The Core of the Problem, Hidden Intentions

Be in the world like a maid servant in a rich man's house. The maid servant deals with all the objects and things always knowing that nothing belongs to her and that this is not her true home.

Baba

The kernel was there in my dream as usual making me from inside aware of it.

First with the reality that everything is relative, we really cannot take anything with us and the question is not how much we have, but how we leave that world, how we die.

We don't have everything as long as we didn't realize the higher self. 

And my ex when he said that 'I belonged to him', he took advantage of the interview. Baba had asked to whom I belonged, and I spoke about that interview because there was no other way to get answers but by communication. It was not just there as insight, it had to be expressed. Like now if there is a picture inside like the core of it, it doesn't get clear by itself, but it brings up certain things and by that it gets clearer. 
But why did it happen, because my own father was like that, therefore, I was not aware of it and therefore, it was still a mirror to get it in the open. 
But I should not call it a Baba lila, because it is a conditioning and that has its own dynamics. These are patterns. It is not the divine will that it should happen, it happens because of illusion, because of the patterns. He is the mirror, the reflection in the mirror changes corresponding to the mind looking at it and the brain inferring. It is not his will, it just happens because of Karma, divine law. 

My father had a strange attitude about children, he got easy upset and I remember when I bought my daughter a doll at the market he said, that she had to get everything and he was upset, to me it felt funny. 
He talked of her as 'she', like he was a small boy again and he didn't get everything like her.

Once we went to the market in Spain and I gave her my sunglasses and he took it away from her and gave it back to me, she should not have everything, he was jealous of other kids who got everything and he not. 
Poor little boy, only he was an old man.

The same way I felt with my ex, he talked of me like she... It felt like competition and who was stronger, not like love or marriage at all. He felt like a little boy who had missed something and thought that I should do it for him and others should do it for him.

When our daughter began to work and she had a job, that guy said that he had to give everything to the mother and she gave him a pocket money and he was an adult. He never spoke about it, he should have gone into therapy. But he didn't take any advise, he knew everything better and he could not discriminate between what was good for him and what destroyed him.

Here it was the opposite, it was the mother who abused. I got to know her, when I went to the movies and we had no handy yet and came back later, just around the block, they went out to look for me in Queens, New York. 
I asked his sister afterwards, who was the same age as me, how she expected to find me? I had travelled around the world alone and was not able to come back from the movies by myself? 
The mother was making such a circle and after the family was not talking to me anymore. Nobody congratulated us when we got married, they were all against us, just because of something like that. I didn't believe it. 
It was like a bad movie. She died a few months later without that we ever had an opportunity to talk. She was a real Italian Mother, who couldn't even speak the English properly, but who controlled her kids till they were old.

I was shocked when I heard that he had to give his salary to the mother, because it would take all motivation of the child away and incapacitate it. The parents should make a child responsible and strong, not weak and dependent. But that was the kind of family thinking in New York, a left over of a lost Italian culture. It felt strange in that new world, it was misplaced.

If we would do that, it would destroy the child, destroy her self esteem and mine too, if she would have to take care of the mother, who is that weak that she is not able to take care herself.

That is really the worst poverty level. 
But he had it in view when he began to tell his four year old daughter that she should take care of him when she was older. I didn't understand what he had in mind, but now I know and that is what would have destroyed her, that is what was in the air in Prasanthi last year when we lived in a mud hole and the mud came in, the child was lost on the spot. That was an inside picture Baba showed me and he was behind and asked, and what now?
That was him, in his mind he was sending her to work already when she was four years old, everybody should work for him, if only he didn't have to.

I wrote him that he is out of mind and worse, he has not learned anything. He still thinks like a small boy and not like an adult man, but he is and old man today. It is the mother who has destroyed him. 
After we didn't go back he went to his sisters place and began to study again – for four years until he found out that he will never be a good teacher and now he works in the library. 
With his sister his found a way, not with me, because with me was another level and another family involved and that constant envy and competition in the air, he had to abuse to feel better. 
But he is okay, as long as he is in the house of his sister. When I met him he said, he wanted to always buy a house for his mother, she was already that old, she died a year later and the guy wanted to buy a house for his mother, because she was dependent on him still in his thoughts.

For my father it was also the mother, because he grew up without father, he left when he was two only. There is also the history of an abusive background and he never grew up to be an adult and felt even as old man still challenged by the child being around. It feels like they got stuck on an infant level, they never grow up and still think like a child and therefore, hate other kids.

There was no peace possible because he never reflected that far to get aware that an interview question of Baba was holy.

He was that emotional and stuck in that stuff it felt like rivalry, it felt like the feeling of envy was always there, he saw only the house of my parents, not the background and it seemed impossible for him to look further, but to ask his four year old daughter already to take care of him, he had no shame to do that and no insight that is was wrong and not enough dignity to not do it and therefore, he also cancelled our credit card, we had to take care of him in his mind, not he of the child or of us, as a normal family man does. He said that my parents should take care, only because they had a nice house in Spain.

With his sister he couldn't do that, but as Baba said in the dream of the child when she was only six years old, he would have destroyed her too. He had no shame to do that. He worried about carrying my hand bag because of what people could think even if I was present and he was not ashamed to ask a four year old child to take care of him.

With his sister he had to study and now he is working, with us he would always have looked for a solution on the wrong place. 

The mud hole mirrored the financial situation and the rain coming in when it got too bad and in that mud hole the child was gone when the mud came in only a small hand was stretching out to me I couldn't reach her anymore, that is what Baba showed in a picture and he was there and said, what now?

It was an awful situation, when I got aware of it, it was too late. 

That was the mind of my ex. The mud came that fast, when I told her lets go out of here, it was already too late.

I called her up from India I was that scared because it was not sure first if it was about the future, the present or the past.

But it had to do with my ex. If it destroyed her life, it destroyed mine too. As the dream showed, it was just a question of time until the rain would have come...
If we would have gone back, my ex would not have studied and would not have the work he has now. In his thoughts he looked for the solution on the wrong place, either in me and already in the the child to take care of him. 
On a certain point it would have been too late for him to study, to start new, for me too late to come back and it would have destroyed the child's life.
With Baba's help we got out of it, and he made me aware in what danger we had been, he destroyed himself because he was looking for the solution of his problems on the wrong place. It would have ended in a disaster. 
The dreams of 'ruin and being homeless' were just warnings, on a certain point it would have been too late to go back and start new again. 
With his dangerous attitude on the path of least effort he endangered the family, we were no family he just went on 'taking advantage of it'. 
As we didn't go back he moved in a month time from Portland to Queens to his sister. The guy is not aware of it, with his sister he had to find a way. He couldn't just expect her to take care of him, he had to find a new beginning and a new job. 
He had to start new again, because it began with 'taking advantage of it' and in that spirit he went on, he was not flexible, he couldn't change. It went on the way it had begun long ago, and that seemed nearly impossible to understand. 
Baba said only that he is destroying himself, but not why and how and it is by inner pictures that it comes up. And Baba also said that he took advantage of it. 
It seems we got to the core of the problem.