Every being is a pilgrim towards Dharmakshetra (Righteous land), which is also the abode of peace. But, on the way, he or she is led into the by-lanes and alleys of objective pleasure by the senses, to which the person becomes a slave. People are eager to know about all kinds of trivialities like the details of others' lives, other places, etc., but they have no keenness to know their own origin.
People are deeply sunk in ignorance about their source and substance, their goals and destiny. You are the inheritor of unlimited wealth and fortune, yet you feel like a poor man (pauper). Remove this boundary of ego within your mind – you will then recognize the vastness of yourself.
Baba (thought for the day)
We are all on the path, some more, some less. We have to know our origin.
For I don't know how many years I always got the feedback inside in the inner view, cut off. But it didn't tell me cut off from what, but now I know, it was the source.
How can we get cut off the source? One reason was TM, I went on a course and that TM-teacher inspired me to go on in that direction. I thought it was the right thing to do and I wanted to initiate people into meditation with him together, but he went to La Réunion and I first did the Siddhis course and after the TTC, all in one breath nearly, but it took anyhow much more time than I thought it should.
During the time on TTC (teacher's training course) I realized that I had not been informed that it was all learnt by heart and secret, therefore, it should have been in French. The secrecy was protecting him, because I couldn't tell it was his mistake, it was TM, because he was not allowed to tell, but he should have said it anyhow.
That is how the source got lost.
It was the secrecy policy. It was not possible to tell him, 'why you didn't tell and if I did in purpose not tell, he had a valid reason to answer, 'I should not tell, secrecy is the TM policy', he could hide behind it.
I got in touch with him over the facebook last year, he is French and I asked him, why he didn't tell, he felt like he wanted to start again where we had left years ago, but of course, I know that is not possible.
He thought at that time it was not the right moment, but that was no answer for me, because it had huge consequences on my life.
After the teacher's training course there was the feeling of marriage in the air, but I wondered how it could be there, without husband, that is how it got lost. The husband was the source, it was lost due to secrecy. He felt like soulmate, anybody can be a soulmate.
The leader was my age and personal staff of the Maharishi and therefore, kind of interesting, I thought.
What seemed fun at the beginning, turned into the opposite in no time.
First I noticed a feeling of 'exposed' and I wondered why 'exposed', (I didn't know the husband, it exposed me to him). I thought it would get clear in time. But it was already cut off and with meditation that will for such not change.
We couldn't find the reason anymore, because it was all secret, it was hidden behind or it took the reason away, because they could do what they wanted and hide behind TM.
In reality the source got lost, we just meditated and avoided to question whatever problem came up behind. I didn't ask him why 'exposed', I didn't think it was a problem, what every normal being would do in normal life, trying to find the reason, why exposed and to prevent that it will get worse or go on like that.
It was already not possible to find the reason of the problem anymore, cut off.
It was omitted, forgotten and repressed and nobody was aware of it, because all believed that with meditation all problems could be solved. The problems grew, 'cut off' means, unfinished issues piled up in a heap behind, because we don't know anymore what the real problem was, it was gone.
It had already been lost in the beginning, the motivation to go to the courses was the source.
That means this year only we got aware of the role 'husband', even if he had not been husband. He was a soulmate. I got aware of it because of Baba, he talks of 'husband'. Husband is the source, like parents are the source.
First there was a need to localize the source. As he felt like a soulmate, all can be soulmates, no difference, no more source and - conclusion, no more problems because the source got lost.
It came up because in the mean time I have been with Baba and he represents the inner husband and the parents, and due to him, it came up as husband.
Whatever I said, he answered, I don't understand. Immense problems and he was just finding excuses talking himself with TM out of it. There was 'divorce' in the air, that is how I got aware of the hidden husband role.
That was the experience TM, the people involved not aware of it, that we get cut off the source.
Most of them seem to get aware on a certain point that they 'feel lost', going on meditating, seems to them the only way to get of it.
But Baba said, that it is not the right path.
After I got aware of how the source got lost, I began to realize the rest.
That guy was 'source', the beginning and that is how we got into it, direction of yoga and meditation as we thought and it was all not true.
The later relationship, the national leader appeared as an actor, the source known it was possible to realize it and the system appeared as a pyramid. All that just because the source was present again. Conclusion, if we cut people of the source, we make them stupid not intelligent.
