Foundation of a big Mansion

Develop that confidence on the Self. The Self is not visible even as the foundations of a big mansion are not visible. But without the foundation the edifice cannot stand. Likewise self-confidence is the base for self-satisfaction. The roof of Mansion is self-sacrifice. Then you have self-realization.
Baba

I was in an email conversation with my sister and we looked at old stuff and family background.
Developing the self is really basic, because it is for all of us the same self, even if we have different backgrounds and upbringing, professions and education. He doesn’t tell what kind of problems we will meet, he just tells self-confidence and following the inner master he leads somehow to the right background and to the right knowledge.
Today I am even able to see that I always was focused on the observer and that is why I began with TM to be more calm and able to see what happens inside in the mind, to be less under stress and able to face whatever will be coming. When I met the NL I came back from Paris and I thought he went into the light and as he had the power, he had to check it with the yogi. We all didn’t really know why he had to check it, but it seemed it had to do with safety first.


There was a problem, he didn’t do it, whatever the reason, his last relationship ended after he checked it, but we didn’t know if it was that or something else. On that background in the observer the experiences I made with TM came up. The experiences got negative. Even if I would have known that it had to do with him and that he decided to not go for the light, it would not have changed anything because of no power.
I thought he went in direction of light. He didn’t keep his promise, whatever the reason, it turned into the opposite and darkness, but on the feeling level it was no more unlimited potential and energy, but shame and tiredness.
Cheating, deception and fooling others doesn’t belong to the side of the light, it needs courage and strength to go that path. He was always in the movement and still was not holding up the light, that was kind of compensation for all he was deprived of the worldly level, he didn't go for it. The experiences went in direction of hell, but it is awful beyond imagination to be in such a situation. 
It was all based on deception and there was no need to check the relationship, because that decided. He went back into it as nothing would have happened, fooling the others, playing his mind game on a spiritual background and nobody noticed it.
But after all it changed later and he committed fraud, it was about pension funds, after finally he had to leave, the 'not holding up the light' got finally stronger than the appearance, but it was years after I had left.
A NL should be an example and go in direction of light, we thought, but it was not like that, he had a criminal inclination. He was deceiving others and himself, but to be a yogi it needs character.
That is why the yogi told him if he was not holding up the light, someone else would do it in his place.
Swindle, fooling people and deception are not going in direction of light. There was no character and no need for it, only technique, therefore, it was an all different levels to feel that something was not quite right. I was glad I had left that I never regretted, but I didn't like to be confronted with that problem to understand it. And I had thought we had knowledge and found out it was of no use. 
But I was glad to give that place in hell to someone else.
With my ex I went into it because of ideas still based on the believe meditation would solve all problems, still that background, first no character needed, after not careful and aware enough.
It was watched as part of the observer and the reason was not understood, basically he was not going in direction of the light.
It was only deception, as I found out later, and projected to the master, he looked like the criminal. He talked about being a yogi, but to be that we cannot go in the opposite direction of light.
It seemed it was easy to hide in the movement behind the appearance of no problems and enlightenment.