Prepare the Field to get to the right Conclusion

To realize the truth of an Advent (Avatar), the aspirant must culture the mind as the farmer prepares the field. The farmer clears thorny undergrowth, wild creepers and tenuous roots from the field. Then, he ploughs the land, waters it and the seeds are sown. The seedlings and tender plants are then guarded from pests. To prevent destructions by goats and cattle, he erects a fence. So too, the aspirant must remove egoism, pride and greed from the heart.

Truth, Repetition of the Lord's Name and Meditation refer to ploughing and levelling.

Love is the water that must flow into the field of your heart to make it fertile, soft and rich. Lord's Name is the seed and devotion is the sprout. Protect the seeds from the cattle of Kama and Krodha (desire and anger) with the fence of discipline. Then you will reap bliss as the harvest.

Baba (thought for the day)

 

We can compare it to culturing the mind as the farmer prepares the field. We follow insights, as Baba said he is the insight and the following step and in doing it, we get aware that everything looks quite different than we thought it was? We get aware that it looks different if we see our real parents as divine and we realize that we belong to the divine parents and in that sense we get a feeling for the truth of an Advent. 

How do we otherwise realize the truth of an Advent? 

We culture the mind as the farmer prepares the field, we plough the land, water it. My father was a gardener and it felt already like that years ago writing my dairy. It was like the cultivation of flowers in the heart and getting rid of the bad and egoistic tendencies, because they are like weeds taking over.

When I began with meditation I thought it was easy, because meditation took care of it and it was like that, it did take care of it.

It just didn't take care of the insights and the right understanding of it.

The insight was there since the beginning, focused on the observer in writing, watching feelings, thoughts, emotions.

TM didn't tell that the teaching is in dreams and in the inner view. And because it said that everything was stress only and mind, we concluded that it was possible to think a mantra and meditate to go beyond the mind and that took care of it.

The conclusion was not right, because we stopped thinking and it resulted in only meditating. We were not used to ask questions anymore, because we thought that all questions were answered by that meditation. It was a good experience, the mind did settle down, but it didn't tell us how to understand insights and how to see it in the light of meditation or wisdom and even less in the light of technique, it didn't make any sense. If the insights would have made sense, it would have been perfect, but they didn't make sense.

 

Yogis are our friends, but in the air was all are enemies, that was the following step of something, but we didn't know what it was and that means lost, if we don't know why people who should be friends turn into enemies.

The hand was not there (the master). They were present in the inner view as puppets on a string and puppets on a string need a hand holding them and that hand was not there. If that would not have been, it would have been perfect. Also here the insight and the following step were not related. We went on meditating and didn't realize even that everything went upside down, only the inner view said that it went upside down, because all were just puppets on a string and the hand was not there, which should be holding them.

There was no awareness, not of the reason, not of the situation, not of the result, it got all lost in meditation only and only stress..., no thinking, no realization, only feeling good as long as it lasted, for me it lasted less long than for others.

Because Baba gave interview and he said, one day it will be inner view, therefore, the inner view made sense and even more, he said that he is the insight and the next step, so after writing about it and thinking it over, we begin to see what belongs together, what is insight and what is following step.

 

First looking at the insight, it doesn't make sense, we don't know why it is there, and we don't know what is insight and what is following step. It didn't make sense at all and therefore, it said cut off. That seemed at least to be the next step, it was the consequence of the TM-technique and regular meditation on the inner view level, the technique had in that sense not only a good result and influence, but it cut off from the source, because the master was not present.

It felt like a puzzle that has to be put together, first it seemed all mixed up. If we compare it to the field and ploughing and levelling, it seems it is growing.

When Baba said in the insight that my family let me down, so there are many ways of looking at it. It was there during the time coming back from the US, but it goes even further back to find the real meaning, only it seems always confirmed again. 

There is that time when I was writing a diary and it felt like farming in the heart and a great inner view, I was still a teenager.

Afterwards followed an all different experience of parents and family, in fact, it was that different that I didn't understand how ever I could get to that conclusion that love should be the water that should flow into the fields of the heart.

