Be warned! Do not run after Devious Desires

Be careful to not engage yourself in Iccha Krishi (the cultivation of wants and desires).
This is a never ending process of sowing and reaping, you will never reach contentment. For, one desire, when satisfied will fan the thirst for ten more. Be warned! Do not run after devious desires or crooked satisfactions. All roads leading to the realm of the senses are tortuous and blind.
Only the road that leads to God is straight. Cultivate straightforwardness (Neethi) in your every act. That will reveal the Divine in due course. It will also enable you to overcome your three Gunas (Rajas, Sathwa and Tamo). Just as you grind chilly, salt and tamarind to get a tasty dish, you must grind all the three Gunas so that the taste of Ananda (bliss) emerges.
Baba

If we cultivate wants and desires, it feels all familiar to read it, that was the level I had met with my ex and unaware of it.

I talked about truth and thought that the ideal mattered a lot and he would help me to find that or we would do it together, but I guess that was all not possible, because I was not aware of the background and that is abuse and violence in my family.
We had met in the ashram and he agreed to everything, because it had to look ideal as he only took advantage of it, what Baba said in the inner view.
To understand that is also kind of a challenge. The question is of what he took advantage of, but I guess it was about everything. But I remember before we left and went to Baba, because he had a dream that I had to go to Baba to make peace of it. I didn't say anything, because I was that afraid he could get aware of it that it was non-sense he said and that he would not let us go, because it was the struggle into freedom back to Baba and when we sat in the airplane it felt like Baba had wings and was carting back to him. I was that afraid he would not let us go, because the whole relationship was based on abuse.

We sow and we reap and sow again and we will never reach contentment.

That is not exactly what we project in cultivating desires.
My ex projected freedom in it and it was about job and finally - that is the reality which comes closest to him - no contentment. 

When I realized that he agreed to everything and didn't even know what I was talking about, it was already too late. If I would describe him, it was a man with no contentment, on all levels. It felt like it expanded to infinity with him.

He never stooped to ask what his job was instead of doing it and whatever he began didn't work out. It felt like a vicious circle, but he took advantage and therefore, in his mind - I should bring the solution and that was not possible.

When I told him to go to college and get a better education, he answered and what afterward? It was always the same. He didn't do it, it felt like talking against a wall and no way out.

We met a devotee, she was about to retire and she had a Montessori school and we should take over her school. We went both into that education. 

He was not able to sing and not able to draw, I had to draw it for him and we had to do lots of drawings, but he still went ahead and after we left he went for three years to college and it was about a teacher's education and after only three years..., he noticed that after all it was not the right profession for him to be a teacher and he went one more year to college to become a librarian. 

I have never met anyone who was more upsetting in his mind away expecting someone else to find solutions to his problems and nothing worked out.

Baba said in his dream that he should do his work that it will be a success, but he didn't know what his work was and therefore, he was not putting it into practice. Only much later, living again with his sister, she got a house from some friends, he went to live with her and as it seems he couldn't go on with devious desires and crooked satisfaction and he finally was able to do something real and later he began to work on that level, but with us it was not possible, and why, I guess it was because of the abuse level.

And I never thought that listening means that we have to go on and on to understand it finally in Babar’s words.

It seems kind of endless and hard work, he called it Tapas, but usually we don't have to find answers for the whole family, but only for ourselves. 

This is a never ending process of sowing and reaping, you will never reach contentment. For, one desire, when satisfied will fan the thirst for ten more. Be warned! Do not run after devious desires or crooked satisfactions. All roads leading to the realm of the senses are tortuous and blind.

That were Babar’s words in my ex's dream, 'I warn you in that room you will not get the right answer'. At that time I hardly knew him and had no idea that it meant I would have to think about it until we will understand it and when we were in the ashram Baba said inside, 'you didn't listen, therefore, you have to get a divorce'.

It was difficult to understand. The word 'divorce' I understood, but why and how it had happened and why we didn't listen I understand only now, because now we have to listen. And after all that listening on a Baba level it is self-effort, it is what I am doing here in thinking it over and whatever is in the mind, what he is bringing up, that has to be absorbed.  

I thought it was my ex's dream and it was his dream, but if we listen carefully to Babar’s words, we would have been able to understand it. So we didn't listen and therefore, we had to make the experience and get a divorce, he said it to me and all in the beginning, about eight years ago he sad in his dream that he warns him and that he will not get the right answer in that room and it resulted in exactly what he said here, it resulted in perversion. 

