Knowing One's True Self

In spite of education and intelligence, a foolish person will not know one’s true Self, and an evil minded person will not give up wicked qualities. Modern education leads only to argumentation, not to true wisdom. What is the use of acquiring worldly education if it cannot lead you to immortality? Acquire that knowledge which will make you immortal. Modern education can help you only to eke out a livelihood. It is meant for a living and not for life. In fact, it is responsible for the present decline of morality in society. In olden days, people gave topmost priority to truth and righteousness. They considered divine love as their very life. The women of Bharat sacrificed their lives for the sake of truth. Women should develop the wealth of virtues and also safeguard the honor of their husbands and families. Both men and women should have good character. Without good character, all your learning will prove futile.

Baba (thought for the day)

Last night during mediation, the mantra was constantly in my head, I had to meditate and I went over that divine Lila in my thoughts and I followed it and looked at it in that light and how I came to know my own true self, it was in the dream stage and I was about twenty-five only and how everything began to go in that direction afterwards. That first experience of self-realization during writing a diary and I was about seventeen I also still remember and how it began to get difficult afterwards and how I came to Swami and he made us aware from the inside that the neighbor was responsible. It seemed that feeling of self-realization was not possible anymore because of him and that is how I began to question it and nothing seemed to help and it went on as before and I began to write him asking him to stop it whatever that was and to end it and he didn't listen. 

In the insight, in the dream he was a blind man not knowing where he went with his blind man's stick groping in the dark and how it was finally clear that he was responsible. A few months later we got the news that he died and in the inner view was, 'whoever digs a pit to others, will himself fall into it'.

And my family, the parent’s house and what Swami said, being let down by them. They were ignoring the situation or not able to see it, it was easier to put the blame on me than looking for truth.

That fight going on in the insights for the right answer, following the inner master and not knowing what the inner master really was until it was done and it was about how to get the idea that someone would to something like that, based on control and loss of control as it seems. All that came up with Swami and fighting to the end means going on no matter what obstacles are there, just going on and how it looks today like a fight to find the right answer and why it was not possible to feel that feeling of self-realization anymore, as I had it would and looking at the responsible people involved and how it looks now.

In spite of education and intelligence, a foolish person will not one’s true Self, and an evil minded person will not give up wicked qualities. Modern education leads only to argumentation, not to true wisdom.

The memories of the last ten years, writing a book, following Baba’s dreams and insights,the book was inspired by him as well and getting aware of the harassment going on as long as the neighbor was alive around our life space disturbing my parent’s house and in the village, fighting an unseen enemy hidden by appearances as it was just manipulation, it was there, but nobody could see it. 

The family refused to look at it, they didn’t wanted to know and if I said something they made fun of it and they were just laughing at it, what made him go on disturbing.
He is actually responsible that there was no more feeling of self-realization, it was nowhere to be found, but lots of troubles instead, it was always present in the background of my life and the family walking around like with blenders, nobody wanted to know, it was going on for such a long time and never felt good or at home again, it was too disturbed.
Going through it and getting aware how it had felt before, at the time when it was still harmonious and not disturbed and there was no manipulation going on in the neighborhood and the relationship with the family seemed not yet disturbed.

It was going on in the background, it had turned into manipulation, silent and cruel and still disturbing our life space and it never got normal again.

All that I had lived with Swami, in all that came up in Baba’s presence, he made me aware of it and he made me from the inside and the dreams fight it.

 What is the use of acquiring worldly education if it cannot lead you to immortality? Acquire that knowledge which will make you immortal.

Fifteen years ago I still went to a class meeting. Some old class mate and good friend of my brother said that the shop was nice and before I went to the class meeting it was about the same time, beginning of September I visited that shop to see how it had changed. 

That shop was made by my father when I already didn’t live in the parent’s house anymore and as I was most of the time not present and abroad, I don’t even remember when I came back from Paris if the shop was yet in the house or already in a separate building, but the pictures are nice and in front of that shop was a parking lot and this guy was living later opposite the road and when I came out from the shop, they had made a flower boutique out of it and even sold wine and other things, I had parked the car in front of the shop. In the moment I came out of the shop, the wife of the neighbor was standing in the midst of the street. I didn’t believe my eyes, I only went once for a visit and she was standing there and on the spot it was disturbed again.

I went in the car and left and on the way to the place we met with the class mates I passed him in his car and he didn’t see me, he had that incredible disgusting expression of satisfaction in his face and at night it was present as, ‘manipulation only’.

I got the shivers just looking at it and I was glad I didn't have to see him ever again and I was not living there anymore as he was that person who had harassed my life space and disturbed the family relationship deliberately. 

I was so glad to not have to live there anymore and it was about a months before my birthday. Years ahead at my birthday I got from him a postcard when he was in a holiday in Italy and that is how the relationship began, he was throwing stones at the window glass and we went for walks. He was tall, better looking than he was later on and I thought it was great, and I was very young. 

Whatever came up inside as mirror and dream when it had to do with the harassing neighbor, I sent it back to him like he would have been at my door and told me that in the face and that is how the harassment and the manipulation going on in the background began to be obvious. 

One day it was about sex we never had and I told him to stop it and I would never have sex with him no matter how long he was sitting in front of the door, as it seems it turned against him. 

Few months later we got news that he died and it was strange how it had all happened, I didn't go anymore to those meetings. I was not really unhappy that he died, because that way the disturbance in front of my parent's house, still harassing my life space after all those years, had gone and it was over and done with, the troublemaker was gone.

There had been that much trouble, disturbance and manipulation and whatever that was, but it was always in the air, I couldn't ignore it and the family didn't stop to ignore it.

