Once a friend asked the famous sculptor from Italy, Michelangelo, "Why are you working so hard, chiseling this large piece of rock? Why don't you go home and take some rest?" Michelangelo replied: "I am trying to release the Divine that is in the rock. I wish to bring out of this lifeless stone the living Divinity that is embedded in it."
If a sculptor could create from an inanimate stone a living Image of God, cannot human beings vibrant with life manifest the living Divinity that resides within them? What is the reason for this incapacity to realize the Divinity within? It is because we do not realize the soiled cover in which it is wrapped up. If our clothes get dirty, we change them because we are ashamed to appear in unclean garments. If our house is shabby, we try to clean it. But when our minds and hearts are polluted, we do not feel a shamed! To purify our hearts and minds, the first thing we have to do is to lead a righteous life. Our actions must be based on morality.
Baba (thought for the day)
I was meditating regularly morning and evening with TM-meditation, first it were only twenty minutes and afterwards with the Siddhis-program it expanded to one and a half hours morning and evening. I began with that meditation during my time in Paris, because I tried to get inside answers, because I had years before the higher self in my dream, it was just light, beauty and love and that felt real good. After that insight I just wanted 'that' and the question was how to realize it and that is why I began with meditation. It had good effects on my health or on my feelings, the focus improved and as I was studying French, I noticed that it was much easier to focus, what I enjoyed. That was for me enough reason to go on and I thought that this meditation would be good for everybody, that is how we went ahead hoping the rest would come in time, that rest was all about insights only. And I had a quite difficult French test and before I went for a whole week to a meditation course, it was actually a siddhis prep course, but I didn't go there in the intention to do the siddhis, I wanted just more rest for my test. We did nothing but meditate, it was called rounding, and it began with two and went up to six and got less to the end of the week again. The test was good, I felt not identified with it and therefore, I did it totally relaxed and that made it easier afterwards. During that course I heart a beautiful melody that came out of the hearts of all hearts. That was related to the higher self I had met already before in the dream and in that moment, because it happened with lots of meditation practice and during the course, it got projected into TM. I thought I had to go there, that was the conclusion and I had no idea that it was a wrong conclusion. So I went for the Siddhis and that felt like an opening up and great. I went back to my country to earn the money for the TM-teacher's training course, it was easier for me in Zurich than in Paris and I went on course.
Only that course didn't work out as I thought it should, even though it was a TTC assistant course, until that day, there was a sunny background, but the air was breaking into pieces. I don't remember if it was during meditation or in the dream, what is about the same and I noticed that I didn't get any closer to the answer I had been looking for about the higher self. It means more insights, but no way how to understand it. That it was the air breaking into pieces didn't feel very good and I went ahead, I had no other option than to hope that it would get clear in time.
That was all during that course, only meditation and I couldn't deal with the problem properly because I was on course. It was difficult on that course and not relaxing as I had experienced courses before, I felt like a fool, because I had hoped that the TTC as other courses before would not be in Seelisberg, but it was in Seelisberg, what means it was not possible to go away and I was fully in it instead of out of it. And during that time I got also a call from one of the organizers of the course, she said that it had been offered to me because one was too much, more or less to get me out of the way. There was another insight in the dream, it showed that all those people were puppets only and the hand was missing which should hold the puppets, it had to do with the leader, he didn't do his job and because of that in no time in the inner view all appeared as enemies, now that was kind of traumatizing to be in an environment when everybody feels like enemies, that is not funny. That means with that course the whole TM thing I had still believed in and everything seemed real great and wonderful had turned into the opposite.
I went after that course back to the TM-center and hoped it would get better again, but one day during meditation I noticed a big black hole in my meditation, it felt scary, it destroyed my trust I had before in TM, I was afraid with all that to lose the mind or I began to feel that tired, I was afraid to die of tiredness. In no time that TM-thing had turned into something incredible difficult and no answers what so ever.
