Fill your Heart with Love

Fill your heart with love. You will be betraying yourself if you entertain evil thoughts but pretend outwardly to be full of love. Divine love will manifest itself anywhere at any time. One filled with Divine Love will be fearless, will seek nothing from others, and will be spontaneous and selfless in expressing their love. There is no need to pray for gifts from God. God will give of His own accord what is good for such a devotee. Did not Shabari and Jatayu get the Lord's grace without their asking for it? God will decide what, when, and where to give. Hence, dedicate all actions to God and Let Him decide what you are fit to receive. When everything is left to God with pure love and total faith, God will take full care of you. People today lack such firm faith. Great devotees of the past who faced ordeals with faith and fortitude, ultimately secured divine grace and experienced bliss.

How do we fill our heart with love? Do you know?

After Swami said in the interview that I should only think about God and that TM was not the right path, I began to remember the mantra and tried to not forget Soham, if we breath in it resounds in the O and when we breath out it comes to a stop in the M and after all if we go on like that there is only OM and breathing in and out and nothing else and that fills the whole universe, but how do we fill it with love?

Fill your heart with love. You will be betraying yourself if you entertain evil thoughts but pretend outwardly to be full of love.

Do you feel the love? 

I feel it sometimes and remember how that love was present in that devotee walking in direction of the Samadhi ground in Prasanthi and how I came from the other direction and I was constantly focused on the ‘I am that’ during singing and how we are all the same.

Always contemplating about it during singing that all those singers from all over the world are the same ‘I am that’ and that if we are aware of it there is only one voice and only one and not that many as we see it at the outside and that was not exactly love or a feeling, it was more awareness of oneness and the love is for the divinity we are singing for and anyhow when the ‘I am that’ is present, it feels always like Swami is sitting there in his chair and we just sing Bhajans in his presence and I was walking back to my room and on the way I looked at that tall man, he was rather young and I was just thinking how far away he seems to be and in that very moment like he was reading my thoughts, he smiled and all the distance was gone and there was nothing but love and I got even scared to feel that love coming out of nowhere, empty space, no reason for it, just love. 

That I remember sometimes and that we are certainly on the right path, but it is not always present in the heart.

Fill your heart with love. You will be betraying yourself if you entertain evil thoughts but pretend outwardly to be full of love.

I thought when repeating the mantra there was no room of evil thoughts. If we constantly are aware of the breath telling Soham do you think there is room for evil thoughts? But during singing I am not thinking about Soham, but about the ‘I am that’, but Baba said that Soham means ‘I am that’ or ‘I am Shiva’ or ‘I am God’ and at that time I had still difficulties to think that ‘I am God’, because we learnt that it was blasphemy to think that we were God and Baba explained that it opened up the mind.

   

Divine love will manifest itself anywhere at any time.

It is that divine love that miracle we are looking for and what is he telling us, it can manifest anywhere at any time, it can be here now by writing you. It means it has no limitations, it is beyond time and space like we know it from the transcendental state of being and our meditations, I didn’t know how to think about God always, so I remembered the Soham as he said the mantra is the divine name, thus ‘I am that’ is also the divine name or better the divine principle. Now when writing you or writing about it, I usually feel good, when standing up I feel less good. It is hot and the next days it will get even hotter and I don’t go into the sun as I feel dizzy since some time. Sometimes it feel like the smallest work done is difficult and tiresome and I don’t feel it when I am sitting in front of the computer and I am writing. Probably thinking over Baba’s though also fills us with good feelings and with whatever that is, his divine presence if we feel the love or not.

One filled with Divine Love will be fearless, will seek nothing from others, and will be spontaneous and selfless in expressing their love.

I think it is that love behind it that makes us go on the way we did and it makes us somehow fearless and we just go on. Yesterday I was thinking about the breath and how it tells us constantly Soham and the OM behind it was actually more present than the Soham and that is a good feeling, but not a feeling of love. I never try to feel love, I focus on divinity and if it is there, it is okay and if not I cannot force myself to feel love.

There is no need to pray for gifts from God. God will give of His own accord what is good for such a devotee.

I always thought that it was that way and having desires would only create obstacles. If I am really feeling bad, I want to get out of it for sure, but if I feel okay, I just think about the mantra usually, I contemplate that way also on divinity, because it is the OM, that is divinity, isn’t it?

According to the explanation about Shabari she is often used as the symbol of the endless wait for the Lord and Jatayu was fighting with the demon Ravana when he abducted Sita and he lost that fight, but he gained the Lord.

Did not Shabari and Jatayu get the Lord's grace without their asking for it?

Two examples of devotion without asking for anything and in the end they get everything.

God will decide what, when, and where to give. Hence, dedicate all actions to God and Let Him decide what you are fit to receive. When everything is left to God with pure love and total faith, God will take full care of you.

I loved to get aware of the Om in the Soham and that actually after some time repeating the Soham there was only Om left, but usually I am not aware of it and today I didn’t even think of it until now. It is anyhow always there, if we are aware of it or not, but it would be good to remember it more often, wouldn’t it? I was the same when we were in Oregon, I was trying to remember God as often as possible, thinking that it was all his doing and that was part of remembering him and whatever he said we would go by it.

