Sunday, September 29, 2013

In Blame Forgivness is not Possible

No manifestation of the Lord needs any publicity. What do you know about God? Is your faith unshakable?
You praise Him when things go well, and blame when things go wrong. Even before your devotion ripens, you strive to lead others, and plan for subscriptions and associations; all this is mere show which brings more spiritual loss than gain. When you start publicity you descend to the level of those who compete in collecting clientele, decrying others and extolling themselves.
Remember, where money is calculated, garnered and exhibited to demonstrate one's achievements, God will not be present.
God comes only where sincerity, faith and surrender are valued. Sing with yearning for Him. Hours of shouting do not count; a moment of concentrated prayer from the heart is enough to melt and move God.
Baba (thought for the day)
 
It was kind of special to get inside aware of how the Lord is present and tells us that it is the right level. It was about light only, it was a beautiful light blue and he said inside, if it is light blue you can go on. That was the only indication we had.  
 
No manifestation of the Lord needs any publicity. What do you know about God? Is your faith unshakable?
 
And Baba said in the interview, just think about God, but how do we think about God if we don't know the Lord?
I began to repeat my mantra or Soham to somehow be in touch with 'that', because I didn't know how to get otherwise in touch with the Lord and even less how to think of him, because he is bigger than the biggest and smaller than the smallest.
But I knew it had to do with the higher self and light.
It had been in my dream as an inner vision, quite some time ago and I was on the way and also with Baba to get answers, because I didn't understand, why it was possible that the higher self was reflected as white light in the dream as vision and it seemed very important, the most important thing we could think about and we had never heard of it before. It was white light and beauty and love.
What do we know about God?

It was on that level of light and love and somehow we would get an answer and if we despise another and even if it is secretly that despise, it condemns the heart secretly and in our own self and that is not the light and love and beauty it is, if we condemn it.  
To realize that it was white light and the higher self, was great and for that knowledge we had all reason to thank the Lord for the insight and the knowledge. It was somehow clear that on this level nobody could be really despised and it was a right conclusion, because it is not possible to despise someone if there is only light and love and beauty.
That was the level of God and I went in that direction and tried to do everything right going for the highest only, as I thought.
But I was again all different and in a relationship. During that relationship the experience turned into hell. And it was the same, only I wondered what I had done and how it could turn into hell, didn't we go always in direction for the highest and light and love?
It began to be there, that despise of the situation and even if it was my own self because I was in that situation. The question was, how could I do that to myself and that felt like hell, despising it in my own heart for not being more careful and how we got there. It felt like praise the Lord and be thankful for it and not like hell, but it was nevertheless an experience of hell. 
 
You praise Him when things go well, and blame when things go wrong. Even before your devotion ripens, you strive to lead others, and plan for subscriptions and associations; all this is mere show which brings more spiritual loss than gain. When you start publicity you descend to the level of those who compete in collecting clientele, decrying others and extolling themselves.
 
We went in direction of light and not darkness, it didn't make sense that it felt like hell, but the relationship was not okay and he turned later out being present in the inner view as an actor only, he was in his role acting and because it was only a role play and not real, therefore, it turned into hell.
We could just hope we would understand it in time.
That is how I got to Baba and told him in my first interview, he asked me what I wanted and I said, because I wanted to be a good girl, that my friend, the actor, was with the Maharishi in New Delhi and I was with him and that was my problem. He asked who my friend was and because I didn't know, he blessed with the words, that it was very difficult to understand and that I should just go on thinking about God and that TM was not the right path.
That is why I was thinking always of God afterwards, but as I didn't know how, I was just thinking the mantra and tried to stay aware that the Lord is bigger than the biggest and smaller than the smallest and therefore, the Lord is on a transcendental level and beyond everything and it was just not really possible to think about him always, because he was bigger than any thought and smaller as well.
But nevertheless, it had turned into an experience I didn't really wanted and nobody seemed able to give an answer why. I thought it would be an experience of heaven on earth and that it should have been, but it ended in hell and that felt rather disturbing and frustrating, no reason to be grateful.
It seemed easy to be grateful for everything as long as it was positive, but as it was not, it became real difficult. It was possible to thank for everything, but it was not possible to thank that boyfriend for that experience until I would be glad that it happened because it made me go on.
It took much more time to be realized than I could imagine. Long time it seemed impossible to get an answer and it went on with the same question and already it felt like we would never get an answer. He said that it was very difficult, but I didn't have a clue what it possibly could mean and what very difficult is when Baba tells, very difficult.
 
