Divine Rescue

All the pain and pleasure people experience are the results of their own actions and not due to any act of the Divine. God is only a witness, a postman! He delivers to you whatever letter is addressed to you. The grief or joy you derive from the contents of the letter is intended for you! Likewise suffering or happiness one experiences is the result of one's own bad or good deeds! However, God will shower ‘special grace’, when you pray to God with a pure heart,  a trace of selfishness and with sacred feelings. Also, when a person has done some unique sacrifice in a previous life or sometime in the past, the Divine rewards it at the appropriate time. Lord Krishna rescued Draupadi when Duryodhana attempted to disrobe her by making her sari endless. This was in return for the spontaneous act of Draupadi wherein she tore off a piece from her sari to stop the bleeding from Krishna’s finger.

The pain and the pleasure we experience as the result of our own actions and not due to any act of the divine, Baba making us aware that it is our own doing and not his.

I remember that he said that he is the postman and he delivers the letter addressed to us.

He was in that sense the postman when I got aware of the manipulation in my neighborhood, avoided by the parents and therefore, it was not possible getting aware of it, but it was constantly in the air as some disturbed kind of feeling, what they made just fun of.
In the ashram it was in the insight that the neighbor was responsible and I wondered why he said that, I had in the meantime no more connection to it, I tried to forget about it as it was anyhow impossible to get it open in the air or to address the matter in some way or another, if I tried I got only problems. 

In that sense the issue came up during my stay with Swami in the ashram and there I didn't doubt for an instant that it was not right, but afterwards I was sure that it was right and something else was actually wrong. I had been disturbed by that feeling for so long, I was tired of it and in Swami's presence it was gone and it felt that good, it was no more to be felt and I went to Singapore to get the visa, as I didn't want to go back and be reminded again at it. 

All the pain and pleasure people experience are the results of their own actions and not due to any act of the Divine. God is only a witness, a postman! He delivers to you whatever letter is addressed to you. The grief or joy you derive from the contents of the letter is intended for you!

 

I wanted to know what it was and as Baba said to us in the interview room, follow the master, fight to the end, finish the game, when he was in the insight as 'that guy is responsible' and I didn't know why, I had to find out why he said it.
It was not only about a hidden something, a manipulation going on in the background and nobody being aware of, but also the disturbance in the parent's house due to that harassment constantly in the air, it was always present, and always ignored by the parents.
The question was if only I felt it and why and what it was. Why they didn’t feel it the way I did and why I had been let down by them? After all it came up with Swami years later and with him I had to address it as we had to follow the inner master.
Swami in the role of parents made it okay, but it was not when I returned in my country, even if the had sold the house, it was still present. 

As he was coming in my dream to awake us, it was like, ‘that guy is responsible’. There had to be a reason for it and it was in the ashram and when I felt very far away from it and like it was gone, but no just in the moment I thought it was gone, it came up again, but now it was present in the inner view. 

On the trip to Singapore on my stop in a hotel room in Madras, the neighbor was in my dream and he said, ‘I will come back and marry you’.

I wondered how he would do that and why and it seemed it had to do with something like a marriage promise or something like that, only it was not kept, still going on in the background of it, nevertheless, it was still present and he was living in front of the door of my former parent's house opposite the road. He was married with the school teacher, he said he wanted to marry, but they didn't move away happily married, they came always closer as it seemed and it was impossible to not feel that something was wrong with them. 

In a way he was harassing my life space, he was too close to not be felt and to bothersome to be a nice person to be that close and it felt like deliberately disturbing us and harassing and whatever it was, to me it didn't make any sense. 

As it seemed no problem to the others, but one for me and it was just not possible to look at it, when I began to talk about it, as it was about what my father had done, he got out of mind and I had to leave the house.
It was not possible to bring up the subject of the manipulation going on in the neighborhood and the easiest was probably to just ignore it and letting me down was easier for them than looking at it.
It was impossible to address the subject, but he was nevertheless in front of our house harassing my life space and there was no reason to it as it seemed. We had been long ago for only some time so called 'friends' and not really and from the family side was no echo coming back, it was all my mistake.
They didn’t want to know, and my father once said, ‘we have to live here’ and that was it that ended it probably for him, when I didn't even know what he was talking about and it was not possible to go with him into any talk or discussion about it. 