Of course, it was true, but it seemed impossible to know how I had been able to get to that conclusion in writing it down. It was gone and I couldn't find it anymore. 

Whenever I came back and tried to somehow address it, I always got the answer, you should not and it was not possible to even know what we were talking about. It seemed we were talking about different things on different levels and the situation felt disturbed or even split, kind of schizophrenic and sick, as it felt to me at that time. Today looking back I can see that it was the mother avoiding it with all means and she was not aware of what she did, apparently it was constant self-defense. Even if it was never really about her, but she felt put in question by about everything, that seems to be the result of attachment and pride, it was expressed as reaction on all different levels. Trying to understand it, it is somehow answered by Baba when he said that I was let down by the family.

 

The parent's created the problem, the situation in the neighborhood and when the reaction of that neighborhood came back, they were not there and looked at it as the following step and result of it, but mother felt put in question by it and therefore, instead of addressing it, she constantly avoided it.

It felt like mother nature was offended by that attitude to ignore it and as we were the reflection of it, there was enough challenge to get a reaction on the level neighborhood. It is like mother nature wanted to make us aware of it and therefore, we were forced to look at it. Mother seemed to be put personally in question by it, she constantly avoided it and was in an attitude of constant self-defense, proving the world that she was better and it was not possible to ever address it on a normal level.

We were friends with some neighbors at that time and on a certain level it turned into the opposite and they began to be opposed, it was about village consciousness, and we were not aware of it. It feels abstract, as it was ignored by mother and family, I have to somehow always the problem not being able to feel it, as it is difficult to get closer to the concept of being let down. In the light of Baba it tells everything, in the light of family consciousness, not awake on that level, it looks naive and dangerous. 

 

If we are let down it means there would have been an action needed from the side of the parents to address it properly and that action was not there, but Baba brought it up and with him it was there and by following the inner master the insight was all different than I thought it was.

So how did we get to the wrong conclusion?

It was the mother, she wanted us to get to that wrong conclusion or she herself wanted to get to that wrong conclusion, she wanted to live in the illusion of it, because she was attached and proud of her work done and that was somehow more important than reality and that answers and explains it. But it makes again another question come up and that is about attachment, what was her attachment?

In the beginning following the inner master, as Baba said in the inner view, that my family let me down and there was an avalanche in the dream after mother's death, it had to do with attachment, avalanche is attachment, I didn't understand it at all. That is the problem that I didn't understand it and it felt to me like I had no relationship to that attachment of hers, neither to the precipice which was in the air, when she was coming back from Spain. It was not in the dream, it was in the air like Darshan during a family meeting.

If I prepare the soil with meditation and now I see the flowers growing, there is that question, why it looks like that? Why the flowers are yellow and not red? I thought they should be red, but they are not red but yellow.

In writing about it, bit by bit I get the insight and empathy for her feelings and her sometimes strange attitude and it feels like, wow, that is behind the attachment, that is why she talked about news and weather, that is why she changed subject and we were all taken aback that she could talk about something like that out of of nowhere and seemingly without any reason, nobody was talking about the news as it happened often during a family meeting with her and we were not able to follow her line of thoughts. Her identification was family and attachment and not family and just being together, what felt like very strange for all of us and mostly to me as it seems at that time and it still is.

 

It would all be fine and no problem, if there would not be 'incest' in the air or in the inner view, after the brother wrote some mails and the sister had the same problem years ahead. It would not be a problem, if she would have not projected it on the father and it is still not clear why and she would not have made a huge problem out of it, but she did. She was in a social worker education and they said that incest could have been when she was a baby and she had no memory, that means with that concept she confronted the father telling him that she thought she had been abused.  

I remember the letters she wrote and the aggression in those letters and the attitude of the father, who was in Spain, he remind calm and settled and said that nothing like that ever had happened and I believed him, it didn't make sense at all.

