Blend Truth and Right Action and there will be Peace

Once, a person in great distress clamoured for a reservation at the booking office of a railway station, but the clerk there was helpless for the person did not know where he wanted to go. He was anxious only to get away, he had had enough of that place. How can anyone help him? All, sooner or later, behave like this. Life is no unmixed good. No one is happy by being immersed in worldly life. Every individual is tossed about by the waves of joy and grief; buffeted by fortune, good or bad; a target of brickbats and bouquets. The evil around affects one's peace and anxiety, and robs one of sleep and quiet. One therefore tries to escape from all this, but one is not sure to where! The spiritual teacher (Guru) can guide you where to go, which place to seek; but, even a Guru cannot make you reach it. You have to trudge along the road yourself.

Swami is telling us that we all get to that moment in life when we want to get away from that place, but we don't know where to go. 
That was a constant issue in my life, when I went for a visit to my parent's place, as soon as I arrived I wanted to leave again. It was that strong that I had a feeling of longing to travel and going somewhere else and what was the worst about it, I didn't know why. 

It was not clear what it was and why and that was kind of troublesome, because when we don't know the source, we cannot understand it. 

When listening to Swami's words we get aware that on one point or another everybody feels like that and that is kind of good getting aware of it. 

How can anyone help us when we just want to get away and we have enough, but we don't really know where to go? 

He explains to us that life is no unmixed good and no one can be happy only being immersed in worldly life, but the master can help, but even then we have to go the road by ourselves. 

I remembered the time when I was a teenager when it felt like self-realization and I wondered how I could ever have had that feeling, later it seemed not only far away, I had not idea how I ever got to that feeling of self-realization. It seemed not only far away and lost, I didn't know what I had done to get there and why it had been there, it felt really like lost and nowhere to be found again. As self-realization felt like the purpose of life and it made us feel it has some sense and meaning to it, it was not a good feeling to be unable to remember how it was possible to have that feeling in the past. What had changed that much and why was it nowhere present anymore and why was it not possible to address the issue and talking about it, it felt always the same, I went home with a feeling of home, as we know home should be and it was nowhere to be found anymore and I began to compare feelings and look if I felt now a big the same or if it felt here the same as it had felt years ago and I couldn't find it, it was kind of a disturbed state of mind I didn't want to be in and I didn't know why it was like that, it was like looking all over for it and finding it nowhere. 
Baba asked in our group, why are you here and he said, 'self-realization'. It had to do with self-realization and that is what I had been looking for and in his presence life felt okay again and like it had been before, but I still didn't know what had happened that it didn't feel like that anymore. There was a time I was sitting in my room and writing, it was in the background of the parent's house, I was a the time seventeen and it was a good and positive feeling. 

At that time we had a neighbor's family they went in and out our house, the brothers were with my brother and the older was with me only it was a bit different as he was a boy, but we went mostly for walks. I thought we would be friends forever and I idealized the feeling of friendship and we talked a bit, but not much as I was not used to be able to talk in my family I also didn't talk with him that much and we had talked about marriage and it all seemed very important and sacred and I had told him that I would like to go and learn languages and travel a bit before getting married after all. My parents always told us to not get married too early. Easy I thought if we were meant to be together, we would meet later again and one day he said that he wanted to get married with a school teacher and it didn't make much sense to me, but I thought it would make sense with time and I thought I had a lot of time and that was not the case. 
A friend of mine had seen him with her neighbor and she was going to be a school teacher and she had seen him with her in the cinema, she told me about it and when I asked him, he was already gone, he told me it had deepened and he was gone. 
It was that fast and I had imagined to have lots of time, it was done in no time and whatever was open and had never been said, there wouldn't be a way of saying it, it was too late and only in that moment I began to realize that I was unable to talk in my parent's house, no I was not even aware of it why I was in that situation, it is during the time with Baba when the inner master said in the dream, 'you have been really not able to talk at the parent's house'. It felt not right, but I didn't know why. 
That means I was unable to talk. 

There was no more friendship and the whole feeling had turned into an illusion and was gone and I had not expected that. 
I had to address it somehow and that is when I noticed when I opened up and said something, everything I said was a word too much, it was impossible to talk, not  only to talk, but talking was not okay. That was also the reason I didn't talk with him, but I had projected it into later, as I thought we had time and I was not prepared of the change of time and that it could end that fast. 
It was in Swami's presence in the ashram coming up, when I traveled to get a new Visa and I went to Singapore, I was that night in Madras in a hotel when I had the neighbor in my dream and he said, he would come back and marry me, that was kind of funny, as I had not intention of getting married with someone who had been married already for a long time? And more over the feeling level at the ashram was okay again and harmonious and like it never had happened and just when I forgot about it, it came back.
After that I met someone coming back from Singapore and as everything felt that good and okay, I thought it could be right and he wanted a wife and he had asked Swami for a wife and I was just that wife he wanted to get. 
It looked ideal and what was tempting was the fact that it felt like a Baba Lila.  

