Acquantances and feeling at Home

Just close your eyes for five minutes and think of the profit your efforts have won for you. One wish always leads to another and this goes on like a never ending chain. Initially, you wish to marry, then you get a daughter or a son, after this you desire to finish their education, marriage and the list goes on and on. The joy one gets by fulfilment of any desire is imperfect, limited, temporary and pregnant with grief. The secret to true happiness lies in detachment (vairagya). The tongue has oil, fat and greasy substances rolling over it, but it is unaffected by these and does not become greasy.

The mind too must be tamed to be unaffected by the experience of success and failure, gain and loss, well-being and illness. Practice surrendering at the feet of the Lord at all times; let His will prevail.

Baba

Years ago I lived in a relationship with a neighbour and after it was finished, that guy turned into the opposite, it was not friendship but manipulation. After was disturbance in the air only felt by me. Everybody in the family said, what do you have, there is nothing.

Most of abuse are offenders acquainted with the victims; often relatives, brothers, fathers, uncles or cousins and other acquaintances such as 'friends' of the family, babysitters or neighbors.

Whatever, they refused to take note of it, that didn’t existed.

In Baba’s ashram it was in the air that the neighbor was responsible. Of course he was, two years relationship don’t evaporate in the air.

He had fast forgotten the promise to be friends, and I didn’t understand his hidden motivation. His wife was from the same place, together they sat at the parent’s house door and harassed by their constant presence and behaviour, but he died 'harm set, harm get'.

My family blamed me for not being able to get along with it.

He avoided it, ignored us openly, it felt like being a child, stared a hole in the air when we met, never showing a sign of recognition, it felt like I was gone somewhere else, it was constantly disturbing.

I didn’t understand my mother who said, there was nothing and I should not…, and telling me I was mistaken because I didn’t forget, but that guy took care of it, it was not possible to forget.

My brother’s problems we had to listened to for the past years. As I was with ‘John of God’ it came up. Now it is a guru’s mistake and that is no level of communication, it just goes into heavy verbal abuse and slander.

It gets even dangerous, the dream said that it got dangerous.

Looking for the fault on the wrong place. It is not the fault of a guru, and the guru is not his problem, but he uses to get into blame as loud and stupid as possible. Because of me his stomach is turning upside down.

Two years ago following the inner master I told him that he said inside in the dream that he does the worst he can do.

Worried I asked him what he did?

That inner master was not Baba, it was just the self in my own dream, I don’t know who it was, but no outer master, it was only the inner master, but as I am used to listen to him I was worried.

It is ridiculous.

That provoked it and it is coming up as hidden shit.

But is is also a mirror.

The others listen, only I said it went too far and I will not listen to that anymore. 

All said, what do you have it is nothing…, already years ago. It is still the same level, he can behave as shiddy as he likes, the women are that stupid to even defend him, the abuse, the slander, the scandal, they don't know how to set limits, awful. The worst what he can do?

I will not get into those abuse stories and let myself be abused by that sick guy, that is no brother... How can we call that brother?

I went to sind Bhajans and felt home, real home.