On a stage, there are a number of lights. One is turned towards an actor in the role of a king. Another is focused on a beggar. Yet another light is on a man reading the Ramayana. The fourth one lights up a fighting scene. Here, although the lights illumine a variety of scenes, they remain unaffected by the behavior of the actors; they simply bear witness to the actions but no blame attaches to them for what the actors do. The characters alone are affected by what they do. Similarly Time is a witness to what everyone is doing. This Time is available equally to all. Your primary duty is to make right use of this Time. For this purpose, there is no need for you to wait for the beginning of a new year. Every moment is a manifestation of Time. The second is the basis for the year. Hence every second should be filled with purposeful action.
Baba
How do we know why we want to get an answer? Maybe it was because he asked and we had to get an answer.
He asked us, ‘who am I’. And we went into that search to understand who he said he was and who is that ‘I’, a universal principle and for everybody the same. We could think that everybody who has a body will also have a feeling of ‘I’ and it is connected to that entity and to the body.
Who am I?
There were questions and we had to find the answer. And Baba asked, where do I come from? Where do I go? Hong will I be here?
In the beginning I was translating all of Baba’s speeches trying to somehow closer to it and it felt like far away. I could understand it as principle and think that the same universal entity or divinity, what I looked at as opposed to our individuality, which is not universal and therefore, limited in its being.
Baba asked also often where is your husband?
And I had no husband and he was in my dream and asked me why I was that old and not yet married and that I should not worry that he will take care.
And that is how things went on.
I had some unfinished business with an old relationship who was sitting in front of the door of my parent’s house and had become a bother not only for me, but also for my family who ignored it.
And in time all that came up, and I had to look at it because it began to manifest new again. And we had again interview and Baba asked the lady I had to translate for, who that girl was, to whom I belonged and what our relationship was. I translated and it felt real strange to me that he talked about me but with her and I asked others if someone knew about such a Baba Lila, as we called it. And by talking about it I met an American in my age who was looking for a wife and he said, ‘you belong to me’, you are just the wife I was asking from Baba.
I was really surprised, but I thought maybe I would get with him more answers and without being able to tell him that it was okay, we went ahead and I got pregnant and we got a daughter and we went ahead and we married, because the baby was born in the ashram and I didn’t want her to be without father, in India and in the ashram that was still not okay as it would have been here.
The first years were nice. After we went to the US it turned around and it was soon not that nice anymore.
Finally he had a dream and Baba said in his dream that I had to go back to Baba to make peace with him. He found fault with it, because he had to send us to Baba and that was anyhow his normal state of mind that he found fault with about everything and for me it was the highest, it was even better, because it was his dream, so he actually sent us to Baba to go and make peace with him. In reality the peace was not possible with him and that is why he found fault with it. And we went and I didn’t dear to show him how happy I was because I was afraid he would notice it and get jealous, he always felt jealous if someone was happy, he couldn’t take it and I don’t remember what he said, but he went on talking until the energy changed, I could see it and even if I didn’t hear one word he said, but in the end I felt down again.
It felt like Baba was the wings of the airplane bringing us away and to him, it was a great feeling and however bad I had felt before, in that every moment it began to feel real good. And afterwards in his presence I didn’t know what I could have to talk anymore. As it was not about words and in my mind it feels like I don’t remember anything he had said, just the change of energy, there was nothing probably to tell, but that he would made me feel bad again. So I didn’t call him once again and never again. As he couldn’t harass us from that distance, he cancelled our credit card and created troubles and Baba was in the daughter’s dream and said that her father was stupid and destroying himself, that he doesn’t know what he is doing and if she is going back to him, he will destroy her as well.