Reading those words of Baba and thinking it over I can feel by intuition that it was the same in the Baba dream, therefore, Baba said, I warn you in that room you will not get the right answer, it was not his own room, I guess?

He lived in his boss's room and for him it was maybe different on that level and it seemed possible that all desires were fulfilled on an outside level.

But at that time we didn't know it was about desires.

And he had that dream and Baba said, 'give, give, give, I will not give. You lived a dream and that is your problem and not mine. You need a Psyche and that I will give.'

It felt to me like I had to make the best out of it, not aware at all of the abuse behind, I thought it was a Baba Lila and when I dreamt that I married my father, it was a shock. What did I marry if I married my father? I had no notion of it and that was kind of disturbing, because I should have had at least an idea about it.

In Baba's thought for the day, we get answers.
He uses the same words as he used in the dreams. Reading that, 'I warn you ...', means it is the same level as in my ex's dream. It means it is about desires and wishes and taking advantage of it. 

Only the road that leads to God is straight. Cultivate straightforwardness (Neethi) in your every act. That will reveal the Divine in due course. It will also enable you to overcome your three Gunas (Rajas, Sathwa and Tamo). Just as you grind chilly, salt and tamarind to get a tasty dish, you must grind all the three Gunas so that the taste of Ananda (bliss) emerges. 

We went ahead, because I thought it was about discrimination between truth and illusion, what in a sense it still is and always will be. During the time inside when Baba left the body there were the three Gunas and the difference in the dream. In Baba's enlightening words are the answers. But in the mean time following the insight that my younger brother was doing the worst he could do, it mirrored the violence level and what I felt behind was the father.

It needs a nothing with him to get on that level, he gets violent and abusive, that seems to be the worst he can do.

I don't really know why, his problem, his anger and it was also not about taking car of him, but about getting aware that it is not the right level. 

But that means with my ex it was the same abuse.
We follow the inner master and get to that mirror, to an insight and Baba is the insight and also the following step. 
It is still there the pattern of the father, my mother had ignored all her life.
There is no devotion, it is the wrong level, ego and mind.
It results in misunderstandings and the worst he can do, he talks about killing, no ahimsa, no non-violence. What came up is the abuse, the mirror of the father.
When it said I married the father, I have married the abuse, somehow convinced I didn't deserve better. I was not aware of it what felt wrong. 

Because I said a wrong word, the father took a knife and was running behind me.

It seems there are fathers they kill their daughter, but that is no father and my mother tried to Keep the image of a nice family, which was not real. But I had done nothing at all, I just had different people driving me home and he didn't like that the neighbors could see it or she didn't like it.  
It was dangerous and it was naive.
It was dangerous because of the violence and his anger and naive, because she looked at it still as nice family and was ignoring all. She said it is everywhere the same, but it is not. And after that it never felt okay again. It turned into abuse. That is why I felt never home again.
In my dream it was present as a lot of rapes and finally I agreed with one on that level.
As I didn't understand it, it seems I married it.
We were in the ashram of non-violence and truth and love and that guy with violence made me stay with him.

He hit my head with a metal pot until I thought he would kill me and afterward I couldn't leave anymore and that is why I was afraid he would not let us go and I waited for the prince I had seen in a Baba dream.

When Baba was in his dream and said that I had to come back to him and make peace with him, for me it was clear that it was the prince. I had waited all those years for him and when he was there, he thought it was stupid that I had to go and make peace with Baba. It was kind of strange that he even got to that idea that it could be stupid when Baba does it. Nothing what Baba does is ever stupid. He was real stupid to think like that, but in that moment was clear, something felt very wrong and I was afraid he would notice how happy I was that we could fly to Baba.

I didn't want to show him how glad I was. I didn't talk to not get his attention. I let him believe it was stupid of me to have to go to Baba, if only I could go away from that abusive situation. 

In reality Baba corrected it and he said in the daughter's dream that her father is stupid and doesn't know what he is doing and if she will go back to him, as he is destroying himself, he will destroy her too. So we were not able to go back, but I still had no idea about the abuse level in it.  
My mother wanted to see only the good and in a sense she was right, but it was not real, she looked at her flowers and said, what do you have, there is nothing. It was the only thing she could say and she was running and running to prove how good she was and it was just awful to watch.
And Baba didn't tell and therefore, I felt in vain save and okay, it was like the devotee I had to translate for, she was following with many taxis taking much too much stuff with her and she was alone and came back when we all had left for the mountains. She needed cash to pay all those taxis and someone watched her get a big amount in the bank. They knew where she was living, she painted always her room new and someone followed her, she was robbed and hit with a bottle on her head and she died of it.
Baba said to both of us that he will always take care of us, but we never know what it means and in what way. And it was just fourteen days before I met my ex, probably it was all already in the air and I don't doubt that he knew what would happen. We had both some kind of Nazi past, even if we lived both in Switzerland.   

