God delights in Watching

" You must be the solution. It is that simple. You must be the solution.  

When I come to your planet, I am sitting in a human body, and a woman's body.  But the presence of My Self is so certain that I am unchanged.

Do you know what I do when I come here?   

Because this is what you must do in your life. When I come upon you, can you imagine how incredibly boring it must be for a being like myself to come to a planet like this and chit chat about 'Why won't you focus on God instead of problems'?  

Do you know why I am not bored?  Because in my experience of Me there is nothing I Love more than being me in the presence of anything and watching it squirm, or watching it grow, watching it die, watching it live, watching what My presence does to anything.   

That is what God does.  God brings the rain and watches what the rain gives to the flowers.  God brings laughter and watches what laughter does.  God brings everything, for God is everything it brings, and then delights in the watching."

Mafu 

We are the solution and that is what we need to get it, the awareness that we watch and it is not about that we like what we watch, but that we realize that we are just observing and we have to be able to get there. 

It needs that type of detached focus, but I warn you it will be hard to get there.

We are the solution.

It means in my own inner view, is not about what I am watching, but that we are watching, whatever that is, but we have to get there.

I don't like what I watch or I forget what we got.

Becoming mother was great and good, but my mother at that time noticed already that something seemed wrong, that I didn't see it right.

My focus was not on him, but on Baba and he took advantage of it. She noticed that it was different, and if we would ask him, he wouldn't know the answer, because he was not aware of what he did.

He didn't enjoy to father a child, it was for him not the same as it was for me becoming a mother. There was no commitment to the relationship. He is on the level of the empty Western shoe, as Baba said, no more husband, nothing left but an empty Western shoe and there was a pair of old man shoes.

That is what Baba said in the moment he left the body, no more husband, nothing left but an empty Western shoe.

If I have a choice, I will for sure not be an empty shoe.

It was about least effort and if we would ask him today what he achieved and if he wanted a child, I guess he would not know. Instead of going for Baba's Lila and trying to learn from it, he went the path of least effort. When it was not anymore pleasing, he went back to his sister's house and that is where he lived ever since. It was too easy.

That means he will not be grateful because he achieved what he wanted, as he was not aware of what he wanted, he wanted it just to be easy as it had been before. If there is no inner commitment, it is easy.

Already when travelling he said that I was hiding behind the baby, because he had to carry the luggage and he didn't want to do an effort.

Instead of liking to be useful, he didn't want to carry the luggage, it was not easy enough.

It didn't make sense, Baba was teaching the opposite, how did he get to that idea? There was no commitment to the family, not to the decision to become a father, because it was all too easy. It was difficult to accept being together with someone like that. He said that he knew that it was a Baba Lila and he talked us into it, also that was easy.  

But for me it became in time only more difficult to be an unaffected watcher. My part and what I wanted is good, because of the child, enough reason to be grateful.  

My mother noticed that something was strange and therefore, she was not that happy, I was pregnant, because she worried and I am sorry to tell that she was right. She didn't want to have a daughter who ended up as single mother, but that is just what she got, she got what she was afraid of, it was what she didn't want.

It was not easy, therefore, if we would ask him today what he wanted, he probably would not know what to answer, as it just arranged him and when it didn't arrange him anymore, he was not anymore present, he thought that Baba made it possible for him to go and live with his sister, that was easier than taking care of a family of to father the child.

It was not easy enough, he wanted to be husband, but only if it was easy and a dream and if it was not, it was my problem, not his.

There was no commitment to the relationship, because that was too much effort. He thought Baba was the path of least effort and therefore, he wanted to be husband, but without taking care of the relationship, it should take care of him and above all make it easy. He wanted the path of least effort, afterwards he went to his sister's house, that was easier.

He didn't know what he was doing and if you would ask him, you would notice that he didn't know, he thought it was easy and if it was not, he made me responsible for it and himself.

He is not able to be grateful to be a father, to have achieved something. He is only grateful that he could go to his sister's house, that was easy.

It was like gone with the wind, no engagement, not awareness, just flowing with the wind. In the end is nothing, Baba called it an empty Western shoe. Baba was for him the path of least effort.

To get aware if it was enervating, it was hard and impossible to just watch, because it was not only in conflict with Baba's teaching and character, it was also bringing us on the ruin of the spiritual path, but he was not aware of it. 

