"I am" itself is God.
The seeking itself is God.
In seeking, you discover that you
are neither the body nor the mind, and the love of the self in you
is for the self in all.
The two are one.
and the consciousness in me,
apparently two, really one,
seek unity, and that is love.
Nisargadatta
What comes up is not always that nice, and it has to come up to be burnt in the fire. And the question is how it comes up, what we do with it, as it is not always love only, but seems rather troubelsome. How we deal with it and how to burn it in the fire?
If we get identified with it again, the inner master has to be there to get us out of it, otherwise, we get entagled in the game again, and next birth.
It feels like playing a game, being divine, being immortal, if there is an issue in which we get lost and identified with, we are back in it. And the aim is to get out of it or remain out of it.
We listened to Mafu's lectures about new birth. It seemed it needed a nothing to get back into a new birth. He told a story about a guy who had an affair. His wife felt it, and he answered that it was nothing. He betrayed her feelings, because she was right. Do not lie, new life. He went on and on like that, always new life. And that we listen too together, and agreed we wanted to get more aware of it. And I thought we exercised that afterwards to get more aware. It felt like looking at what was important and what not, to watch, to be more in the observer.
But I don't know what happened? What had felt good in the beginning, because we had agreed on it, didn't work. It didn't get far, probably because he just took advantage of it, he did something different, not what was expected and agreed. It felt like a switch to a nowhere land. It was not possible to talk, it was like we had agreed, and he forgotten it or went bake to what it had been before, but that was no more what I thought it was. It didn't correspond to what we lived together, it was a different level, the thing came up as something comepletly different then we thought it was. From spiritual sharing on a same path to nothing at all. It was not even possible to talk anymore, the dream ended there. We went to Prasanthi and he went to his sisters place not giving a second thought about it. When I wrote about Baba's dreams and inside guide and master, he ignored it. He felt like he didn't know anymore what he was doing or like he had lost his mind.
I went with the daughter to Baba, and then it looked all different again and finally it is like he never had been there, because he never was who we thought he was, it was never a Baba lila, he just took advantage of the situation which was created by Baba asking questions. He didn't exist, not as husband, not as father, he is just not there as the one we thought he was. That is quite strange. The whole thing felt like a mirage which dissolved in thin air, left only problems behind. I wrote him tried to know what happened, but really clear it is only now, since Baba made obvious that he took advantage of it.
After we didn't go back in a month time he went to his sisters, he ignored everything. I often asked him what had happened, not answer, only responding that he was tired of processing, no use I told him that it was not processing but follow the master. Fight to the end. Finish the game. And that is was Baba and not processing, no use, he didn't get the difference.
The daughter Baba gave a dream, that he was stupid, he didn't know what he was doing and that he was destroying himself and therefore, the daughter he would destroy too if we would go back. And only this time inside Baba made me aware that in destroying the child, he would have destroyed my life too and in what terrible situation we were, in a mud hole. I didn't know, that was also the dream, when I said, get out it was too late.
Swami made aware that he had to get us out of a mud hole, and we were not aware that it had been a mud hole, it felt like in big danger.
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