Time Waste is Life Waste

You are wasting a lot of time in meaningless pursuits. Time wasted is life wasted. Our ancients never wasted even a minute. They considered God as the embodiment of time and extolled Him thus: Kalaya Namah, Kala Kalaaya Namah, Kalaateetaya Namah, Kalaniyamitaya Namah (Salutations to the Embodiment of Time, to the One who conquered time, to the One who transcends time and to the One who ordains time). Why have you forgotten the truth that time is verily God? You eagerly await a Sunday thinking that you can relax and enjoy. In fact, you should feel sad that you are wasting time without doing any work on a Sunday. You have to utilise your time in a proper way. If you do not have any work, undertake social service. Help your fellowmen. Life becomes meaningful only when you make proper use of time.

If we are wasting lots of time in meaningless pursuits, what we are avoid if we can or we try to not do it. As he explains here, time wasted is life wasted and time is God.

He told me four times in the interview room to wait and once in the dream, but only now I understand why waiting and why the self is waiting and it was always difficult to wait and it is a long time ago he told me to 'wait' in such a way that I will never forget it.
The first time when I was just observing, watching or better waiting for the inner self to appear, I didn’t know how it would be, but I knew it would be there if I just waited and Swami had to repeat it that many times to just get the importance of the ‘waiting’ in my mind, even thought it is what he always said, ‘wait, wait, wait’.

Waiting on body, mind and Atma level, waiting on the body level, on the level of the others and on the overall good level.

Yesterday he explained our duty or Dharma and we can get aware of Dharma only if we see all three levels, it has to be good for the individual, for the society and for the world or ‘universe’. 
The oneness of thought, word and deed what makes the difference between being truthful or a swindler. If we don’t practice we should not talk about it. That is what makes a fraud and why in the end Swami was in that person present with vampire teeth and with a very long nose. No word of that guy was about oneness between thought, word and deed.

When I was waiting for the higher self to appear, I decided to not change anything in my job or my profession until it would change from the inside, because the higher self had to be there. I didn’t think that the experience of the watcher would be that difficult to understand and that oneness of thought, word and deed was not that easy.

I kept my thoughts on ‘waiting’ for the higher self, I had experienced it before and in due time it had to be there, but it had been there in family and it was not there anymore afterwards because someone had stepped into my way, as he explained it yesterday and it is a good way to see and to explain it, therefore it was disturbed.

When I got in touch with that person after I went to Singapore and getting my visa somewhere else, because I didn't wanted to go back, I avoided it, I had no idea why actually and with Swami's presence I got aware of it what it really was. It was still about self-realization or again and I thought I had missed something, the right moment to tell about it, as it didn't make sense and it was no more possible getting aware of it or feeling it, it was too disturbed. He was stepping into my way, and I was not aware of it and it was not possible to talk about it. 
After things didn’t work out and it was not just possible to get closer to that feeling of self-realization, I began to follow the inner master and I excused myself for not having told before and I excused myself for this and that and why I had to write and I excused myself for not getting an answer and that I had to anyhow get it, but that I didn't want to bother anyone and why I had to do it and I didn’t realize that the experience of the higher self was not there anymore because he had actually stepped into my way. 
That is what Swami said yesterday, we have to be careful to not step in someone else’s way. So I wrote him as I thought there would be an answer and I guess it was after the third time something came back, it was telling me that he looked at it as harassment.

But he was the one who stepped into my way and not I in his and because I couldn’t get an answer and it was about self-realization for so many years, I wrote him and excused myself a hundred times for doing it and it felt very strange, when he said that it was harassment. 
In reality he was disturbing or harassing and in that moment when I read it between the lines I knew he had stepped in my way, he had not even the decency to agree to it. It was nevertheless between the lines and how he said it, that was too aware of the harassment to not be concerned about it. Do you know how that is, someone tells something and in the moment he tell it we know it is exactly the opposite and he is telling something else b it he would never have come to that idea that it was harassment otherwise and I would not have to excuse my self a hundred times for it, it would just have been normal and a normal reaction of someone who would have said, don't worry, be happy.

