Untruth takes Vital Forces Away

It is not the nature of a spiritual aspirant to search for faults in others and hide their own. If your faults are pointed out to you by someone, don’t argue and try to prove yourself right, and don’t bear a grudge against them for it. Reason out within yourself how it is a fault and set right your own behavior. Rationalizing it for your own satisfaction or wreaking vengeance on the person who pointed it out —these are not the traits of a spiritual aspirant or devotee. Depression, doubt, conceit —these will harm one’s practices and are akin to Rahu and Kethu (planets which bring ill-luck). When your devotion is well established, these qualities will be easily discarded. Seek always the truthful and the joyful, and avoid all thoughts which are untrue, sad and depressing. Always be cheerful, smiling, and enthusiastic under all circumstances. This pure attitude is most desirable. Never get inflated when praised or deflated when blamed - be a spiritual lion!

Baba

We had been in a relationship with someone knowing everything better and always arguing and finding faults for as it seemed no reason at all but that he just liked to argue and he took only advantage of it.  

We had met in Baba’s presence, but that didn’t make it better. He had said lots of nice stuff about how he had been initiated into TM and he said, he knew in that moment that he would do it all his life. That what he said, but some months later he added that he never did it.

There had been precious silence in the TM-center, I couldn’t remember it before and I had been a TM-teacher and I actually missed it, but as there were only pieces left, there was no way back into it.

I mentioned it to Baba and asked him in my first interview about experiences and he said that it was very difficult to understand.

And now I sat there and meditated as much as possible or as much as I could in the hope I would understand it anyhow and it felt kind of impossible. Coming back to my country after that everything was gone what had been my life and my parents had moved to Spain and there was that strange feeling in the air. It was actually an awful feeling and I had no idea how I got into that situation.

That went on for some time and it didn’t get clearer, it was still not clear and not understood.

I was living with a friend I had been already before, she lived in a very old house and she plaid the piano after midnight. In that house she was not disturbing anyone and she was working as a music teacher and I liked it when she plaid the piano at night, it gave me the feeling somebody was there.

She had a small room above she used only to put her stuff, but there was a bed in it and she offered me that room and as I was a TM-teacher it was great, I didn’t have to go and look for an apartment and so I was more flexible and we had met with TM and she was also a TM-Siddha.

During that TM-time we had a great time, there were the big world peace assemblies and lots of people meditating together, I really liked it and it was probably one of the most positive times and when I came back from India all of it was gone.

When I came out of the interview room and my first interview with Baba I had the feeling to not understand anything anymore.

The air broke during one of those courses into pieces and all looked like puppets on a string and the hand was not there which should have been there holding the puppets and they all turned into enemies. That was not great, but I still somehow hoped it would be okay again, but it was not. I went on followed the inner master and when I thought it was finished, it was not.

Again back in the TM-center after that course and I hoped everything would be forgotten and okay again, there was in my meditation a big black hole and the fear to lose the mind and the tiredness was that big, I was afraid to die of it.

It had nothing anymore to do with the lightness of mediation as we had experienced it before and not possible to ignore it, but only before Swami left the body he said in the insight or dream that he is the insight and he is the following step.

If we see it in that light, it helps to get the insights right, but after all those years I knew it was not possible to understand it just like that. I had probably tried in that time everything on the mind level to get an answer and it was all in vain.

In that time it was no more good, it was really like only pieces left and I had no idea what had happened and why. But it was Swami giving the answer, he said that if we separate peace and right action there are only pieces left. That was it and in that moment was clear that there had been a not right action and what happened before when it was in such a course put together, that was separate again. He is the knower. He is also the doer and we had to understand it right and he gave the answer. That was by the way also the reason why we learnt everything by heart with TM.

Now I was with Baba in the ashram, I was convinced to be at the right place, but the answers didn’t come, I had to think it over and I didn’t know how.

In the dreams came all up whatever had been a problem in my life as it seems, so the parent’s house and the neighborhood. It took time to bring it all up and I had not the patience and time to wait for such a long time.

I had to translate and once he asked a lady I had to translate into French, who I was and to whom I belonged and what our relationship was.

Fourteen days later we were on the way to the mountains and we drove behind his car. He stopped the car and we just waited for him to continue our journey. He was standing beside the car watching the countryside and in his hand was an uprooted tree, it was darshan, sight of truth and no doubt that it had to do with me, but there was no feeling for it and that is how it went on.

Afterwards I began to question it and I wanted to know if someone had the same experience and in the house we were men and women mixed and it was different than in the ashram and when I talked about it my ex said, ‘you belong to me’.

In the meantime we know he took only advantage of it.

And so it added and it was like it got always more and more and actually worse instead of better. There was that thought that with the master in the background it could work out and I had no idea what it had been before and why it had been like that and why not.

It was all part of TM and the wisdom we had learnt during the nine months of the teacher’s training course didn’t hold, there were only pieces left and it was just learnt by heart.

