is the higher self and Shiva.

The hurt inner child, how to experience Joy

Today, we are prepared to receive love from all people, but are hesitant to share our love with others. It should be a give and take policy. Love begets Love. You must also be prepared to receive love from others.

Love is a gift of God. In fact, you must rise to such a level that whatever is given by God, you must be prepared to receive wholeheartedly.

At times, God also gives you a bitter pill like the doctor. This is for your own good. Both happiness and sorrow are God's gifts. Nobody can comprehend His Divine Lelas (plays).

Baba

It is not alone the father, it is the reaction of the mother. I remember when we were younger I felt sorry with her and later I hated it when I had to listen. When she was driving, she was not driving but always in a hurry and out of herself and telling everybody what to do and when she was driving it was like sitting on the side of an explosive device.

I always felt tired listening to her, I felt exhausted looking at her. I didn’t want to hear her voice, the sound hurt.

She was running around to prove herself. So I pitied her since I had been a child and therefore, I hated him.

She was probably attached to having a family, a working relationship and a business.
If she would have left it would have ended, the family, the relationship and the business, it was probably too much to as of her to be detached, but it would have been the right thing to do.

I have never seen anyone running as she did, like it would be a test. Walking back from school it was too slow, walk fast home, all about what others might think, the neighbours, the clients.

Mind directed impressions and who would not get fed up and get out of it, the best way to do that is to get out of the mind.  

Business people.

Why should we want to run away if we are established in the self? It is just an old pattern, and it seems to be overwhelming.
Why should we run away?

Soham Meditation; find your own Nature

The power of spirituality is inexplicable and infinite. The institute or individual that cannot obtain this becomes virile.
The power of spirituality can transform an animal into man and man to a divine being.
The paths of spirituality have sprung up to lead man from human state to that of divine. Man tries to understand everything. He has been trying to acquire many types of learning.

However, he has not yet made an effort to find out his real nature. All learning is naught if it cannot help one to realise one's own nature. Knowledge without practical aspect is akin to a lamp in a blind man's hand.

Baba

We always should remember that the breath has its own sound.

It sounds with every inhaling SO and with every exhaling HAM, SOHAM. That is the primal sound of the universe, because if we are aware of it without interruption that sound will go on as OM during the night and also in sleep state inside be present.

That is all what it needs to establish continuity in our life and to go beyond the ever changing relative level.

All it needs is to remember.

Peace, become unaffected by Ups and Downs of Life

To get angry is but the effort of a moment; but to get peace, to become unaffected by the ups and downs of life, is the result of years of spiritual training.
Baba

Yesterday I got an email of my ex about Greece and the conflict between Germany and Austria.

I answered that there is no control, because there is no unity, they don't belong together and he shouldn't take that too serious.
Only afterwards came up that I spoke of our theme, because it had been always a question of belonging or not belonging.
Because when I met him he answered a Baba question. Baba had asked another devotee in the interview room, to whom I belonged?
I translated and spoke later about that interview and my ex took advantage of that and said, 'you belong to me'.
I had to get the right answer, because it was Baba who had asked it and it had to do with unity, but that is an inner belonging and the questions 'Who we are? Where we come from and where we are going?'

The right answer between us was - there was no answer possible on that level - because it was Tamas, turned reality upside down and he took only advantage of it.
I thought he will help to get the answer, but he was of no help, he was an obstacle, the problem was - that it was a Sai Baba question he took advantage of and he was not aware what he was doing.

Difference between Happiness and Peace

Everyone is after happiness. The hunt for comfortable jobs and positions of influence, the founding of banks and business houses, the growth of bungalows – all these are evidences of the eagerness to live in happiness. But there is no real eagerness to live in peace.
Happiness should not be confused with peace. No one rich, well placed, prosperous or powerful has peace. Peace cannot be found in passbooks or iron safes. You can investigate and verify this truth yourself. Peace cannot also be ensured by the piling of bombs and weapons. Mere terror and counter-terror will not establish cordiality and harmony. Realize that the physical is subordinate to the spiritual. The secret to peace lies in service and love towards all beings.
International peace cannot dawn until the minds are cleansed of hatred and terror; remove these two evil traits within each heart and plant therein love and service.
Baba

That means our motivation is different from the outcome. We look for happiness, but we don't get it because there is no peace. If we live in peace it makes happy.