Whatever evil and bad thoughts there were, I tried to thank God for it and I avoided it in telling, ‘he will find a way’ and he did after all.

We can see it as a kind of rescue when he was in his dream and said that we should come back to him to make peace with him. He thought he had reason to blame and to abuse and to make fun of it and I didn’t say a word that he should not notice how stupid it was of him to make fun of the Lila of the Lord.

I knew he didn’t know what he was doing, but what scared me was his state of mind, that he had no intention of ever questioning what he said and did and that rubbish coming of his mouth when he just opened up and during that time and he was like enforcing himself into those strange ways of thinking that anyone could go and make peace with Sai Baba, when he is the embodiment of peace, like I would be in constant fight with Baba and I was glad I got that gift, it was really a gift, it was our ticket to freedom.

I didn’t dear to say anything anymore to not change the color Baba’s Lila and to make him suspicious about it or aware of the truth behind it that it meant something totally different that we should go back to Swami. 

He was even that convinced that he was not to be blamed and that I had to go and make peace with Baba and after he would make peace with me, he would send me back to my lovely husband, it was that ridiculous that I didn’t dear to tell him how it felt to me and after all I got aware that he didn't hear it anyhow. I was afraid that he would get aware that something was definitely not quite right and that he was the one to be blamed and he was in no way full of love and a lovely husband and that Baba was truth and that it should mean something totally different than he thought. 

It was nearly impossible to believe that he didn’t notice it and I looked at that state of mind with shivers, it was a kind of horror getting aware of it.

I was scared that he should notice that it was all a huge illusion in his mind and that he was blind, is was shocking to get aware of it and scary, and I lost all trust in such a mind state. 

He looked at himself as blameless and he really thought that Baba would send me back to 'my lovely husband', even if I had told him several times that I had never had that feeling of husband with him, he just didn’t notice it.

It also was prove of it that he didn’t hear what I said ever. If I said husband or no husband, it didn’t matter, it was all the same to him, only he mattered and that he thought I was wife and by that in a role he could go on blaming and abusing and I had nothing to tell but to take it and tell thank you for it, that was the Baba gift to him alone and it didn’t matter to him how I felt and if he was that same lovely husband he thought he was about himself for me.

But Baba said in his dream to me, go back to your lovely husband. If he would have been alert or awake in his mind, he would have noticed that Baba said it to me and not to him and that it was ‘my lovely husband’ and not what he thought he was, and that I had told him several times that I never had the feeling of husband. If he would have been only a little bit alert and awake, he would have noticed that it was not about him and what he thought, but it would end up the way I felt and if there was no lovely husband, I would not go back to a not lovely husband. That was all there in that very moment and also a sick state of mind not able to see what he did actually, thinking highly of himself only and low of all others.  

He thought that the Lord would send me back to my lovely husband after making peace with him and that was true, only he was not the lovely husband, Baba was the lovely husband.

He was not lovely at all and had never been lovely and he looked at himself anyhow as lovely, it was kind of a joke, like a big illusion building up in his mind and he didn’t notice it, he really had no idea what he was doing and that was the most scary about it.

Today we look at it and we know, it had to be exactly as it turned out in the end, because it was that blind.  

People today lack such firm faith. Great devotees of the past who faced ordeals with faith and fortitude, ultimately secured divine grace and experienced bliss.

That is why I always said, ‘he will find a way’, it was the only way out. I went with him in that Lila thinking it was his gift and it turned out different than we thought it should and after all it was not a gift and he took only advantage of it, but it was still the only way out waiting for him to change the situation. 

Once I tried to tell him how it really looked and at night it felt like needles coming out of my mouth and Baba came in the dream and picked them up for me, making me feel better that way.

I told him many times that it could not work out like that, but he seemed not only to not believe it, he didn’t hear it, but today we know that it was right and it could not work out.

Nevertheless it was difficult to face that result of it and it seemed not to make sense that we went into that in the ashram and how we got out of it and after all we sat here and couldn’t go back. 

And it is also necessary that Baba said that last sentence, ‘no more husband, nothing left but an empty Western shoe’, because he is all over and a heart filled with love is always forgiving and forgetting and only that way he made sure that he would not be able to take advantage of it anymore. 

He made sure we had another focus to share with and not a mud hole. 

How can we have a heart full of love and at the same time resentments about the past? 

He knows that also that is why he wanted to come here to open up a money box, I had put his picture in the internet together with my daughter after he finially signed that agreement and afterwards he wanted to come here and I noticed the mistake and I took it out again. It was how I began with that blog, it was that inner necessity to relate it with the past and Baba's words, as he said I should use his words. 

It is kind of like with TM, I came back and all was gone what had been our life before, it was not only the relationship, but the whole path that turned out not being the right path and that was kind of the same when we came back here, everything we had lived before with was gone. 

It was all gone, it is like a part of myself was missing, even if he never felt like a husband, he was only an empty Western shoe and nothing left but that, it was still part of it as I had been living with him and the daughter is born in Baba's hospital under a big picture of Swami.

And if Baba is omnipresent and all over and with him everything is present and nothing gets lost, also that has to be present due to his presence, as he said, ‘she was the little Baba’, without his presence she would never have been born.