Develop Faith and Stand like a Rock

Develop faith in yourselves, so that you can stand like a rock braving the rushing waters of the flood of negation. 

That faith will make you overcome the changing circumstances of the outer world. Keep the flame of detachment (vairagya) burning with tiny sticks until it grows into a big bonfire; welcome all chances to develop discrimination (viveka). 

Take the Name of the Lord and repeat it always. Sing to the Lord with faith and enthusiasm. Let the whole environment reverberate with the devotion you put into every Name that you sing. The Lord's Name promotes comradeship and establishes concord; it stills all storms and grants peace. Become a blossom, exude the fragrance of seva (selfless service) and prema (love); then you will find a place in the garland that adorns the Lord.

Baba (thought for the day)

It is a good way to get aware of God as half awake and as a dream, he is both and in our dreams we get insights we never had before. 
And that God feels this universe, also that is a great way to get aware of it, because it is always about how we feel and if we are not used to watch feelings, we have to get used to it.

Out of watching my feelings I got aware that my family didn't do that and that it was challenging them beyond measures, when I began to express my feelings, actually they couldn't take it. 

They are not present, each one in its own way. 
If going down the escalator or into abuse and the sister is somehow present inside as dark and on two places, nevertheless, she couldn't be found. 
That means just feeling the feelings and trying to know what it means, I got in conflict with the family. And Baba tells us to take care of the family, but that was not really possible, it was just getting aware of it. 

They didn't like it, when I questioned feelings, they questioned even that we questioned it and if it was not a sign of sickness to ask questions and nobody seemed to be able to make the difference between feeling and self-inquiry. 
I guess even if they are studied and intelligent, as it seems, they are not aware that feelings need to be processed to get the real meaning of it.

And it is not only about feelings, but also about dreams. 
God is dreaming and he is in our heart and therefore, in watching dreams we grow in his inspiration, but we have to develop discrimination.

And sometimes it feels like we don't know where to begin with to develop faith, thinking it is only a dream, we already negate it and are not able to have enough attention and discrimination to get aware and to know inside that it is the Lord. 
And in that case we don't get aware of his presence. 

But to stand like a rock braving the rushing waters of the flood of negation, that rock is the part of our own self, that is undisturbed and firm part of it.

The negation is all around just passing by. 

Develop faith in yourselves, so that you can stand like a rock braving the rushing waters of the flood of negation. That faith will make you overcome the changing circumstances of the outer world. Keep the flame of detachment (vairagya) burning with tiny sticks until it grows into a big bonfire; welcome all chances to develop discrimination (viveka). 

That way everything is a challenge to develop discrimination. 
If I question my feelings and one of my brothers goes down the escalator, it means for my inner discrimination that he goes into the dark and developing discrimination goes into the light, that is not the same direction. 
If we don't do it and don't know it, we are anyhow in the dark. It means we get only aware of the light if we develop discrimination, it is the difference between what is permanent and what is just passing by. 
And if I look for my sister and she is present in two black forms, but I cannot find her, it means she is in the mind and the body and not awake on the level of the real 'I' and there is no inner devotion. If we go into the light, we cannot find her on that level and the third one is even worse, he was not only not present, he turned into abuse and that is the worst he can do. 

It is just about observing it, it is anyhow a dream, only they live another level of dreaming and always did. It seems painful first, but in reality we should be grateful and thank the Lord for the discrimination and for the right knowledge, that is the level of realization and knowing why it doesn't work, we cannot find them. It has been like that already before. It was just not yet realized why. What is the difference? 

In one state of mind I still expected to be of help or to change something, looking for the family, taking care of it, as Baba said and as it seems all in vain, we are not able to find them. 
It tells me why adnd it seems kind of time waste to go into it or it just tells the next step has to come from them. I had done what was possible. 
It can only change if they change direction and as they are not able to even look at it at least now. 
In a later state when it is inner view, it turns into knowledge, I don't look for the family anymore, because the 'I' cannot find it and will not get satisfied in that urge to find it. And with one it finds only abuse, that it the worst he can do, there is no use to go on on that level. The other goes into darkness and the third it present on two levels and on the real level it doesn't exist, it is not real. 
It means it was like that already before, it has not changed, but all looking to understand it on the feeling level just confirms what already was present, but now I know why and that is the power of discrimination.
I had to inquire and develop discrimination.