It is more like a mind trap in which people get lost, don't know what they are doing and think it is something else than it really is. The pile of unfinished and not understood stuff grew unrestricted in the background of our life due to the TM-technique, believing with meditation we can solve problems, when in reality, they are just avoided and ignored.
It is the result of secrecy, the system is not transparent and the secrecy had its effect, but nobody is aware of it. There is nobody who tells, that this will be the outcome of it, there are no explanations in that direction and nobody asks questions, all trust in it that it is yoga and everything fine, it is based on blind trust.
How did I get aware of it? I went as assistant on TTC course and it turned into the opposite, the experience said that something was wrong. Thin air broke into pieces, background sunshine environment. Actually, that insight would have made aware that something is wrong, not the right path, no answers, because I was looking for answers. Years before in my dream reflected the higher self as light and I had to understand it. It felt like - all I wanted, it was transcendental, didn't know how to live it, because it has no body, therefore, I was looking for answers.
When I saw the air breaking into pieces it was already far gone. I knew I would not get an answer and that was not anymore funny. I knew I could meditate as much as I wanted, I would never understand why air broke into pieces. TM broke into pieces. First 'exposed', after air braking into pieced, no way possible to be understood but why we didn't know. Because we were cut off.
Afterwards all looked like puppets on a string and the hand was not there which should have been there holding them. The master not present and nobody knew what he was doing, felt not good. I was in a relationship with the leader and the people turned into enemies.
That had to do with the fact that if I left, I exposed myself to the movement, social suicide, the system would turn against me.
Not possible to understand it, I began to search for it anyhow. Nobody in that TM-movement is aware that the secrecy is cutting them off the source and that it means giving power away resulting in being helpless puppets in the hand of those behind, the master not there, nobody really knows, nobody to talk to if things go wrong.
I went back to the TM-center at that time hoped still to get an answer.
Instead there was a big black hole in my meditation, it felt scary. Fear to lost the mind, fear to die of tiredness and lost trust.
I went with the leader for a visit to India, there was the Maharishi, still hoped it would clear up. We lived for a few months in the ashram, one day sitting front, the Maharishi on the podest, in the air above him was 'criminal'.
That was the answer, again a question, and no answers, because I didn't tell me anything in that moment only that something was wrong.
I went to Baba. In a system of a pyramid only the top is invincible, it was heirarchic, everybody went direction top, without a chance to ever reach, the top are those who had a personal relationship to the yogi, like the guy I called my boyfriend, he was personal staff.
It was not clear, what was wrong, the system, the path or the relationship, I left, went to Baba, but to keep him happy, that so called boyfriend, my suitcase staid in Maharishi's place. I went only for fourteen days to Baba and came back to travel back together.
It was an amazing difference in the ashram. With Maharishi nobody was allowed to get in, all closed, some people from Geneva on honymoon wanted to come for a visit and were not admitted.
After fourteen days I went back, there was a strange inner view. Due to inertia and lots of meditation, it was like black dust over the top of the houses, felt real strange. Of course, nobody knew what I saw, and nobody knew how glad I was to leave that behind me.
We took the flight back, but we had only problems afterwards and that TM thing didn't feel okay anymore, but I still didn't know why.
In the summer I packed my things and left for good and went to Baba's ashram.
It was one of the best moments to leave, but afterwards it was not easy to come back, because my life had dissolved and gone, whatever it had been before, coming back there was nothing anymore.
It didn't feel good, it felt like empty housed, no people. It was like there was nobody anymore and my parents also, they went during that time to Spain. I came back went to Spain and afterwards worked for some months and went back to Baba, I just had a room at a friends house.
Actually, it was easy and great to have that time to focus on Baba, but of course, I didn't understand it and that should go on like that. It seemed impossible to understand it.
It was there again and again inside in the inner view, cut off. How cut off, where cut off, why cut off? And no answers. Baba said in an interview, follow the master, fight to the end, finish the game.
So I began to look at everything to find the reason why cut off. I began to question the parent's house, did inner child work, I wrote a book and left everything open, what I couldn't answer.