When I met my ex I went for it because of Baba behind, I thought he would make sure it would go in the right direction. 
If happiness is not there, we quickly adapt and find another situation which seems to be happier, but peace is a spiritual training.
That was the difference between my ex and me.
I went for it in Baba’s presence to make sure I would not lose the aim of going in direction of peace and with the focus to reach peace.
As it didn’t work out, Baba called me to him to make peace with him.
My ex had no notion of it, not even when we were with Baba, disturbing the inner peace he cancelled our financial resources thinking that my parents should take care.
He was stupid, he didn’t know what he was doing.
Already when he said that 'I belonged to him' he didn’t know what he was doing, because I spoke of an interview question Baba had asked and he took advantage of it. He never asked himself if that was answering a spiritual question, and he couldn't live with it that it was not the right answer.
Tonight I went from one nightmare to the other.
When I was meditating I focused on the breath getting finer and on the sound of it ‘Soham’. As we know from TM it had to become finer to transcend. The sound is the main level to transcend. It felt alright.
The shock came up when that ended in a black hole and the question was, what had a technique to do with a black hole?
Even if the mantra and the becoming finer was right and it felt like it would go on forever. There appeared a black hole and that ended up in doubt, something was wrong and that made it not better, but worse. And there were no answers and no peace.

Acquantances and feeling at Home

Just close your eyes for five minutes and think of the profit your efforts have won for you. One wish always leads to another and this goes on like a never ending chain. Initially, you wish to marry, then you get a daughter or a son, after this you desire to finish their education, marriage and the list goes on and on. The joy one gets by fulfilment of any desire is imperfect, limited, temporary and pregnant with grief. The secret to true happiness lies in detachment (vairagya). The tongue has oil, fat and greasy substances rolling over it, but it is unaffected by these and does not become greasy.

The mind too must be tamed to be unaffected by the experience of success and failure, gain and loss, well-being and illness. Practice surrendering at the feet of the Lord at all times; let His will prevail.

Baba

Years ago I lived in a relationship with a neighbour and after it was finished, that guy turned into the opposite, it was not friendship but manipulation. After was disturbance in the air only felt by me. Everybody in the family said, what do you have, there is nothing.

Most of abuse are offenders acquainted with the victims; often relatives, brothers, fathers, uncles or cousins and other acquaintances such as 'friends' of the family, babysitters or neighbors.

Tell a Lie Long Enough and the Sheeple will Believe

Tell a lie big enough, loud enough and long enough and the sheeple will believe.
JS

We meditate here a lot. This morning I was meditating with the others and some TM memory came up and just for a moment I felt that sick, I had to stop and wait a while to go on.
After I wondered what did made it come up. Meditation is in general an easy exercise and we don't do any effort, but I noticed before that I got sick when TM came in my mind

The principle of Atman, Atma thathwa, is not changing and therefore, always the same.
It is an inner reality and we find it in consciousness.
The technique and the programs with TM are established to keep the teaching pure, it means the Atma principle, pure they understand as no change, but not inside, but on the outside and that doesn't work. Outside everything is changing, inside it is not and the master is not there.

Sacrifice or how we build the Roof

Perform abhisheka (puja, yagya and arati) to the Atma-linga (the Divine within), with the waters of your own pure mental impulses (Chittha-vritthi).
What is true yajna (ceremonial sacrifice)?
Giving in charity accumulated wealth is Dravya yajnam.
When all physical and mental activities are utilized for sadhana (spiritual discipline) it is Thapo yajna. (Tapas)
Doing karma (action) but yet remaining unbound by it, is Yoga Yajna.
When the mind (chittha) moves in one direction and the sense organs (indriyas) move in another, the person is doubly confused. So keep attachment afar. When you accomplish this, every act of yours becomes a sacrifice (Yajna).
Whatever you speak becomes a holy mantra; and the place where you plant your foot is rendered holy.
Baba (thought for the day)

 
My first reaction to that thought for the day was like, no that is difficult too many Sanskrit expressions. 
But that should just be a reason to at least try to understand it. If we look closer at it after all it is not that difficult.
Baba tells first we should do puja or yagna or arati to the inner higher self, (Atma-linga) is the inner God in the heart. 
And how should we do it? By keeping our thoughts and intentions in the mind pure. Therefore, what he tells is to keep purity in the mind and that is the best offering to the inner divinity. 

