The BLazing Fire of Jnana (Wisdom)

Whoever subdues egoism, conquers selfish desires, destroy one’s bestial feelings and impulses, and gives up the natural tendency to regard the body as the Self, is surely on the path of Dharma; they know that the goal of Dharma is the merging of the wave in the sea! In all worldly activities, you should be careful not to offend propriety, or the canons of good nature; you should not play false to the promptings of the Inner Voice, you should be prepared at all times to respect the appropriate dictates of conscience; you should watch your steps to see whether you are in someone else's way; you must be ever vigilant to discover the Truth behind all this scintillating variety. This is your duty, your Dharma. The blazing fire of Jnana, which convinces you that all this is Brahman (Sarvam Khalvidam Brahma) will consume into ashes all traces of your egoism, and worldly attachment.

If I would have known as we do now and we know we can tell it with Swami's words, we would have said, 'step out of my way!', but it would have changed nothing and we would still have to go on against an obstacle which seemed that huge and it created more obstacles and it came into being at the same time when the first experience of self-realization was present.  

The meaning of propriety is similar to decency and in following the inner view and the canons of good nature, is going on in right behavior and not that of a dog like he described miserliness.

It makes us aware of something important. It is possible to play false to the prompting of the inner voice, we can understand it on the wrong level and get to a not right conclusion.

The inner view began before but it got stronger with dreams with the neighbor, he was living in too close to my parent's house and Swami said, 'follow the master, fight to the end, finish the game'. 

What to do he had been always a disturbance, but as my family ignored it I thought also it was nothing, even if it disturbed very much really. He left everything open or there was even a promise and he walked out of it without further notice, without even telling something, one day he was gone and it was not possible to talk the matter over. In fact, he let me believe that he would come back one day. There was no way to address the matter later has he was together with another lady from the same village, I knew her from seeing, but I didn't know her really. She became a school teacher and he said one day that he wanted to get married with a school teacher and when they were seen together, he was gone. 

I didn't get it that it was manipulation and in purpose everything was left open and there was no possibility from my side to end it properly. 

The dreams were all about that and it was no question of write or wrong, only a question of address it. As it had been omitted and ignored and it was manipulation if we addressed it and looked at it the manipulation became obvious. As my whole family said that there was nothing, based in my mother who was too ashamed of it to acknowledge it I guess, I also thought there was nothing. 

In the ashram came up that he was responsible, he was in the dream when I went to Singapore to get a new visa on the way he was and said, he would come back and marry me and I didn't like it the way he said it and after all he was married for a long time, something was wrong about it. Later I understood that he was there, because he had let everything open and it was actually open and even if there was no question about it, it was still open and there had been a promise. 

I had to jump over the family pride and I noticed that it was very strong and it seemed nearly impossible to go beyond it and I asked him about that dream, as I had met someone else, I had to know. 

He avoided it again and I didn't know what it was, but he said that he finds that not right, whatever that was. I thought I had done it and it was over and I got married with the other person, who said that I was the right one for him and he made it look like a divine Lila.

But it was not over and it was not right and he was still present in my dream and by that everything came up as it had happened during that time I was seventeen and after all it was also clear that he in purpose let it all open that and he took every possibility away to talk to him about it.

It was hidden behind silence in tilling him it came up, not in keeping silence, but in talking to him the hidden intention behind behind became visible and it was not a good intention. It was about self-realization, I had that feeling during writing and also that I had to wait, I couldn't talk to him about it, because it felt holy and I was scared to destroy it. 

But today I know that Swami said the self is waiting and he said it four times in the interview room and once in the dream that the self is waiting and I still didn't get it because it war that far away. I was only seventeen at that time. I didn't tell him because I had that feeling of waiting and I waited and he began with manipulation, that had nothing to do with self-realization, but I in my mind was still waiting to tell him when it would be clear and when I would be able to and that I was in the meantime, only I had no contact anymore and no possibility of a contact. 

It had not been planned like that, as it was about self-realization, I had to wait and go ahead and what he did that was something else. There had been afterwards a time I couldn't find that feeling of self-realization anywhere anymore and I thought I had lost it and I went on looking for it, but I didn't understand how it could get lost. 