As my family always made fun of it, I had somehow difficulties getting aware of it and to see how it had happened and what it was. As it didn’t exist for them, it didn’t exist for me, even though I felt always disturbed by it. 

Swami made it come up and after I had to follow the inner master and fight to the end and by doing it I got aware of the inner master, if I would not have done it, it would not have been possible getting aware of it. 

Modern education can help you only to eke out a livelihood. It is meant for a living and not for life. In fact, it is responsible for the present decline of morality in society.

As I had that feeling of self-realization already when I was seventeen, always felt that it was a shame that our education was only for a living and that we didn’t learn anything about life and I couldn't find it anymore, this was a big thing in my own life. 

From the people I told and I mentioned self-realization I got the answer, that it doesn’t exist until I didn't mention it anymore. 

Swami is not only telling us that it is the aim of our life going for self-realization, but that type of thinking and decline in our education system is responsible for the decline of morality in society.

In olden days, people gave topmost priority to truth and righteousness. They considered divine love as their very life.

We have to know what is meant with divine love and we have to make the experience of it. Last night it felt like getting rid of a load. 

Also I miss my daughter and it feels like she should come through the door next moment and that is not such a good feeling, but on the other hand I have to take a deep breath and get rid of the load. It was like always too small and she had too much stuff and I just didn’t know how to put it and where to put it and how to get rid of it.

The women of Bharat sacrificed their lives for the sake of truth.

I also sacrifice my life for the sake of truth, but I couldn’t force my daughter into it. I could only do my best and the rest she will have to do now herself. I hope she will begin to clean up and not just leave it to him. She will have to on a certain point and it is good if he is helping her, but it feels like she has left already months ago, when it is only a short time and we will see how that works out.

She called yesterday and asked how I was and I asked her how they were and I don’t tell her that it feels very strange as she is not here, I don’t want to load it on her, I will tell her one day, after some time and when I got used to it.
During the meditation it felt good last night, lighter, memories came back of how we went to Swami actually, that were great meditations with his presence in the heart.   

Women should develop the wealth of virtues and also safeguard the honor of their husbands and families. Both men and women should have good character. Without good character, all your learning will prove futile.

My mother and we all admired her for it, was doing everything to safeguard the honor of her husband and family, but she was not able to deal with negative reaction in the environment and after all the result is not that great and when it is about good character, she did her best, but she was not able to go beyond her pride and it was too much shame, in that sense no sacrifice for truth, but she did it for the husband, but not for truth and in the insight was pride as precipice and attachment as avalanche.

How can we think of being Sai devotees and not try to do our best to live up to his standard of life and that is quite high, we have to develop good character.

After I came the first time back from Swami it was like everything had evaporated what had been my life before and I took a bus and went to Spain and was there in that beautiful house and with the gorgeous surroundings, it was really beautiful and I liked that house very much, but I have never met anyone in Spain but my parents we lived like recluse in that time and it was also because of Sai Baba, I was not open of meeting just people and tourists, so I was just there to see my parents and I went back to Swami and was again six months in the ashram.

It was a kind of strange life, I didn’t know anymore where I belonged, that is right and that is what Swami asked in the interview room. It was not Spain, it was not the new parent’s house, it was not here and when I came back I had first to find out where to go and often I went to my sister’s place and stayed with her for one two days before I took the next bus and I went to the parents to Spain and I called my Siddha friend and I asked her if I could have her small room and I was working for four months and went back to India to Swami again for six months, that was my life and it was still possible at that time.
And my sister got married and I was not there and my brother got married and I was not there, I was in India with Swami and my sister had her first son born and the second daughter and I missed it all, I had never been there, but for the oldest when he was baptized I guess and I still remember how I was standing at the lake we had lunch with mostly his family and I was part of it and I looked in that water and felt totally lost actually.  

I really didn’t know anymore where I belonged, but when Swami asked it in the interview room I had no idea why he said that, in his presence I felt home and great and it was just not okay anymore when coming back from Prasanthi, all connection with TM and the TM-leader was gone and that had been my life before, so that cut me off totally from the rest of the world and not in my wildest dreams I would have thought it possible that we can get in such an awful state mind and we don’t know anymore where we belong and feel totally lost. For me there was only one question, what had happened to get in such a state of mind and it has to do with TM.

I had always avoided going on the outside to India or as others did in that time, because I wanted to avoid to get uprooted, therefore, I listened to the inner voice only and it happened anyhow and at the outside and it was kind of awkward getting aware of it and as it is when we feel lost, we don’t know what it is, we just know it doesn’t feel right, lost means we don’t know it. If we know it, we are not lost anymore.  

There was nobody else but Swami I could hold on to and I felt only okay in his presence. That is why he asked, ‘how do you feel?’ and I said, ‘fine, Swami’ and he answered, ‘that is not true’ the emphasis was on ‘not true’ the importance of truth, but in the moment with him and in his presence I felt okay, only as soon as I came back I felt not okay anymore.

In olden days, people gave topmost priority to truth and righteousness. They considered divine love as their very life. The women of Bharat sacrificed their lives for the sake of truth. Women should develop the wealth of virtues and also safeguard the honor of their husbands and families. Both men and women should have good character. Without good character, all your learning will prove futile.

Truth and righteousness, knowing what is true and therefore, what right action should be.

What he is telling us that Indian women scarified their lives for the sake of truth and even if we think we develop the wealth of virtues and also we safeguard the honor of the husband and the family, we also have to live for truth, otherwise also that honor for husband and family can turn into something else and then it is not anymore about honor of family and husband, but something else and as it seems with my family it had to do with pride and attachment.

Each sentence has its own meaning and we have to look at it and by thinking it over we get aware of the differences, if we just read it, we don’t go deep enough into the wisdom to be able to get aware of it.