Later it was in the air in the ashram that the neighbor was responsible, so I had to address it as Swami said in an interview, 'follow the master, fight to the end, finish the game', I had to find a way no matter how bad I felt about it and I had to address it to at least understand why the neighbor was responsible. 

He was after that more often in my dreams than I liked and it seemed some things came up again and I had to just address it and after I had jumped of the first obstacle of as it seems shame in my parent's house, it was easier as we had been in a relationship and I wrote him and asked what was the matter and why he was still in my dream and that he should just leave me alone, I hoped it would get clearer in addressing it. 
It seems things that come up again and again have to do with Karma, so I wrote him and I hoped it would get clear and we would get a feeling for it, but first it was not like that, it was just upsetting to get aware that so called friend had turned into the opposite and he didn't move away, as he married as it seems a school teacher and everything was based on manipulation only, it was not a question of feelings, but manipulation, it felt like he had manipulated her into it with another relationship in the back. 

It felt like they came always closer instead of moving away and whatever had been there before, I somehow still plaid a role in it, but not a good one. Whenever we met, they starred a hole through me and they didn't say hello, they would give me a feeling like I would be a child and their attitude was arrogant and offending and usually I just tried to ignore it, but as he had been a friend once, it was impossible to ignore and it was disturbing if I liked it or not. They were unfriendly and from the beginning on after they had met it didn't feel good and only later I noticed that they were trespassing some limitations and that is why it felt like that and it was not possible in the family to address it or to talk about without having to face an angry and upset father and a mother making fun of it and finally I thought everybody was just nuts. 
It means it created enough questions their behavior and insolent manners and it was not possible to tell my parents how it felt without getting into troubles that it was impossible to talk about it and that made the disturbance worse, I guess he knew my family good enough to know if he would disturb in such a way, there had to be problems and those problems began to overshadow the time in the parent's house and it didn't go away anymore, it remained like that. 

One night it was there as manipulation only, but I didn't understand what it was and why manipulation, he probably got married with manipulation only, it was not based on a relationship and love as we hoped it would be, but on manipulation and it was a constant disturbance. 

First it was the manipulation in the background what didn't make much sense to me, why should anyone do something like that, but he did, that was the answer and if I liked it or not, it was there in our neighborhood and it didn't move away. He was in one dream and he said, he would torture me to death, luckily he died before. 

The intention was not good whatever the reason, I didn't know what it was, but he for sure had one. Living opposite to our house, just over the road where our shop had been, once I went to visit that shop. It had been sold by the parents, someone told me it looked nice and I should go and look at it and I did, it was the day of a class event and I noticed that they lived practically on our parking lot. 
When I left, she was standing in the street and I left quickly, but it was enough to disturb again the feeling of home. I left fast and on the way he was passing by in the car, but I was already gone, even in that distance I could see the feeling of a strange satisfaction in his face. 

That same night the man coming in the dream to awaken was there as 'manipulation only'. And I wrote him again and told him to leave me alone and to get lost and with time I got more upset, at the beginning I tried to stay nice, but with time I told him off and that he would never get what he wanted. Once we had sex in the dream stage what we never had as I had been too young at that time or I thought I was too young, for some reason it never had happened and I told him that it would never happen no matter how long he was waiting in front of the door of my parent's house and that is how it seems it turned into the opposite. 

I would have wished we would have never met as it resulted in such disturbance. After all he managed to disturb the subtle feeling of it in such a way, that it never felt okay again until he died and I thought now we have fought to the end and writing about it and feeling it and getting aware of it is finishing the game. 
It was not easy getting aware of it, I had to jump over my own shadow and I had to face that awful shame of my family in that environment. There was such tension in the air, there was nothing allowed from our side. Everything we did we something too much, everything we said was something too much, it was that tensed and loaded that a nothing could create out of nothing a huge problem and I had to leave the house for thing really and that three times and then I didn't come back. 
After he had died and the man coming in our dreams to awaken said, 'harm set, harm get' and for me it meant he got what he deserved and I didn't have to worry about it anymore, but it is still difficult getting aware where that disturbance came from. 
I had never spoken to his wife, but she happened to be in the dream as well and they were living on the parking lot of my parent's house in Spain, they had retired and  got a house Spain. They were living on our parking lot, she was wearing big sunglasses and it has to do with blindness and she was looking at the boarder they had crossed. 

