Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The risk; how to get a right answer

I am absolutely fine. No pain at all. The accident happened while one of the boys was working near the door. When I suddenly opened the door from behind, he was caught by surprise and fell on me and so did the chair. You see, the boy is okay, the chair is okay, this happened to me. My hip joint was crushed. But, I have no pain and I am always happy.
Baba


That is what Baba said in an interview. He talks of himself always as beyond the body. If he is fine, it doesn't mean the body is fine too.
Atman is never sick, he cannot get sick and a Sai Baba will never identify himself with the body, that is certain.

I would very much like to see myself in the mirror, not always my ex and the stories with him.
I am also under pressure and rationalize it if I am at work and if I have nothing to do I write in my blog, because I have time.
Where is the limit and when does it get fraud?
We can also fool ourselves.
What did I do?
When he asked the other to whom I belonged, why did I try to find the answer? He didn't ask me?
Did my mind seize the opportunity?
I didn't understand that thing with TM, and that made me feel helpless, powerless, I needed an enlightened being to understand it and I understand it only now, after Baba left the body and showed me inside how the 'I am that' level can expand.
I had to get an answer, anyhow, also at the risk that is was all upside down. I had to get an answer.
What would I do and not do to get an answer? That is also pressure, rationalisazion in hopping someone else would know it and seeing the opportunity.
What did I do?
What is the use if I see always him, I need to see myself.
But I can see myself only in the reflection of the mirror coming back from him.
So I have to realize first what he has done to be able in that light to see what I have done and why.
My karma behind is 'my father', he was that kind of man. If something put him in question, everybody else was wrong and one day at his birthday he was mad and it was just about 'a few glasses of wine without getting drunk', and he was walking around with a rope around the neck to hang himself up... He didn't do it, he just walked around like that.
If he felt put in question, he behaved impossible.
What could I do about it? I was not his wife?
And what did mother not do what she should have done?
That are the real questions which should become insights and that would be helpful, not always my ex..., that is past and will not get better.
If we see it only one way, that will not last. We have to experience both sides in us to be real.
I talked about Baba's questions he had asked in the interview, it was a challenge to get the answer. In that sense it was still him doing it. He asked those questions in an interview. Why did Baba asked them?
Because I was looking for the real answer and even if it was difficult. I took the risk to get an answer. The relationship went also in direction risk to get an answer. I followed the inner master to get the answer. I wrote the book and I followed the light.
That is what I did.
I went in that sense a long way to get the answer, and it went back to him to Prasanthi just when he left the body.
With my ex it went on a wrong level, therefore, Baba said to him inside in the dream, 'I warn you, in that room you will not get the right answer'.
But at least he was there, and he was American. I always loved America. I don't know why.
I would never have left the US, if the relationship would have been okay. I still love it. The same way as it feels better writing in English than in German.
Tonight my daughter has tickets for the musical 'Mamma Mia', the original English version, she enjoys that. And I am glad I can go with her. She reads English books, and she wants to see only American movies. Our heart is still in the US, even though, we were not able to go back. I think Sai Baba had to make it clear, because I probably would have gone back, because there are at least people, who is here?
I live in my thoughts 'here', in my blog.  

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