But when we realize that he just took advantage of it, because it felt good to be in a Baba Lila, Baba did it, we thought... that was also easy and perverted in the end.

It is quite difficult to delight in watching, if we know why, it gets into more distance and put in question by what has happened, just knowing how to be a witness.

It was during a very hot summer and just some time before Baba left for Whitefield in his second ashram. It was that hot, we had Darshan at a later time not as usual and no waiting time between Darshan and Bhajans. That is why Baba didn't give interviews.

I sat in the front row pregnant and I lived in the idea of an ideal relationship. Baba was just standing in front of me and painting an Om for a child on a chalkboard. She sat behind me and at once Baba said, please go.

The sound of his voice told me that it was not meant for interview, because there were no interviews. We packed our stuff and left the same day and went to Whitefield, because it was too hot for me.

Only two days later Baba came also to Whitefield and took the American- and the Swiss-group in the interview room. I was sitting on the other side and felt kind of strange and I sat in front at his feet.

He asked my ex with whom he was coming and he said, with his wife and Baba began a strange game. He asked the ladies in the American group, 'who, who, who'? He asked three different ladies and of course all said, 'no'.

I realized only now that it made clear that she was not present.

There was no relationship, no wife and no commitment. But the baby was anyhow on its way to be born a week later and we were too occupied to think about it.

  

It was Baba's way to tell us that he was not present and that he didn't do it, because if he would have made the relationship, he would not have asked. 

It is only as Baba can ask questions, we are getting the answer much later and understanding it, is even taking more time. 

It was just an easy answer to think it was done by him, no problem. 

But as it was only about easy, it was no marriage, he was never husband.

It was clear, I knew that I didn't know, there was no way I could say that he was it, I went on because he said he knew. He made it easy. 

It was just keeping us ready inside and he thought it was all easy and just made for him to take advantage of it. 

 

And I thought that maybe he knew something, but time past and I lost my illusions. It was only a dream, but to face that dream, that was the challenge and it seemed nearly impossible to watch without getting upset and not being disturbed by it and it made the doubt grow and doubts lead to spiritual ruin, for me it was the opposite of easy.

Only for him it was easy, he got a room in the ashram from his former boss and he went there, no problem, it was easy and that is how it went on.

He thought it would go on like that - easy, simple. 

It created only doubt but he was not aware of it and also not that it was a question of spiritual ruin, for him it was easy. 

  

It didn't make sense. Today it does and therefore, it makes sense that Baba said, no more husband, nothing left but an empty Western shoe.

It was not not real, nothing was real, not what he said, not the relationship, it was actually quite terrible to wake up in such a dream world and to get aware of it why Baba asked all the women on the American side, who, who, who?

That is how he makes us aware of it. Years later we know why he reacted like he did and why it had to be just easy.

It was a dream, we lived a Baba dream, the dream that he made the relationship and it felt good enough to go for it.

Baba had asked a devotee in the interview room, to whom I belonged and what our relationship was and who I was and I had to translate and that is how it happened.

I didn't know how to understand it and talked about it to others, as we lived together in the same house in the mountains and not all separate like in the ashram. That is why I spoke to him and he answered it.

He said he knew, but in reality he took just advantage of it and saw an opportunity to get a wife, it was easy. 

For me it looked like a Baba Lila and it felt good to go for it, he made us ready, but not for that, but it was easy. 

It was about belonging. He said, that I belonged to him and I thought, maybe he knows something more or maybe it will be true later or he will help me to get the answers and that was the worst about it, it was all wrong and stupid.

Because as he took only advantage of it, he didn't care, there was no commitment, he made it just easy.

It seemed easy to go to Baba and nothing else. It was not about right answers. And as it was not easy to get the right answer for me, he thought that I was wrong and it was my mistake that it was no more easy, as it had been before, as it had been when he got the room of his former boss and he could just go on, it was all too easy.

It was about relationhsip, but not for him and not about commitment or even that it ruins the path, if there are doubts.

For him it was simple, it was a Baba Lila, but an easy Baba lila and if it got difficult it was no more a Baba Lila, but my doing.

He said since we were together, it was no more as before, because before he had a privilege and his former boss's room and after everything was my fault. He was too simple in his mind and it was like he couldn't think really. His reasoning was strange, but after Baba said inside that it was perverted, because he went in direction of money, that was easy, even though we never went to Baba because of such a reason, only he was able to do that, because it was easy in his boss's room. 