But the inner view said that the brother did the worst he can do, and his reaction was all different, it was violent and abusive and he went beyond limitations and he didn't care if it was true what he said and it resulted in the inner view as incest. It had to do with violence and abuse and doing the worst he can do and nothing of that was in the father's reaction years ago. The inner master said that it is the brother who does the worst he can do and not the father, he should have had another wife, he said.
That is how I get to the reality of a completely upside down way of seeing things on a family level and nobody really understands it and why it is that upside down.

It feels more likely that the sister was at the side of the brother, because they were living in the parent's house for a while after the parents went to Spain and she associated with him against the father together with mother, who always was in a conflict with him.
It is more likely that it went in direction of mobbing, because the same happened to us after she came back from Spain and it said in the inner view that it was mobbing. And I had that place of the father, it was in the air after she came back. It was in that sense mirrored, just because we were asking questions and I tried to know what had happened.
He had an accident. He fell from a palm tree cutting the fruits and it seemed more or less an intended accident. He called the sister three days ahead and said that it would happen in three day time, but as usual nothing was addressed and talked about. It was not possible from the mother to get an answer.
He was in the inner view telling me something, he was at a dark place and he couldn't get out of it and the light was far away like a small star. It was just about that insight, but asking questions was not seen like that. It seems it was uncomfortable and probably putting in question, what gets us to conclusions. In reality the small star is a mind state and has to do with the future. Mind is based on past and future, Atman is based on living in the present only.
The dream said that he died in a mind state. 

And what does that have to do with attachment and pride?

It was attachment, not being able to letting go and not looking for another solution and hurt pride is the reaction. Not only the neighborhood was ignored and made look different than it really was, but the brother seemed to be a replacement partner, to make her standpoint stronger, together they planned to put the father into a mental hospital, that was before they went to Spain.

He called me at that time and I tried to make him feel better in telling him that it was not that easy, it was never an issue afterwards again. But today by the inner guide of the master the inner view goes in direction of attachment and pride and it seems to reflect the sick and upside down attitude of the brother, who does the worst he can do, what results in abuse, nevertheless it seems to be a mirror and patterns, and it is devoid of respect.
The inner master said, if a mother falls, all children fall with her, but it seemed upside down. I was used of excusing her and the father was the bad guy. At that time I didn't understand it at all, but in the mean time it is about a non-functional family, which avoids to look at it to keep a superficial contact and they stay in distance. As much as it seemed the focus of the mother to keep the family  together, her approach was, as the inner master said, naive and it results in the opposite, it gets dangerous. That is also what he said, what I had no idea about it, even if I lived in it. He said that it was naive and dangerous.
I have my problems to get along with all those insights ... As it is naive, I have like no relationship to the reality of it and only when it turns into danger we notice that something is terribly wrong and sick about that whole situation.
 

And with TM we meet a similar situation, all would have been fine, if the thin air in the inner view would not have broken into pieces and we didn't know if it was insight or following step. The relationship was gone. It seemed that it came out of nowhere, but that was not so, it was just cut off. Instead of addressing it we went on meditating and afterwards it said, cut off and if the source is lost, we cannot understand it, but it was like the source went always further away. 

The beginning was forgotten and somehow far away, the person who I got into TM with was gone, like not existing, only when he came back into view it began to make sense.

And how did that happen?

TM was taking care of everything just by meditation, no matter what. And that was cutting off the source.

After that course there was a feeling of marriage, but before was the husband and that was a soulmate level, the feeling of soulmate can be everybody on that same spiritual level, the husband got lost and it didn't explain the 'marriage', that is how it got lost, between soulmate and marriage was no direct relationship, only the husband can explain the feeling of marriage. With TM there was no husband, only soulmates and it was technique only, the master was not present.

That gets clear in following Baba's inner teaching, he said that he is the insight and the following step and in thinking it over in time we get to the right conclusion and begin to see the relationship between the insight and the following step, but it is difficult to clear up stuff on that inner view level and it seems very slowly it gets into distance on a more objective level and it clears up, that means we can explain it more easily and it does make more sense.