Disciplining his vehicles - the koshas; how to understand it?

Education is a problem in consciousness. It is a problem in soul-culture. This aspect, training of the soul, the atman, is much neglected in many of the modem schools!
India has, through the ages, recognised the truth that every student is a soul, that beyond everyone lie experiences of many lives, that a teacher must be a man of moral power and spiritual intuitions in order to be able to help the student to evolve by disciplining his vehicles (koshas).

These "vehicles", "koshas" are five. There is anna-maya kosha, the kosha of matter, the physical vehicle. There is the prana-maya kosha, the kosha of prana, the "vital" vehicle. There is mano-maya kosha, the kosha of manas, the mental vehicle. There is the vignana-maya kosha, the kosha of vignan, the vehicle of Higher Reason. There is the ananda-maya kosha, the kosha of anand (joy). And when that vehicle is well developed there is that self-realisation which involves emotional experience of Unity with All.
Baba

You know what I wonder, on which level we are. The physical it the body.
Then there is the vital vehicle, prana, air and it is in the breath. The mind is the mental vehicle, emotions must be on that mind level and going beyond it by higher reason or also intellect, discrimination.

There is the vignana, the vehicle of Higher Reason, that means if I am aware of 'not this and not that' I am on that level. So where are we, if we are not aware of it?
When I went with my ex to Mafu, we tried with process, that is how he called it and that ended not okay. It was looking at everything tolerating it as being part of the own karma. But there was the opposite with him, not seeing it as part of karma, but being emotional and while I was talking of reality - as a mirror, he blamed only. I began to feel worse and went to another channeling it was Ra - and when he opened his eyes he looked at me and asked, are you happy? I was not, I was really everything but happy, I felt awful and I guess he wanted me to get aware of it. He gave me his necklace and asked, if I was happy now and I felt better.
Coming back feeling okay I observed and noticed that ex felt offended by me feeling okay. He couldn't take when I felt good, he had to destroy it and he began to harass until I felt bad again. It was on the level of vital air, the spirits went low again.
Baba had said, also in dream, that I had a nervous breakdown. Ex didn't care, in the opposite, if he could he made it even worse. 
Baba went in his dream and told him I had to go and make peace with him. He began to make fun of that. It felt like a call and it felt like the highest, the way he made fun of it mirrored that state of mind. I didn't need to talk to him or try to make him aware of what he did, I realized that it was in vain, no use, it was too far gone. 
Observing the own ruin, that was awful. I had told him about the TM experience and he thought I went through hell with the leader and he said, he would take care that I would go to hell with him too.
If I felt okay, he had to destroy and I was already dreaming constantly of suicide and ruin. I don't know what to tell about that relationship - as Baba tells we have to make those experiences. 
He went on until I felt bad, he made fun of it. Baba said that he was in a mental depression and it felt like everybody feeling normal offened him, he had to destroy it. 
And after he had one more dream, in that dream Baba sent me back to my lovely (not loving) husband. When he told me that - I didn't say a word to not provoke a reaction. I said nothing, only some time later I said, so you have nothing to fear, as Baba sent me back to my lovely husband, strange that he felt he was loving not lovely...?
He was neighter lovely nor loving. How could he think he was a lovely guy? What was lovely or loving about him?
I tried to be observing, it felt suicidal to go back to him, because he destroyed me. Before we left to India, he had again a Baba dream and a light blue person in his dream. I had mentioned the child, because she had to decide for school.
It didn't come to his mind that it could be important for her - school. Baba asked her during that stay if she wanted to go to his school, but as he cancelled the credit card, we had no time to think of school, we had to go back to my country and start new and face that.
Ex saw a blue person in his dream and said that he new it was because of me, again it felt like abuse, like shit.
I had to go to Baba - because I had to make peace with a Baba and who had to do that, make peace with a Sai Baba? He felt like out of mind, nuts. It was not because of her, clear case for him. Everything on him was offending, his whole thinking level was offence. There was just one feeling left, he wanted to destroy, he felt like rather kill than letting us go, we had to be aware of that guy who didn't know what he was doing, he felt dangerious in a sense that he didn't know what he was doing, he was destroying our life, he was telling lies and making up things just to feel better, he had not respect for the Baba lila, only for his own shit. 