Until I finally got in touch with that TM-teacher who had been at the source last year. When I told him that due to him not telling that I should do it in French to initiate people on La Réunion as planed with him, it got lost, he said, it was probably at that time not the right thing to do.
I tried to stay nice, but I told him anyhow that it was bullshit and that it was because everything is secret and that it is still a problem thirty years later, because of that secrecy policy of TM and thinking that all problems will be solved..., if we go on just meditating.
I got always the same type of answer, well meant, but nothing at all, a puppet who cannot think anymore. He said, I don't understand and I don't understand and I don't understand ... and that we could start all over again and I had a great future and I said, bullshit, it is not true and there was a dream, it said inside, the inner master said, that those people are all the same, we have no case, because they don't get it, they are cut off and are not able to realize it. That was the end of it, it was too much for him.
I told him if you don't understand question, ask, write, whatever you do, but get the understanding, he didn't know how, not able to ask questions, only able to give answers and those are learnt by heart, and that is TM. And I told him that TM-people are boring, because they think they know, but in reality they know nothing and the master let them believe, they know everything and are able with TM to enlighten the world and in reality it is all based on ignorance. They meditate together and clean consciousness and maybe if the other get enlightened they finally will get enlightened too, in ten thousand years, maybe.
They don't know, but they assume with that technique they can enlighten the world.
I said to him that before we met, I didn't know yet too, but as I did the course and realized that it was all learnt by heart only, therefore, he had no more influence. The situation has changed and I am not ready to get bullshitted again.
I know that it doesn't work and therefore, no more. He is just a puppet like all other TM-puppets, but I was upset that I had to do all those courses to find out about it. Nobody is more boring than a TM-puppet, even though they call it TM-teacher, governor and ministers etc.
They don't know how to ask questions, don't know how to think, don't know how to discriminate and how to use their brain, but they think they can enlighten the world with whatever they have learnt by heart.
Their knowledge is not good enough to get aware themselves that he made puppets out of them and that they gave the self-power away and that they are lost.
I told him if the source is lost, he cannot understand it. If he wants to understand, he has to look for the source and the only answer he was able to give, 'I don't understand...'.
People are deeply sunk in ignorance about their source and substance, their goals and destiny.
TM is a meditation technique adapted to the West in terms of language, science instead of god and it wants to make aware that if we meditate, we could get more strength and less stress in every day life, but as it is all secret and hidden, it also cuts us of the source, more we get into it, more we get lost.
And it tells us, we just need to meditate and all desires will get fulfilled and that is an illusion. Instead of work meditation etc. Meditation to get physical results, but they get enslaved by it as well.
It is even worse, because if we just go for sense pleasure we know that these is the level of the senses, with TM it is said that we just need to meditate and all problems solved, telling us it will be spiritual, leaving us believe that we are doing the right thing and in fact it is not right. It is worse, because we think we are doing it and there is no need to do anything else. That is delusion.
If we are in the senses, we at least cannot think we do already everything we should to be there and we know we have to at least meditate to not deceive our own self about spiritual progress. And when people, mostly intellectual people, who work with science or the brain, get aware that they are feeling lost and they don't know the reason why, they get in troubles because their life and profession is based on discrimination.
I met a TM-guy in front of Baba's ashram and he went to Bangalore university and wanted to study vedic science again. I left and a half a year later coming back, he had died on cancer also very suddenly, it seemed too far gone. The same happened with another TM-teacher. He was working with computer and had a good job, and he died very suddenly as well, it was also cancer. He felt that lost and unhappy, he went every weekend to the headquarters trying to feel better, but all in vain and finally he died.
The same symptoms we find in the book of Suzanne Segal, 'Collision with the Infinite', after many TM-courses the result was that her inner experience of the I identity got lost, in the inner view she could see that it went away and she couldn't find it anymore. We have to understand the inner view, it is very difficult to understand and even more so if we are mislead with TM to believe that there are no problems. She began to search for it and for answer, but she couldn't find it. She got finally a Buddhist explanation that the 'I' doesn't exist really, but it was all intellectual and not inner realization. It has to be insight and inner realization to be understood right.
She didn't get an answer, she was went into Psychology and had a PHD finally, but she still didn't know the right answer as the other two she died very young on cancer. Enlightenment is not getting lost, but being found, it means we have to realize the difference between source and being cut off the source.
