Peace, become unaffected by Ups and Downs of Life

To get angry is but the effort of a moment; but to get peace, to become unaffected by the ups and downs of life, is the result of years of spiritual training.
Baba

Yesterday I got an email of my ex about Greece and the conflict between Germany and Austria.

I answered that there is no control, because there is no unity, they don't belong together and he shouldn't take that too serious.
Only afterwards came up that I spoke of our theme, because it had been always a question of belonging or not belonging.
Because when I met him he answered a Baba question. Baba had asked another devotee in the interview room, to whom I belonged?
I translated and spoke later about that interview and my ex took advantage of that and said, 'you belong to me'.
I had to get the right answer, because it was Baba who had asked it and it had to do with unity, but that is an inner belonging and the questions 'Who we are? Where we come from and where we are going?'

The right answer between us was - there was no answer possible on that level - because it was Tamas, turned reality upside down and he took only advantage of it.
I thought he will help to get the answer, but he was of no help, he was an obstacle, the problem was - that it was a Sai Baba question he took advantage of and he was not aware what he was doing.

I had told him that I spoke of an interview and said again and again and later it became a reason for trouble and arguments, because he didn't agree that he had been wrong and didn't take any responsibility for it.
It is difficult to answer those questions if we don't know, anyhow, it has only been answered last year after Baba left the body and there was inside, 'we belong together'. I guess that must be the right answer.
But it is probably the reason I spent the night in nightmares, even though, I didn't realize where it came from.
It felt like an air ship with rooms and I couldn't find my room at night and I was searching all over, but there was nobody who could tell me the way and at night there was nobody there.
And after it felt like a bizarre bazaar, we claimed a building but it had no steps, so we had to jump and I got tired of jumping only my daughter jumped ahead. And there was a young woman, good looking, but full of dirt, she was a beggar, but she had kids because she looked good. There was no protection so I was certain she had been raped. And I was sorry how deplorable she looked, she lived in the dirt.
Waking up I wondered where all those pictures came from.
I didn't think of how I felt before, writing back to my ex, because knowing the answer it is no more a problem.
The problem is gone, it is answered, it has been for long time a problem, because it was not answered and on our level of relationship we couldn't get the right answer.
I didn't even remember yesterday the bad feelings, because it is answered, it came always up at night. At night in the dream it was there, that state of beggar didn't look good at all, nor did the dirt.
I didn't get angry when I answered his email; I just talked an economic political issue. I just did it, only inside it was afterwards present, and all night were awful pictures present and I still feel like sick or like a headache.
It was like that with TM. After meditation it was gone and we thought 'good all problems solved'. We were glad we didn't have to think of it anymore, believing that TM solved all problems, but at night in the dream and during meditation it came up, it was standing in the air and broke into pieces, we went beyond our limits in thinking it was no problems. All problems solved, it felt like shock to realize that it was there, only hidden and unconscious it came up in pictures, it was just suppressed.
It doesn't mean we are in peace and unaffected by the ups and downs of life, when we are not concerned about it, because we don't talk of it or suppress it.
That is no peace of mind that is a hidden luggage which is just waiting to come up and hit again.
So it feels still like a nightmare and headache and if he wants to take advantage of the changed situation and come here again, it will take no time at all for the hidden stuff to come up.
Because nothing has changed between us, only in the realization with Baba it changed, not between my ex and me.
And without writing about it, it would probably not get aware and that seems to be the reason why we write and to listen, to think it over and to absorb, that is the motivation and not the Sai movement.