It was about least effort. He went the path of least effort and said that it was Baba, so he was not aware that he did anything wrong, even if it was about his daughter or something else, he went on in his stupid feeling that it had to be easy.

Baba set the perfect solution for him and he could go to his sister's place that he was not committed to the relationship, not the husband he said he was, not the father he really should have been, that didn't even come to his mind, he was that simple in his thoughts, it was easier to go to his sister.

It was never about character or about duty or about a commitment.

He was that simple in his way of thinking that it was already shocking that we can be that stupid.

He didn't know what he was doing, not during that time when he said, that I belonged to him, nor later, it was just easy for him.

He said to Baba that he came with his wife, but afterwards he went to his sister and said that was Baba, because that was easier. 

It was easy, much too easy.

There was no relationship and he was not interested in it, he had his own answers and it didn't come in his mind that it could be a wrong answer. He didn't care if it was right or not, it was easy.

It was strange that I had to get answers and it was for him not about what Baba said in the interview room, who had to go to Baba and make peace with him?

His reasoning was stupid, it was nearly not bearable.

It was easy and a Baba Lila, we went for it, because it seemed easy.

Only now I noticed what a stupid thing it really was. Instead of getting answers, it put everything in question and it took a lot of years just to realize why it happened.

It was about ruin and the insight that doubt is the ruin of the spiritual path.

It took years and years to get aware that it was about doubts and ruin and that was anything else but easy.

It was about stupidity. It was that stupid and he said who has to go and make peace with a Sai Baba. It put the Lila in question, because if I was stupid and not a blessing, as a normal devotee would think, we are blessed if the Lord calls, not stupid. He didn't realize what he was doing, not aware that his attitude created doubts and that it was in conflict with what he said earlier and it put everything in question what had happened. He didn't take any responsibility and moreover, it was his answer that we got into it.

He said he knew and it was not true, it was just a dream, but how do we know the difference?

I told him I didn't know and we went on and on telling more things which were not true to make us go for it anyhow and it was kind of awkward to get aware of it, what bullshit he said to get us into it and it happened in the Lord's presence and nobody warned us. Yes, he said in his dream, I warn you, on that level you will not get the right answer, but how should I understand his dream?

We didn't listen, because there was no 'we'.

How do we know how to listen? In reality it was not easy.

I never said yes, we went along because of him telling that he knew and he took no responsibility for it. Normally we don't take advantage of marriage, but that was kind of different with Baba.

And why it was perverted and what was perversion on that path?

We are the solution.

It created doubt, he said that he knew and it was not true. 

It was about dreams. Afterwards Baba was in the dream of his six year old daughter and said, that her father was stupid and if she would go back to him he would destroy her as well and that he was destroying himself. 

It didn't reach him. He still thought that he was right, whatever Baba said, it didn't go to him, it didn't reach him.

He was not aware of what he was doing. It was stupid, no excuse for such stupidity, able to ruin everybody and go on eating no salt on the spiritual path being a good devotee and blaming everybody else but himself. 

 

He went into fight with everybody and afterwards asked, what do you do?

Only not with his big boss, there he was careful, because he had his room in the ashram and it was pleasing enough and it made it easy for him.

He began fights with everybody we met, devotee or not and said, what have you done? 

His reasoning was nuts, it was also easy, even if he did it, the other was wrong. 

No responsibility for whatever, blaming others for it, and that made it dangerous. It was impossible to live like that. It didn't make sense and it created only more doubt and we have to deal with since.

Getting unattached and aware of it and why it was like that to become unattached, to be able to watch and to get on the level of just being a witness.

If we do not understand it, it puts everything in question. But when we are able to watch and see that it was stupid, that it was just about easy answers, it is possible again to be an unattached observer.

If it is too easy it is difficult to find the pleasure and delight in watching, if it goes on a doubt level, the doubt destroys the relationship between the guru and the disciple and leads to spiritual ruin.

 

If we see it as it really is, it seems possible to watch and observe again and we are able to forgive. We are the solution, it is about realizing it and being able to see it, we are the solution and that is how we get there.

It made sense, when I wrote it down, if it makes sense to read it, that I don't know?