When you go to a doctor, you must take the medicine that he prescribes and follow his advice and instructions. There is no use blaming him if you default. How can the doctor cure you if you do not take medicines or follow the diet restrictions and regulate your intake according to his advice?
It was already a few years later and I don't know how often I had tried to tell her and she didn't react. I had enough of that avoiding business, there was no feedback. Following the inner master, I had to get it. I wrote it down in a letter and sent it to her. I tried to be as kind as possible, explaining my situation.
Similarly, follow My advice and then watch the result.
Also remember, it is a sign of foolishness to brood over mishaps and mistakes once committed, and punish oneself by refusing to take food and so on. What good is it to ill-treat the body to correct the mind? Even as you deal with your own faults strictly, you should pardon that of others. Do not misunderstand their motives and scandalize them; perhaps their motives might be as noble as yours or their action might be due to ignorance, rather than wickedness or mischief.
Baba (thought for the day)
We have to take the medicine prescribed by him and follow his advice and instructions and that means, follow the master, fight to the end and finish the game.
If we do that, we automatically will be confronted with the past and stuff coming up in our mind, we have to deal with.
His advice is; follow the master, fight to the end and finish the game.
The first question was, how to follow the inner master, because he was not present and holding our hand and telling us what to do. How do we know it is the inner master? That was the first question.
How would I know? That is how we began to discriminate, it was not possible to know without discrimination.
I began to notice that there were things in the past I didn't understand and it looked different in the light of the master and I began to follow him in questioning it. There was lots of issues with the family and also my mother. I didn't get the answer I wanted from my mother and I didn't know how to handle my own reaction.
She avoided to answer and that was disturbing. I noticed that I asked and I asked again and I still didn't get an answer, finally I wrote her the question in a letter, it was after my father had died.
When my father died, he was afterwards in my dream and said he had to show me something. He was at a very dark place and he couldn't get out of it, the light was far away like a small star and I wanted to know from her, because she was with him living in Spain, why I had that dream?
I didn't get an answer, she spoke about with everybody, only not with me as it seemed, but I got an indirect answer, the youngest brother wrote an email threatening to leave her alone and I answered that he was overreacting, I just wanted a feedback to a dream, it was a dream only, but the father's energy was in it.
That was the feedback I got. It was bothering her, no matter what. And it was not possible to talk to her or to know why, for whatever reason.
It was not easy, because I expected her to talk about it and not to feel threatened by a dream. That was also an answer, an indirect answer and it said more than a direct answer ever would have said about the fact that he couldn't get out of it being on that dark place.
Similarly, follow My advice and then watch the result.
His advice is also to think his words over, and to absorb it, but he also tells to learn from the universe and that life is the best teacher, therefore, we cannot just ignore it, with the inner master is present, whatever is present. And he tells that a study circle will go on forever as a half circle if we don't go deep into the knowledge.
We have to try to understand his words, he doesn't tell us that we should not look for truth, but he tells us to discriminate and that is only possible if we look for truth and it is not easy, it is difficult to understand it, but we have to learn to discriminate.
He never said it was easy and it was all the same and we should not use the intellect.
The first step is discrimination, the second step is to integrate it in our life, that is not he same as brooding over the past, but we have only our life to integrate it, there is nothing else and thinking it over to get an answer fighting to the end. That means to follow the inner master. There is no way we can follow the master, if we don't do it. And the third step is to go on no matter what obstacles we have to face.
Baba calls that Tapas, spiritual work.
Also remember, it is a sign of foolishness to brood over mishaps and mistakes once committed, and punish oneself by refusing to take food and so on. What good is it to ill-treat the body to correct the mind?
It is not about self-punishment or refusing to take food, because we punish the body for the blunders committed by the mind and the mind means not only our present life, but also past actions and past Karma we have no notion about it.
Even as you deal with your own faults strictly, you should pardon that of others. Do not misunderstand their motives and scandalize them; perhaps their motives might be as noble as yours or their action might be due to ignorance, rather than wickedness or mischief.
How do we follow the inner master and see it as our fault strictly?
It should not be misunderstood as just blaming our own self and not looking at it, because that is not a way how we follow the inner master, nor is it a way how we get answers and get aware of it. We have to fight to the end and finish the game. That needs self-inquiry, because if something doesn't seem quite right, it has to do with Karma or our background. But how to know, we have to find it.
If the situation with my ex reflects my father, and there is a big difference between my father and him, why does it reflect? What is the same and what not? It still has to do with the father, to get an answer I have to look at it and brood above the situation with my ex and the father and finally there will be an indirect answer only.
It is not possible to get an answer if we don't question the problem and that means to follow the inner master and fight to the end (until we get an answer) and after we have to get things together and get to the right conclusion.
A guru leads us to the right conclusion and it means not a deluded one, but a real one, free of delusion.
