Oneness with the Divine

The profound message the divine epic Ramayana gives is: One must lead the life of a human being, and one must seek oneness with the Divine. In every human being, all the three natures – human, divine, and demonic – are present. But most people today ignore their humanness and Divinity, and foster only their demonic nature. In fact, one should strive to manifest the Divinity, and not display one’s weakness or unpleasant qualities. In every act, Rama set the example, be it in individual conduct, in the discharge of duties to the family, or in fulfilling the obligations to society. Rama demonstrated the ideals to be followed. All should begin with fulfilling their individual obligations. The duty of the individual is to manifest the Divinity within. As an individual, Rama revealed the Divinity in Him through His ideal conduct.

Baba

How do we find the oneness with the divine, if we are not in our inner essence, we are not one with the divine. It is therefore, necessary to discriminate first to be able to know that difference in our own awareness between the inner divinity in our heart and the mind and how do we know that difference?

Baba tells us that Tapas spiritual work is, first to discriminate, second to see it in our own life and third to go on no matter what obstacles are there. It helps to see the difference between the inner essence and the mind and its holes. If we are in the mind we are cut off the essence and look for the solution on an outward level and not in our own self. That difference between the essence or divinity in our heart and the mind in our conscious awareness is present if we find it in our own self in the now or we search for it outside. In the process we begin to discriminate between the obstacles in the mind and the essence of our own higher self.

  

If we look for the solution on an outside level in the mind instead of inside, we can be certain that we are in the mind and not in our own heart.

We know from Darshan with Baba what it means to be focused on the heart level, it kept us happily inside in our own essence and we didn’t need anything but that. And there was no need to go outside and search for it on the outside level that felt just disturbing.

If there are empty holes in our mind it is present because part of our own self has been forgotten or cut off, so our mind is searching for it on the outside level.

Baba said to us in an interview, ‘follow the master, fight to the end, finish the game’. At that time I didn’t know yet how to follow the inner master. But there were dreams, Baba dreams and other dreams, and when he was present and it didn’t make sense, something felt quite not right, I began to question it. Usually if we feel that something is not quite right, we are on the mind level and cut off and have to look at it. What happened is I began to write about it and by writing we were thinking it over and if it made even less sense there were new dreams and that is how I got into that what I call here self-enquiry, it is about dreams and insights and seeing it in the light of his words.

In doing that I noticed that automatically it was about first discrimination, second seeing it in my own life and third going on now matter what obstacles are there. We also began to feel the difference between the essence and a mind obstacle and Baba calls that Tapas, spiritual work. That is how the insights grow.  

I often had the information in my dream that if it is cut off, we cannot understand it and I wondered, what to do about it, so we went on questioning it in whatever light it was and sometime or other we got again a new dream and insight and that helped to get back to the essence and to see it in the right light.

We can tell that it is a sign that we are not in our essence, if we get the information that it is cut off, or if we search for the solution on an outer level and not in the inner view of our own higher self, we are not in harmony with our essence. It is the mind that is focused on the outside and looks for solutions on the outside level in the outer world.

We have to recognize our own themes and work at it. It grows by self-enquiry and it is wrong understood that we think we can get there without even questioning. Even if someone tells us, we do not understand it if we are not able to feel it.

Long ago I had a dream and my sister had needles in her hair. First I thought that it had to do with her going in another direction, as she goes in direction of Chinese healing, but it can also have to do with a compulsion to control. I didn’t know why it was like that in the inner view, but thinking about it I have to see it in another light and there is that certain moment we just know without any more thinking what it means, but without doing the work and thinking about it beforehand, this is not possible, because I just saw the other direction, I didn’t see the control. There is another direction, but when it is about control we have a different issue.

And that is just what happens in writing about it, we get aware of it and after a while we see it in another light. My mother told me before she left the body that I should take care that the family gets along, but that has never been my task and after all I don’t like it, I would have preferred if she would have said it to my sister.

Just questioning it because she had said it to me created problems, the younger brother got nuts, because I went with my mother seeing him when he was in a medical clinic. He suffers of depressions and since a while, when he doesn’t feel okay, he goes by himself to that place, without being sent by a medical doctor.

My mother was old and she asked me to drive her there and I went with her to see him.

She said that she is sorry about him and I understand it, but she had no idea what she has created by that, because in coming back from that visit in my dream was that my brother does the worst he can do. I got worried and asked him what he does and I probably pushed his button or put fire into the fuel, first he still tried to be nice, but after a certain time he got real nuts and everything he said turned into abuse. It was actually awful, whatever I said was wrong and he was not able to accept it. I don’t know what my mother thinks how I should hold that family together? That is kind of a strange idea. As soon as she was buried, in fact the people had not yet left, he began like he would just have waited for the moment that she was gone, like it was the green light and now he was not nice anymore, he turned into an abuser.

He began to behave like nuts, he did the worst he could do on any possible level, turned everything upside down, had only bad things to say and tried to throw dirt on everything I ever had done, making fun that I went to a master and making fun of the people I am with and even making fun of where we lived. Whatever he could find he tried to make it look ridiculous.

It was kind of unbelievable. But when I see it together with the sister, who began also to turn nuts, it makes sense that he does the worst he can do, I guess it is because of the control which was in the mother. The attack is attack against the mother and she telling me to take care. I just tried to find out what it was and why she said that and we get to the conclusion that it is probably about control.