The mail delivered by the post man was actually not only for me, it was through me but it was also for them and they just ignored it. 

It didn't make any sense that it should be my problem and that is how it went on, they made it my problem if it was or not, they must made fun of it that I still felt disturbed by it.  

And with Swami it was a total different matter, he said that guy is responsible and now I had to find out how and why.
It seemed that far back and long ago and like I had forgotten it, I had lost all connection to it as it had been in the past and I couldn't relate to it anymore. 

A year ago coming back from Prasanthi landing in my home country, there was now that guy in the air and he had a face again, only not the one I would have liked to see.

My parents went on like nothing had happened; always something felt wrong and they ignored it totally. If it felt disturbing to me, I just got the answer, what do you have, there is nothing. But it never felt okay and some time the pain was that big, and no memory of it. I didn’t feel home at that place anymore or worse, I got homesick in coming back and wanted to leave and never come back. 

It was not possible to ignore it and it was not possible to talk about it, and how many times I had tried in those years and all in vain, I was always cut off by someone and they told me, ‘you should not’, the subject was done with.
It was a very strange feeling and in reality I just couldn’t talk to them. I had to listen constantly to my mother talking about my father complaining and going on complaining, but who was listening to me?

Often I came back and as soon as I was in that again I just wanted to leave and never come back again until the next time. When my father planned the house in Spain he said that he will build a and above him was ‘illusion’ in the air. Why illusion as the rest was not clear, also that was not clear and there was that uprooted tree in the hands of Swami what had also to do with it and I didn't know why. 

I was glad that they sold that house and went to Spain because the neighborhood was not present anymore, but after they had left and sold the house, terrace houses were build and the neighbor went in the one just opposite the street, it was like telling me, ‘I am here, you cannot get rid of me’.

As he had been in my dream and he said he would come back to marry me, for me it was out of question that this would happen, but I had to know why he said it that way. it was kind of upsetting that he imposed himself and told me he would come back an marry me after all that time without asking.

As Baba said he is the man who comes in our dream to awake us, I had to look at it as a wake-up call, something that was for some reason ignored by the family. It disturbed my life enough to not being able to know, therefore, I couldn't know to whom I belonged.

I could never settle down really, the disturbance was constantly felt and in the air and it disturbed above all the parent's house and the relationship with them.

That place felt that disturbed and most of all because my mother said always, what do you have, there is nothing? 

If there would have been nothing, I would have felt okay, but I didn’t feel okay, it was ignored totally and it was repressed, that didn’t exist. 

I had nightmares, I left and felt miserable and empty and I couldn’t remember how it had been before and it was all omitted, that didn’t exist, what do you have, there is nothing.

When I went there I was constantly comparing in my mind how it had been before, when it was not yet disturbed. 

Once I went with my mother visiting the grave of my grandfather he died when I was seven, and she was planting it and I tried to recall how I had felt before some years ago.
I never could get back to that normal family feeling again. 

Or when we went with the family eating outdoors, it was usually too much food anyhow and we came back, I tried to feel how it had been before. Once for a short time I knew someone from my classmate he was a boyfriend, it was for the same reason, I tried to feel like before. I tried to recall how I had felt before, the disturbance was constantly going on and the relationship with him was in the hope I would get a normal feeling again, but it was all in vain.
I remember once coming back from Paris we went to a new shopping mall, it had been a watch factory before and was in that shopping mall walking around just trying to recall how I had felt before. Or we went on a mountain and drove back and I looked at the surrounding and I tried in vain to recall how it felt before.
Whatever I did, it never felt right. 

I was always sad in the background of myself that it was not the same anymore and I couldn’t find it. I had been let down by the family as Baba said, but that didn't tell me why and I had to find it. After my mother died, I could see that my car was put in the elevator and let down and I couldn’t find it anymore and car has something to do with self-confidence. 

It was not nothing, my life space was harassed by the relationship of the neighbor.
That background came up in Baba’s presence. 

I had not even the idea of it what it was and how it felt when it was in the air as shadow.

I just remember the thought in Baba’s presence one day I thought now it is gone, it is normal again and I went to Singapore to get a visa and on the way the neighbor was in my dream and said he would come back and marry me. 

And that is how the whole thing came up again, but now in the light of the inner master. I had to look at it from the inside. It never felt right, it was always somehow disturbed.