What is the difference with my ex? 
It is the same on the outside level, it always has been, I just didn't know it. In the beginning I thought it would be helpful to get an answer, because I thought he was a Baba devotee and that was going in direction of discrimination as I had to understand it and get answers, I thought it would be the same for him.

What I got aware inside by that inquiry and writing and thinking it over is that it had to be just easy for him, easy answers, the path of least effort and he understood Baba on that level, that means whatever had happened, he just took advantage of it. 
There is no commitment and therefore, there is no duty, he just lives and thinks he is real, but it is only on thought level. 

I had with him the opportunity of redeveloping discrimination and it expanded to my family and the neighborhood. The neighbor was a friend we were still teenagers and later he turned into the opposite, it reminded me at the story of Ben Hur. His most cherished childhood friend during their teens and loved by the families turned into the opposite and they became bitter enemies. That is how I had to face the reality that he was no friend anymore later on, there was nothing left the friendship, it had turned into the opposite. 
And that was kind of like with my ex, there was nothing left but an empty Western shoe, that means there is nothing to expect but deception. 
And as we have a child together, whenever there was a problem and I tried to tell him, I got confronted with the reality of that empty Western Shoe. Baba called him like that when leaving the body, he said no more husband, nothing left but an empty Western shoe.
That is how I get answers and how I can understand it and how we learn inside to discriminate and when I see the story and reality of my ex in the light of my own family, I can feel it what it means, that nothing is left but an empty shoe and that discrimination is necessary to not go in the wrong direction and to never expect anything of that empty shoe again.

In the film Ben Hur the family, mother and sister, go by the traitor's fault to prison, they only get years later out of it but as lepers and get healed by the Christ, that is the story. We as the witness know that he is the traitor and if I would compare that to my family, they don't want to see him a traitor and because traitors for me and let me down, that is how and why it turned into abuse. They refuse to see it, but that was really the mother who was not able to see it, because she was hurt in her pride and because she was attached on it, in her view she did everyhing to make it okay again and that illusion was the reason that she didn't wanted to see the traitor, but they let their daughter down. There was a moment my whole life was standing head and I had the feeling I didn't understand one word anymore they said until I faced being with Baba the reality that he was responsible and my family was letting me down.  
It was not possible to understand it, but it turned into abuse, because it was all an illusion what the mother lived. She didn't heal the situation with her attitude, in the opposite, it rather destroyed the family. They still refuse to see it.  
Let down by them I began to search for answers, my family was like standing head, nothing made sense anymore what they said and did and it was like a nuts house. It was very difficult and I tried to get away as far as I could from it and being with Baba that background was coming up and I had to face truth. 
They refused to see that the neighbor was a traitor and that there had been a problem, made it always look like my problem. 
But that traitor was not only my enemy, he disturbed the whole family by that, it was only manipulation and they were not aware of it. 
In the film he got aware of it later that it was his best friend's responsibility that his mother and sister were in jail and he as a Jewish prince was betrayed and sent into slavery by his Roman friend. 
He regains later his freedom and came back for revenge and in that sense it was the same, Baba making me aware if it that I had been betrayed by the neighbor coming back I had to face it to get to the difference between untruth and truth.

Standing the rock and developing discrimination means to understand how it has been years ago and what was from the side of the family ignored and why they let me down facing the betrayal. 
The higher self is the rock that stands firm and everything is moving around. 
I that light of the self we cannot find in them, it is nowhere to be found in the reality of consciousness. 

There is no light, even if they think that there is light. 
It means there is no devotion and I thought that I met in my sister also 'that', but it is not present and the insight shows reality in the observer and if we observe, we get in touch with reality.

But I know someone who is the same 'I am that' and that means if he knows it or not, we are part of the same. If we look for the family we have to find it where it is real. When it is about self-realization it is not on the body level.