I got a book from someone I had initiated into mediation, it was a book about Sai Baba and there was some vibuthi, holy ash in it and I took during meditation some of that vibuthi and there was a very charming feeling it went downwards direction of the heart and I got aware of it that it was love and it intensified until there was a small person in the heart, divinity. What a beautiful experience. So I knew a door had opened, that is the place I would have to go and I was looking forwards to go to Sai Baba, but now that was not that easy, I was too involved with TM and after all as soon as I came back from the course, also the national leader was again standing in front of the door and in the meantime I was too scared to send him away. It had turned into something ignoble and straining. It felt like a trap and awfully dangerous, I was traumatized from those TM experiences. I didn't know how to get out of it, I didn't know how it had turned in no time during that course into hell and because nobody knew what he was doing, there was no way to talk to anybody, it felt awfully dangerous. So I went with the national leader to the Maharishi in Noida because I was afraid to just leave, I didn't want to do anything wrong. I didn't know what was wrong and I tried to tell him that my course had been sabotaged, but he didn't believe it.
He had no idea what I was talking about and there was no way we could make it okay again, that also felt awful.
Going with him to the Maharishi was still in the hope that things would fall in place with the master himself and that there was just something wrong somewhere in the background. But it turned out all different, sitting in front of the Maharishi what was in the air above him was 'criminal'. TM was finished. Afterwards I booked a flight to Sai Baba and went in his ashram as I told my body friend who couldn't handle it, only for a visit.
About everything what could go wrong with the national leader had gone wrong as it seemed. The way they offered me a course and had mixed personal issues and the official course office, everything had turned into the opposite, but it was not yet done. I had the feeling still in the ashram with Baba that it was not possible to understand it. With TM nobody spoke, they all meditated to solve problems and no problems were solved like that, so nobody of them is able to know why it went wrong, why it was hell and why things broke into pieces, why all appeared as enemies only and why they appeared as puppets on a string, and the hand was not there which should have been holding them. It had to do with the leader and things went all upside down, they didn't know what they were doing.
And Baba directed with dreams into writing and as I began to write about it, it came up again and again and in time it began to make more sense. Not only that nobody took any responsibility, nobody knew what went wrong that everything turned into to opposite, that is how I realized that they were all puppets on a string. Not one, but not one of them was able to tell me what had happened, what was wrong and why it happened like that. It was officially arranged by the movement with the national leader and later he appeared as an actor only and that was the real reason why it destroyed trust and whatever we find behind yoga, but I was shocking how fast everything had turned into the opposite and into a nightmare.
TM was not the right path. In my first interview I mentioned it to Sai Baba, because I was still in the relationship with the national leader and he said that it was very difficult to understand, he asked me who my friend was, the national leader or the yogi and that is how I got aware that I actually projected the feeling friendship into the national leader and when I saw the 'criminal' above the yogi, it was all upside down.
I knew it was wrong, but it needed I don't know how much time to get aware of it and to understand that it had all turned upside down and that this is 'Tamas'.
Only when I was with Baba I realized that I had hoped in vain to get an inside answer and that it was not possible with TM to get that answer. I went on and ahead until the whole thing broke in pieces and nobody could tell me why, they went on blindly meditating, telling everybody it was the solution to all problems and eve if the worst happened, they were not able to see it, just being puppets on a string and they went on telling the same thing, go on mediating all problems are solved. These problems created with TM went on for a long time, it was all cut off and therefore, not possible to get the right answer. It began in 84 during the course, it went on and got worse in 85, I was already inside in touch with Sai Baba, but it was not possible to understand it, because I didn't know why it had been like that.
Afterwards I went to Sai Baba and he said, wait and directed into writing, after we came back from Oregon in 96, ten years later I began to write. After Baba left the body, April 2011, it began to make sense and fall in place. In the meantime it is somehow clear what had happened with TM, that means those upside down insights lasted for 27 yrs. without getting an answer and I began to go inside and in mediation to get an answer, what I never got with TM.
Afterwards I got aware of people whose insights never got clear; they seemed all lost in them. TM was a technique and just meditation is not helping to understand insights.
The Maharishi was once in the dream and he told me that I should not come to him again and that I don't belong to them and that I know it.
In thinking about it that is how we finally got aware of it that it is about the higher self when it is about experiences, and not TM. It was projected into TM, when in reality it was in conflict with TM. All the negative insights told me that it was not the right path.