Be warned! Do not run after devious desires or crooked satisfactions. All roads leading to the realm of the senses are tortuous and blind.

It was like a shock when my ex said, 'I will never give that woman any satisfaction!' It was exactly that level, crooked.

That Montessori teacher was a devotee and she was okay, he was not okay. And we had done that school and all that work to just get there. It was gone in just a moment, what was the use of all the preparation and work? 
Baba told him in the dream that I had to come to him and make peace with him and made fun of it, but he let us go and that was at that time for me the main issue that we could go. Until the last moment I was scared he would not let us leave.  
In my dream Baba was as vampire, blood sucker and with a long nose and that means he fooled us into something which was not real. 
I was very clear that something was wrong, but I was too tired and I had a nervous breakdown, I just had to get of it.
In that Baba Lila I was like my mother, seeing only the positive side of it, going on unaware of the hidden background and abuse and Baba's Lila reflected the other side of it, the shadow it seems, I was not able to see.
It was an abusive relationship.
The moment I wanted to leave and go my way and I wanted to tell him that it would not work out, instead of talking.. , what did I expect ...?
He got violent. He took the metal pot we had cooked water in the ashram and hit on my head, again and again, I also thought he would kill me.
That was the abuse, afterward, with my family not being available I was at his mercy and I couldn't leave anymore with a small baby.

And the parents were in Spain, there was like no way out, but a Baba dream; we were standing on the top of an escalator and I went with Baba down and was transformed in a prince I had married, that was the ideal. 

Afterwards, I was waiting for that prince, but I had forgotten that Baba was the prince. Years later, when he was in his dream and said that I had to come to Baba to make peace with him, I knew it was in direction of the prince and therefore, the highest for me. 

And in Darshan, Baba turned his head and there he was, he was the prince and in that moment I remembered and I wondered where it had been the past years, I had forgotten that he was the prince, because I was with my ex on a mind level, that is not the present, but past and future.

Baba said in my dream that it was perverted, I get aware of the connection between the warning he said in the beginning and the perversion by these words. 

And afterwards because of the abuse level and the perversion, he didn't understand what I wrote and he ignored everything Baba said and it was like a mud hole, no way out. It was not possible to communicate or to talk, and it was all upside down. I talked with a wall.

That is what Baba meant when he said inside that it was perverted.

No way to talk to that guy, devotee or not, he had turned into the opposite. What came back was only aggravation. So it didn't end there, but it took again seven long yrs until he signed the divorce agreement and that was a so called Baba Lila. If that was Baba, I regretted for the rest of my life that I had been with him. 
It has been one of the worst experiences and it leads to the insight that it is because of my father.  

Baba was in the six year old daughter's dream and said to her that her father was stupid and that he doesn't know what he is doing and that he is destroying himself and if she would go back to him, he would destroy her too. That way he made sure we wouldn't go back, because a mother cannot sacrifice the child and anyhow, if he destroyed her, he destroyed me as well.

And when he said that we didn't listen and therefore, we had to get a divorce, I was like in shock, because I thought I listened to him, he took a letter, but that is not what is meant when Baba tells listen..., it is his teaching and we didn't listen like most of us don't listen as it seems. It seems rather most of people have no idea what is meant with listening. They think it is like with the parents, when they tell you didn't listen, but it is much more, because he is our divine parents. 
Of course, we didn't listen, because listening means we have to think it over and we have to absorb, on the Atman level those three are together like always.
It is not only one, it is three in one. 

If we listen to it, we also have to think it over to be able to absorb and after we do that it is real and not just the idea in our mind of what it should be.

It is about the three levels of Sathva, Rajas and Tamas or body, mind and Atman If we only listen without putting it into action and practice, it is Tamas, inertia and dull, ignorance. If we put it into action and think it over, it becomes movement and passion and by doing it the insight it on the level of sathva. That is what I am doing in writing, I put it into action, the whole thing is spiritual work called Tapas. 
Before Baba left the body he was in my dream as two Baba's, the one was the insight and the other was the following step. It is the same, we have to get the insight, but we also have to put it into practice, whatever the insight.

Listen, think it over and absorb. It is a huge difference if we just think we understand it or if we know that it is 'that' and it cannot be anything else but 'that' and it is known and realized.