Once I met the two when I was shopping and at night it was present as ‘village consciousness’, that felt strange and what the village consciousness was. We had not been in a great situation in the village in a difficult family situation and afterwards I always went away and stayed away, I couldn’t feel it anymore as I had felt during that time when I met him and the way we grew up in that village, but it was still part of it. 

So I had been talking to him at the phone and afterwards I was writing him when I noticed that it was not the right answer. Writing him I noticed that the feeling of my lost childhood came back and that felt that good that I had to write again, until I got an answer and he said that I did it to disturb, but in reality he was the one disturbing since years already. 

He managed somehow to disturb the right of living there at that place and in my parent’s house, like he took my air away and I didn't understand why he would do something like that. When I noticed that he didn't care and nothing changed, I had asked him several times to stop it, but he went on.

In the meantime they were living opposite to my former parent's house opposite the street and it was clear that it was not by hazard. Once I went for a visit to the shop of my parent’s they had sold and someone said that it was nice and I went there looking at it and when I came out of the shop his stupid wife was outside standing on the street. I went there once in twenty years and he was there and when I drove away I passed his car and I saw that expression in his face, it was that strange satisfaction and he looked like his body had grown too big. 

It was like not possible to breathe the air on that place, like he did everything to disturb it so that I couldn't come home or where my home had been before. That was hidden and from the others an unseen animosity in the air constantly and they were just telling me, what do you have, there is nothing and it was like paranoia in the air and I was wrong and not that guy who was silently harassing my life space. 

He was successful, as soon as I came back usually I wanted to leave again and I have been most of the time abroad. When I came back was again that disturbance in the air, I wanted to fly away and never come back again. It was the air in my parent’s house and not only in the neighborhood, but also the family the way they ignored it and it also felt like stone and no air, it was spoiled and I couldn’t live there, but it was also not possible to talk to anybody about it. 

It was not very comforting to be let down by the family and to hear constantly, ‘what do you have, there is nothing’. If there would have been nothing, I would not want to leave in the moment I was back again. 

What Swami is telling us here is that it is possible to offend propriety or the canons of good nature and that we should not play false to the promptings of the inner voice.

Coming back to the ashram our daughter was not yet born, it was in the air that this guy is responsible. I contacted him before I went to New York and I thought that everything was okay and now it was not, but at that time it was all open. 

As it didn't work out as it should, I didn't get the answers I was looking for, I wrote him later and told him about his responsibility. I don't know how many times I told him to stop and he didn't. In the end it was just a giving back what I got from them during all those years. It was not only the presence and the visit of the parent’s shop and the memory of my childhood that was disturbed in that kind of harassment in our neighborhood and the family letting me down, it was also no right for a visit and I went to a class meeting. 

There was a time I had no more memories of my childhood that bad was the disturbance going on between him and my family ignoring it. 

When I followed the inner master and I forced myself to write him the feeling of my childhood came actually back and that felt that good that I went ahead. 

It was there again in the moment I wrote him and I jumped over all that shame and obstacles that possibly could be there and whatever that had been in the parent's house. After some time I got a note back and it said that I intended to disturb, when in reality it was the answer to his disturbance and in that moment I knew that he did it in purpose and now I was decided no matter what to fight to the end. It was about self-realization and he was in my way he had stepped in my way and he didn't step out of it and I had to somehow get there and it was not in question, it was just a question of time and that was shorter than I thought, but it still takes time getting aware of it.    

Whoever subdues egoism, conquers selfish desires, destroy one’s bestial feelings and impulses, and gives up the natural tendency to regard the body as the Self, is surely on the path of Dharma; they know that the goal of Dharma is the merging of the wave in the sea! In all worldly activities, you should be careful not to offend propriety, or the canons of good nature; you should not play false to the promptings of the Inner Voice, you should be prepared at all times to respect the appropriate dictates of conscience; you should watch your steps to see whether you are in someone else's way; you must be ever vigilant to discover the Truth behind all this scintillating variety.

That was the first person I noticed who had his step in my way, he had stepped into my way and my ex was the same afterwards, but this guy was the first one. 

I was looking for self-realization and couldn't get answers as he had stepped in my way, that was also the reason why it couldn't be found anywhere anymore afterwards and of course, he didn't care if he stepped in my way, in the opposite he did it in purpose, but after he was aware that he was responsible, it was in the inner view it said, he knows he is responsible and to my surprise a few months later he was dead and the inner view said, ‘whoever digs a pit to others, will himself fall into it’. 