We have to realize the self and not to get lost in ignorance.
But if we get cut off the source with a meditation as technique, because the focus it on technique only and mental repetition and we think we to everything what is needed to get there, we get lost and deceived. The source gets lost, because the focus is on technique only and not on the source. If we don't know anything about meditation, we think this is all the same yogic background, and that is again wrong, there is a world of difference between a tamasic Guru and a sathvic Guru. If we focus on technique only the result will be Tamas (deception, darkness, ignorance) and not Sathva, (truth, light and wisdom).
People are deeply sunk in ignorance about their source and substance, their goals and destiny.
If we are on a wrong path and we see that as our destiny, it will not be what we expect it to be, we are not who we think we are and we are deluded about our destiny.
We should know and realize what we are really doing with every action and not just think, if we meditate all problems are solved, that is really naive that simple.
If there is no discrimination, we cannot know the difference from right and wrong. We get lost and believe that we do the right thing, but it is not as we think it should be. We don't know really and most of all people don't know why lost and it means we cannot find it, lost means it is that well hidden that we need someone to help us to get out of it. It was Baba who helped me to get out of it.
It is an awful state of mind to feel lost and not to know what happened to us, what we did wrong and why we don't get answer which were some time ago for us no problem. It can be very terrifying to realize that we are lost, because there are no answers. It is not a nice experience.
That is what happened to me, it was during about twenty years always the same info inside in the inner view, cut off... and after a certain time I thought, it will never get okay again. I was that tired and fed up of it.
That is what TM and the secrecy behind does to us.
Every action that is done should be preceded by an enquiry as to whether it will lead to good or bad results. - Baba
If we go into meditation it is for good results only, but Tamas means it looks good and in reality it is not good. Tamas is upside down. It looks like virtue and in reality it a vice. It is not just black, outside it looks great, in the inner view it is black.
Logically we can know why. If we don't know the source, we cannot understand it, it means there is no discrimination possible. Someone who cuts us off the source, has done that in purpose and the intention is that the intellect cannot work properly, because if there are not two sides, we cannot discriminate between it.
If we are in a room and there is only white, there is nothing else but that, we have to get out of it to see the difference. If you think about a problem, you can only solve it if you know its source. If we don't know it, we first have to find it before we can solve the problem.
And TM is not about knowing the source, but just meditate and everything will be... fine, that means cut off the source, no reason to use the intellect but meditation (and go on dreaming).
We will feel more relaxed and more calm, we will feel stronger and sleep better, maybe, but in the end and one day there will be a black hole in meditation, because of the master not being present, we use it only as technique and adapt to the Western ways, it is already cut off and that doesn't make it better, but it makes it a permanent state, what is much worse. The result is being lost, with a black hole trust is gone.
But there is still the same problem, nobody knows what it is and most of all TM-people, they don't know, they are just puppets telling us they know.
And it is not only awful, but it grows, it gets worse and not better, because the source got lost in purpose, that people have to meditate and not think. It is a conditioning making dependent on meditation, like we get dependent on drugs.
There are no answers, if we don't know why we have a problem, we get lost in our own self.
It makes sick and destroys our life and it needs years and years of therapy work if ever there is a chance to get out of it. Most of people stay with it because if the don't, there will be too many problems, they cannot get out of it anymore. We gave the power away to a force we trusted in the background, a yogi and he was not there and we got cut of the source and lost, because we trusted in the wrong person.
They tell us, no need for him to be there, the technique will take care of itself, that is again not true, if it would be true it would not have been all those years a problem. It is only by heart learnt whatever they tell. They don't know what they are doing, therefore, our trust is not justified.
I guess without Baba's help I would not have been able to realize it, because he is at the source and he made the source come up, but it took a long time to get there. I had no idea when I went to him years ago what work was lying ahead of me to get aware of it. It seemed just a small thing, a meditation technique, a mantra, but we did it every day twice and the siddhis program even longer, three hours all together in the day.
After a while there was nothing left but problems and it needed an incredible effort and a huge amount of time to get aware of it. Therefore, we really should look about each and every action we do to make sure it is right and not upside down, upside down is Tamas, it looks right, but it is the opposite, it is deception.
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