The youngest brother began to meditate long ago, but he never really did it, and with him it has turned into abuse. He is doing the worst he can do. 
But before it was understood the heart tried to still get a better answer or to help or to do something about it, but all in vain. 

That is the symbol of the rock braving the rushing water of the flood of negation. We have to develop faith and we have to develop discrimination. 
It is a process and it takes some time until the heart understands it and until it is mirrored inside as 'abuse', but after that, it would be kind of stupid or even dangerous to look for another answer. It is somehow done. 

If we don't have that discrimination, we will not be able to sing with enthusiasm, because the level of deception takes not only energy away, but also the lack of discrimination doesn't allow to realize that oneness.

If we see in everybody only our own self, it is possible to let the whole environment reverberate with devotion, because there is no difference between us and the others, it is all the same and that is he, the One, there is nothing but that, if we are aware of it or not. 

Let the whole environment reverberate with the devotion you put into every Name that you sing. The Lord's Name promotes comradeship and establishes concord; it stills all storms and grants peace. Become a blossom, exude the fragrance of seva (selfless service) and prema (love); then you will find a place in the garland that adorns the Lord.

If we are aware that God is dreaming himself in us, dreams will have another value, but not to get deluded because we live a dream, but to develop more discrimination and if I try to explain that to my other brother and he goes down the escalator in direction of darkness, I know he will finally not be open enough to go for it. 

Before the people left at the burial of my mother the younger brother began already with 'abuse', he couldn't wait until the end of the day to spit his poison and at that time I didn't know yet what it was. And he didn't stop anymore, as he expected the other being at his side.
My mother said before she past away that I should keep the family together, but I don't think that is possible and I also know why. We have to face the fact that she did it in ignoring the situation and the neighborhood as it really had been. She asks me to heal something, she has done by ignoring the traitor in the neighborhood. 
She was not aware of it and thought she did the best she could in ignoring it, but that is the reason it is like that. It seems all in vain trying to make them aware of reality, as she has lived all her life in an illusion and did everything to make that illusion real, she has no idea what she does in asking me to do the opposite, probably she has understood that I am the one who could do it, but she was not aware of it that she did the opposite. 

It feels rather like that part belongs to the nightmare P. Yogananda is talking about in the quote I found about dreams and God, it is just passing by. 

But the real thing is to see it as it was years ago, to get aware of it in that light and to have no more questions about it. 
That is the hidden reason why we always wanted to get away from it and why we cannot expect anything from them, they are just not present. 

It was kind of difficult to develop that discrimination, but only in developing it and only in that light it is possible to know to whom I really belong and to whom I do not belong. We have to discriminate between real and unreal. 

Asatho Maa Sad Gamaya. Thamaso Maa Jyothir Gamaya. Mrithyur Maa Amritham Gamaya. Om Shanti, Shanti

That is what we are praying for in every singing: From untruth lead us to truth, from darkness lead us to light, from death lead us to immortality.

We should not be unhappy when it finally happens and we get inside aware of the difference between untruth and truth, between darkness and light and between death and immortality. 

Not long ago I met someone again I had met during dancing and in him was death, even though we spoke about immortality or because we spoke about it at night in the dream the opposite was present, nothing but death. 
And when someone goes down the escalator he goes in direction of darkness and if someone is on two places but cannot be found, he is in the mind and the body and the one who is living 'abuse', he does the worst he can do, what about that?

When it is on the level of insight, we have maybe first a problem with accepting it, but in reality we should be grateful for the knowledge and the discrimination, because that it the Lord in us. 

Just as when you are half awake and can see a dream, and know you are dreaming, and yet are apart from it, that is how God feels this universe. On one side he is awake, and on another side he is dreaming this universe. And that is how you should look upon this world. Then you will know why he created it, and you will not ascribe these dream conditions to your soul. If you pass through a nightmare, you know that is no more than a bad dream. If you can live in the world in that consciousness, you will not suffer.
You won't mind then, because you will know you are dreaming. Do not pay undue attention to the passing scenes of life. You are the immortal self (consciousness) living only temporarily in a dream that is sometimes (imagined) to be a nightmare. That is the higher philosophy (and truth) of the mystics.
P. Yogananda