Needless to say, we didn’t go back. Baba was in the dream as a vampire and with a long nose, the long nose was fooling us, telling it was Baba’s Lila and taking advantage of it and the vampire was the energy level, he took our joy away, our life energy and money and time, it is all the same level, that is the vampire. He said that he went the path of least effort, so afterwards I told he that Baba said in my dream that we should get a divorce, but he didn’t do anything at all, so it took seven years to get the divorced papers signed, that was the vampire, he took our energy, it is about time, money and life energy. It was a shock that vampire, Baba was in my dream with a vampire face and I had no idea what it meant at that time. We left in 96, I have been together with him 7 years and it took seven years until he signed the papers. It is ten years ago.
This January I book a flight to India, just because I had still some holidays from last year and I had to plan it. As I am not in touch with him anymore, I had forgotten that it was the time when he would be in the ashram.
A week before the flight I had a fall and a bone fracture, I had to stay home and put the flight for a later date.
Yesterday my daughter got some birthday greetings and he told her that he just came back from five weeks India, it means I would have been at exactly the same time there.
Even if the flight was already booked, it was not possible to go. We can see there is not always behind a devotee’s face or what seems to be a devotee and we don’t find what we expected it to be. Not all people who claim to be devotees know what they are doing or do understand it, not at all.
So I had no idea with whom I went into a relationship when we met with Baba and thinking that it would work out, just because we had the same interests and were walking around with the same master and at the same place.
To me that feel today like a joke today.
But at that time it felt like that and it felt like real, we were all in the ashram and we had nothing to do but meeting with Baba and it felt even like he had arranged it and that felt good in the beginning.
Maybe he did after all, but it didn’t work out.
Because when he left the body, he said, ‘no more husband, nothing left but an empty Western shoe’.
So there was no support of mother nature and even if the flight was booked and it would have been possible to be at the same time in the ashram, and I would have met my ‘ex’ there, it is like all obstacles came up to prevent it from happening.
Of course, he again would have thought that it is Baba’s Lila, because it was that easy and he could just take advantage of it.
So it seems the foot fracture took care of it that it was beyond doubt not possible to think it is Baba’s Lila and that there can be again a misunderstanding, now it is for sure not Baba’s Lila and he made clear that it was not meant to be.
The whole three weeks I wanted to go there, we would have been at the same time in the ashram, because he went for five weeks and not only three weeks like me.
I really wondered about that bone fracture and why I couldn’t take my flight, and that is how we get an answer and how Baba took care of it.
It would be that easy, he would again think it is a gift of Baba and he can take advantage of it and misunderstand it, so easy and he would be the first one doing it, I can hear him, everything Baba, as long as it was pleasing to him. But in the moment when it was not anymore pleasing, it was no more Baba and he went the path of least effort and that was the vampire, he didn’t even answer, he ignored everything, taking our time, our resources, our money, not taking care of the child and our life, he didn’t care at all.
But he still goes to the ashram and plays devotee.
That was the kind of devotee I was in a relationship with, and he seems rather a demon than a devotee and we thought it was a Baba Lila.
He was a devotee only as long as it arranged him and as soon as it didn’t arrange him, he was no more a devotee, therefore, it was only his mind game.
I am glad it is over and that is really the last thing I needed to go again into the stories with my ex.
The problem is, we do not realize it as long as we are not challenged by it or we do not make the experience of it.
Baba said, life is the best teacher, so go for it and that is the result.
There would have been many ways and possibilities to meet again, but there is no possibility if we go the path of least effort and we don’t care about everything, because Baba’s teaching is, ABC, always be careful and not the opposite.
Because when you meet someone who is a Baba devotee, you always go back at the same place and there we meet again and it gets into an endless story, until it begins to turn into the opposite, or it gets ended by Baba himself.
In a way it is sad, because when the problems are forgotten, the good times seem to only matter and we think it is sad that he was that stupid to do everything he could to make it impossible and to destroy it.
It is difficult to understand that the mind can be that stupid. He didn't make right use of the time.
Similarly Time is a witness to what everyone is doing. This Time is available equally to all. Your primary duty is to make right use of this Time. For this purpose, there is no need for you to wait for the beginning of a new year. Every moment is a manifestation of Time. The second is the basis for the year. Hence every second should be filled with purposeful action.
No comments:
Post a Comment