If we Feel it, we Understand it

In the present, people disregard moral values and have no gratitude to those who helped them in times of need. In fact many youth lead miserable lives; they have no consideration for their kith and kin and do not hesitate to inflict harm on them. Educated young men and women do not behave like cultured human beings. What is the value of an education which does not enable you to do your duty to your spouse and children?

The first requisite to fix these evils is the elimination of the bad qualities within. You must return to the path of morality and right conduct, fear sin and love God. People appearing to be pious and god-loving without genuine good qualities, and exhibiting hypocritical behavior is vitiating the atmosphere everywhere; its promoting disorder and confusion. Everyone should therefore embark upon getting rid of bad traits and implanting Divine qualities. With love as your path realize the Divine within.

Baba (thought for the day)

In one interview I had to translate for someone I disliked, she was about everything I didn’t like and I had to translate and Baba asked me to tell her only things I had actually difficulties to tell that bad it felt and above her in the air was my shadow.

During the time I did inner child work once I was asked to choose a participant as an example of my daughter. There was a person at my side I also disliked, she was an alcoholic and rude and everything I despised at that time, but she vaguely reminded me at what I didn’t like of my father and his family, my mother didn’t like them and as we never saw them as good, I also didn’t think good of them. We had hardly any contact to that part of our family.

The inner child work had to do with shame and it was in the air, I saw it in the air, but I had no feeling about it. And one day I tried to mention it and I told them that it was in the air, but he answered that I had to feel it. 

I didn’t even know what he was talking about. So during the work shop I felt kind of safe and okay and nothing really seemed to bother me, but after the course, coming back it had changed and it was not anymore the safe environment of the workshop and I noticed that I had to integrate it another way. I remembered the worst times in my life with my family and parents and I never thought it possible that I had been able to feel that bad. I still followed the insights, but I had to face my own shadow and it seems I didn’t know where to begin with, it was still everything in me the feelings, the sadness and I felt irritated, I couldn’t get back to how it felt before.

I had agreed a long time ago that everything is a mirror and that people we meet are just there to be our mirrors, but to know that was one thing and to understand it another thing, but to live it that is totally different. 

I was not used to go through it and to feel it.

That is how I began to feel the reality of a miserable life. The therapist teacher he told me that I was too much in the head and that I had to feel it.

I didn’t know why I took that person who was really not a good example for my daughter and worked with her, she just happened to be at my side, because she reminded me at the shadow, I couldn’t tell, it was just vague and I tried also to realize why I had in that interview to translate for a person and I saw the shadow above in the air, I had to face my own shadow. 

During that work with her during the inner child workshop the roles switched, I talked to her not like I would talk to my daughter, but I talked to her like my mother talked to me and I couldn’t set that right. 

I somehow expected to tell the therapist teacher that I avoided to do that, but he didn’t let me talk and that finally caused the shame of the childhood to come up. It was not possible to talk in my family freely and he didn’t let me talk as well, so that made it come up all the pain and hurt feelings of the inner child. 

I had not been careful enough in choosing that person I worked with and with that person I had to face the shadow.

Not seeing my own doing I felt real awful because it was not possible to talk and the reaction or result didn’t come during the workshop, at that time it was still a mirror and I didn’t feel it, I saw it in the air.

But only after the work was finished, the troubles began, not exactly what I wanted. 

I realized that I had been corrected always, that I couldn't be myself and the nightmares began, the fears came up. It felt like they didn’t allow me to speak ever and I felt ridiculous and like an idiot that I did that and after it was finished, I couldn’t get it right anymore and talk about it, it was too late and what was worse, I didn’t understand it because I didn’t feel it. 

That lady I had worked with lead out of my sight such a miserable life and she felt upsetting and aggressive and tensed and she didn’t care about kith and kin and she for sure didn’t hesitate to inflict harm to others. She told me that she was an alcohol addict and to work with her was between feeling sorry for her and out of place, because I didn’t like it, but I did it anyhow, because I knew I had to get there somehow.

It was everything on the outer level and the understanding was there that it could be about shadow, but I had no feeling for what that shadow could be.

And I had no idea about my own family or my ex and what he had done at that time, how I got in that relationship and why it didn’t work out; it was all very far away.

I had left and I went on, everything felt not quite right, but I didn’t know why.

If we listen to Baba’s words and we are not able to feel it, we will not be able to understand it. Anybody can tell us that, but we do not get it if we do not feel it, we have not relationship to the reality in it. 

That is the same with Baba’s words. We have to feel the truth in it. I had three interviews and he asked, ‘how do you feel’? And I answered, ‘fine Swami’. 