But I didn't get it, why anybody should manipulate and why in his life it was about control only. The world seemed that big and I was travelling all over and he was still sitting in the same old, small village and on the same old road, like it would give nothing else but that. 
It was such a contrast to own my life and he mentioned that our life was very different and what else than to agree to it, but it was about self-realization and what had happened during my writing a diary and I told him about the writing and the diary and all that stuff and as we can think, no positive feedback was there. 
As it was open to that feeling of self-realization and Swami said, 'wait, wait, wait, wait' four times and I still didn't get it that it was about waiting only.
But there was a sinking ship, with other words, the feeling of self-realization had to do with waiting and family background and me and it had nothing to do with him and it was projected and I had no means to talk about it afterwards. I couldn’t address it and it felt really disturbed, but something else created the disturbance. 
And I just didn’t understand that someone had to have so much control over his life that he did that, it was unimaginable and strange, there was no feeling and no connection to it and it was surprising to see it in the insight as 'manipulation only' and my mother and everybody else said, 'what do you have, there is nothing'. 
Only there was not nothing, it had to do with village consciousness, but what was that and it was the way we grew up in that small place and when I thought it was over really, just in that moment it came back with him from behind. 
It had not to do with self-realization, it had something to do with village minds and we called that narrow mindedness and in the meantime I couldn't feel it anymore and it came back when we least expected it. 
I had been with Swami and one day I had the feeling it was okay again, the disturbance had left and it was again as earlier during childhood and I went not back, because as it felt like gone, I didn’t want to go back to make it come back and in that moment on the way to Singapore getting a new visa, the neighbor was in the dream and said he would come back and marry me. 
It felt that strange, he was a married man and it didn't make any sense at all. Why should I marry him, so I had to think it over and I had to follow the master to find the right answer to that insight.

As Swami is telling us, he is the insight and he is the following step. The insight was in the dream, it was a strange statement for a married man and the following step was following the inner master to find the right answer. 
As Swami said yesterday, it is our duty to go behind the scintillating variety. We have to find the right answer, so I told him that I was sorry that I had to write and I had to ask about it and that I don’t intend to disturb and it probably sounded strange, but I had nevertheless to get an answer.

The answer I got was totally ignorant of everything around us and most of all self-realization, it felt like a different planet actually, even if we had grown up in the same village, it felt that strange, but still it was the air or whereabouts of my parent's house, they lived in that village, I just had lost the feeling for it.

It was a small village and it said it was village consciousness, but what was that, but when I translated it as village mind it made more sense. 
It was narrow, limited and they made themselves feel better based on looking down on others. It was the first impression I had from her, I had met her in the train, it felt like I was a small child and I couldn’t relate to a normal feeling, because my family said always, what do you have, there is nothing?

A village mind is the typical narrow minded and limited attitude, knowing everything, he had the control and all have to be the same otherwise, we have a problem, it is like a silent agreement between the villagers, but only on that level and in the mind and not consciously. 
And if we don’t fit in, we are out. It is not seen as good or ideal to ask questions, because we know and others could think that we don’t have the overall control after all if we ask questions. Someone like that has the silent control and he knows everything, even if he knows nothing, he would never put it in question, it is understood that it has to be that way as everybody thinks that way, that is a village mind and that guy had such a village consciousness. To get a feeling for it is kind of difficult and she was the same type, maybe they met on that level, both had a village consciousness and lived heir limited village mind thinking as it makes them better people if they look down at others, that is why I had that feeling when I met her the first time and she looked down at me like vermin and I wondered already why I felt like a small child.

It is already trespassing the the privet space of the other just in that arrogant attitude of mind and with that person at his side, how could it other wise, it was nothing but trespassing and it felt like mobbing and as it said in the inner view, it was ‘manipulation only’.