The real problem was that I had projected the first self-experience with the beautiful melody coming out of the heart of all hearts into TM, because they always said that TM should get the credit for it and that is how everything was projected into TM. In reality, insights cannot be realized with TM, it is impossible; a mediation technique will never look at the insight, but avoid it going on in mediation only. Whatever it is, if it is about understanding and insights it cannot be answered with that technique. The technique is a short cut and no real spiritual insight will get clear with TM. What TM does is cleaning consciousness, but it is not about 'who am I?' it is not about self-realization and God-realization.
All that came up during that course, which was arranged to get me out of way by the rival and her friend. The course was offered to me by the course office and nobody was aware that it turned things upside down, they are all puppets on a string, no notion of yoga and the principles, and it just said that they didn't know what they were doing. 'Yogis are our friends' and it is no more about friendship, if they organize a course to get someone out of way. The funny thing about it is that I wanted to get out of it myself and it was not possible and that was the nightmare about it.
I tried to get answers about the higher self and wanted to get inside.
With TM it was technique, there have never been any answers and all people are the same, they think that all answers or problems should be solved just with meditation and they don't know at all what they are doing, because they do not know the value of insight.
It is not possible to ask a questions without getting the answer, just meditate, even if it is not true, they don't know, they are puppets on a string and like that being in a relationship with the national leader in not time my life turned upside down.
TM is just a short cut, every issue about insights and realization of our own higher self gets lost in that mechanically meditation process.
When I got aware of the big black hole that had opened up in my mediation, what we could call a mind-hole, a hole is a deficiency and it needs from outside to get filled, not from the inside as we teach when we talk about meditation. To fill that hole, the trust was lost, it could not work with TM anymore, and I went to Sai Baba after that first feeling of divinity in the heart.
In that sense the divinity in the heart was filling the black mind-hole which opened up in the mind and I went to Sai Baba, trusting that he will be able to fill that deficiency hole, because the Maharishi was not present as master.
After my first interview with Baba in the dream my mother was present, only there was much more love than I ever had felt before and it felt like an empty clove and he had filled it out completely. Also the black hole was present; it was in the left knee, kind of funny, because it felt far away in the left knee. It was just such an immense issue, because it was not possible to understand it, but when seeing it in the whole of it and we get the picture when things are getting together, the black hole was just in the left knee.
To purify our hearts and minds, the first thing we have to do is to lead a righteous life. Our actions must be based on morality.
With regular meditation we always cleaned and purified the mind, but what is the use of it if there is no right knowledge and nobody knows what they are doing and nobody is aware of it and how to do it right.
There was no discrimination and therefore, they listened to the leader and as he didn't function properly, he was much later in the insight as an actor only, in no time everything went upside down.
'Yogis are our friends', if we don't use discrimination and go even against the high principles of friendship or we do not know how to keep up a certain morality code, it is not the right motivation and things the upside down.
With yoga and spirituality we are on a level of Sathva only, purity of mind but also of our intentions, if there is no discrimination between Sathva, purity, Rajas, passion and Tamas, darkness or ignorance, it is not possible to keep up the ideal of Sathva.
What is the use if we just meditate to create Sathva, if there are no moral values and if we do not know how to lead a righteous life and how to do it right, it will turn around into Tamas?
What happened with TM proved that with meditation alone without right discrimination we cannot keep up a level of Sathva and if we do it without right discrimination and we just meditate, we are even able to turn it around into the opposite. And instead of divine in no time it feels done by demons.
We need to know what we are doing and we need to know right discrimination to go on doing the right thing and to be able to live a righteous life. If their actions would have been based on self-knowledge and morality, instead of just mechanical repetition of a mantra and meditation, it should not have happened.
This are not good experience. We do not expect behind yoga and 'yogis are our friends' that we will have to face the reality that instead of friends we find enemies.
If we go for something like that our motivation behind is friendship, it feels good, it feels safe and okay and that is the joy in it.
If that is not present, everything what we went for gets destroyed and upside down and we need a lot of time to get out of a wrong path and what we had accumulated and internalized in wrong principles, because we have to get aware of it.
A wrong path is not only a problem, because we have to begin new again and do it better, but it is also a problem, because it needs a lot of time to get aware of it and to get fully out of it.
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