And he said, ‘that is not true’. 

The second one was the same again, the third I was more careful and I said, ‘you know’. Because I felt good in that moment in his presence in the interview room and when I came back it was all different. I would have liked him to tell me, ‘very happy’ or something positive, but he didn’t. I didn’t know why. I didn’t understand it.  

In fact many youth lead miserable lives; they have no consideration for their kith and kin and do not hesitate to inflict harm on them. Educated young men and women do not behave like cultured human beings. What is the value of an education which does not enable you to do your duty to your spouse and children?  

How many read that and think, I am different? I am a good devotee; I am not doing that …?

It is just what happened to us. 

My ex didn’t take care of his spouse and children and you know what, his sister helped him and told him that he should come to her place, because they were alone. Their parents came from Italy and never left the US, the family somewhere in the old world and they are alone in a big country, no family. That is why she told him to come to her and he told me that it was Baba. Baba said in my dream that he took only advantage of it. 

So he lived a miserable life, exactly as Baba tells us here and he is not able to see it, because he thinks that Baba is doing it and he never had a second thought about it and that he didn’t hesitate to inflict harm on others and that he didn’t behave like a cultured human being.

He doesn’t get it. What is the value of Baba telling us, if we don't understand it?

He understands Baba the way he likes to understand it so that it arranges his own mind only and he thinks that this is Baba and divinity and a gift, whatever is pleasing to his mind. It is primitive and simple and devoid of any discrimination.

We had it already behind us, it was our own experience, there were lots of hurt feelings and worse, doubts and the feeling of helplessness and again and again that question, why that happened in Baba's presence and why he allowed it to happen? 

I felt deeply hurt and in pain, I felt abandoned. And Baba told me that I had been let down by my family and that is also painful and the abandoned inner child, it made me feel that unhappy and miserable, I didn't know what to do with the shadow. 

We came back in 97 and in 07 I went into the inner child work. 

The first seven years after we had left it was all troubled still by ex not caring about it at all. We had to face a reality that felt sick and upsetting, blind, inflexible and perverted; he ignored everything in the name of Baba. 

I don’t know how many times I wrote him that we had to get a divorce because Baba had said in my dream that we didn’t listen, so we had to get a divorce. On one side there was the question, why Baba said that we didn’t listen, it was about what went wrong and on the other side I had the reality that he really didn’t listen and I could write it to him a hundred times, he didn’t hear it.

I tried to see it as a mirror, but I had to face the reality that it was not possible to live in peace with that mirror, because it drove me nuts. It felt rather like a psychological amok run, as everything was upside down, it was not a mirror of peace.

So after all Baba had said it in the dream, that is probably why I had the divorce agreement with me when we went in 03 for only ten days to the ashram. Not because of my ex, but because the daughter had to decide what school to go to and he was there as well and in Baba’s presence he signed it. If that would not have happened, it would be still open, we can be sure about that. As many miracles people tell about Baba, with my ex and that perverted relationship, there were no miracles and I had no idea in what I went into when Baba had said to him that he had a bad monkey mind. 

Nothing was understood, nothing of it, we didn’t feel it.

The first requisite to fix these evils is the elimination of the bad qualities within. You must return to the path of morality and right conduct, fear sin and love God.

If we think there are no bad qualities, we do not see any need to eliminate it. We think what Baba tells concerns the others, but not us or we think we are already doing it.

So I went to the inner child workshop and he told me that I had to feel it and I didn’t even realize that he said the same as Baba did, ‘how do you feel’?

But after the course I realized that I felt not okay, but I didn’t understand it still. I followed the inner view, the dreams and one day he said that my brother does the worst he can do. I began to question it, I wrote my other brother and I tried to find the reason why he does the worst he can do, because it didn’t tell which brother and he also said in the dream again that I should take care of my brother, but he didn’t tell as well who was meant with brother.

Baba said that I had been let down by my family and I stopped idealizing them, if we see mother as God it was present in the joy, the same joy I felt with my own daughter, it was about the principle and not about idealizing the family.

People appearing to be pious and god-loving without genuine good qualities, and exhibiting hypocritical behavior is vitiating the atmosphere everywhere; its promoting disorder and confusion.

That is the reality we have to face, people are appearing to be pious and god-loving, but there are not even good qualities and it is just exhibiting hypocritical behavior and it is promoting disorder and confusion. 

That is closer to truth, we just think we are god-loving and in reality we love God only as far as it arranges our own mind and our love is not for God, but for the mind only.