What or who is God? When the answer to this question is sought, one discovers that God is the glory immanent in Nature. The earth rotates on its axis at a speed of thousand miles an hour. As a consequence, we have alternations of day and night, which helps us to live on this globe. Besides, it moves around the sun at the rate of 66,000 miles an hour, causing the seasons which bring rains for crops and vegetation which sustain human life. The earth does not profit in the least by these rotations but human beings survive, enjoy life and prosper on account of them. Nature must indeed be laughing at the sterile frenzies, the endless pursuits, and the countless miseries to which human beings submit themselves to, in their search for achieving the unachievable! You must search in Nature the sacred lessons it holds for you; then, you will understand how deep and how everlasting is the Truth that it conveys to you!
If I ask myself that question and try to see it in my life, what or who is God and even when it is about the glory immanent in nature.
He doesn't talk just about nature, but about the glory in nature. The earth rotates and we do not feel it, even if it is high speed. We know we have day and night; it is just a new day.
Yesterday we had study circle and it was nice. First we talked in the circle and nobody interrupted and I had the feeling that it was a bit stiff and in the end we just talked together about it, our theme was Dharma. One participant said that nobody was thinking of that but we and we said yes, that this type of discrimination is not that commonly used and that most of people don't think at all.
And the earth moves around the sun and it is causing the seasons and the rain for the vegetation that sustains our life.
Nature takes care of itself and that it is laughing about our frenzies and pursuits, the countless miseries which human beings submit themselves to, in the search for achieving the unachievable!
You must search in Nature the sacred lessons it holds for you; then, you will understand how deep and how everlasting is the Truth that it conveys to you!
What does he tell us by that? First that nature is working without profit. It is just natural and the rotation of the earth takes care of the balance in nature that it doesn't get too hot on one side and too cold on the other.
What he tells us that we are in countless miseries in search for achieving the unachievable.
How do I see it in my own life trying to find an example for achieving the unachievable? My mother worked non-stop, she was running around for what?
There is nothing left of it. Nothing, they sold it, the house in Switzerland and the house in Spain. For what was she running, to save my father … wow? Did she save him?
She didn't save him with running around. She wanted to make a good impression on neighborhood and others to save what the memory, the reputation, and the family?
We are three persons; the one I think I am that is the body. The one the others think I am that is the mind. The one I really am that is Atman. (Baba)
She was running around for the others … who is that, the mind.
Who cares? Nobody. She is forgotten. In the only peoples mind she is still remembered is in ours, because we are her children. So what did she do to be remembered?
She told us that we would never be able to do what she did, because she was attached. What did she do? She wanted to achieve something that cannot be achieved, that is illusion. She is an example of 'illusion' trying to achieve something that cannot be achieved.
So what do we remember really, that nature must indeed be laughing at the sterile frenzies, the endless pursuits, and the countless miseries to which human beings submit themselves to, in their search for achieving the unachievable!
So we get back to the question.
What or who is God? When the answer to this question is sought, one discovers that God is the glory immanent in Nature.
My mother loved nature; she was talking of nothing else but nature? Gardening was her hobby. Nature was for her divine. So why didn't she learn the lesson?
You must search in Nature the sacred lessons it holds for you; then, you will understand how deep and how everlasting is the Truth that it conveys to you!
How can we learn the lesson? Because she was running behind something which cannot be achieved and told us we could never do that.
I was often standing there looking at it and thinking that cannot be true, but she went on telling me that we never could do that, what?
Oh, she meant the big house probably or impressing the neighbors which are not impressed and don't know her anymore today, she is gone.
But we remember her as running behind something she wanted to achieve what cannot be achieved, why … because it was future directed. She worked hard today to make the difference in the future, which is the mind. But that future is gone.
Our mind is even able to do that for the future of others and that was the joke of it, she didn't do it for us her family. That would have been the only real thing; it could have changed our life. Whatever I wanted to study, I was let down by them, so she was running around trying to achieve something that cannot be achieved, but we were let down by them. They had not the least interest of knowing what we did. If I didn't feel well and I wrote them, I never got an answer, but they were running around for I don't know what … the neighbors were not our friends, but for them they were customers or clients or whatever that was. In the end in Spain my father was drinking too much, probably he was bored and there was no more future, he had to live in the present and things didn't make sense I guess, for us it was always somehow difficult to understand that state of mind, even though I saw God in them, or maybe that made it. By seeing God in them it made even less sense. Once we went with some visitors in a restaurant and had lunch. He had got some medical precautions and had to take some pills and when he had only two glasses of wine he became already bizarre and he talked to our guest like he talked to us; he was angry, impolite and rude. We went for a walk on the sand of the beach and our visitor tried to help him and my mother was on the other side, he insulted out guest in way, I felt ashamed and staid in distance. I was glad if I didn't have to help him cross the road if we was hardly able to walk, but it was not the problem that he couldn't walk, but the words he used, how he insulted out guests and what a rude manner. I thought that parents are God, but I also knew that our guest is God and therefore, that just didn't work, bad manners.