After we didn't go back I wrote him and tried to get him into divorce, but whatever, he ignored it. When I didn't feel good, usually I wrote him an angry email, we were miles away, so at least there was distance. Everything here, even air felt better than living with that guy.
Seven years later we went again to Baba because of her school. The divorce papers I had with me. I had consulted a lawyer and we signed to split in mutual consent. He went always for Shivaratri that was just when she had to decide for school. We were only for ten days in the ashram. And really, one day we walked into him and in Baba's presence he was like changed, upside down, there was some opening up, sathva, what he lost when he was back in the US. For a moment it felt different, we felt even like a family again, as we had maybe some time ago, for a short while and in Baba's presence.
We met and he signed the papers, he would never have signed otherwise. It was Sai Baba's influence.
That was the kind of relationship. Inside it looks black and white and a mud hole and there is that question, and what now?
When I realized the mud came in, after it began to rain, the child was already lost in the mud. I had only the choice to go down with her or if I got out of it, life was anyhow destroyed - that was the relationship with my ex. I have not for one moment missed him, I was glad we survived somehow. 
And Baba said in the child's dream, 'your father is stupid, he is destroying himself, if you go back to him, he will destroy you too'.
If she was destroyed, my life was destroyed as well. That was the relationship, and it was hard to believe.
And who wonders that he came after divorce again and said stuff like - old catholic principles and questioned divorce ..., when he himself had been divorced years ahead and his wife was in a mental institution, and it that surprising?
I had mentioned the question Baba had asked and had to get an answer. With his behaviour it was not possible to get that answer and he could not handle it that not he was the answer and not he was the lovely guy who Baba was giving a wife, because he was that lovely. It was the wrong level and the wrong answer.
He wanted to be that lovely guy, so lovely that Baba asked me in the interview room to whom I belonged just for him... That was his dream. And because it was not real, he harassed us for it.
After more than twenty years he wrote last year a letter and said that with TM everything was okay, I had to make peace with TM. That was the reason I went to Baba. In my first interview in summer 86 I had asked Baba about TM, and he said, that it was not the right path, that I should just think of God and that it was difficult to understand.
That was my first interview and my ex, twenty-five years later wrote in a letter - that here is nothing wrong about TM and that I have to make peace with it, after twenty-five years, that sounds all very strange.
That type of reasoning, whatever that is, but for sure no higher reasoning, destroying the self instead of realizing it.
Baba had told him in his first interview that his health was not okay and he had a mental depression. How should I know in what I went into?
After a while I got aware that it felt like low spirit, low feeling level and he couldn't get out of it, whatever he tried it didn't work out and he was not able to take when someone felt normal, he had to destroy it.
And all that is in the air just because I wrote new years greetings, it all comes up like pushing a button.
And behind was one more thing tonight, the feeling of not being good enough and not being lovable, that is what I get aware when looking at the observer.
But the path of self-realization asks us to face it, not to just project it onto others. Baba said inside it was a stupid thing to do.
But how should I know? It looked all different when I met him and he made it look differently than it really was.
If I would have known I for sure would not have gone for it. How should I know that he made it up, because it flattered his ego that he was such a lovely guy that Baba had asked that question, to whom I belonged just because of him, because he wanted to get a wife. And afterwards he began to abuse, because he realized it was not like that? He had not been considered one moment about me, about the answer I had to get, it was only about him and being such a lovely guy that Baba had done that just for him alone..., he lived in a dream world. He took advantage of it to feel better because his mental vehicle was low, depressed, lethargic, sick? What is the right expression for it and how to understand it?
The lovely guy he was again in Baba's presence therefore, in his presence he signed the paper, but as soon as he was back he was like exchanged and the opposite of lovely...