The dream had in every way possible manifested and it was much worse than I thought it could be, it was overloading and overshadowing my whole life and it didn’t go away just like that. Nothing made any sense anymore and that was in the air with Baba as ‘uprooted’, it was about the same and nothing had changed, it went on like that. But to see the connection between the air breaking into pieces and only pieces left and the uprooted tree in his hands that was again another matter.

The big picture was gone and only pieces left.

What had been established by the Maharishi during the teacher’s training was gone, we had learnt it by heart and that didn’t work anymore and we learnt it by heart because of the same reason, He is the knower, he is the doer and when we are in the ‘you or I’ we are in the mind and in the body, only we didn’t know that with TM, it was a short cut and therefore, in nine months in watching always science tapes we had learnt the principles by heart and with Baba we had to get the right insights.

Baba said, ‘you and I are we’ is the first step and the second step is ‘we and He is I’, but we have to listen to his words to be able to understand it right.

Now it was not true what ex said, he was initiated into TM, but he never did it.

The base for that relationship as I saw was nothing but a dream, it was not true, it was based on untruth. That is what is explained in his words.

  

It is not the nature of a spiritual aspirant to search for faults in others and hide their own. If your faults are pointed out to you by someone, don’t argue and try to prove yourself right, and don’t bear a grudge against them for it. Reason out within yourself how it is a fault and set right your own behavior. Rationalizing it for your own satisfaction or wreaking vengeance on the person who pointed it out —these are not the traits of a spiritual aspirant or devotee.

He began to find faults and as I didn’t answer, it began to go on never ending.

In all the arguing I don’t remember one word he said, but that it ended always the same way, I said that Swami will find a way.

I felt also exposed to him, talking about TM he began to make fun of it and the problem that I had to get an answer made him get to the conclusion that there was nothing wrong, it was all only an idea and probably just arranging him so he could go on taking advantage of it. I didn’t know so I couldn’t really argue about it, there was a constant danger in the air that if I would explode that someone would get hurt.

I didn’t have the answer yet.  

And when we went to Baba he said, ‘you didn’t listen, you have to get a divorce’.

I didn’t know how to listen and from the inside in the inner master he is getting us into listening and into contemplation.

It is not the nature of a spiritual aspirant to search for faults in others and hide their own. If your faults are pointed out to you by someone, don’t argue and try to prove yourself right, and don’t bear a grudge against them for it.

I had no idea what he was doing, looking for the fault in others, hiding his own, it didn’t make sense and that was still the same, cut off, uprooted, everything in pieces, nothing made sense.

If your faults are pointed out to you by someone, don’t argue and try to prove yourself right, and don’t bear a grudge against them for it. Reason out within yourself how it is a fault and set right your own behavior.

Swami was in the dream with vampire teeth, he said that untruth is destroying the vital forces.

More insights and still no answer, no explanation, only pieces left.  He is telling us that he cannot be a spiritual aspirant or devotee and we thought so, we made the experience of it. It was not possible that we lived with someone like that and he was actually a spiritual aspirant.

Depression, doubt, conceit —these will harm one’s practices and are akin to Rahu and Kethu (planets which bring ill-luck). When your devotion is well established, these qualities will be easily discarded. Seek always the truthful and the joyful, and avoid all thoughts which are untrue, sad and depressing. Always be cheerful, smiling, and enthusiastic under all circumstances. This pure attitude is most desirable. Never get inflated when praised or deflated when blamed - be a spiritual lion!

He talked about the interview when Baba told him that he had ‘mental depression’ that his health was not good and the fault was that we didn’t listen or I didn’t know how.

If I would have known what we know now, I would not have gone into that relationship that is sure, probably also not with TM and I went in that holding on to some believe that it was right or the highest first and therefore, magical thinking that he would take care of it. The reason for depression had to do with not being truthful and that it is leading to bad luck and he was really in no way truthful.

People crave worldly happiness; this craving itself is the disease, and sufferings are but the drugs we take. In the midst of these, one rarely entertains the desire to attain the Lord. However, it is necessary to analyse and discriminate, for the spirit of renunciation is born out of such analysis. Without enquiry, detachment cannot be obtained. Miserliness is like the behavior of a dog; it must be transformed. Anger is the first enemy of a spiritual aspirant. Untruth is even worse - it destroys all the vital powers. Theft ruins life; it makes the priceless human life cheaper than rotten food. Moderate food, moderate sleep, selfless love, and fortitude will help in the upkeep of the health of both your body and the mind. Whoever you are, in whatever condition you may be, do not give room for dispiritedness! Be fearless and remember the Lord with unshaken faith and without any ulterior motive, all suffering and sorrow will fall away.

Here he explains the insight of ruin and it was also in the dream, it looked like the worst was all present. As he said he is the insight and the following step, in thinking it over we get the insights and the following step together.

We have to accept truth.

If everything was based on untruth as he tells us here and it took all vital forces away, we know why the energy was gone. But incredible seems today that I had met that guy like that in the ashram, I mentioned the interview question of Baba and he had answered it and he never believed in it and just took advantage of it. If there would have been no such question, he could not have taken advantage of it, but who was he to realize that?