So what they did to make that big impression on others, it didn't work, it was all in vain. They tried to achieve something that cannot be achieved.
And with the guest who is also God they did the opposite and insulted him.
We knew that lots of men changed fast in Spain, as the alcohol was cheap, they had too much time to spend and only beautiful weather and they tried to just enjoy to be retired and were bored fast, a lot went into drinking.
As long as he was working and he had his business, he didn't drink too much, only after they retired in Spain it began to get out of hand somehow.
My mother tried to control him as good as possible, but what they were working for to impress the others with hard work and it was like a mirage, it had not value and it didn't exist, no others were watching what they did, only we were watching and for us it was of no value and no help. They retired in Spain and let down the family, they lived only for themselves and not for the family.
And she said – we could never do – what they had done and I wondered what the hell she was talking about. It was all gone in an instant.
It was not only gone, it resulted in the opposite. They used the money and what they had worked for only for themselves, spent it in Spain looking wealthy and we had been let down by them. For us whatever it was, it was always too expensive or in Portland I didn't feel okay and I wrote them, they didn't even care to answer.
They tried to achieve something that cannot be achieved and my mother was proud of an idea of what she had done. There was nothing to be proud of.
If it would have been good, it would have been there for the family first. But as Baba said that I was let down by the family, they cared about everything, but not the family.
But in her mind she said she cared about it, we had to listen to her complaining constantly, but only hers, she didn't wanted to know how we were really. She asked usually how we were to get fast to her own problems only talking about that. That was the same when coming back from India. It was really difficult to have such parents. That is why I had made God out of them; I just let them be and expected nothing. And it was like that, listening to that 'we would never be possible to do what they had done', all based on pride and attachment, when in reality they tried to achieve the unachievable.
So she thought really that she was perfect and she took care of the family, when in reality we were let down by them.
It is kind of hard to see the nonsense of it and that we are really able to live like that trying to achieve the unachievable and ignoring what is important.
They never wanted to know how it had been in India, who Baba was, they knew everything better. It was avoided and they only talked about their garden, therefore, let down, avoided, ignored and insulted, in thinking of them as being God, I could avoid the insult of it and try to somehow live in peace with it.
Coming back from the US they were of no help to start new again and luckily we learnt with Baba to live with nothing and to make the best out of it just being happy.
When I went to see them, I never knew how long it would last until they had a problem together and as they couldn't find a solution about their problems together and they were not able to talk and solve their own problems, they projected it on us and it ended always with the father telling me that if I don't behave he would threw me out of their house. That began when I was seven years old and I always tried to be good and to not give them any reason that they could throw me out of the house, I walked into it still and later as teenager I gave him enough reason that it happened three times all together, so I enjoyed to go with my daughter alone educating at that place knowing they couldn't throw me out of the house for their own stuff, because of my small child. I had even the feeling that life arranged it like that, so that they couldn't do it, but one time they still talked about it but they couldn't do it because my daughter was only six years old. Actually, I was the watcher, I tried to just watch and to understand or see the nonsense of it, because I didn't understand their attitude of mind. They always found a reason to throw me out of the house and that I went to divinity and Sai Baba was certainly for them one of it, so that goes in direction of demons.
In the dream my father was a demon, but I saw God in him, it was easier, the demon he was in the dream afterwards. As long as I had to deal with him, it was easier. So I ignored their bad behavior as much as they ignored who I was.
My question was when I went to Baba, why it was like that. But I guess the answer is that they just tried to achieve the unachievable and after all my parents are not the only ones and if we see it as a gift, it was a way which brought us to Baba and a way to get 'insights'.
I actually was thinking of them as God, because it was that hard to live with that situation, so I made the opposite out of it. It felt that cruel, that they didn't care at all, and in trying to achieve what cannot be achieved. In their minds they did only the best and even worse, we could never do that, and it was an illusion, living for a mirage, a fata morgana. They cared, we didn't care the right way, and we were not able to do what they had done. We were let down by them and they thought they were exemplary parents.
As they avoided everything that didn't fit in their mind scheme and it had to look good for others, if something was wrong, we had to feel it; we were the buffer for them to motivate themselves even more into achieving what cannot be achieved.
So in thinking they were God as they ignored us, I ignored their ignoring us.
That way I had not to bother about all the negative feeling coming up being let down by them and abused, caught always in their stuff, what in reality had nothing to do with us, it was the best way to be able to hopefully make it different for my own daughter and to not do the same to her.
Nature must indeed be laughing at the sterile frenzies, the endless pursuits, and the countless miseries to which human beings submit themselves to, in their search for achieving the unachievable! You must search in Nature the sacred lessons it holds for you; then, you will understand how deep and how everlasting is the Truth that it conveys to you!
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