The picture of sick villagers, they had nothing in mind but feeling better in looking down on others and smaller the village bigger the hell is a Spanish saying and I thought that it was true in that sense, around that place it was like there was only one road and one life scene and on one side was the school building and his parent's house and on the other our house and the cemetery and everything what happened was on that road between the school and the cemetery. In the end he was buried there and he began his life in his parent's house that was close to the school building. 
I was always living and feeling good in cities ever since, as bigger the city the better and I don’t care about neighborhood and village minds and I keep my distance and I guess I know why.

He didn’t grew out of it, he based his life on it with his wife together, they were better and in talking about it I can see him as he had been, we get his face what I had not seen for all the time since he left when I was not even yet eighteen, I never saw his face again and by thinking it over we find even his face present and the village mind.

She also grew up on that place, only a different road, but as she became his wife her life was also based on our road and the space between the school building and the cemetery as it seems, only she lives now permanently until she dies I guess opposite the road of my former parent's house, so after all she has moved from here to there. 
She probably also thought that she was better than the rest of the world. They had nothing better to do but harassing our life space, it made probably their lives a bit more interesting, no wonder if we live always at the same place, how can anybody live like that? 
In the mean time he was himself old and probably sick, the memory of a limited, narrow village mind and he died suddenly and I could not even mourn him, I was too glad that with him the disturbance was gone. There are no more connections to that village anymore, the feeling for it gone long time ago and it comes only back in remembering it and in thinking it over.

I didn’t think of that part of the level of consciousness when writing a diary and the part of self-realization is still present in my self, no matter what had been around us, the sinking ship made us aware that something was wrong and that it had nothing to do with him, but with waiting. 
The feeling of self-realization was there because of waiting.
It was my parent’s house and they worked twice as much and hard as his parents, my mother was a business women and his was only at home, she had probably never a job and she was just housewife. 
And what did I like about that family?

But it was nevertheless the environment and the village and as my parent’s house was in it, I grew up in that. 
In thinking it over the memories come up and at that time I still felt home at that place, only afterwards it was disturbance, because he had stepped into my way. And I didn’t feel home anymore and that was a really disturbing thing, because nobody likes to feel like a stranger in his own parent's house. 
And She was better than everybody, she looked once on me and getting aware of it in the insight, only once and it was clear for always, she was a school teacher so she could look down at everybody.

That was my first experience of self-realization in that neighborhood writing and afterwards I had to deal with a narrow village mind and no idea what it was ignored by my family, the shame was too big, also the pressure of that village mind, all those dos and donts and what is silently agreed that it has to be like that, the over all control was the village consciousness. 
If we get aware of it that the self is waiting, we feel why there had been the feeling of self-realization and it was about waiting and we have to get aware of those details and the problem is that it happened a long time ago, but it is still the same self, but long time ago. We got aware of the value of waiting and there was no use telling about it and that is also why I didn't tell, it would not have been different than it was afterwards, not I was the problem, but the village mind was. 
After his death and after he was buried on the other end of the street, it was over, no more dreams and no more following the master, it was done, the street came to a close and it was done and in getting aware of it we finish the game. 
We have to understand the truth and that is what Swami said yesterday is our duty, we have to see it behind the scintillating variety. 

By thinking it over we get aware of it that the self is waiting and it was waiting already at that point and what happened around it was another matter. 
We realize how it has really happened and what was projection of mind and what was real and the higher self and self-realization had to do with family and it was in the father, he was the driving force in the background working unceasingly in direction of self-realization, only he was not aware of it and he didn’t know the difference between illusion and reality, the difference between Maya and the divine presence of Krishna or Swami or God and his omnipresence and how we get aware of that omnipresence.  