And once above the head of my father was a catastrophe and I had no idea how to find the answer to that and why, but I guess that is also related to that and the impossibility to look at things as they really were.

As I followed the inner master, I called him to know why he was in my dream and he didn’t say hello, he said, he doesn’t find that right and I felt like a total idiot and I told him about the dream and that I had to know and I was that glad I could just hung up the phone and forget it, he felt that ridiculous and I felt that strange.

I had no idea what it was, I got the shivers feeling it, but I needed a pretext for it and that pretext came up with the inner master. 

Some time later he was there again, it was in the dream stage and I wrote him a letter and asked to stop it whatever that was. He said he doesn’t find that right, I began to tell him whatever came to my mind trying to find the reason behind and the problem.

The parents were in Spain and I told nobody what I was doing,I just followed the inner master, I knew they would have told me that I am nuts.
I was glad they had left and now I was able to address the disturbance. Now it was possible to look at it closer, I wanted to know what the problem was.
And I began to feel better after I wrote him, the childhood was coming back, it was not anymore cut off and it felt good, as I didn’t get an answer I wrote again.
I guess it was three times until I got an answer when he called it harassment on my part and I knew him well enough, he said it, because it was his doing and he was harassing and from that moment on I lost all shyness about it. 

That was for me the sign for a fight. That I wrote him was the rresponse to his harassment and now he made it look like I was harassing them. 

I went ahead, that means I followed the inner master and when he was at the inside or in the dream present in some way or other again as the neighbor, I wrote the neighbor to leave me alone like he would have been not only in the dream, but at my door. 

As he was still at the door harassing my life space, I had not only a reason to do it, but when he was again present in my dream the inner master told me in that way that the disturbance was not gone. 

I had to follow the master, fight to the end and finish the game.

As it was not just passively accepting that manipulation going on in the neighborhood, but I was doing something about it, it felt better and when it was in the dream as ‘manipulation only’ I wrote him and told him to stop it and that it was manipulation and that I was tired of it and I told him in the letters that he should get lost.

The letters were also like Swami being the postman, he had told me to follow the master, fight to the end and finish the game and once I was driving the car and Swami was sitting in the back of the car. He was in the dream to awake us and when he was there as neighbor, it was the same old problem again and I had to fight it.
That is how we got aware of the manipulation going on in the neighborhood and that is how it ended.

A year ago the airplane landed not in the country of my parents and I came back to a place I knew, but that of the neighbor, actually he was in the air and dominated the scene, even if he died years ago.
He had a face again. With Swam I found out that he had been manipulating and harassing our life all along in such a way that it disturbed the whole family and it was therefore not possible to know to whom I belonged and find the right husband, it was too disturbed by the manipulation of that guy  and it was not possible to settle down and to feel like myself again.  

Likewise suffering or happiness one experiences is the result of one's own bad or good deeds! However, God will shower ‘special grace’, when you pray to God with a pure heart, without a trace of selfishness and with sacred feelings.

It was the result of my father’s, he was the reason for it and we were just the means to make them feel it. But they ignored it totally, they didn't see any responsibility or avoided it and that was not what I wanted to hear.
After I came back from that inner child workshop, there followed a sad time getting aware of it. It is Swami who said in the dream that I had been let down by the family. 

It was that sadness in the air.

Divinity helped us getting aware of it. In the dream the neighbor looked like a cancer, but in reality he was a scorpion and the sting is deathly, but he tried to hit my hand, he missed it.
The same way it was in the dream after the death of my mother, there was an avalanche coming down and there was nothing left but snow and ice and I was standing there and it missed me by little.

Also, when a person has done some unique sacrifice in a previous life or sometime in the past, the Divine rewards it at the appropriate time.

When Baba said, ‘it is with all of them the same, we have no case’, he meant the TM-people and that nobody saw any responsibility and therefore, in the end it was above the master. And in a sense he got us out of that as well, when he said that he is the insight and the following step.

Lord Krishna rescued Draupadi when Duryodhana attempted to disrobe her by making her sari endless. This was in return for the spontaneous act of Draupadi wherein she tore off a piece from her sari to stop the bleeding from Krishna’s finger.

Baba was at my rescue with the neighbor and when it was about a wrong path and a mud hole, he got us out of it.

We have some examples and stories to tell how the Lord came to our rescue.