In that example I mentioned I have to question the father and the ex to get the right answer and I don't know when it will be there, that right answer, sometime, it is going on like that, follow the master, fight to the end and finish the game. It is not about finding faults, but it is about reality.
That is how we realize that it is about self-realization.
It is not about excusing the other, it is not about self-aggrandizement, making the other look better than he really is to feel better myself. It is not about blame and finding faults, it is about reality.
If there is illusion, it is about illusion and it is of no use to think that person is great and divine and real, because we cannot change it, we just can recognize how that illusion affected our life.
But we can have compassion with that person and that it was not possible to do it differently, but we will still have to face the result in our life.
If we follow the inner master and try to understand the dreams, as he is the man who is in our dreams to wake us..., we will automatically follow the master and whatever comes up, the obstacles, we have to face it and look at it and question and go on until it is done, whatever that means.
During writing my book I really began to wonder when it will be finished finally and how to end it and that seemed even more difficult than to know what it means to follow the inner master.
But if we feel Baba's presence in our daily life, it is a sign that it worked and that it is right.
He is the parents and after having no mother for I don't know how many years because I couldn't talk to her, now I don't miss her anymore, she is present again.
That is Baba's presence, he gets us to the right conclusion and by that he is healing the situation.
I was not finding faults, but I tried to do my best, but it didn't work out and in the dream was a mud hole.
It was certainly not my mud hole, if I tried to do my best. I didn't argue, but I was scared of my ex because of a violent fit he had one day in the ashram and because he was that much hitting my head with a metal pot that he could have killed me, if my head would not have been strong enough.
I will not excuse him and tell he is such an nice guy, he is nearly holy etc. that is just bullshit. I was probably provoking that outburst of his, because I didn't want him to cut almonds with his teeth and spit it in the breakfast, it was disgusting. How much can we take?
We should behave in a certain way that it is okay for the other, but he didn't care. And if he would have been a nice guy, he would have said, you are right darling, I am sorry, I didn't think what I was doing.
We all have to eat that, I don't think anyone would like if I would cut almonds with my teeth and spit it in the breakfast and invite you to eat it.
But that was the reason, it pushed his button. But instead of seeing his mistake, he began to hit with a pot on my head. That was the end of romance and love and he had no excuse, but blaming us for no love.
He excused only himself, began to blame and find faults for everything. He blamed me for his past relationships, he got in a fight with another devotee and he said, what do you have done? I didn't even answer, I thought he was nuts. He blamed me for all his problems he ever has had, and he had lots of it and I waited for the moment to get out of that prison.
He never looked at his own mistakes and it was impossible to not look at mine, I had been nuts to get together with such a guy, moreover, I never had agreed to it, I just went for it because Baba took a letter as I didn't know, therefore, I never said yes to the marriage, the rest was done by the situation and by him, he talked us into it.
I enjoyed afterwards to be free again. It felt like a paradise to me to just not have to listen to that bullshit anymore.
I usually answered, bullshit, it was the most used word in our relationship ... and to not provoke another fit of violence I said, Baba did it, he will find a way out of it. That was the type of person I was in a relationship with and he thinks he is a good devotee. I had of course, no right to get divorced, it was only he who harassed us, out if his sight that could go on forever. And he sent us to Baba to make peace with him, Baba gave him such a dream and of course, who could be that stupid to have to go and make peace with him, that was his harassing way of seeing it. And he expected Baba to send me back to my loving husband, that was the dream he had.
I didn't say a word anymore, it was just kind of amazing, that he really expected to be a loving husband... He was no husband at all, what about lovely..., it was the opposite. How blind can we be about our own mistakes.
That was the reflection of my father.
If by chance you are living with someone like that, it is really impossible to not look at his faults, because they are that imposing that they are destroying the family.
He excused only one person constantly and that is himself.
And probably it is that level where my father and he were the same, until now I was not sure about it.
I just didn't realize that my father was that bad.
That guy behaved like a mad man and blamed us for it, it sounded always like, you should not and he shouted constantly my name, I got sick already hearing it. If the child wanted to watch a video, he shouted that I should come, he didn't push the button, I had to go down from the second floor to push the button.
If there was a problem with the car, I had to look at it.
He was the trouble maker and harassing and said, I should not and I thought that he had lost his mind.
He felt like nuts, and I was just sorry with the child that she had to grow up in such an environment.
There was only one conclusion, that he did it in purpose to get rid of us, because, if we wanted to survive we had to leave, there was no other option, he would have destroyed us.
It is not about finding faults, it is about reality and we have to face in that reality truth, and that is not a dream, but what it really is - truth only.
But of course, there is my father and it said in the dream that I had married my father, that was the inner master. My father was the trouble maker and afterwards he told us that we got what we deserved, that was about the same level ...
And we had real problems because of that father and after they said, we should not... same, therefore, it is Karma and I went to a spiritual master and thought we would get rid of Karma and it is quite tiring to realize that we didn't get rid of it, but that it hit anyhow and we walked right into it.
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