It is difficult to get it to this day and why should anyone step in our way? We have to be careful to step on nobody's way, as it is about self-realization and why did he step into my way? And why it was repeated afterwards by my ex? 

He was in the dream and said that ‘he will come back and marry me’ it was there because everything was open and not because I waited. The self is waiting and that was right and also not possible to tell him, it was too holy and when I told him later he just made fun of it and called it crazy. It was much too holy and I had to wait for the right moment, but that moment never came, not in that relationship, but what came was his manipulation. I lived for years in that idea that I had missed the chance to talk to him when it was still time and therefore, I tried to make it okay again until I realized that he thought it was nuts when I mentioned self-realization. It was about the path of self-realization and the self is waiting and it is not just possible to talk about it, Swami told me that four times in the interview room and once in the dream to wait and I remember it only now. 

He was like poisoning my life with his hateful presence and the constant animosity in the air and if I couldn’t remember my childhood in my parent’s house anymore it was because of that reason, it was like gone and it came all back only when I followed the inner master and I addressed it. 

It was the same meaning as the movie of 'The Last Unicorn'.

They were all caught and driven into the Sea by the Red Bull until they began to fight and fought back and all were freed. 

That was the meaning of it, we had to follow the inner master and fight back. 

My mother constantly making fun of it telling, what do you have, there is nothing, she had no idea what she did by that, it was a nightmare that manipulation and that the feeling of self-realization was nowhere to be found anymore and that someone had in that crude and cruel way stepped into my way. It was impossible to feel comfortable at that place because the mother was also gone as I was let down by them and I had spend my childhood and it was place where my parents lived and worked hard.

That is why Swami is telling, first discrimination, second see it in your own life and third go on no matter what obstacles are there. If I would not have gone on no matter what obstacles are there, this one was far too big and it had infected my whole environment including my parents and it would not have been possible getting beyond it.   

It was therefore Swami who said in the inner view that I had been let down by the family and I was not aware of it. 

It felt good when the childhood came back and that was more important than anything else and I just went on in that direction in following the inner master and by that the whole manipulation came up and also why there was no more feeling of self-realization. 

In following the inner master and going on no matter what we were able to not only jumped over all that shame and pride in the air with my family, but in doing it we also got aware of it. That is how I began to remember my childhood again and I began to feel normal again and that was a good feeling and there was no other way than following the inner view and going ahead. 

That was the reason why I didn't tell about the feeling of self-realization, because the self is waiting and I couldn't talk to him about it and I realized only much later that it would not have been possible talking to him and probably would have thought that I should not have said it, but that way I was just waiting and he was anyhow stepping into my way. 

The last times when he was in my dream I wrote him to leave me alone and that I had enough or it and whenever the inner view made it come up again I told him to stop it. 

It was my way getting aware of it and to fight back and telling him in that way that he should step out of my way, but he didn't do it, for whatever reason. 

It could be even two years in between, but I told him when he was in the inner view again to ‘leave me alone’, I began to give it back in a different way, not anymore nice and asking for an answer and asking him what he did and why it was still not finished and not ended and all that, I began to get back at him and just told him to stop it. 

If words can be used as weapon for sure I did my best to make them a weapon out of it, because I couldn’t live with it and he had stepped into my way and that is how Baba is telling us and he makes us aware of it when we listen to his words. 

It was about the path of self-realization and he had to step out of my way. 

What we can see in these words of Swami is that we have to use it always in our good conscience and the inner voice is not just an inner voice, but we have to know what we are doing, it is not just a dream and everything is clear, the inner master is in the dream stage and we have to live up to that dream stage reality, that is our duty and by doing it we get the blazing fire of Jnana and it will convince us that all that is Brahman, that Jnana is in Baba’s words and in thinking it over we experience the blazing fire of Jnana and it also is telling us why Baba gives vibuthi, because it is the blazing fire of Jnana that turns everything into ashes.

This is your duty, your Dharma. The blazing fire of Jnana, which convinces you that all this is Brahman (Sarvam Khalvidam Brahma) will consume into ashes all traces of your egoism, and worldly attachment.