It didn't stop after my parent's had left and when he said he would build a beautiful house in Spain above the father's head was 'illusion'. 
It didn't go away the neighbor found a way to go on after they had left and now they lived opposite to our house. That is why I felt relieved when I got the message that he had died. 

In that sense I didn't like him and I didn't care about being in touch with him and I didn't like to feel his presence after all those years and I regretted that I had met that guy and that was probably already the reason why I had stopped with writing that diary already at that time, it was too disturbed and it didn't feel like self-realization anymore. That is how I got aware that we were not allowed to talk in my parent's house. 

We were not allowed to ask questions, I just knew I tried to address it, but with time I didn't know how, I didn't know what it had been, the parent's house of the neighbor, but after I wrote him I began to feel better. 
One day I had the man coming in our dreams to awaken and she said, 'you were really not able to talk with them', that is how I got aware that it was the family and about talking and it was not possible to address the issue, they didn't wanted to know as it had to do with a time in the past they didn't wanted to remember anymore. 
We had to constantly listen to past is past, look forwards. 
When we said something or even just tried to say something we were silenced by the father or by the mother, 'what do you have, there is nothing', that was the mother and the father he used different means and he was threatening and finally I left that parent's house and I never felt okay again. 
I don't remember much what my mother said, but always, 'what do you have, there is nothing'. She always found a way talk problems out of way instead of looking at it. 

Because of that reason I didn't ask the neighbor when it would still have been time what was going on in his mind, I didn't want to know, I avoided it, thinking I would have enough time later getting aware of it, but there had not been any later.

Everything felt open and like I had missed to talk about it and when I began to write him I addressed it all and found a way to write it to him as well as I wrote letters to my parents without ever getting an answer. After he had left I didn't say anything I just let him go and that is how I began to question it and I remembered that I had said I would like to travel and learn languages and that I did, I had been traveling when he was in my dream it was in Madras. It was not possible talking with the parents without getting into troubles and after a while I just couldn't relate to myself anymore, it felt like it didn't make any sense anymore. 

I remember that I read about self-inquiry and I thought that is about asking questions and I wondered why it was not possible to ask questions in my parent's house and that self-inquiry was about getting answers to questions, but it was not even possible to put that in question.  

Once I had mentioned the ideal self-realization and my father said, that I was a communist and I wondered what he was talking about. It seems everybody was seen as communist at that time when he had different ideas, something that was unknown was part of being a communist and it was not possible to tell him that it didn't sound okay, the worst what we could do is to question what he had said, again a reason to leave the house. There was no way I could solve my problems with that parent's house. 

It only began to make sense with the help of the man coming in our dreams to awaken, looking back we get a feeling for it and now it does makes sense, but it is the picture of that time and situation and it comes up again and again and that has to do with Karma, it needs to come up always again to make sense after all. 

And then I began with meditation and I got in touch with the leader and another story started. 

He was talking constantly about the master and it felt like the master was there, but in reality it was ego and he made himself feel better and the master was not really there. 

Yogis are our friends, so it felt like he was the friend, but the friend was not he, but the yogi and when I went to Swami I asked him about it and he said, who is your friend, is your friend the Maharishi or is the your friend with the Maharishi and I didn't know and he said, that is very difficult to understand, TM is not the right path, just think about God and after that interview I had the feeling that I didn't understand anything anymore.
That state of mind went on for years.  

With that guy the air broke into pieces. Only after I began to listen to Swami's words, he talked about things breaking into pieces a few times, he said when truth and right action are blended we have peace and when truth and right action are separated only pieces will be left. 

It was in the dream stage like a pile of dirty dished and they had to be washed. 

And one day I had the man coming in the dream with that pile of dishes washed, nicely put together and I had to give it back to someone. 

When I met my ex in Kodai, a few months before I had seen him for a short moment he looked like that TM leader and I wondered very much about it as they have on the body level not much in common really, if we cannot understand it, we marry it as it seems. 

It was repeated in the sense that my ex talked always about his big boss and he was living in his room and it was the same situation like with the leader and the master, and they both had been involved with TM. It went on nothing understood. 
When we met, because we had as it seemed a similar background and it felt like we had something in common and we were brothers and sisters on many levels and that is how it went on. 

And I contacted the neighbor before I went with my ex to New York to just make sure that I did my best, nothing came out of it, but I knew I had done my best and when it didn't work as it should have, I wrote again and asked him what this was about and why there was no proper answer and I got the answer not because he answered the question, but because I faced it and we had to go on until it was done, it said, follow the master, fight to the end, finish the game. By writing it down and getting aware of it we only finish the game. 