And then he tells us how to do real sacrifice. 
If we have lots of wealth, we can use it for charity.
If all our mental and physical intention goes in direction of spiritual discipline, it is called Tapas.
If we are performing action, Karma and are not bound by it and giving the result to him only it is Yoga.
But if the intention of our mind and the senses go into different directions, we get even more confused, double confused, because we see the mind in charity, but the senses are enjoying themselves and we think by the mind we go in direction of the divine, but on the sense level there is attachment, the result is big confusion.

The Core of the Problem, Hidden Intentions

Be in the world like a maid servant in a rich man's house. The maid servant deals with all the objects and things always knowing that nothing belongs to her and that this is not her true home.

Baba

The kernel was there in my dream as usual making me from inside aware of it.

First with the reality that everything is relative, we really cannot take anything with us and the question is not how much we have, but how we leave that world, how we die.

We don't have everything as long as we didn't realize the higher self. 

And my ex when he said that 'I belonged to him', he took advantage of the interview. Baba had asked to whom I belonged, and I spoke about that interview because there was no other way to get answers but by communication. It was not just there as insight, it had to be expressed. Like now if there is a picture inside like the core of it, it doesn't get clear by itself, but it brings up certain things and by that it gets clearer. 
But why did it happen, because my own father was like that, therefore, I was not aware of it and therefore, it was still a mirror to get it in the open. 
But I should not call it a Baba lila, because it is a conditioning and that has its own dynamics. These are patterns. It is not the divine will that it should happen, it happens because of illusion, because of the patterns. He is the mirror, the reflection in the mirror changes corresponding to the mind looking at it and the brain inferring. It is not his will, it just happens because of Karma, divine law. 

Cultivate the inner View

Everything in this world is ephemeral, transitory; it is here today, but it may not be here tomorrow. So, if you desire for something, seek the Lord, who has no decline. Instead, if you crave for progeny, wealth and all comforts, you will suffer untold misery when you are called upon to leave everything and depart. At that moment, you would lament, “Oh, did I love so deep that I may weep so loud?” In this transitory life, joy and pain are also perforce transitory. There is nothing here fit to be worshipped as eternal. So, to get immersed in this search for the evanescent and to forget the Supreme and the Everlasting is indeed unbecoming of man.

Baba

My hotel bed is that hard, I turn around and around and if not the bones hurt, so for sure something else.

In the first interview Baba asked, what do you want? I explained to him that my boyfriend was with TM and I was with him and that was my situation. What I wanted was 'understanding', knowing how to go on and he said, 'that is very difficult to understand'.

In the mean time I have understood that God is very difficult to understand because he is everything, but also not.

Baba asked everybody, what do you want? He explains that even if we had the best birth and a great childhood, we still have to get liberation from birth and death.

I know someone who said that when he asked her what she wanted, she answered, she had everything. I dreamt about it, it woke me up.

We never have everything, what is the use of all material values if we don't have health. And even if we have health, we still are not enlightened.

“The incarnations of the Lord are not accepted as such by many.  Even their parents, kinsman and comrades hesitate to adore them.  Only a very few sages, who cultivated the inner view through study and sadhana, know their reality.”

Baba

Kodaikanal and beautiful Moments

Baba at Kodaikanal

The Atma (Soul) is inherently devoid of attachment. It has no awareness of its own needs or nature of its possessions. It has no 'I' or 'mine' for these are the marks of ajnana (Illusion). Only those afflicted with ajnana will suffer from the ego or the sense of 'mine'. Though it may appear to ordinary eyes that ‘I am the doer’, the truth is ‘I am a non-doer’!

Not only this, the effect of action (karma) does not cease as soon as it is finished. Karma yields fruits; the results of Karma breed desire for them; and that in turn results in impulses for further Karma. These impulses bring about further births. Thus Karma can lead to the cycle of births and deaths; it is a vicious whirlpool, making you revolve round and round, and finally dragging you down into the depths. So do not put your faith on this world and the objects of the world. Cultivate and practice detachment!

Baba

My colleague had surgery today and when I brought her some food, I found her in tears and the sadness that Baba has left the body came up.

She is that much self-controlled, she didn't allow the pain to come up. The surgery brought it up. 
I dreamt also of Baba tonight, I saw him very clearly and when I close the eyes I see him walk around and that wonderful love which was in the air always.

She made me remember last year being with him. We were waiting for him to come back on Easter and they brought him back in a coffin.

She made it come up again, that moment. I was standing at the window and saw the ambulance bringing him back like that in a coffin. There are no words to tell how sad it felt.

Her sadness got it up in me too. 

I have never experienced anything more sad and that went on for days.