She told me that I should take care that they get along and I tried to find what I have to learn and the result is – just let go, they don’t need anyone who takes care about that, she created by it the opposite.

In doing nothing at all maybe in time it will relax, we just let go. It is not my problem. It is not my problem if they get along or not and it was probably the mother’s attachment hidden behind that worry. That she was attached that was in the dream as avalanche after she died. To understand that attachment or avalanche I had first to see Baba’s words, it was in a thought for the day that avalanche means attachment and we have to know it before we understand it and in fact, if we do not live it and had no such dream, we just read and forget it.

Therefore, we have to think about it and ask those questions to understand what is happening with that family and why all get nuts as soon as the mother died, because she told me to take care that they get along, if it would not be that bothersome, it would be even funny.

In the beginning it made me yet feel bad and in the meantime it doesn’t bother me anymore.

They are fighting I don’t know what, the ghost of the mother.

And Baba said after her death, when a mother falls, all children fall with her. So I have the whole family against me now because mother said to me that I should take care that they get along?

That is kind of funny anyhow. In their age nobody can tell them what to do and what not to do.

So they are fighting the mother in me and I just let go, I don’t care what is coming out by it. That is not my problem anymore.  

How do we know when it is finished? It began with driving with my old mother to that clinic and the dream that my brother does the worst he can do, that was the beginning. There was already a dream earlier and it said that I should take care of my brother, now who is my brother?

After enquiry I noticed that I didn’t get the right message from my brothers and sister.

They cannot even answer without getting into abuse.  

It was in the dream that it said, he is not interested in my message, whatever that is. But it means for me it is done.

Follow the master, fight to the end, finish the game. At least it is the end of the game, finished it is when it is understood and I am still working at it.

I have no intention what so ever to control and if my mother gave me her air of controlling in telling I should take care that they get along, I will just let go, nobody is going to take care that they get along. I have no intention what so ever to control, they are old enough. If they don’t want to get along, that is their choice. I am really quite confused that she said that to me.  

At times I noticed that it was difficult to talk to the sister, but I didn’t care really. I have left long ago and I am not interested in controlling someone. Sometimes she talked like she knew about everything, being a healer. It was not a great conclusion, because it has to be a healer ego.

No way she has realized what the ego is, otherwise, she wouldn’t fight the mother that way, she would just take it easy and not bother about it.

It is about the essence and the inner self; we have to get aware of it. Since my mother died, it said in the inner view that also my sister died, it is another kind of death and I don’t really know why. It all began with the mother coming back from Spain and instead of getting the family closer together, she gets it farer away. Once I wrote her, but in the inner view I was looking for her and I couldn’t find her. The sister is gone, even if I don’t really know where she is gone.

Last Christmas greetings were in the inner view as a white ‘dear sister’ on a pick dark back ground, that is not sathva and not truth, that is upside down, Tamas and black.

 It means I can do nothing, if I do something it is wrong understood, so I just let go as I always did already before. But it is not that easy because they come in the group the whole family together, but as Baba said I was let down by the family, it is again an opportunity to get aware of it and by that getting back to the essence.  

But if we don’t do that work and think it over or we feel the pain involved with it, and if we do not think about our themes in the mind, we will not be able to understand it. Even if someone will tell us, we will not understand it, because we have not integrated and absorbed it in our own self. That is difference if we are able to feel or if we are just reading or hearing it.

If we just read it, we think we have understood it, but it is not absorbed. We have to listen and see it in our own life and then go on no matter what obstacles are there.

It is the process of Tapas, spiritual work, we get aware of the difference between the essence in us and the obstacles in the mind and after we recognize the obstacles, we also realize how we can go back to the essence and that know how grows if we are involved in Tapas, spiritual work.

We have to feel it and allow the black hole in our mind, what is somehow limited, cut off from our essence, there is part of our self that is forgotten or lost, not anymore in our conscious awareness and as we get scared of a black hole, we try to get away from it and to fill it.

With TM I was in the end in front of a big black hole in my meditation and I was scared to lose my mind or to day or tiredness, it was real frightening to realize that there was such a big black hole in meditation and after I got some vibuthi and I got in touch with Sai Baba, I went to him and I wanted to fill the hole with him or I hoped he would help me to understand that hole.

Where did it come from, why was it there, it was a huge mind hole and we thought we went with TM to the essence. What to do about a hole etc.? And there were no answers on the level of TM, but it the trust was lost, it was much too scary to go on like that. I wanted to go on in meditation, but not with a hole.  

If we are able to relax it can expand. But such a hole is that awful, usually there is too much fear to be able to relax. But if we expand we can go back to the essence of our real self again. But with that hole I needed to have lots of insights to be able to relax. It was not possible to just relax, it felt too scary and I had to realize how that hole was created in my mind. That is how the reality of a black hole came in my mind and it was also difficult to understand it.  

I am doing that work already since a while now and how often I went into TM again and looked at it from different angles until it really got clear?

Baba is strengthening the inner trust but still I had to look at it again and again to get closer to it, because it was hidden behind a yogi it seemed to go on and on and it just didn’t make sense.

If something feels wrong we usually are not in our essence, it feel like we have missed something and I was not at all glad that I went into that with TM and in the end I was in front of a black hole, what means it was just mind and not in the essence.

If we do not listen we do not understand it. We have to listen and follow the inner master.