Swami said there is no problem for the divine that cannot be solved, and this time he was in my ex dream and he said to me in his dream that I had to come to him to make peace with him. he was finding faults with about everything and it was not possible to share the joy of a Swami call. 

For me it was a Swami call as I went to Sai Baba, it always had been a call, once it said you are fourteen days away and the first time I went to him we went actually first to New Delhi and we were sitting in a Sai Baba group and it was a sign that I was on the way to him and with my ex, the call was in his dream and said, I should come to him to make peace with him. 

In the meantime I have heard Swami so often talking about it that it is quit clear, if we blend truth and right action, we will have peace. And if we separate truth and right action there will be only pieces left, so I have experienced it in the meantime a few times that only pieces are left. 
And when we blend truth and right action it will be peace, therefore, I had to go to Swami to blend again truth and right action. 

We know now why there were only pieces left and who is the friend, because only pieces were left, it was the same with the TM leader. Yogis are our friends, it was all due to him only. The same situation like with my ex, only pieces left. 
He was talking always about his boss to make himself look better and more important to give himself a flair of VIP as his boss was a VIP at the ashram, nothing but ego and with the TM leader it was the same, he talked always about the Maharishi to make himself look better, nothing but ego. 

Swami had mentioned the two bullocks tied to the cart of the inner self and one is the mind and the other the intellect and they are used to the road of falsehood, injustice, worry and hatred. We have to get them on a different road and when we follow the bullocks we can see where it leads, not right action and truth, but injustice and not right action and only pieces left. 

What happened when Sophie came back, falsehood and injustice took over, worry and hatred and in no time things broke into pieces. 

They all were like puppets on a string and therefore, nobody noticed it and it went on like that and it felt like all turned into enemies. That makes sense when we see it in light of a self-realized authority like Baba and when listening to his words, we get a feeling for it, but we need to think it over. 

That is how we get aware why only pieces are left, with my ex it was the credit card that was in pieces, what was that difficult to understand with TM it was was the air, because that doesn't make any sense when it is air, it cannot break into pieces and I guess it was air at the inner view because it was not seen by the others so it went on unnoticed on the background of beautiful sunshine. It just didn't make any sense, so also the reason was there, why it didn't make any sense, because they were puppets on a string, they didn't know what they were doing and all were listening to the leader and when he was wrong, all were wrong and that is why only pieces were left. 

That is how we get aware that it was repeated, it was impossible to understand it, it was inner view and it didn't make sense, but it had to be understood. 
We didn't know where to start to question it, therefore, when Swami left the body he was often in the inner view and he asked, what happened when Sophie came back? 
That is what happened, only pieces left.

The big black hole had to do with the fact that the master was no present. 

With Swami the master was present, but when I met my ex he and his boss and I we all had a TM-past and it looked good and great and like we had lots in common and at the end nothing of it was true, it was based on the bullocks mind and intellect going on that path of falsehood and injustice, worry and hatred. Nothing was true and he spoke always about his boss only to give himself an air of being important. 

It was based on falsehood and after Swami called us back, we got aware of the bullock mind and the injustice, first of all he didn't care about his duty with his daughter, he didn't care about a Sai Lila or whatever he had called that, he followed the bullocks mind and intellect and called it Swami, everything is Swami. 

Not truth and right action were blended and it ended in peace, but injustice and falsehood took care of it that only pieces were left, and this time we are aware how it happened that only pieces are left.  

We had to go and make peace with Sai Baba, because with him we blend truth and right action and the result is peace. 

He is the message of love and he is telling us if we want to experience pure love, we need three things, we have to understand peace, we need to accept truth and we need to accept right action, only if we have those three things, peace, right action and truth, we can experience pure love. 

That are the human values, sathya, dharma, shanti, prema and ahimsa. 

The first requirement he mentioned is peace, we have to understand peace and that is how we understand it. 
We have to blend truth and right action and we have peace and when we have those three we have pure love, so his message depends on those three things actually and getting it together.  

If we have truth in our thoughts, right action will be the reflection and then we have peace as we blend truth and right action and people who don't care about the spiritual path, they don't care about truth and they don't blend truth and right action, we have to get to a right conclusion, if we call a wrong conclusion true, we are in illusion, we follow the bullocks mind and intellect and we are on the road of falsehood and that is why at the end there are only pieces left. 
Thus with my ex only pieces left and as we know it is the result of separating truth and right action, we also can see what had happened. 

Inner view need to be thought over to make sense and when we have more examples of it that is how we get aware of it. 

Von meinem iPad gesendet