Remember, where money is calculated, garnered and exhibited to demonstrate one's achievements, God will not be present.
God comes only where sincerity, faith and surrender are valued. Sing with yearning for Him.
 
But afterwords it was like the time of easy answers was over and something else began, if we liked it or not. And that it would take time, more time as ever  expected to understand that and to know how to be grateful anyhow.
If we know it is knowledge and we have accomplished to know the difference from right and wrong, we can be grateful, but as long as we don't know we go on looking for the right answer. It is also not possible to set limits if we don't know and that was the other problem and that felt not very good after all. 
Something seemed wrong, but we didn't know what, but in reality despising someone in our own heart, is the meaning of hell.
With TM we had already learnt to simplify everything to understand it, but we didn't know how to simplify that, because an actor has a different motivation than a yogi, and only the yogi can be our friend and not the actor. 

It means to go in direction of the self, it went in direction of the highest and there was something wrong. Everything had seemed easy and clear, but that was no more true and real, something was wrong and that very something seemed impossible to grasp. And that is what Baba said, it is very difficult to understand, the yogi was the real friend and the source for heaven on earth and the boyfriend was an actor and playing a role and therefore, he was not a friend, but the other was.
But it seemed clear that we have to stay on top of the mountain to see the light and what had seemed to be the top was in reality the valley and we left the top being in that relationship.
And we should go slowly enough in our expression that we miss no opportunity to be kind, helpful, compassionately, to be inspired, by the light that we are and it was the aim being a meditation teacher and if it would have been real, it would have been just that, everything fine and easy, but as it was it had turned into the opposite.

It was that place we take Darshan with the Guru and we hoped it would all be okay again going to Baba, but as it was still upside down, not just okay. The Darshan didn't tell why, it just showed that it was upside down, the why we had to understand ourselves.
With meditation we learnt to slow down and we recognize the necessity to love, even if it seemed not possible and if we cherished our life, it had to go on even if it was not understood. It seemed still impossible on that level to be extraordinary and in harmony with the Lord, the One. 
It was that place and nowhere else and we had to go on no matter what. 
We were part of that spiritual community and lived and suffered with them and it felt like an immense problem and painful to realize that the answer was not the right one and it seemed impossible to understand why.
We wanted to thank all those who meditated on the same sounds and that we were the same and we cherished the same, it was a gift and not the opposite, but on that place it was no more about peace and abundance, it was no more about fulfillment, but it felt like we were together in a ship that was about to go under.
We had learnt that we were blessed and that it should be a privilege to sale together, they said we were blessed and getting the support of mother nature, and what we had in common was that we knew how to meditate and to share the experience, it felt like a great thing.
It said just meditate and all problems will be solved and on that basis we could just relax and enjoy and be grateful, if it would have worked, if there would have been a right answer.  
To meditate and to be grateful and to build up the understanding was necessary, because without that it was not possible to forgive. So it was a need to understand it first, before we could forgive. 
We tried to be thankful and we still didn't know how. What had been full was empty and what had been great, had turned into the opposite. 
We were burdened with an actor who appeared to be yogi, it was not joy and meditation, but a burden. And we wanted to be joyful and give that to others. There was a new challenge to take the burden as joy, as confidence and courage and to see it as an opportunity to give it to others, but that was much more difficult and it seemed impossible without understanding it, because it was a gift, but we didn't just get it like that. We had to listen, think it over and absorb first.
That is how it felt like we lost the ability to pray in gratitude and we didn't know anymore how to plant the seeds. It is what we seek for ourselves.
It didn't feel like accomplished, it seemed all in vain.  
The day I became a meditation teacher I said to the Maharishi, thank you and he answered, it is beyond thanks.
So I didn't think it mattered anymore to thank for it, there was wisdom, but no right answer, therefore, we didn't thank for it, we would only be able to thank again if the right answer would be there.
 
From one good experience to another good experience, but in between was a long time just no answer and it seemed still never to end that calamity, as it was still not understood. 
It rather felt like ruin on the spiritual path than enlightenment. 
 
God comes only where sincerity, faith and surrender are valued. Sing with yearning for Him. Hours of shouting do not count; a moment of concentrated prayer from the heart is enough to melt and move God.
 
 

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