You are wasting a lot of time in meaningless pursuits. Time wasted is life wasted. Our ancients never wasted even a minute. They considered God as the embodiment of time and extolled Him thus: Kalaya Namah, Kala Kalaaya Namah, Kalaateetaya Namah, Kalaniyamitaya Namah (Salutations to the Embodiment of Time, to the One who conquered time, to the One who transcends time and to the One who ordains time). Why have you forgotten the truth that time is verily God?

I never liked Sundays at that place, because it was too silent and in the air was that standstill and it was the village consciousness, I didn't like it or it scared me to feel like life was standing still and I wondered why that was so. 
People pretended to know everything and the judged above the others, they didn't ask any questions, they thought they were too good and too bright and everything was answered in their minds. 
I always wanted to get away and to see the world and travel and go abroad, I never could imagine living in that road all my life from birth until death as he did and if I would have I probably would feel ashamed to be still at that place and I would have problems with it that I could never experience something else but that.

My parents also worked on Sundays, they had always worked. 
The shop was not open and it was a different type of work, but doing nothing I never met with my parents, I am more the type of person who is just relaxed and doing nothing is for me actually no problem, I learnt it with meditation.    

You eagerly await a Sunday thinking that you can relax and enjoy. In fact, you should feel sad that you are wasting time without doing any work on a Sunday.

When my mother slept a little longer she had a bad feeling and thought that she was lazy, even when she was older, she couldn’t really relax and be as she liked to be.

We spend a lot of time writing and thinking it over and that is what I did already at that time in my diary only not using Baba's words, but without I would not be able to think it over, there would be no reason to think it over. We get aware by that and we absorb it differently and it is very important for me to realize that the self-experience was there because the self is waiting, so I was waiting. We find the hidden truth and that is not only that it is present when waiting, but also that everything else we thought we should have done was projection. As he said yesterday, it is our duty.

It is no social service and therefore, without inner guidance I would probably not do it, because we have to see a result to think it is social service. But when it is about spiritual questions and the study circle, it is a spiritual duty and what others can do on a social service level, not everybody can do it that way and that is how we get aware of it in the study circle. 
If we enjoy that blazing fire of Jnana and we feel by it his presence, we actually know it is right. It is his presence in the air by waiting for Bhajans, that silence in the air, the silence of wisdom, the silence of the blazing fire of Jnana, that cleans up the doubts in the mind and people are silent inside and happily waiting for Bhajans, because we feel Baba’s presence, that is divine and not time wasted, it is happily being in a waiting state. 
How much we love that blasting fire burning and destroying the ignorance, we wished it would be much more blasting even to burn the stupidity from the minds we often meet.

You have to utilise your time in a proper way. If you do not have any work, undertake social service. Help your fellowmen. Life becomes meaningful only when you make proper use of time.

How do we help our fellowmen? The moment we feel the divine presence in the midst of us if it is in a group or by waiting for Bhajans, we know it is about purity of thought, word and deed. We are focused on his thoughts and we use only his words and by that we experience by waiting for the beginning of sining devotional songs, we feel his presence and he is there, because it is his deed and what he did all his life and as we all know it from his precious presence during Darshan, when he was with devotees in the interview room and he came out and talked to the students. He is alive in his words and in that blazing fire that can destroy the ego and burn our attachment to ashes.

Whoever subdues egoism, conquers selfish desires, destroy one’s bestial feelings and impulses, and gives up the natural tendency to regard the body as the Self, is surely on the path of Dharma; they know that the goal of Dharma is the merging of the wave in the sea! In all worldly activities, you should be careful not to offend propriety, or the canons of good nature; you should not play false to the promptings of the Inner Voice, you should be prepared at all times to respect the appropriate dictates of conscience; you should watch your steps to see whether you are in someone else's way; you must be ever vigilant to discover the Truth behind all this scintillating variety. This is your duty, your Dharma. The blazing fire of Jnana, which convinces you that all this is Brahman (Sarvam Khalvidam Brahma) will consume into ashes all traces of your egoism, and worldly attachment.